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@dyani@social.coop cover
@dyani@social.coop avatar

dyani

@[email protected]

AuDHD, curator of information, optimist at my core, lover of all souls, leftist, hobby switcher, graphic designer, UX and accessibility learner, artist.

Trying to embody the inclusivity, deep acceptance, and safety I believe we all deserve.

I share things that make me happy, things that make me think, things that are helpful to know for me & for others. Lots of leftist, neurodiversity, cats, and digital art fall into those categories.

Interact w me periodically, then ask for a follow back!

This profile is from a federated server and may be incomplete. Browse more on the original instance.

melindrea , to actuallyautistic
@melindrea@beige.party avatar

One of my least favourite bits about "allistic people/researchers discussing autistic people" in this weird pathological way that's just ... incorrect!

Like "autistic people have restricted interests". Uh-huh. You're telling me that if I talk to an allistic person, no matter what we talk about they will have an interest in it? Oh, they don't? huh. But that's not them having restricted interests? Gotcha.

Or "pathological need for fairness" ... why is it a bad thing to want things to be fair and acting the same whether or not someone is watching?

*grumbles in @actuallyautistic *

dyani ,
@dyani@social.coop avatar

@melindrea @actuallyautistic I love reading the flipped scripts people sometimes make up to poke fun at allistic people. i am not great at it but it's stuff like "pathologically shallow interest levels", "inclination for unfairness", etc 😆

dyani , to actuallyautistic
@dyani@social.coop avatar

@punishmenthurts @Zumbador @pathfinder @actuallyautistic yes, unfortunately we've all been hurt one too many times and so we have a lot of trauma that we can't just logic our way out of. that's the hard part.

but i don't believe every single human is going to hurt me, and by letting the bad ones reveal themselves while creating distance in myself from them, i can steer clear of them and stop trying to make them act better when it's just not possible for them.

dyani , to actuallyautistic
@dyani@social.coop avatar

Any other autistic kin struggle with speech and articulation when they were little?

I'm recording an instructional voice-over today and my mom just told me I used to have a lisp when I was little. That's news to me!

I definitely notice sludgy articulation around L and S sound as an adult. Outside of voice over recording, I could not care less about my articulation. But it is interesting!

@actuallyautistic

dyani OP ,
@dyani@social.coop avatar

@skinnylatte @actuallyautistic I've heard of that with other autistic people! That's pretty cool honestly.

dyani OP ,
@dyani@social.coop avatar

@brooke @actuallyautistic i do that too!! i wouldn't mind taking a few vocal coaching lessons just about that specific issue, if i had disposable income!

dyani OP ,
@dyani@social.coop avatar

@benjamincox @dave @actuallyautistic NTs definitely think about the photo thing, because being on camera is such a frequent thing in today's life! And yeah that's how I speak too. My hypothesis is my body is trying to conserve energy so it always defaults to least muscle movement & energy consumption as possible

dyani OP ,
@dyani@social.coop avatar

@Mux

ah that's reassuring and good to know!

@benjamincox @dave @actuallyautistic

dyani , to actuallyautistic
@dyani@social.coop avatar

I can tell when I need to lower the volume of something I'm listening to when I feel a kind of tightening in my ear muscles, and/or ringing in my ears, or a slight feeling of stress coming in from my environment.

I also just try to remember to always proactively lower the volume a couple ticks from what i first set it at, to prevent all those sensations.

What are the signs for you that things are a little too loud?

@actuallyautistic

dyani OP ,
@dyani@social.coop avatar

@dave @actuallyautistic

oh yeah same. that's maybe the biggest sign that it's happening.

dyani OP ,
@dyani@social.coop avatar

@ZippyWonderdust @actuallyautistic definitely not alone!!!

dyani OP ,
@dyani@social.coop avatar

@Thebratdragon @dave @actuallyautistic wow that's so smart!!

dyani , to actuallyautistic
@dyani@social.coop avatar

Yesterday was my 1 year AuDHD anniversary!

1 year since the most life-changing realization ever. My resting heart rate dropped by ~10 points after I figured it out.

Knowing this about myself has given me so much peace & confidence. It's given me even more compassion for myself and others. I advocate for my needs now, and I have better boundaries.

Every day I marvel at how amazing we ND folks are, and how much we bring to the world.

I so appreciate this community!

@actuallyautistic

dyani OP ,
@dyani@social.coop avatar

@everyday_human @actuallyautistic thank you ❤️ yes the diversity is soooo lovely here! i learn so much all the time

LehtoriTuomo , to actuallyautistic

Reading about autism and processing what it means in my case is very interesting. But maybe most of all, it's a relief. As I start to write this toot, tears come to my eyes.

