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@fishidwardrobe@social.tchncs.de cover
@fishidwardrobe@social.tchncs.de avatar

fishidwardrobe

@[email protected]

Monsters from the Id! Fish from the Wardrobe! Or something.

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filmfreak75 , to actuallyautistic
@filmfreak75@mastodon.social avatar

@actuallyautistic anyone else tired of always having to be the better person at work?

fishidwardrobe ,
@fishidwardrobe@social.tchncs.de avatar

@filmfreak75 @actuallyautistic YES. Tired of being the smartest person in the room -- I'm not that smart!

fishidwardrobe ,
@fishidwardrobe@social.tchncs.de avatar

@filmfreak75 @actuallyautistic Any abuse at all at work is just damn wrong. Sorry the place you work doesn't get that, that's horrible.

chevalier26 , to actuallyautistic
@chevalier26@mastodon.social avatar

@actuallyautistic Just found out that NT people have REAL habits that happen basically on autopilot. This is news to me.

What most NT people think of as a "habit" I think of as a "task," even if it is a part of my routine. For example, brushing and flossing my teeth is a part of my daily routine, but I have to make myself think about each action separately. I wouldn't call them habits because I literally remind myself to do them every night. It isn't automatic.

fishidwardrobe ,
@fishidwardrobe@social.tchncs.de avatar

@chevalier26 @actuallyautistic Same here, although very occasionally I find I've picked up a useful habit by accident.

In fifty-plus years I've never been able to do it deliberately. Normally they stop just as mysteriously as they start.

filmfreak75 , to actuallyautistic
@filmfreak75@mastodon.social avatar

@actuallyautistic what are everyone’s thoughts on signing cards (birthday, etc.) at work, where you do not really know the person, but there is an implied expectation that you do so

fishidwardrobe ,
@fishidwardrobe@social.tchncs.de avatar

@filmfreak75 @actuallyautistic Write your name small "to leave room for others". You don't have to put a message. Make it illegible if it bothers you.
Most likely the recipient will get a kick out of all those names.

fishidwardrobe ,
@fishidwardrobe@social.tchncs.de avatar

@filmfreak75 @actuallyautistic that does seem rather crappy

fishidwardrobe ,
@fishidwardrobe@social.tchncs.de avatar

@filmfreak75 @actuallyautistic yes. But if it takes a second and it makes you look like you fit in, that's cheap. You often don't even have to interact with anyone!

fishidwardrobe ,
@fishidwardrobe@social.tchncs.de avatar

@filmfreak75 @actuallyautistic I find that very little about work -- or at least the social aspect of work -- is anything close to sincere.

I look at the signing thing as camouflage. I do the team lottery, too, and the sweepstake at Grand National time.

I draw the line at Secret Santa. ::shudder::

chevalier26 , to random
@chevalier26@mastodon.social avatar

@actuallyautistic Anyone ever tell you that you were being "too negative" or a "Debby downer" when stating facts about something? Just happened to me earlier with my family. In this case it was reasons why I prefer not to travel often (routine change haha). The whole time I was thinking, "but I'm not trying to be negative..."

fishidwardrobe ,
@fishidwardrobe@social.tchncs.de avatar

@chevalier26 @actuallyautistic For many allistic people "you're being negative" means "I don't like this".

They don't like it, so it must be negative.

fishidwardrobe ,
@fishidwardrobe@social.tchncs.de avatar

@chevalier26 @actuallyautistic it takes two sides to make a miscommunication.

chevalier26 , to actuallyautistic
@chevalier26@mastodon.social avatar

What are your thoughts on self-diagnosis being belittled by many in the autistic community?

For clarity, I’m not asking to start a debate, just a genuine discussion. I currently don’t have the option to get a diagnosis, but feel fairly confident that the research I’ve done over the past year and a half has been legitimate and credible.

I don’t feel comfortable saying that I am definitively autistic, but I am ok with saying I’m “self-suspecting.” @actuallyautistic

fishidwardrobe ,
@fishidwardrobe@social.tchncs.de avatar

@chevalier26 @actuallyautistic A diagnosis is useful -- mostly for dealing with the rest of the medical system, or sometimes work/education. But it doesn't really mean much else.

