dyani

vger , 6 days ago to actuallyautistic

@actuallyautistic I was wondering if there are studies on connections between autism and allergies. This might seem far fledged, but here is my stance:

As a kid, I've had pretty strong allergic reactions to pollen. So, spring and summer were hell to me and I've missed out months of school at that time of the year. The allergic symptoms became a little better once I went through puberty, but they were still bugging me. About 10 years ago, I decided to do an immunotherapy. Since then, the only time when I experience symptoms is when I am stressed. Since I am very sensitive towards heat and light, that can happen quickly when I am outside if I don't watch myself.

So, I think that autism does of course not cause allergies, but it might actually worsen the symptoms. I can definitely say that my symptoms were worse (and after immunotherapy only happen) when I was stressed. Does anyone here have similar observations?

LehtoriTuomo , 8 days ago to actuallyautistic

I've always been a fan of long eye contacts. This was one of the reasons I didn't understand my autism as it's the opposite of the stereotype of avoiding eye contact. Only after my self-diagnosis, I learnt that it's more about unusual eye contact, be it "too" little or "too" much.

Anyway, when it's my turn to talk, I've noticed I look away. I've attributed this to it being easier to think when this happens but haven't figured out why it's easier. This morning I was checking some resources at Autism Chrysalis by @hmm_cook when I ran into a document about domains of stress. There was this excerpt:

"The sensory and information overwhelm of the face and eyes is too much and we look away to reduce stimulation so we can think. Most of the time, we can either look at you or we can answer. Both are not possible."

This makes a lot of sense!

#ActuallyAutistic @actuallyautistic

dyani , 18 days ago to random

Where do you feel like you reside in your body?

Like if you had to point to a spot in your body and say that's where "you" are, or that's where "you" are concentrated the most.

I'm definitely behind my eyes or in my forehead. (👋🏻 Hello from me up here, in my skull!)

But I've heard others feel like they are in their stomach!

dyani , 20 days ago to actuallyautistic

Am I the only AuDHD person who likes physical touch and hugs and stuff???

I just don't know how to initiate it, so I almost never do (I cannot figure out the rules 😭). But that doesn't mean I don't like it!

I love when people do it unprompted to me! I legit want to make a "HUG ME" shirt so I don't have to worry about how to get it to happen naturally anymore. Cuz I do worry!

Give me all the friendly shoulder bonks, hugs, hand touchies, lean-ons, arm linking, etc.

@actuallyautistic

AnAutieAtUni , 23 days ago to actuallyadhd

I’m looking for specific recommendations for books (or similar self-help resources) to help me challenge my own thoughts and habits.

I did CBT years ago and back then it worked “ok” for me. Right now, though, I’m needing the approach to be adapted to being autistic + ADHD and having a chronic illness (ME/CFS), because what I want to work on likely involves those life experiences. Plus what I’m wanting to change probably came about due to last trauma. (Previously, I just worked on more generic life skills in CBT, which is why it was probably “fine” for me.)

Does anyone know of any books that could walk me through techniques to challenge my thoughts and habits?

The modality doesn’t matter, as long as it’s a self-help format that I can explore at my own pace.

So, it does NOT have to be CBT. Could be anything!

Doesn’t have to be written by someone who is neurodivergent, but from experience, that helps… A LOT!

Bonus points if you have personal experience of using the book or resource you want to recommend!

@actuallyautistic @actuallyadhd @actuallyaudhd

pathfinder , 24 days ago to actuallyautistic

@actuallyautistic

Earlier this evening I spent a very pleasant few hours with the tattered remains of my family, eating really good Chinese food, my favourite, in a not overcrowded restaurant. I enjoyed it a great deal, especially as I don't get to see the widely spread members of my family that often. It was a really pleasant night, spent catching up, joking, laughing and generally being amongst family.

I left though, and please pardon my French, completely fucked. This is something my family will never understand, or even something I could even try and make them understand. But then, how do you even try to explain the following to those you love and yet who have no idea that this is even possible?

