@actuallyautistic#actuallyautistic Earlier today I had a conversation/argument with my mom about the mountain laurel tree that is outside my bathroom window at our cabin, which she insisted was NOT a mountain laurel. I said, if you saw mountain laurel flowers would you recognize them? And she said yes, so I showed her photos of the one next to the house and she affirmed that it was a mountain laurel until I told her it was indeed the tree next to the house 🫠 can’t ever win.
Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 231 , Saturday 15/06/2024
So Geoff (you remember Geoff, the Gouty Great Left Toe ) was an asshole last night, ended up with him going commando stuck out the end of the bed!
Thankfully being evicted from the bed was enough to calm him & sleep ensued.
Up around 7am, breakfast, chores & knocking around the Fediverse for most of the day.
Out of the blue my Dad rang - he very rarely calls, but like me he is polite to fault & was calling to say thank you for his Father’s Day card.
I’ll catch up with him tomorrow when we go over to Liverpool for my Bro’s birthday.
Geoff is almost certainly gonna disapprove come Monday morning!
Watching Roadhouse (the new version) this evening, a surprisingly good , turn yer brain off movie, lovin the soundtrack too, I hope it’s on one of the streaming services !
Ohhhh on Apple Music! Cool !
Final Thoughts.
I’m a bit worried that I’m missing something - not felt the urge to hit the PlayStation in like 3 days …
Hey ho.
Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖
I know this is a little a tiny stupid thing but I'm becoming increasingly agitated because my Instagram says that I have a chat message and I have scrolled and everything has been read and that notification will not go away LOL #actuallyautistic#petpeeves
🥲🤭🤪 @actuallyautistic@autisticadvocacy@actuallyadhd
@actuallyautistic#actuallyautistic I’m in shock right now and feel like I could burst into tears…my parents and I are out at lunch, and my mom just asked me out of the blue, “what gives you joy?” And I said, “why are you asking me that?” She essentially responded by telling me that to her, I showed no evidence that I had any joy in my life, and that there is nothing that makes me happy.
@actuallyautistic#actuallyautistic It really bothers me when I tell my friends or family about something that upset me, or an incident that made me feel embarrassed/humiliated and they respond in a way that makes me feel even more upset, embarrassed, and humiliated. Things like “how did you even do that? 😂” or “that’s not even a big deal” don’t help and make me feel even worse. It feels a bit like clapping at a waiter/waitress when they drop a plate.
We're both getting on in years. She's older than me and she's worried that if she goes before me (not imminently.. 20 to 30 years at least I hope) I'll be on my own without friends.
I keep telling there's a difference between being lonely or being alone.
I don't really have a social life outside of my wife and her friends (and I consider them HER friends rather than mine) but that's fine for me #autistic#ActuallyAutistic
@actuallyautistic#actuallyautistic One of the hardest things for me growing up was realizing that my confusion every time I got in “trouble” with my parents or my teachers was a disconnect in communication. All my explanations were seen as excuses or worse, “talking back.”
Planning on attending another nearby #pride2024 celebration tomorrow afternoon. It's about an hour's drive each way, and runs from noon until 10pm. I'm hopeful that I will have the requisite #spoons in order to go the day.
Last time, the crowds didn't overwhelm me, which I was pleased by. I assume that had a lot to to do with being around my tribe.
Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 230 , Friday 14/06/2024
I am going to shamelessly nick an idea of a dear friend & my left big toe will henceforth be known as ‘Geoff the Gouty Great Toe! (Big toes used to be called Great toes back in the olden days seemingly)
An awful night last night I ate something that Geoff really disapproved of & he was not shy in putting forth his view ! I took his disapproval for an hour then medicated his ass with some codeine & paracetamol.
Up early this morning despite the disturbed night & Mrs S. being on holiday. Pavlov’s Squirrel !
Had a fairly easy morning & rested my poor,sore tootsies.
It struck me this morning in the light of the last couple of days entries that there is one major problem with yon Social Prescriber getting me to go to this Social Cafe …. They are not providing me with the tools to cope with this first!
One of my NT guides pointed out ,& I’m paraphrasing here, that just because I can do the whole socialising thing doesn’t mean I should. There is such a concept as ‘too much of a good thing’.
I remember the last time I was in a prescribed ‘social’ situation - attending the Cardio rehab course after my MI. Long story short , it was a disaster , I ended up storming out on the penultimate session because the social pressures were too much!
Today ,online, one of my prominent traits showed up - I can be very blunt at times, I fail to ease my point into a conversation - my NT brain proffering to ‘hammer home’ the point rather than be more subtle & gentle.
My ASD diagnosis report picks up on this & makes the point that it can ,& indeed has, trip me up in social situations!
If I decide that I really do want to move out of my current comfort zone into a more physically social one then I need to work with the various health professionals to get the sequence right & get the tool kit first!
Tonight I felt that I struck a decent compromise for tea. I did have pizza , but Ham n mushroom not a meat feast - I felt the latter might be taunting the gout gods just a little too much.
At this point Geoff is quite happy so long as I don’t try anything too athletic. Hopefully that will continue thru tonight!
Final Thoughts.
Geoff has made his views very clear on the whole diet thing, namely that he is in charge!
Is it a good thing or a bad thing I have anthropomorphised my big toe ? Is this an indicator that I should resist mixing directly with the rest of the human race?
Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖
@actuallyautistic#actuallyautistic Does it bother anyone else when someone folds your laundry for you? I do appreciate the effort and the intention, but half the time I have to go back and refold everything because it wasn’t folded the way I need it to be for me to put it away or organize it properly. I would rather just do all the folding myself lol. Idk, I know that probably seems selfish but it does irk me sometimes.
