Has anyone ever used the term "diminished perceptive filtering?
I just thought of it (or subconsciously picked it up somewhere, I dunno) and I think it makes sense to my experience. I don't believe I necessarily have heightened sensory sensitivity, it's more about not being able to adjust my levels of perception that well. Thoughts?
Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 239 , Sunday 23/06/2024
Got a decent nights sleep last night Geoff behaved himself which was nice.
Up initially around 4am , had a chat with a dear friend & then managed another hour or so snoozing , finally getting up around 8.
On the whole not a bad day.
So I get loads of notifications on Mastodon because I like to interact with as many folk as I can, it can take hours to catch up sometimes. I have the time most days so this is not a problem. Sometimes though it is hard for me to do more than just answer with a hug or a smile because it is hard for me to formulate answers that will not offend or seem glib or cutting.
My autistic mind makes me blunt, it makes me say things that lack social subtleties , it makes me see over familiar or too distant. So when I cannot come up with response that I feel will be acceptable I fall back onto smiles & hugs to show I care hopefully.
Also there are only so many hours in a day , when one has 200 toots to respond to then sometimes brevity is required.
I was criticised for being too brief today, all I can say is I’m sorry ,I’m only a small squirrel of Pooh bear like intelligence & I try my best.
Final Thoughts.
I was playing around with Mona (the Mastodon app I use ) today & have managed to lose all my user notes that I used to keep track of time offsets & nicknames , birthdays etc. Very frustrating because they were crucial;l aids for one such as I with the memory of a concussed goldfish!
Hey ho.
Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖
Interesting reflection on annoyance as a flag for recognising changing norms, & what it can tell us about our threatened privilege.
Feeling mystified by & out of sync with the norms of our culture & exhausted by trying to understand & navigate them is a daily & lifelong experience for those of us who perceive & process information differently. Rather than navigating social spaces effortlessly we labour to identify & articulate social norms, then analyse them in the light of other information & our personal ethics. Sometimes no matter how hard we try we are completely unable to behave as expected.
(How unsurprising it is that so many of us see norms around gender expression as consumerist cosplay scripts that serve the interests of some while demonising the experience of many. And that we cannot bear to work in organisations whose actions do not match their stated aims. Acceptance & defiance can be equally high cost, for us. Hallo #AutusticBurnout.)
An outsider perspective that requires us to identify, articulate & analyse dynamics that are to many folk invisible, can make us, of necessity, excellent social scientists. #ActuallyAutistic@actuallyautistic
@actuallyautistic#ActuallyAutistic at a very large choral concert to support friends in the chorus and every time i attend one of these, its extremely draining — good thing i have Monday off
@actuallyautistic#actuallyautistic Do y'all know if it's an autistic trait to be super skeptical of stuff? Like, for example, my parents watch some questionable "health" people on YouTube, and when they show me a video from said people, I can tell IMMEDIATELY that they are grifters in it for money. Idk what gives it away but it's like a flashing warning sign in my brain.
I wonder if it has to do with social influence and the effects of charisma/agreeableness that NDs might not fall for.
Family gathering today, nice to see everyone again in one place but my social battery is draining quickly, they can't quite understand why I'm inside watching the Euros football on television instead.#actuallyautistic@actuallyautistic
Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 237 , Friday 21/06/2024
Geoff was a good lad last night , the fact that he was medicated into oblivion might explain why 😆
Up at around 6am to find Friday was a glorious day !
Loads of sunshine today had the patio doors open right up to the moment when Mrs S. decided she was going to bed at 8pm (her usual time) & closed them. Seems my enjoyment of the sounds of nature and the lovely evening air are not a factor. 🙄🤦♂️
Finished the migration of MAJ1 to Beige.Party by shipping across the followers list , this all worked fine & there are just some pending follows outstanding.
I did a few little tasks today nothing too extravagant. Made best use of the bright sunshine by running the clothes washer thru a maintenance wash amongst other things.
Final Thoughts.
I would really like to go to the coast, but herself is too busy (reading) & Geoff would object at the moment, maybe later in the summer!
Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖
#ActuallyAutistic folks in the UK - have you ever used a "guaranteed interview/assessment" scheme for a job application, and ended up getting the job?
I'm weighing up "don't disclose anything until you have a job because it might put them off even if they HAVE to give you an interview" with "do everything you can to get to the interview stage then hopefully you can really impress them".
@actuallyautistic#ActuallyAutistic any advice on how to tactfully tell co-workers who are excessively using Teams chat that you’re not interested in the chatter without coming across as “uncooperative", “rude", “not a team player" etc.
Tonight’s quote describes my original copies of ‘The Colour of Magic’ & Hitch-hikers Guide to the Galaxy.