For over two hours, I had to try and focus on what five people were saying and not the four other tables I could hear and the conversations that a total of eleven other people were having. Several of which were quite interesting and one of which was more than a little juicy.

That I had to try and understand what my family was saying, in terms of what I know about them and what it meant to them and my best guess of what they weren't saying and perhaps what they were trying to imply and therefore I should know.

That I had to translate my replies into the framework that they would understand and the style of communication that they were expecting and that they could accept.

That so many of the urges I had to express the bleeding obvious had to be curtailed, or at least reframed into acceptable replies.

That energy was being wasted on a level of ingrained masking around them, that with the best will in the world, I can't seem to stop. As much as anything because it has had decades to become entrenched.

That all the time I was hyper aware of my surroundings, the coming and goings of everyone. The staff, the other diners. That the partially sighted man had left his white stick behind when he had gone to the toilet, a fact that I almost got up to point out to a member of staff, just before another one realised that this had happened. Even the meal the nearby table had ordered and the fact that when it was delivered the waiter got it the wrong way round and had to be corrected.

So much processing, so much work being done and sometimes on levels that I can't actually control, because it's purely automatic and instinctual. So much energy expanded on enjoying a wonderful night with my family. And I can't help remembering all the times that my family has wondered and had a go at me for becoming irritable, or unsocial during family events. And all I can think, knowing what I know now, is, if only you could know.

#Autism
#ActuallyAutistic

tine_schreibt , 1 month ago to actuallyautistic

@actuallyautistic

Help, I need wireless in-ear phones with a long battery life. The noise of the AC and fans is devouring my will to live, my over-ear headphones are too warm and silicone ear putty doesn't work very well for the higher frequencies -.-

Can the autistic hive mind recommend some?

I'm also looking for passive in-ear noise filtering. Has anyone here tried those ring-thingies? Calmer I think they're called.

Thank you.

dyani , 1 month ago to actuallyautistic

This article is of interest to us--bullying changes the brain!

@actuallyautistic
#ActuallyAutistic

I have thoughts about this, but no spoons to write them. Wanted to share the link anyway 💖

https://www.additudemag.com/healing-from-bullying-trauma-neurodivergent-strategies/

Murdoc , 1 month ago to actuallyadhd

Does anyone else do this? I notice that when I get a notification that someone has favorited or boosted something I have written, I often read what I wrote. Sometimes it's because it's been a while and I don't remember what they are referring to (so happens with replies too sometimes), but most often it is because my mind wants to see what I wrote from their perspective. I don't know if it's just trying to see things from someone else's point of view, reinforcing with myself that what I wrote was a good thing, like feedback so I can do more of that later, or if I'm just being self-congratulatory. Or some combination even. 🤷 I just notice that it's a strong habit.
#actuallyautistic #actuallyadhd #Actuallyaudhd @actuallyautistic @actuallyaudhd @actuallyadhd

AnAutieAtUni , 1 month ago to actuallyautistic

Truly dreaming of an autistics’ retreat. Somewhere we can go to be deeply supported as we recover, rejuvenate and find our centre again after difficulties. It could be a drop-in where we could stay for minutes or longer. It could offer longer stays of days or more, too.

I just love the idea of dropping in somewhere after a meltdown for example, and knowing I’ll be safe, supported, understood.

My version might be: quiet, routines, same-foods, low lighting, optional parallel play, access to some wild nature… with options for whatever else each person might need.

After a social where my brain is whirring, maybe I could drop in when there could be a group chat thing like in the TV show, Astrid: Murder in Paris. Would be so nice to chat about shared autistic experiences like that. Even just to join and sit and listen.

What else should it include? What should it be called? Do you think you’d go to one?

@actuallyautistic

From: @AnAutieAtUni
https://beige.party/@AnAutieAtUni/112932595641303733

AnAutieAtUni , 1 month ago to actuallyautistic

I really wish I could find the logic in the fact that uncertainty causes me so much stress. Wondering if any other autistics explored this for themselves? Or read about it anywhere?