I'm starting to think like this: it doesn't matter if I (or anyone else) "is" autistic. What traits and behaviours do I (they) have which can be explained as autistic traits or behaviours? And does that help me understand better?

And a diagnosis isn't going to give you that.

fishidwardrobe ,
@fishidwardrobe@social.tchncs.de avatar

@chevalier26 @actuallyautistic To clarify: you can be not-autistic and do things which I can understand better as an autistic trait. ADHD folks infodump too. Traumatisted folks can shut down in over-stimulating environments.

Then again, as an autist I don't do everything that autistic folks do. I'm fairly good with nuance; I have shutdowns, not meltdowns; etc.

"Autistic" may sometimes be too broad a term to be useful to you.

LALegault , to random
@LALegault@newsie.social avatar

Okay, which enthusiast can explain to me (at length even!) how the American aid pier floated away? I am fascinated.

fishidwardrobe ,
@fishidwardrobe@social.tchncs.de avatar

@LALegault @gaveen @actuallyautistic No. AND on the hashtag they created to specifically avoid posts like yours? Super no.

theaardvark , to actuallyadhd
@theaardvark@mastodon.me.uk avatar


How does everyone know how, when and how much they're masking?
As a late-diagnosed , I struggle to differentiate between "me but masking" and "me but in a diff situation".
Now that I know I'm autistic, I even miss the person I used to be in some situations before I knew.
I used to call myself a "social chameleon" - I just changed automatically to suit the circumstances.
But who actually am I and what is just a mask?
@actuallyautistic
@actuallyadhd

fishidwardrobe ,
@fishidwardrobe@social.tchncs.de avatar

@theaardvark @actuallyautistic @actuallyadhd There are almost certainly times when you're not masking. They may not be often, but almost any little chink in the armour will tell you something. For me the starting point was -- I don't mask when talking to my cats! Once I recognised that voice I could start writing notes to myself without masking.

To complicate things: everyone switches between different aspects of theirself to suit their surroundings. That's not really masking.

dyani , to actuallyautistic
@dyani@social.coop avatar

Hmm is this an ND thing?

Ever since I can remember, I have strongly disliked pranks and have been against humor at the expense of someone else (making fun of them).

I know nice NT people also feel this way but I've felt this strongly since a very young age. Anyone else?

@actuallyautistic

fishidwardrobe ,
@fishidwardrobe@social.tchncs.de avatar

@dyani @actuallyautistic yes yes yes

KitOz , to actuallyautistic
@KitOz@c.im avatar

I was noticing that my cat and I seem to share some behaviors, which made me wonder if cats aren't a little bit autistic. Or maybe I'm a little bit cat?

Which gave me the idea to come up with a facetious self-assessment quiz: Are you autistic, or are you a house cat?

Take the quiz to find out!

@actuallyautistic

https://kitozbooks.com/2024/04/autistic-or-a-house-cat/

fishidwardrobe ,
@fishidwardrobe@social.tchncs.de avatar

@KitOz @actuallyautistic Cats and autism: we have thought the exact same thing here.

JeremyMallin , to actuallyautistic
@JeremyMallin@autistics.life avatar

Does ambiguous wording really not bother neurotypical people??


@actuallyautistic

fishidwardrobe ,
@fishidwardrobe@social.tchncs.de avatar

@JeremyMallin @actuallyautistic I honestly don't think that a lot of the time they see it. Jumping to conclusions works for them 60% of the time, and they can smooth over a lot of the rest with that weird tribal social thing.

sebwhatever , to actuallyautistic
@sebwhatever@mastodon.social avatar

@actuallyautistic @askingautistics

How do we feel about publically calling out people that have wronged you?

fishidwardrobe ,
@fishidwardrobe@social.tchncs.de avatar

@sebwhatever @actuallyautistic pointless, but perhaps therapeutic?

autism101 , to actuallyautistic
@autism101@mstdn.social avatar

Do you ever find yourself oversharing with complete strangers in social settings?