“It looked like the sort of book described in library catalogues as "slightly foxed", although it would be more honest to admit that it looked as though it had been badgered, wolved and possibly beared as well.”
--(Terry Pratchett, The Light Fantastic)
Thank you to everyone who has tracked me down to the Beige & shared TLs again, you are all truly lovely Peeps.
Hopefully other friends will follow suite over the next few days.
Where ever you are in your day I hope you’re enjoying it! 😊🫶🐿️🖖
Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 236 , Thursday 20/06/2024
Geoff was subdued with a new course of colchicine yesterday then pain killers to make sur eye behaved overnight.
Was up late last night moving MAJ1 to Beige.Party, so many folks have sound him in his new home & shared timelines with him again , very chuffed !
The CDP 🧚♀️ kept me company, for which I am grateful 😊
My foot is a lot better today, I’m still favouring it & elevating it but it is getting there!
Spent most of the day flolloping around the Fediverse (keen Hitch-hikers will argue that only live mattresses on Squornshellous Zeta can flollop but I would argue Squirrels can too!)
Had posh fish n chips for tea, smoked salmon & salad with chippy chips ! Yummy & mostly healthy .
Final Thoughts.
My brain is trying to second guess my moving MAJ1 , wondering if it was the right thing to do, wondering if it would change the experience of the Fediverse .
I stamped hard on these thoughts & looked at the positive side, that folk have reshared my MAJ1 timeline , that peeps are engaging & that I have a second account where I can wax lyrical. 😊
Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖
@actuallyautistic#actuallyautistic Do any of y'all have EXTREME heat intolerance? It's like the older I get the more I can't put up with hot weather. I've always been very "hot-natured," prefer winter over summer, etc. but this year I think my intolerance has been the worst yet. Friends are telling me how it's peak summer weather (90 degrees is comfortable?!?) meanwhile I start sweating when it's 70+ degrees Fahrenheit outside. What gives?
Over the past few months I have really been ruminating on what “masculinity” and “femininity” even are, and those terms are mostly defined by stereotypes. Like, I know I’m a woman but I’ve always felt like “just some guy.” I’ve never had dysphoria or anything, and I have a biblical understanding of sexuality, but cultural ideas about gender make no sense to me. All of this is so confusing. Any ideas?
@actuallyautistic#ActuallyAutistic just started yet another documentary series on Jonestown (my 4th now), and while i consider movies/tv and true crime among my special interests, is watching multiple versions of something on the same topic a special interest or just a part of the master ones?
also, this new series is by far the worst so far -- very superficial. all the others have given me new information that the others had not.
@actuallyautistic#actuallyautistic Every now and then I’ll see a video like this on Instagram and just shake my head…like why do “issues” like this have to be made into a gender war? Plenty of women do this same thing, or, at least, by “women” I mean myself 😂. Thought it was logical to leave things out that will be used again…so you don’t have to unnecessarily dirty other dishes. Guess that’s just an alpha male thing /s
Checked an old work notebook to see if there were any important notes to transfer somewhere else. Suddenly there was a doodle of myself with an infinity symbol on the t-shirt. The page was about a seminar on neurodiversity at the university! The seminar was two years ago so before my self-diagnosis.
As this might be of interest to others (no big insights though), here are my notes (translated from Finnish):
"- ADHD: different regulation of alertness, emotions, and attention (different way to be)
Autism: different social interaction, imagination, and communication (different way to see!)
Neuro minorities:
experience of being different
understanding of hierarchy
thinking outside the box
creativity
empathy
sensory regulation
own role
own pace
special interests
social pressure"
The page ends with a personal note that, in hindsight, I absolutely love:
"sometimes wondered whether I myself am on the spectrum, but then again not..."
Can't help thinking the trans trope "there were no signs" 😅
@actuallyautistic#actuallyautistic Does anyone else find that their music taste is extremely unconventional? I can enjoy most types of music with others, but when I'm alone I listen to stuff that most people would never listen to. Like historical folk songs, military marches, courtly dance music, sea shanties, etc.
I enjoy other music too but I feel like the above categories are things I am "ashamed" to play around others. Idk if that makes sense lol.
I had an ADHD event this morning. I used to explain these away or blame them on external causes or other people.
If I’d taken my meds when I woke, I would’ve been fine, but I didn’t. I tried to do too much before leaving for my appointment, jumped on the wrong tram, had to call an Uber, then got confused about the meeting point. Rang my skin guy & was able to rejigger appointment, which gave me time for a decaf & a decompress.
My oldest has always been more philosophical than me on these things, better at accepting that it is what it is and then adjusting. I used to be good at doing that when others stuffed up (but maybe less patient with my oldest) but would get very upset about my own occasional dramas, maybe because underneath my externalisation of responsibility, I knew it was me.