When I think through those uncertain situations I can see that everything is fine on a so-called “logic” level. But that’s not what is happening within me. Instead, my mind and body are stressed until there’s at least MORE certainty.

I’m just starting to realise how much impact even very low levels of stress from uncertainty brings. It’s influencing decisions I make and may be changing my life in little ways I don’t actually want. I’m not against certainty at all, we all absolutely need it to be healthy, but these occasions of uncertainty seem to be so trivial (e.g. do I move from this room to the next room?).

What am I missing? What is it about the autistic brain that finds uncertainty so challenging? (Bearing in mind I’m AuDHD so of course there’s plenty of contradiction! 🤣)

My goal is to understand it better so I can at least make better decisions, support myself better. While it’s an enigma, I don’t feel I’m able to help myself very much at all.

Has anyone written about this? Any research on it?

@actuallyautistic #ActuallyAutistic

benjamincox , 1 month ago to random

I’m fed up of fumbling in the dark regarding my suspected #autism so as someone still awaiting an assessment, I turn to my fellow #ActuallyAutistic folk for advice.

What’s the first place I should look to understand all of this? Is there a website or book that helped you as you started exploring your own condition? I regularly use the above hashtags but I feel like I’m stumbling around in the dark, not knowing what to look for. If your advice is UK-based, that would be perfect. Thanks! 🙏🏻

AnAutieAtUni , 2 months ago to actuallyadhd

Help please 💚🙏 @actuallyautistic & @actuallyadhd family.

Reassuring words wanted (or realistic ones, but please go easy on me as I’m feeling v vulnerable right now and may take things far TOO personally):

I just - UNPLANNED - told my mum I’m autistic + ADHD.

ARGH.

I don’t think she knows what either actually are. She left soon after, seemed fairly easy going about it. But she’s a delayed processing person like me (and most probably also AuDHD) … which means this could come back and haunt me later when she tries to pathologise me like she used to. She’s in her 70s, so not necessarily up to date on any related topics.

She forgot about how hard it was to take care of me as a kid. So many meltdowns, no one knew what to do, I have tonnes of trauma from it. It was probably awful for the whole family (there’s no blame here, only facts). But she has a habit of forgetting major stuff due to major traumas in her life. I hope I didn’t just help her lift the lid on a whole tonne of crap. The words she said and the things she did back then were awful (she didn’t know, she didn’t understand back then, she was trying her best, and also I wish things were WAY better.)

And ALSO…

I am relieved to have said it. I’m hoping it’ll be a non-Thing (as in not made into a Big Thing). If I was going to tell her at some point I would have probably built it up massively, and inadvertently made it into a Big Thing. That’s kinda why I said it. She was talking about a nibling of mine possibly being autistic “or” ADHD, describing their distress, which was just like me at that age (same but different), unconsolable.

I know she loves me tonnes. I know she’s currently riding a high about my uni results and graduating. She’s literally buzzing about it all. So it’s great there are other positive ‘distractions’, if you know what I mean.

But f***!

Also…

My mum is hopeless at keeping things to herself. So I now don’t know if I should tell my brother. He has previously held massive grudges against me for being unwell (even though he was actually at fault for something unrelated, meaning he got mad at me for something HE could have avoided, not even to do with me being unwell). And HELL YES he and his wife and wider family are certainly neurodiverse in all their unique ways. This means we have a lot of potential curve balls… lots of unpredictability… I don’t want another massive grudge and anger storm from my brother. It was so brutal last time.

On the plus side, I always put my brother’s opinions on a pedestal because he managed all the life milestones at the right time and in the right order (education, family, work, house etc). I have been SO delayed. That might be why my brother’s previous grudge cut so deep. But right now I’m in a good place thanks to getting my degree.

If any of you can give some reassurances, maybe share personal experiences, etc etc etc…. Anything to stop my brain spiralling into worry and despair that would be amazing! 🙏🙏🙏

JeremyMallin , 2 months ago to actuallyautistic

A while ago, my neurodivergent psychotherapist told me that the term, "neurodivergent" also applies to temporary states caused by things like mental illnesses or brain injuries. I didn't know that. Has anyone else here used the term that way too?