@actuallyautistic

image:unknown

fishidwardrobe ,
@fishidwardrobe@social.tchncs.de avatar

@autism101 @actuallyautistic Oh yes. Much easier to tell a stranger your secrets. Also, the Fediverse…

finnbar_m , to actuallyautistic
@finnbar_m@mastodon.social avatar

@actuallyautistic As an autistic person, how do you stop people from controlling you?

When masking all the time, where do you draw a line between making the necessary effort to socially survive and being a pushover? I'm already putting in extra effort that NTs don't have to.

Where does masking stop, and being "clingy" and overcompensating start?

fishidwardrobe ,
@fishidwardrobe@social.tchncs.de avatar

@finnbar_m @actuallyautistic FWIW, my 10p:

The first step is recognising when people are trying to control you.

The second step is seeing that Masking is behaving "normal", and "normal" people wouldn't put up with that shit.

fishidwardrobe ,
@fishidwardrobe@social.tchncs.de avatar

@marytzu @finnbar_m @actuallyautistic LOL I'm flashing back to Mel Brooks saying that this was his big secret in dealing with the studios. They'd tell him that some actor had to be fired or a scene cut and he'd say "sure" and then ignore it…

rebekka_m , to actuallyadhd
@rebekka_m@fnordon.de avatar

This is a quote from Terry |s "The Reaper" about DEATH [retired, nom de plume Bill Door]; and now YOU tell me that there's even one main character in the whole Disc world that's neurotypical?! <3

"Bill Door was aware of undertones and overtones [in communication] in the same way that an astronaut is aware of weather patterns below him; they’re all visible, all there, all laid out for study and all totally divorced from actual experience."

@actuallyautistic @actuallyadhd

fishidwardrobe ,
@fishidwardrobe@social.tchncs.de avatar

@rebekka_m @actuallyautistic @actuallyadhd Sure there are. There just the characters that only get one page. The toy store owner in The Hogfather, for example…

JeremyMallin , to actuallyautistic
@JeremyMallin@autistics.life avatar

Is thinking that everything is an autistic thing an autistic thing? 🤔
@actuallyautistic

fishidwardrobe ,
@fishidwardrobe@social.tchncs.de avatar

@JeremyMallin @actuallyautistic yep

autism101 , to actuallyautistic
@autism101@mstdn.social avatar

Did you get labeled as a “picky eater” when you were growing up?

@actuallyautistic

fishidwardrobe ,
@fishidwardrobe@social.tchncs.de avatar

@autism101 @actuallyautistic I was a picky eater. Very.

AutisticAdam , to actuallyautistic
@AutisticAdam@autistics.life avatar

Step right up folks but please bare in mind that she thinks food causes ADHD as well.

@actuallyautistic

fishidwardrobe ,
@fishidwardrobe@social.tchncs.de avatar

@AutisticAdam @actuallyautistic "thinks"

18+ gato , to actuallyautistic Portuguese
@gato@neurodifferent.me avatar

My psycholgist mentioned Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA) yesterday. They suggested I look it up and see if it resonated with me. After a quick search, I feel it may help understand some of my experiences but I'm not sure. Most resource I've found were written for parents and talked about what PDA looks like in children, from the perspective of the adults around them. The language used was very pathologizing and stigmatizing. To me, the collection of symptoms that characterize PDA seemed like possible trauma response for autistic people, and I dont know if it makes sense as a "sub-type" of autism.

I was wondering what are the thoughts of the actually autistic community about PDA. Does it make sense as a specific type of autism? What are the experiences of PDA like from the perspective of autistic people, including adults? Is the research that proposed and is produced around the concept of PDA any good? (as in actually wants to improve the live of autistic people as opposed to just classify and stigmatize all the ways we are "broken").

I also would appreciate recommendations for relevant resources (podcasts, articles, blog posts, books, etc) about PDA, in particular those produced by and for autistic people.

Thanks in advance!


@actuallyautistic

18+ fishidwardrobe ,
@fishidwardrobe@social.tchncs.de avatar

@gato @actuallyautistic I see Demand Avoidance as a possible symptom of ASD or ADHD. But: the "pathological" bit can f**k right off.

