Looks like most #cats have #AuDHD with all its contradictions:
They need routine and don’t feel OK when the normal routine is disrupted, but sometimes out of nowhere suddenly start doing weirdest things
They have strong food preferences, but sometimes would occasionally devour something highly inappropriate or get interested in something that is totally out of their normal eating range
They are curious and every new object draws their attention, and they hate to be disrupted when occupied, but would suddenly switch attention to something else half-way to their goal
They easily get bored and lose interest in playing, and the toy that was their favourite yesterday annoys them tomorrow
Extremely demand-avoiding, but actually seek good pats
Sometimes would spend 20 hours a day on a coach doing seemingly nothing
Temperature and texture sensitive
Seem unpredictable to outsiders and would sometimes have a meltdown totally out of the blue (to the bystander eye)
Need to be alone to recover from undesirable interactions
This is a long one folks, but I'm on my Vyvanse and I wanted to talk about what it meant to me realizing I wasn't neurotypical as a 40 year old person.
Discovering I was neurodivergent as an adult, as a middle-aged adult, has been eye-opening.
First, I learned that I was never the lazy, stupid, not-trying-hard-enough, can't sit still, "stop moving!", "why are you humming?", etc person I was always told I was.
I was able to look back and see that the world was hostile to people like me and that it wasn't my fault and that, contrary to what I had been told, I wasn't broken.
I was just different.
I could see myself and my life through kinder eyes and stop repeating the abuse that I experiences from people trying to push me to be "normal".
I could silence the voices in my head telling me how worthless I am.
I could understand "why" I was the way I was and why it wasn't something I could simply change away if I had enough will power.
Anyone who is late diagnosed can relate to that.
You are not alone.
You are not defective.
You are just different.
And, yes, it made me acutely aware of all the internalized ableism I had toward neorudivergence. I thought I was broken and wrong and needed to try harder. I thought everybody was supposed to be normal, neurotypical.
What I didn't expect and never realized is that I was using those same harsh, unrealistic guidelines to judge others. I was being an asshole bitch to other neurodivergent people.
I felt like I was doing them a favor by pointing out their faults because that's what had always been done to me.
I thought that was the right way to relate to them.
I didn't see them as kindred people to join hands with but as broken people who hadn't been pushed hard enough to get get better like I did, that hadn't learned all the masking techniques I had learned, that didn't push themselves into meltdowns trying to be "normal". And I blamed them for it.
Because I had always blamed myself for my life, and so had everyone else.
My problems were my fault so their problems had to be theirs.
I was part of the problem and I didn't notice until I received a diagnosis. I didn't notice until I understood that being the way I am is not an error or a problem to be solved and that the world of neurotypical folks is unusually cruel to people who think differently or who don't value the arbitrary rules of culture.
I see my friends, my family, my co-workers all in a different light now. I recognize their neurodivergence and, instead of seeing it as a flaw or weakness, I just see it as a difference. Better, it is a difference that I have been taught how to accommodate by the neurodivergent community at large and by mental health professionals helping me.
For the guy at work who is clearly an undiagnosed autistic, I make sure I spell out everything explicitly when I send an email or a message so there are as few ambiguities as possible. For the folks with ADHD, I do not take their inability to stay on task as a personal attack.
I'm trying to give them the kindness and compassion that I always appreciated even before I was diagnosed. I want them to see that they are not broken or wrong or backwards. They are valued human beings and they have their own strengths that a neurotypical person would never be able to reach.
That autistic guy makes some of the most thorough documentation you'll see and, if you want someone to tell you how to do things by the book, he's the one.
For the various ADHD folks, I know when I have something novel and new, I can rely on them to jump in and give me fast feedback and opinions.
So, finding out you are neurodivergent doesn't just help you see yourself and your past in a new light; it helps you see everyone in your life in a new way.
That's why it's important to know.
Experiencing a great example of #ableist behavior. Rubik’s #cubing events are t exactly quiet. But there’s a group of kids so freaking loud I can’t even hear myself in my head. I and teo others ask them to please quiet down. Nope. Totally #oblivious. And #entitled. Why should our noise be bothering anyone?
Gosh I don’t know. But a kid slams their hands down on the table to finally get their attention, and this is the “problem.”
Written by a pediatrician and based in proven-effective mindfulness techniques, this book will help you and your child with attention deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) keep calm, flexible, and in control.
Does anyone know of #dating or #hookup#apps that either have filters for or cater to #neurodivergent people, perhaps even to #ActuallyAutistic folks? I get overwhelmed having to address certain emotional neediness or opaque mating protocols of #allistics. It’s truly exhausting.
My usual reaction when a guy expects me to just conform to his social expectations is to ghost or block. I just don’t know how to do whatever it is they expect.