I've kicked myself so many times in different situations for not being smart enough. I guess my doctoral degree is counter-proof. Anyway, I've struggled with my identity as a scientist a lot. This has happened especially at conferences. I've felt so out of place there. I haven't been able to discuss many topics. I haven't been able to follow all the talks.

Or when discussing a topic with a research group, I haven't been able to come up with ideas or solutions to problems. Not on the spot, but when I've had the same information in writing and have been going over it on my own, it's been so much clearer.

Therapy worked wonders with understanding what my strengths are. However, it's been even bigger relief to understand that I'm autistic and how it has affected my life. It explains so much.

@actuallyautistic

dyani ,
@dyani@social.coop avatar

@LehtoriTuomo @actuallyautistic i'm so happy for you! When i identified I was autistic, my resting heart rate dropped drastically, and i have the data to prove it. It really is a huge relief knowing we are not broken.

i struggle with taking in information in certain situations too. i try to request multiple formats of information (ex: worksheet or agenda for a training session/meeting, closed captions, audiobooks along with regular books) so i can try to fill in the gaps for myself.

dave , to actuallyautistic
@dave@autisticnomad.social avatar

@actuallyautistic Saw this at the pharmacy and picked it up... curious to see what it says.

dyani ,
@dyani@social.coop avatar

@dave @actuallyautistic that's awesome. i wonder if this a case of editors choosing the headlines and writers having no say in how their writing gets titled?

dyani ,
@dyani@social.coop avatar

@Susan60 @dave @actuallyautistic yeah! that too.

dyani , to actuallyautistic
@dyani@social.coop avatar

How can you tell you are actually recovered from burnout? What are the signs? How does it feel different from recovery itself?

I'm trying to teach my mom that you can't just rest for a couple days and expect to be recovered from burnout. You have to reconfigure your life to be less taxing.

She's struggling with this concept and asked me how you know when your energy is actually back for good, and it's not just the pre-recovery small burst of energy which is a false alarm.

@actuallyautistic

dyani , to actuallyautistic
@dyani@social.coop avatar

Hmm is this an ND thing?

Ever since I can remember, I have strongly disliked pranks and have been against humor at the expense of someone else (making fun of them).

I know nice NT people also feel this way but I've felt this strongly since a very young age. Anyone else?

@actuallyautistic

dyani OP ,
@dyani@social.coop avatar

@pathfinder @actuallyautistic i think that's the key reason we don't like it, but that doesn't quite explain the young age thing. or maybe i had already experienced enough of it to form that opinion?? sad!

PossiblyAutistic , to actuallyautistic

@actuallyautistic Is there something like a neurodivergent mentoring network? Just learnt about identity-based mentoring in the NPR Lifekit podcast.

dyani ,
@dyani@social.coop avatar

@PossiblyAutistic @actuallyautistic

i don't know but that's a brilliant idea 💡

JeremyMallin , to actuallyautistic
@JeremyMallin@autistics.life avatar

If you know, you know.

@actuallyautistic

dyani ,
@dyani@social.coop avatar

@JeremyMallin @actuallyautistic

You can turn the sound off!!! There are hidden commands for lots of major microwave brands!! For mine it was holding down the 0 button. Just do a search and see what comes up online.

It's been a sanity saver for me.

I have a lifetime of habit I have to break and still stop it at one second left maybe half the time 😂

dyani , to actuallyautistic
@dyani@social.coop avatar

Is it rude to conclude that I never want NT friends again?

@actuallyautistic

dyani OP ,
@dyani@social.coop avatar

@independentpen

exactly. that's a great way to explain the barometer I'm gonna be using from now on for determining if I should allow a person into my life or not.

@actuallyautistic

DivergentDumpsterPhoenix , to actuallyautistic
@DivergentDumpsterPhoenix@disabled.social avatar

This is why I prefer - What do you prefer?

@neurodiversity @actuallyautistic @autisticadvocacy

video/mp4

dyani ,
@dyani@social.coop avatar

@Elizabeth3

One reason is because saying we "have" autism indicates it's an affliction or disease, like having a cold. And that indicates it's somehow "fixable" or temporary, which is a eugenic thought.

@DivergentDumpsterPhoenix @neurodiversity @actuallyautistic @autisticadvocacy

alexisbushnell , to actuallyautistic
@alexisbushnell@toot.wales avatar

Fellow @actuallyautistic folks, what are your experiences with and feelings about smart watches?