One of the stereotypes with autistic people is that one is clumsy. Before I self-diagnosed I thought I'm not clumsy. Recently I've become very aware that, actually, I am. Not in relation to big things but dropping small things, knocking them over etc. I've just learned to react quick and often catch them before they hit the surface. If I'm tired, then things start to go wrong.
Wondering whether some older undiagnosed autistics might’ve been mis-diagnosed with dementia due to poorer executive function as they age & cope less well with stress. @actuallyautistic#adhd#actuallyautistic#Dementia
Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 229 , Thursday 13/06/2024
A better nights sleep last nigh, although I did wake up early, had a nice chat with CDP 🧚♀️.
Mrs S. was in the office today & I really wasn’t feeling it this morning ,so after breakfast I went back to bed for a couple of hours.
My brain drove me out of bed just after 9am, unless I’m really quite poorly I cannot stay in bed for too long.
So I was reflecting on the meeting with the Social Prescriber yesterday & subsequent conversations with friends on here.
I wonder if I NEED to be more social than I am now. I wonder if the benefits outweigh the stress / anxiety etc. of being in a group of people.
Also the fact that any decent support is a decent distance away. (thanks UK Gov - so much for the promised improvement in MH services NOT !)
I am social to an extent, I regularly chat , laugh ,cry etc with so many lovely folk on here. Yes it is a relationship in a digital environment, but does that make it any less valid an experience?
The Fediverse is unlike any other Social Platform, it is possible to develop real friendships here & the lack of an algorithm makes for a more interactive experience!
Honestly I don’t know, when actually confronted with the help available, if it is worth pursuing.
On a more positive note I had a great banter session with several of the Peeps on here this afternoon / evening , thanks to all who participated, I enjoyed it enormously! 😊
Final Thoughts.
I never expect that I was fighting for so little, it is quite the anti-climax.
I am glad I got my diagnosis, that has helped me understand myself in ways I did not expect, & almost every day I learn something new.
Apart from anything else I found a whole group of Peeps who relate to & share experiences & challenges unique to ND folk!
Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖
I need help in searching any international organizations as a guarantor or something similar, that can help moving out of #russia due to medical and political reasons.
Thing is due to my health condition I have high chances to be left alone here to starve. I wrote around 250 emails to different organizations with little to no result 🥲
Any help or advice will be highly appreciated, ty! 💖
I came to a fast food place I haven't visited in ages. I was delighted that my favorite spot at the far end corner was not taken. Nobody else is in the neighbor tables so I'm alone in this small area. Then it hit me: this is another autism thing. In this spot there's the minimum amount of distractions in this whole place.
Have any of my #ActuallyAutistic people ever done an EEG? I'm reading about how those can be used for diagnostic purposes and though I'm already diagnosed, I'm intrigued and kind of want to see what it says about my brain.
@dramypsyd @actuallyautistic No, but I have a pinned article about the hemispheric connectivity of autistics being all over the lot –there was no template, no pattern. When you’ve met an autistic...
@actuallyautistic#ActuallyAutistic was in a group meeting with mostly well intentioned neurotypicals who just kept going on and on in a the most ableist way about everything
for context, migraine started at the top of the meeting us is going unabated as we speak
Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 228 , Wednesday 12/06/2024
Had a somewhat disturbed night, I experimented with having a full glass of water with my bedtime tablets to help hydrate me , what actually happened was rather than sleeping thru I was woken by the old call of nature around 3am & utterly failed to fall back into a deep sleep, tossing & turning for the rest of the night.
We won’t be making that mistake again unless there is conclusive proof it’s required (i.e. another gout flare up that can’t be traced to anything else!)
Finally got up around 6am , breakfast t etc ensued.
My feet are both sore , not cripplingly so, just enough to make walking unpleasant.
Spent a chunk of time on here today, honest I’m not addicted to Social Media 😆
Went to see a Social Prescriber this afternoon.
There are no services in local area that will be able to help me 🙄🤦♂️
The best she could off was a social cafe , with crafts & board games & coffee !
Is it me or does this smack of old peoples home ?
I have not said no , but we are going to review the situation in a month.
By chance Mrs S. in her official role received news of an Autism Hub that has opened this year about a hours drive away. So this maybe an avenue of opportunity.
Back on here again this afternoon / evening , currently expecting a spirited discussion on the state of UK politics on my other a/c.
@actuallyautistic#actuallyautistic
A few months back I picked up Temple Grandin's book "The Autistic Brain: Helping Different Kinds of Minds Succeed" and would definitely recommend it. Grandin's writing style is very easy to understand and she approaches the topic from a logical yet empathetic point of view. There is no beating around the bush when it comes to more complex or taboo issues surrounding autism in the book and I appreciate that. It also helped me discover more things about myself.
Been thinking about smiling/not smiling as masking. Yesterday I had a meeting with a colleague, me being tired. Suddenly I realized I'm not smiling and wondered whether I would've smiled in this situation when I didn't understand I'm autistic. I might've forced a smile before but now I didn't feel like smiling so I didn't. This wasn't the first time I realized I'm not smiling while the situation is such that it'd be "desirable" that I do smile.
On the other hand, I've understood that I've started unmasking even before I knew I was masking by smiling when I feel like it walking down the street. I might be just happy, see something nice, or maybe think about something amusing. People don't usually smile on their own and I've recognized this impulse to hide one's smile.