"Relating to or caused by disease" clearly not, that's insulting.

"Of, relating to, or manifesting behavior that is habitual, maladaptive, and compulsive". No. It's not always a habit or a compulsion – certainly not in me – and it's not always maladaptive; sometimes it's a perfectly good response.

SeattleSanchez , to actuallyautistic
@SeattleSanchez@social.ridetrans.it avatar

My mind has been obsessed with this video all day! So well laid out how our two parties became one since the 80s and 90s.
https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZPRc1uouD/
@actuallyautistic

fishidwardrobe ,
@fishidwardrobe@social.tchncs.de avatar

@irina @theaardvark @mdylanbell @sal @SeattleSanchez @actuallyautistic

Lots of folks can't vote in your election. I can't. Only ~20% of the Fediverse is in the US.

I also fail to see the connection to autism, but, maybe CW this with "USPol" at least?

alexisbushnell , to actuallyautistic
@alexisbushnell@toot.wales avatar

A while ago someone on here mentioned how often folks have difficulty sleeping and that centering your sensory needs can help. They suggested ear plugs and canopy beds, along with weighted blankets and such.

Today I was finally able to hang my new (to me) canopy and I am sat in my bed right now and cannot even begin to tell you the joy I feel.

I don't remember who the person was who shared but thank you!!

@actuallyautistic

fishidwardrobe ,
@fishidwardrobe@social.tchncs.de avatar

@alexisbushnell @actuallyautistic I've always wanted a canopy bed or a four poster with curtains – but never connected it to autism before! Thanks!

lulu , (edited ) to actuallyautistic
@lulu@hachyderm.io avatar

There's a fallacy that I keep making and I think it's because I'm : When I reach a conclusion in my mind based on logical deduction, I wrongly assume that everyone else must have reached the same conclusion, since they have access to the same data and logic is universal... Then when I tell other people my thoughts, I introduce them with "you probably already know it, but I realized that ..."

@actuallyautistic

fishidwardrobe ,
@fishidwardrobe@social.tchncs.de avatar

@lulu @actuallyautistic Ow, yes.

Although, given even a fairly large set of data it is often possible for two people to reach very different rational conclusions.

But. No. That's not what most allistic people are doing, I think.

marenf , to actuallyautistic German
@marenf@autistics.life avatar

@actuallyautistic
Have any of you tried L-Tyrosine and/or L-Theanine to improve anxiety and memory with AuDHD? If so, how much did you take and did it help?
Any other supplements you can recommend?

fishidwardrobe , (edited )
@fishidwardrobe@social.tchncs.de avatar

@marenf @actuallyautistic I tried L-Tyrosine to counter brain fog, and it seemed to work, although the 500ug (mg?) capsules were way too strong for me. Like drinking a dozen cups of coffee. I think 120 to 150 would be fine.

So, not an anxiety cure for me! Of course other folks might have a different reaction. I tried vitamin B-12 and it was even worse.

lexx3000 , to actuallyautistic German
@lexx3000@masto.ai avatar

question to @actuallyautistic
depressed ones, is the narrative "what a useless dumb shit you are, freak that shouldn't have been born" ever go away? i recently discovered that apparently it's not a thing always in a background for other humans. it seems to be forgotten when i hyperfocus on some random bullshit that brings joy, but what about you?

fishidwardrobe ,
@fishidwardrobe@social.tchncs.de avatar

@lexx3000 @actuallyautistic I got angry about that long enough to mostly banish it. Getting angry can be good.

fishidwardrobe , (edited )
@fishidwardrobe@social.tchncs.de avatar

@lexx3000 @actuallyautistic I think I'm going to distinguish between "anger" and "hatred" here.

I can get angry with someone, but not hate them.

Edit: actually I think I can get angry without the anger being for a specific person or thing.

obrerx , (edited ) to actuallyautistic
@obrerx@neurodifferent.me avatar

@actuallyautistic


I haven't posted in awhile. I'm feeling so sad these days. My brother died, my last original family member. My parents died when I was in my 20s. I feel a strange aloneness.