I realise that's a very broad question but I don't want to skew the replies by sharing my experience and why I'm asking!

dyani ,
@dyani@social.coop avatar

@alexisbushnell @actuallyautistic interesting a lot of replies seem to be abt exercise tracking as the main reason for a smart watch.

I dont use that feature & dont care abt it, & I can't live w/o my smartwatch. It's integral in helping me w time blindness & my inattentive-type ADHD, especially while living alone.

If I don't have it, my calendar & messages alerts don't reach my brain (❤️ vibration on my wrist). Keeping track of where my phone is in my house is executive function i can't spare

dyani , to actuallyautistic
@dyani@social.coop avatar

Came across this sensory rating sheet for an event. This is so helpful! Wish every event had this.

I'm going to try and put disclaimers like this for any event I am involved with in the future.

@actuallyautistic

dyani , to actuallyautistic
@dyani@social.coop avatar

Yesterday I had an epiphany: I absolutely identify with PDA.

I hadn't really looked into PDA very deeply, until I came across someone explaining their experience that resonated (v loudly) w me!

This person explained they have big goals and dreams but the thought of actually doing them seems so painful and like the worst possible thing they could do. I feel that way too. It's like PDA poisons my desires.

What does PDA feel like to you?

@actuallyautistic

dyani OP ,
@dyani@social.coop avatar

@g1m01982 @actuallyautistic yay i'm so glad! 💖

ScruffyDux , to actuallyautistic
@ScruffyDux@fosstodon.org avatar

@actuallyautistic I would like to politely request that well meaning people stop saying autism is not a disorder, only a difference.

It's incredibly alienating for those of us who do in fact have disordered nervous systems causing disability and suffering, not as a comorbidity, but directly because of autism.

Do you know how hard it is to be physically crippled by autism, but no Dr can treat you because you're uncommon? Then for other autistic people deny your disorder exists is heartbreaking.

dyani ,
@dyani@social.coop avatar

@ScruffyDux @actuallyautistic agreed! Often ppl don't want to say they are disabled bc it has a negative connotation. Shouldn't we look at WHY it has a negative connotation & what is so scary abt being called disabled? It means we do not have the abilities (dis-ability) to thrive in society, thru no fault of our own. It is not a dirty word. It's a hard truth & we deserve acknowledgment that our society does not bend to fit our abilities, so therefore we are disabled. We suffer and that is real.

dyani , to actuallyautistic
@dyani@social.coop avatar

An interesting question for my @actuallyautistic neurokin.

What was your first special interest?

The very first one you can remember as a kid.

Mine is/was cats, starting at like age 3 I think. Absolutely enamored with them (and still am) and wanted to know everything about them (and still do). 😻

Uair , to actuallyautistic
@Uair@autistics.life avatar

@actuallyautistic

On how little sleep can you function?

I was sick and caught up on my rest friday, still ill but walking around saturday, and yesterday was freaking awesome. I didn't have to struggle to focus, surging rage and despair didn't fuck with me. Time flew.

I got my usual 4 or 5 hours saturday night and last night, and i noticed by this morning that i was back to the man who needs to stifle himself. I bit somebody's head off unjustly because they triggered my shit.

dyani ,
@dyani@social.coop avatar

@Uair @actuallyautistic any less than 7 hours and my life and health start to deteriorate. I more easily get sick, can't think, etc. The goal is always 8 hours.

innervisioner , to actuallyautistic
@innervisioner@mastodonapp.uk avatar

Observation.

On learning more about , it feels like these traits have become much more prominent than my autism. Lots of forgetfulness, lack of focus, emotional dysregulation etc.

Q: Do lower dopamine levels ‘bring out’ traits?

I’ve shown ADHD traits forever but didn’t realise. @actuallyautistic

dyani ,
@dyani@social.coop avatar

@innervisioner @actuallyautistic this is a form of unmasking! The more you notice, the better you are at noticing ways you've been coping, the more you let yourself relax, the worse your ADHD gets. It's totally normal. I don't have the brain cells right now to explain in detail but there is information out there about this. Hopefully someone else can chime in too.

dyani ,
@dyani@social.coop avatar

@innervisioner @actuallyautistic it is surprising, isn't it! Try not to be frustrated by it if you can. I try to see it as a happy, hard-won metamorphosis for myself. Even though it does make things harder, it's because I'm no longer using iron-grip anxiety to force my brain to "behave"

clouddweller , to actuallyautistic
@clouddweller@raccoon.place avatar

@actuallyautistic what is your relationship to cannabis?

dyani ,
@dyani@social.coop avatar

@adelinej @clouddweller @actuallyautistic

it makes anxiety worse for me too! I didn't know that was a known outcome. I thought I was the only one.