#ActuallyAutistic #Neurodivergent @actuallyautistic

AnAutieAtUni , 2 months ago to actuallyautistic

I do not know how people do regular socials. I truly don’t.

I can barely function after ~2 relatively short socials a week. It’s so exhausting and the social hangovers are intense.

It’s ALWAYS easier with other autistics though, and usually easier with other ND people, more broadly speaking. I’m still dreaming of a regular board games club locally. One day I’ll find one or find some people to help set it up (way too much & exhausting for me alone).

@actuallyautistic

vger , 2 months ago to actuallyadhd

@actuallyautistic @actuallyadhd

A week ago, I've got my official Autism/ADHD/AuDHD diagnosis. during this week, I've been thinking of one of my problems that has the biggest impact on my wellbeing: hobbies.

For this example I will focus on my hobby of computer gaming, but it happens with pretty much anything. My brain works the following way: I see a new game which I immediately want to try out. I buy that game, play it, have lots of fun with it, but after about 10-20 in-game hours, I lose interest. I happen to watch gamers on YouTube or Twitch, so my brain sees the next game it wants to try. I buy it, 10-20 hours later its uninteresting. This behaviour of seeing new shiny games continues to happen, but heres the actual problem: I've now accumulated several hundreds of games, with a few dozen favorites.

My brain now wants to play a particular game I already own and then starts an internal discussion, why it wants to play that game, and not another one. My ADHD argues, that it would take many hours to continue that game and I would not have enough time to play other exciting games (no matter if I already own them or not). But my Autism wants to fully focus on that game and also on any other game I find exciting. This internal fight causes a lot of stress and I pretty much just burn-out by not playing any games, but just debating which one I should play.

Like I've said, this affects any other hobby as well. So it's not just the internal debate on what game to play, but also what to do besides gaming. I see new interesting stuff: I want to try it out. And when I want to try it out, it's always "all-or-nothing" for me. I want to fully engulf myself in that new hobbie and try out every aspect of it. But the sheer thought of going through it and not having time for other exciting stuff burns be out and there are weeks where I end up not doing any hobby. And when I do that, I get depressed because I didn't spend time with my hobbies.

I'm not sure what I'm asking here. This feels like a really big problem to just take some advise and find a solution. After all, I've had this for the past 10+ years. But after my diagnose it feels like the first time in my life that I have an explanation for this behaviour. My current strategy is finding out which type of games I really enjoy and then just have one or two games per genre that I can play when I have an itch for the genre. But hey, guess what my brain does instead: it starts an argument about why I want to play this genre and not that genre.

Do any of you have similar problems?

dyani , 3 months ago to actuallyadhd

How would you explain to someone who is neurotypical (a nice one who wants to understand) what body doubling is and why it's helpful and sometimes even necessary for overwhelming tasks?

I've had to describe this to my very lovely NT friend and my explanation sucked lol. Pls help.

@actuallyautistic @actuallyadhd

melindrea , 3 months ago to actuallyautistic

One of my least favourite bits about "allistic people/researchers discussing autistic people" in this weird pathological way that's just ... incorrect!

Like "autistic people have restricted interests". Uh-huh. You're telling me that if I talk to an allistic person, no matter what we talk about they will have an interest in it? Oh, they don't? huh. But that's not them having restricted interests? Gotcha.

Or "pathological need for fairness" ... why is it a bad thing to want things to be fair and acting the same whether or not someone is watching?

*grumbles in @actuallyautistic *

dyani , 3 months ago to actuallyautistic

@punishmenthurts @Zumbador @pathfinder @actuallyautistic yes, unfortunately we've all been hurt one too many times and so we have a lot of trauma that we can't just logic our way out of. that's the hard part.

but i don't believe every single human is going to hurt me, and by letting the bad ones reveal themselves while creating distance in myself from them, i can steer clear of them and stop trying to make them act better when it's just not possible for them.

dyani , 3 months ago to actuallyautistic

Any other autistic kin struggle with speech and articulation when they were little?