I look at my life... what have I accomplished? And why does that matter?

I have no friends offline. I'm so disillusioned.

Empty. I want to find peace. I've not felt consistently a feeling of peace ever in my life.

No one would ever guess how hard it has been.

I haven't even understood how hard it has been for me.

Always struggling for emotional regulation, but outwardly seeming calm and in control (usually). Inwardly I'm always struggling. Always. What a paradox.

I'm tired of trying to understand why my life has gone as it has... why I was so misunderstood by mt family, why it has been such a struggle.

I'm weary of it all. I want to rest.

Why does this song speak for me so much? I want to sail "into the west"... off to a distant shore. I want to find some comfort somewhere... just some peace.

Into the West - from Lord of the Rings

Lay down
Your sweet and weary head

The night is falling
You have come to journey's end

Sleep now
And dream of the ones who came before

They are calling
From across the distant shore

Why do you weep?
What are these tears upon your face?

Soon you will see
All of your fears will pass away

Safe in my arms
You're only sleeping

What can you see
On the horizon?
Why do the white gulls call?

Across the sea
A pale moon rises

The ships have come to carry you home

And all will turn
To silver glass

A light on the water
All Souls pass

Hope fades
Into the world of night

Through shadows falling
Out of memory and time

Don't say
We have come now to the end
White shores are calling

You and I will meet again
And you'll be here in my arms

Just sleeping
And all will turn

To silver glass
A light on the water

Grey ships pass
Into the West

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UoVaK2NXmJA

fishidwardrobe ,
@fishidwardrobe@social.tchncs.de avatar

@obrerx @actuallyautistic 🤍

AutisticAdam , (edited ) to actuallyautistic
@AutisticAdam@autistics.life avatar

"You can’t be autistic - you can make eye contact!”

Being autistic doesn’t mean I can’t make eye contact, rather that eye contact can be painful and overstimulating for me. Yet, I make it because I have to. If I didn’t, many would be hurt/angry, and I’d face further ostracism. Thanks for your pointless comment anyway from someone that clearly doesn't know what you're talking about.

@actuallyautistic

fishidwardrobe ,
@fishidwardrobe@social.tchncs.de avatar

@AutisticAdam @actuallyautistic "Mate, I'm looking at your nose."

Autistic_Writer , to random
@Autistic_Writer@mastodonapp.uk avatar

Part 148: De-Manacled.
In this week’s blog, a look at freedom for autistic people. You can read it here:
https://darrenscothern.com/2023/10/22/part-148-de-manacled/


fishidwardrobe ,
@fishidwardrobe@social.tchncs.de avatar

@infmin @CynAq @actuallyautistic Generally I think it means more rules! Or different ones?

Dr_Obvious , to actuallyautistic German
@Dr_Obvious@chaos.social avatar

@actuallyautistic
I've read autists don't understand proverbs and take them to literally. I wonder if this is actually an accurate description.
Some days ago I read somebody here stating something like the one eyed under the blind would've been put in an asylum. Brilliant!
In germany we have the proverb, everybody is the smith of their own luck. I like to answer, but not everybody got an anvil.

fishidwardrobe , (edited )
@fishidwardrobe@social.tchncs.de avatar

@Dr_Obvious @actuallyautistic I don't think we have any trouble with proverbs or metaphors, generally. But we are more likely to spot when they don't make sense.

There's an old English one "don't teach your grandmother to suck eggs". Meaning: don't tell me how to do something I already know about. But literally, it makes no sense! Perhaps deliberately; no-one seems to know.

AutisticAdam , to actuallyautistic
@AutisticAdam@autistics.life avatar

The autistic urge to believe you don’t take things literally, because it is said that autistic people take everything literally, and you only take some things literally - not everything - with one of the things you take literally being the word “everything” (in this context).

@actuallyautistic

fishidwardrobe ,
@fishidwardrobe@social.tchncs.de avatar

@AutisticAdam @actuallyautistic Take things literally? No, that's kleptomaniacs. ;)

CynAq , to actuallyautistic
@CynAq@neurodifferent.me avatar

I remember a weird polemic I got into at kindergarten. This is late eighties.