But this morning I just accepted I’d stuffed up, did what I had to do & accepted that I might have to rebook the appointment. Fortunately they were able to juggle. The worst part is causing other people inconvenience. I’m acutely aware of that, maybe because of RSD? (Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria)
Uber driver was a lovely Manchurian who has his skin check booked. 😊Currently waiting for anaesthetic to take effect.
Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 235 , Wednesday 19/06/2024
TL;DR Geoff hates me, misgendereation ,Mastodon moves are afoot, cats & the art of bird catching !
Geoff was a gut wrenching SoB last night, apparently standing for any length of time is a no,no. However I have his measure now & medicated his ass! (Do toes have asses ? ) so somewhere around midnight after some nice chats with a couple of lovely friends (who I how will still be friends by the end of this post🫣🤞🥰) I managed to get to sleep.
Up at just before 6am.
Started to make breakfast when yon OH opened the kitchen door to the garage & discovered Alice had brought a live present. So rather than shooing her out Mrs S. closed the door & looked expectantly at me, the vanished into the lounge closing all the doors behind her.
Turns out Alice had delivered a fledgling, which promptly vanished down the side of the washing machine! 🙄🤦♂️
As I was clearing a path to rescue the little perisher it did a 180 & vanished behind the washing machine , eschewing the more easily accessible (for me) space under the shelves next to the washer!
I pulled the washing machine out but the little sod (you’ll notice I’m becoming less enamoured with our uninvited guest) vanished behind the 6ft tall freezer next to the washing machine!
Pulling the washer out was hard enuf with 2 manky feet , especially with Geoff being all swollen , the is no chance that the freezer is coming out!
So the state of play is that I have pushed the washer back , leaving a suitable gap between it & the freezer for yon tweety pie to escape if it so desires.
Obviously I still had to make breakfast & then sort out the dishes & empty the dishwasher after all this , as Mrs S. had to get ready for work (a process that takes an hour & involves a ½ hour rest on the bed! ) so I’ve come back to bed because I’m clean out of spoons.
So here’s the thing: My voice has never broken, it got a little deeper but it has to be said my voices matches my persona as a squirrel perfectly! I wonder if it is an autistic comorbidity ?
This has meant thru out my life being misgendered on the phone ! Even when I’ve confirmed my given name, which is very obviously male, callers that don’t know me often still call me Mrs …. It’s VERY frustrating !
I know my nature is to be kind & show emotions easily & to expess love for anything that doesn’t get away fast enuf but that’s because I am kind by nature, I was brought up to be thoughtful of others , I am woke as it is possible to be , & also it is a defence against the horror that is me in full autistic frustration mode , my temper is like a bomb going off on the few occasions I lose it 🙄🤦♂️
I also suffer from Trichotillomania which makes hair & body hair management a trial.
All these things seem to give the impression I’m not a red blooded male. Which I am. I simply lack some of the less agreeable traits of some ‘alpha’ males ! (I still wanna fly fast jets though ! 🤣)
Really anyone bringing their dongle near me with the intention of amorous adventures or trying to stick me in a dress is not going to get far.
The really frustrating thing for me is that my natural instinct to identify as a CIS male means I cop for all the hate that is aimed at that group, despite the fact that when some folks interact with me without seeing my physical form they assume I’m something I’m really not!
I was talking to a good friend last night , no not you CDP 🧚♀️, & we were chatting about the whole hair thing … this isn’t about you ! (There’s a song in there somewhere ) Our discussion merely led me to think on this subject is all.
I wonder if I’ll be accused of being an misogynist off the back of this post 🤔
15:00 News update: the bird has left the building! The fledgling was a sparrow who about an hour ago got up the courage to fly out thru the open garage door - much to my relief!
In other news I have had a cardiology phone consult this afternoon with regards to the dizzy spells I keep getting when stressed. He is putting me on a halter monitor for 48 hours to see what is going on. He is not particularly optimistic that a resolution will be found , but he says my heart is strong so there is nothing to worry about unless the monitor shows something.
I’m quite proud of myself tonight, I actually got some stuff done this afternoon that has been waiting for a while.
Updated the router firmware & reconfigured the VPN, set up a Proton mail a/c.
I also created a new main Mastodon a/c on Beige.Party, more news of that tomorrow when I have moved stuff over from Mastodonapp.UK
Final Thoughts.
One cannot predict what will happen to make or break ones day. For most folk it’s a case of deal with it & move on, for many ND folk it buggers up the whole day !
Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖
Some U.S. states have registries and laws requiring that mental health professionals and physicians register autistic clients. They can be fined, disciplined, or lose their license if they don't report.