You know what's great to learn at 38, right before bedtime one night, after a whole life time of struggle...
That your mother traumatized you with ADHD to the point where actually pushing myself against ADHD is a trigger... making it so no amount of coping skills can help me push myself for any real length of time...
I'd try and do something that requires a push, even a little one... and be crying... and I thought it was just the feeling of hitting my dopamine... but nooooo... now I'm unpacking that it was me getting triggered at the feeling of pushing my reserves at all...
That explains so damn much and makes me feel so damn hurt and angry...
I was forced to push myself so far so often as a kid and she didn't ever relent when I was critically over-extended on dopamine... usually around cleaning. I'm remembering so many times crying and sobbing on the floor because she demanded I clean to an extreme standard and I wasn't allowed to do anything else until I met her approval...
And I've been running my whole life fucking kneecapped by this... I thought I just had it worse than most (with ADHD) on my ability to push myself on tasks... but no... it's because I realize now I can't fucking push myself at all because my fucking brain just jumps straight to that extreme pain and trauma right away...
Now I'm fucking crying when I should be trying to sleep...
The goal: to have a comprehensive data driven understanding how multi-generational trauma shapes implicit bias in institutions, groups, familes etc and how it intertwines DK in community leaders.
So that we can work together to address these issues together!
A doctor in child psychiatry says: "The abuser is capable of waiting to commit the act."
People scare the child by saying "Daddy's going to prison, and you wouldn't want that, because Daddy loves you so much".
"The legal system gives the benefit of the doubt to the aggressor and it's up to the child to provide proof..."
"You know full well that if you report a family that is deprived or in a precarious situation, you're more likely to be believed than if you report a family of teachers or doctors. It becomes a 'social problem' of poor people."
#Sociology has a pain "problem." We use concepts like (collective or cultural)#trauma draw allusions to pain, but do not ground them in the fundamental experience of rejection, exclusion, isolation, etc. This paper does this while theorizing SOCIAL trauma. When we understand the science behind social pain, or the neg. affectual response to rejection and exclusion, we can collapse the distinctions btw cultural and collective trauma.
Through deeply personal conversations, Oprah Winfrey and renowned brain and trauma expert Dr. Bruce Perry offer a groundbreaking and profound shift from asking "What's wrong with you?" to "What happened to you?"
"Through this lens we can build a renewed sense of personal self-worth and ultimately recalibrate our responses to circumstances, situations, and relationships. It is, in other words, the key to reshaping our very lives."
Oprah Winfrey
The nice thing about digital art is it never has to be finished. On this one I got too deep into the image. There's a lot going on you can't see cuz the midtones are too dark...
The non-gendered warrior SHOULD be creating themself (to coin language) out of and battling dark chaos, a bright spark headed toward a dim light... they never know if there's a goal...
"#Poverty does not breed nobility of character. Or humility. It just breeds hunger of body & soul.
#Trauma does not breed compassion. Just pain. And the spreading of pain.
#Disability does not secretly empower you with courage & persistence. It just limits what you can do.
Toxic Positivity is a modern cultural plague. It just keeps you buying stuff. And working harder and harder... to buy more stuff.
Religion for consumers.
This kind of positivity is not spiritual. Or uplifting. Just one more yardstick measuring my failures. Inspiring movie by inspiring movie.
What doesn't kill you? Does NOT make you stronger. Not often enough. It just doesn't kill you. Breath after breath... after breath.
The difference between Strength and Misery?
Not a choice. But it is very real.
Honor it.
This is a raw, unfiltered truth. Many of us who are autistic... live it. But we don't talk about it.. much. At least not out loud. Not with typical folks. Not among other neurodivergents, either. Maybe not even to ourselves.
I don't know about you. But I mask a secret shame in colors of anger, resentment, regret.
Why? TV, Hollywood, the damn New York Times Best sellers list...? Together, media create our social mythology. Championing only the lifestyles of effective people. Ya know, folks who turn out tons of widgets. And consume mass quantities while flicking screens...."
Fewer words are sweeter than "your manuscript has been accepted." My theory of social trauma - integrating collective and cultural #trauma processes and grounding them in the neurophysiology of social pain - will soon see the light of day in #Society and #mentalhealth#sociology
Trauma
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The creator of the Polyvagal Theory explains the principles in simple terms that are accessible to all.
Since Stephen Porges first proposed the Polyvagal Theory in 1994, its basic idea—that the level of safety we feel impacts our health and happiness—has radically shifted how researchers and clinicians approach trauma interventions and therapeutic interactions.
I hope other #autists find the following statement validating and righteous-anger-inducing rather than invalidating because it's meant to be the former:
#Alexithymia is not developed by autists due to their #autism. Alexithymia is developed by autists because #neurotypicals continuously invalidate our #emotions until we become utterly confused by them and incapable of expressing (or even of knowing) anything about them.
The #trauma that our society heaps upon autists is the cause of autistic alexithymia, and we really need to talk more about how "normal" people psychologically fuck us.