I was already reading at a... I don't know what level. I never understood what "reading levels" were anyway, I mean, if I can read, I can read, right?

Well... Turns out none of the other kids apparently were able to read, at least not openly, and reading was actively discouraged by the staff there. There was a storybook hour where everyone picked a story book with illustrations and PRETENDED to read.

I found out when the teacher lady noticed I was actually reading the thing and pulled it away from me, telling me I wasn't supposed to actually read the book with, you know, words printed on it. The justification was "if you read now and get good at it, you'll have a terrible time being bored in first grade when all the other kids are still trying to learn."

Lady, I don't think you understand how reading works. I can't UNLEARN how to read once I learned it.

This is still within my top five unfathomable school experiences.

@actuallyautistic

fishidwardrobe ,
@fishidwardrobe@social.tchncs.de avatar

@CynAq @actuallyautistic Dear gods. If the set reading books are too easy for you IT'S THEIR JOB TO FIND YOU HARDER BOOKS.

goaty , to random
@goaty@meow.social avatar

one of my big problems in life is that i'm not good at motivating myself to do things. left to my own devices, doing things—even things i enjoy—is sporadic at best.

music, drawing, learning programming—all these things i'm interested in, but struggle to follow through on, & it's very frustrating. i need externally-imposed structure to get anything done.

i always struggled with homework, but my grades were great otherwise (honors, AP, etc). eventually i started doing my homework in school, cause i just wouldn't get it done at home.

& i don't really know what to do about this, which is doubly frustrating.

fishidwardrobe ,
@fishidwardrobe@social.tchncs.de avatar

@CynAq @goaty @ferrous @actuallyautistic I certainly recognise demand avoidance as a symptom in myself, but f*** that word "pathological"…

ScriptFanix , to actuallyautistic
@ScriptFanix@maly.io avatar

Today, the addictologist told me it's usual for @actuallyautistic people to have some addiction or another. So please tell me, do you have one?

fishidwardrobe ,
@fishidwardrobe@social.tchncs.de avatar

@ScriptFanix @actuallyautistic Here in the UK actual medical professionals don't use the word "addiction" because the meaning is too vague. People tell you you're addicted to slot machines, or TV, or computer games … it's just not a medical term.

Does she mean chemically dependant, like with heroin or tobacco?

It sounds to me like someone whose job description is X-er would have a vested interest in telling you you had X whether you did or not.

servelan , to actuallyautistic
@servelan@newsie.social avatar

“Nobody realizes that some people make Herculean efforts just to be normal.” --** **Blanche Balain @actuallyautistic

fishidwardrobe ,
@fishidwardrobe@social.tchncs.de avatar

@servelan @actuallyautistic Quotes are slippery things – just this week I heard that attributed to Albert Camus. Good thing to say either way…

CynAq , (edited ) to actuallyautistic
@CynAq@neurodifferent.me avatar

Edit: This was a fantastic thread, thanks for all the contributions :blobcatbirthday:

As of now, with first person comments from Roddenberry himself, my own position is the two characters were not intended as depictions of any then known neurotype but diverse characters for the sake of diversity and acceptance of the different.

It looks like almost all of us are in agreement that they are likeable characters and respectful in their execution.

The original post:

Wait wait… wait. Fuck! Wait…

Someone tell me Spock and Data aren’t attempts to be inclusive of autistic people in the arguably the most progressive franchise of its time, please.

They are, aren’t they?


@actuallyautistic

fishidwardrobe ,
@fishidwardrobe@social.tchncs.de avatar

@CynAq @actuallyautistic Well I think Data is just "let's have someone like Spock, he was popular" and Spock was "lets have a character who thinks rationally because that's geeky and weird" – which tells you a lot about Rodenberry…

Vincarsi , to actuallyautistic
@Vincarsi@mastodon.social avatar

@actuallyautistic @allautistics
I keep seeing people complaining about how Mastodon is full of "splainy reply guys" and I think there's a misperception of going on. I think there's more of us on here and we're more comfortable being ourselves. What will it take to get the allistics to understand that our contributions are offered in a mature "yes, and" spirit as opposed to the juvenile "well, actually" they seem to always read it as.
We're genuinely smart, not stuck up.

fishidwardrobe ,
@fishidwardrobe@social.tchncs.de avatar

@Vincarsi @actuallyautistic @allautistics I don't think all 'reply guys' are autistics info dumping (or, autistics reflecting the OP back as a way of agreeing: "Yes! Here's how I see it").