I'm recording an instructional voice-over today and my mom just told me I used to have a lisp when I was little. That's news to me!

I definitely notice sludgy articulation around L and S sound as an adult. Outside of voice over recording, I could not care less about my articulation. But it is interesting!

@actuallyautistic

dyani , 4 months ago to actuallyautistic

I can tell when I need to lower the volume of something I'm listening to when I feel a kind of tightening in my ear muscles, and/or ringing in my ears, or a slight feeling of stress coming in from my environment.

I also just try to remember to always proactively lower the volume a couple ticks from what i first set it at, to prevent all those sensations.

What are the signs for you that things are a little too loud?

@actuallyautistic
#actuallyAutistic

dyani , 4 months ago to actuallyautistic

Yesterday was my 1 year AuDHD anniversary!

1 year since the most life-changing realization ever. My resting heart rate dropped by ~10 points after I figured it out.

Knowing this about myself has given me so much peace & confidence. It's given me even more compassion for myself and others. I advocate for my needs now, and I have better boundaries.

Every day I marvel at how amazing we ND folks are, and how much we bring to the world.

I so appreciate this community!

@actuallyautistic

LehtoriTuomo , 4 months ago to actuallyautistic

Reading about autism and processing what it means in my case is very interesting. But maybe most of all, it's a relief. As I start to write this toot, tears come to my eyes.

I've kicked myself so many times in different situations for not being smart enough. I guess my doctoral degree is counter-proof. Anyway, I've struggled with my identity as a scientist a lot. This has happened especially at conferences. I've felt so out of place there. I haven't been able to discuss many topics. I haven't been able to follow all the talks.

Or when discussing a topic with a research group, I haven't been able to come up with ideas or solutions to problems. Not on the spot, but when I've had the same information in writing and have been going over it on my own, it's been so much clearer.

Therapy worked wonders with understanding what my strengths are. However, it's been even bigger relief to understand that I'm autistic and how it has affected my life. It explains so much.

#ActuallyAutistic @actuallyautistic

dave , 4 months ago to actuallyautistic

@actuallyautistic Saw this at the pharmacy and picked it up... curious to see what it says.

#ActuallyAutistic

dyani , 5 months ago to actuallyautistic

How can you tell you are actually recovered from burnout? What are the signs? How does it feel different from recovery itself?

I'm trying to teach my mom that you can't just rest for a couple days and expect to be recovered from burnout. You have to reconfigure your life to be less taxing.

She's struggling with this concept and asked me how you know when your energy is actually back for good, and it's not just the pre-recovery small burst of energy which is a false alarm.

@actuallyautistic

dyani , 5 months ago to actuallyautistic

Hmm is this an ND thing?

Ever since I can remember, I have strongly disliked pranks and have been against humor at the expense of someone else (making fun of them).

I know nice NT people also feel this way but I've felt this strongly since a very young age. Anyone else?

@actuallyautistic

PossiblyAutistic , 5 months ago to actuallyautistic

@actuallyautistic Is there something like a neurodivergent mentoring network? Just learnt about identity-based mentoring in the NPR Lifekit podcast.

JeremyMallin , 5 months ago to actuallyautistic

If you know, you know.
#ActuallyAutistic
@actuallyautistic

dyani , 5 months ago to actuallyautistic

Is it rude to conclude that I never want NT friends again?

@actuallyautistic #ActuallyAutistic

DivergentDumpsterPhoenix , 5 months ago to actuallyautistic

This is why I prefer #IdentityFirstLanguage - What do you prefer?

#PersonFirstLanguage #ActuallyAutistic #autism #Autistic #neurodiversity #neurodivergent

@neurodiversity @actuallyautistic @autisticadvocacy

video/mp4

alexisbushnell , 6 months ago to actuallyautistic

Fellow @actuallyautistic folks, what are your experiences with and feelings about smart watches?

I realise that's a very broad question but I don't want to skew the replies by sharing my experience and why I'm asking!