Makes my mind race and I don't feel any relaxation, really. Even CBD can have this effect on me, although a bit less anxiety than THC.

dyani , to actuallyautistic
@dyani@social.coop avatar

Neurokin, how do you feel about video meetings vs. in-person meetings?

I find them SO much easier and less draining!

This study says we get less neuro feedback from them and I think that's why I like them.

https://neurosciencenews.com/zoom-conversations-social-neuroscience-24996/

@actuallyautistic

dyani OP ,
@dyani@social.coop avatar

@Sci_Fi_FanGirl @actuallyautistic

I agree with all that! So much less energy expended on environmental stuff.

But even if I had a video meeting with someone, or if they came and sat right next to me without me having to leave my cozy house, I much prefer video interaction. There are just too many things firing in my brain in-person. And I think this study validates why I feel that way. But what do I know, I'm no scientist!

dyani OP ,
@dyani@social.coop avatar

@CuriousMagpie @actuallyautistic agreed. I work with people who are the opposite, and get confused if they can't talk things through in a meeting. I can send them all the details in a message or doc, and it just doesn't work. Very frustrating but I guess I get confused sometimes too by their messages so 🤷🏻‍♀️

dyani OP ,
@dyani@social.coop avatar

@ScottSoCal @CuriousMagpie @actuallyautistic

that's what happens to me! So then it's a waste of time to try async communication and we have to do a video chat.

CynAq , to actuallyautistic
@CynAq@neurodifferent.me avatar

I remember a weird polemic I got into at kindergarten. This is late eighties.

I was already reading at a... I don't know what level. I never understood what "reading levels" were anyway, I mean, if I can read, I can read, right?

Well... Turns out none of the other kids apparently were able to read, at least not openly, and reading was actively discouraged by the staff there. There was a storybook hour where everyone picked a story book with illustrations and PRETENDED to read.

I found out when the teacher lady noticed I was actually reading the thing and pulled it away from me, telling me I wasn't supposed to actually read the book with, you know, words printed on it. The justification was "if you read now and get good at it, you'll have a terrible time being bored in first grade when all the other kids are still trying to learn."

Lady, I don't think you understand how reading works. I can't UNLEARN how to read once I learned it.

This is still within my top five unfathomable school experiences.

@actuallyautistic

dyani ,
@dyani@social.coop avatar

@CynAq @actuallyautistic omg that's so stupid. Not quite the same, but I always got in trouble for not napping at nap time. I stopped taking naps at like age 3, and to this day have a very hard time napping. They thought I was just being disobedient.

dyani ,
@dyani@social.coop avatar

@stephenczetty @CynAq @actuallyautistic

I guess so! My mom tells me they always talked to her about it. All I really remember is being really bored and feeling awkward, not wanting to get noticed and get in trouble. I don't think they were mean about it but they surely said stuff like "How come you're not asleep? Go to sleep. You need to be asleep right now." etc.

LordCaramac , to actuallyautistic German
@LordCaramac@discordian.social avatar

Having both and really sucks because you need some kind of structure and routine in order to function, yet you are unable to sustain it. @actuallyautistic

dyani ,
@dyani@social.coop avatar

@LordCaramac @actuallyautistic

It's THE WORST!!! Looking ahead in life, I get a deep feeling of tiredness at the idea of having to balance those two things for the rest of time.

JeremyMallin , to actuallyautistic
@JeremyMallin@autistics.life avatar

I had a realization about my last night…

None of my exist in nature. They are all 100% caused by human technology.

🤔

Yet another reason for my biophilia?

@actuallyautistic

dyani ,
@dyani@social.coop avatar

@JeremyMallin @actuallyautistic I read somewhere about how the frequencies of civilization activate parts of the brain relating to fight or flight or smth like that, whereas the frequencies of the forest and nature activate our rest and digest mode (the response opposite to fight or flight)

dyani , to actuallyautistic
@dyani@social.coop avatar

@shivian @ScottSoCal @Zumbador @Susan60 @actuallyautistic

jumping in to share something transformative I read a while ago:

View "disabled" as the verb it is. It is an action being done TO you via external sources, it is not a characteristic you have or that originated from you. You are being dis-abled by outside forces (society, people, situations, living conditions, capitalism, etc etc etc).

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