But some of them definitely are.

fishidwardrobe ,
@fishidwardrobe@social.tchncs.de avatar

@homelessjun @foolishowl @Vincarsi @actuallyautistic @allautistics I'd add that, as is generally true with useful terms, it is nowadays often degraded and more noise than signal – it frequently now just means "you told me something and I didn't want you to" rather than "you're assuming I don't know anything about this because I'm female".

fishidwardrobe ,
@fishidwardrobe@social.tchncs.de avatar

@foolishowl @homelessjun @Vincarsi @actuallyautistic @allautistics Well, yes, but often hard to predict beforehand. If someone says "don't @ me" then obviously you're being an arsehole if you do. But often they don't say that.

(And, I'm autistic – I don't pick up subtle cues in person let alone in text.)

fishidwardrobe ,
@fishidwardrobe@social.tchncs.de avatar

@foolishowl @homelessjun @Vincarsi @actuallyautistic @allautistics I block people as soon as they do that. Even if they are somehow saying that in good faith – which seems doubtful; some people just like to be angry at others – how would you ever communicate with them?

fishidwardrobe ,
@fishidwardrobe@social.tchncs.de avatar

@foolishowl @homelessjun @Vincarsi @actuallyautistic @allautistics Yeah, I can totally see if someone was on the receiving end of toxic behaviour why an innocent response would be taken the wrong way.

But in that case the best thing for them is for me to block them (or them me) – for the same reason. We won't be able to talk. I'm just going to trigger her.

samiam , to actuallyautistic
@samiam@lor.sh avatar

@actuallyautistic so many thanks to those who have made feel feel heard and welcome here in the past weeks. the story thus far: 41 years of "muddling thru" depression, anxiety, misc mysterious health problems, etc when one day a new friend (very rare!) shared with me that they are autistic, and respectfully asked me if i might be too.
this [re]kindled lots of thoughts and feels and sent me down a path of recognizing and uncovering some fairly autistic-seeming traits and behaviors that i had been ignoring or suppressing. i have lately been thinking of myself as "provisionally autistic" which is how i'm trying to walk this line between, one the one hand, not mentally framing Autism As One True The Explanation For Everything and stretching things to try to force them to fit; and, on the other hand, not giving in to Autistic Imposter Syndrome. i want "provisionally autistic" to be a comfortable in-between place where i can "let myself be as autistic as i am" without "trying to be autistic when i'm not" and just observe myself and see how it goes. if that makes any sense?

but (and this is a question mainly to all you late/recent adult [self/]dx folks out there, but of course also anyone else who wants to respond):
How do you KNOW?
i'm stuck in this place where lots of things seem relatable and plausible but there is no sense of AHA IT FITS. there's no THIS FINALLY EXPLAINS IT. i know it's early for me yet -- i've been taking this seriously for weeks not years -- and i probably have to be patient with myself . . . but ggghhhghg.
maybe i'm just venting? i don't know. i'm having a day.

fishidwardrobe ,
@fishidwardrobe@social.tchncs.de avatar

@Susan60 @sfwrtr @petrichor @itsmeholland @samiam @actuallyautistic I'm on the same journey. Slowly coming to the conclusion that for me, worrying about masking is a red herring. After 50 years you become the face on the mask, more or less. Just be the parts of you you like, and try not to be the parts of you you hate?

fishidwardrobe ,
@fishidwardrobe@social.tchncs.de avatar

@nddev @Susan60 @sfwrtr @petrichor @itsmeholland @samiam @actuallyautistic All absolutely true IMO. Before I knew I was autistic I likened it to a spy thing. If I want a job, I have to pretend to be someone else!!

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