Fellow #autistic , #AuDHD, #ADHD and other #neurodivergent folks, do you relate to that stereotype that we always choose the smallest spoon?
I couldn’t relate to it because no, I won’t eat soup with the smallest spoon.
Because choosing the right spoon is more complex than just size.
For my soup, the spoon should be deep and with proper proportions to keep the perfect balance, so I need to do less deeps in order to finish my bowl and spill less soup doing so(and yes, I prefer eating liquid food from bowls and not plates because it helps to maintain the temperature, lets grab it more efficiently and spill less if accidentally moving the bowl or the table) - which is quite important taking to consideration the usual autistic dyspraxia. It also has to be right to touch(not rough), without sharp edges. I hate too small or too shallow spoons for soup because using those means I would get tired of the process of eating way before I finish it.
On the other hand, for all the yoghurts and other packed desserts I find even a teaspoon to be too big, so I buy coffee spoons, and I use them for eating everything that comes in those small plastic/foil containers - because it’s just the right size in proportion and because it’s easier to reach each corner.
But, for the desserts that come in a glass, I have cocktail spoons, because there should always be a certain distance between my hand on the spoon and the glass, and it should be able to reach to the bottom and not sink inside.
Any spoon should, of course, have a right balance, touch, shape and edges.
Though, all of these things with a spoon are nothing compared to the forks!
My family ridicules me for my quest for finding The Right Fork.
The fork should not just be correctly balanced, nice to touch and with smooth edges, oh no, for a fork what’s actually important is the teeth! They should be long, but not too broad and not too narrow, not too thick and not too thin, and spaced correctly, and with sharp enough tips, but not sides, rather roundish than flat, and just curved at a right angle so my wrist doesn’t go in an uncomfortable position whether I’m trying to pick something or to hold something while cutting. Ah, and the side should be just right to be able to cut my food, but not my mouth. And, of course, almost everything that’s not liquid gets eaten by the fork.
Ah, and also I have fruit forks. Those tiny ones. Because I have a habit of making a fruit plate daily(cut a few fruits in thin slices), and eating them with a fruit fork allows me to not have juicy hands afterwards :). These have to be as little as possible without making my fingers tough the food, and also sharp enough.
So nooo, I don’t relate to ‘always chose the smallest spoon’, but can’t say I don’t care about the cutlery either
The Miracles of Attention and Awareness by Frederick Dodson, 2016
You can direct, open, focus, shift, deepen and expand Awareness for an ever increasing influence on Reality and an ever enjoyable Journey through life. This book supports you in making your dreams and aspirations come true.
@actuallyautistic
Has anyone taken a Predictive Index test at work ?
Looking to compare types with #actuallyautistic, and further compare with #adhd results.
"The Predictive Index" is an LLC, so it sells this info to your work essentially. Nonetheless, I found it quite engaging and accurate to me. Like scary accurate, as I was coming in the skeptic.
Anyway, I got "Individualist" . . .
Hey, #ActuallyAutistic and #AuDHD folk, can we talk about getting out of bed in the morning? Like I set a bunch of alarms, and I'm getting up to feed horses (YAY!) and chickens (YAY!) and do my daily college reading (YAY!) with (remote) work being secondary, and I still just feel safer, cozier lying in bed cuddling the kitties. It usually takes me an hour to get up and then start the chores.
I'm moving and find it difficult to make #SmallTalk, searching for common ground, complaining about a common enemy, e.g. a neighbour, the council, some changes that they didn't like, and I'm just no good at that.
I feel like saying "I'm #neurodiverse and find small talk difficult. I know you're being friendly and trying to welcome and initiate me into the community, but I find it difficult to complain about things. I really want to get to know you better"
Sometimes, a routine has to change/adapt a wee bit due to circumstances.
We used to go walking around 6, but it's getting light later, and while I love the SniffBook nightly walks, walks in the woods are better done with some light.
So I have to adapt the routine a bit so we can go later.
Sounds quite easy, doesn't it? Just do something else for a while first, and then head out later... Easy peasy....
Nope...
Not only does my dog have an internal clock that gets eager to go around 6... I find it hard to do "something different in the meantime" to make the departure time later.
I'll find something to do that I think will last me some time. And then give minutes later, I feel like I've done loads and it should be time to head out now.
Nope...
😂 Just my struggles with slight changes... Even though I managed to adapt to some things since the move, this one is harder to do. Especially as Arwen is also very aware that it should be time to go now...
I don't usually make these posts, but thought I'd share the news.
I have an instance called autistics.life. It's a mastodon server for autistic and neurodivergent people.
We have a wholesome autistic/neurodivergent vibe, and we just upgraded to a 10,000 character limit.
My business pays for the hosting and it's a stable income. I'll never ask you for money to keep the server online, so it's free for you to use.
Domain registration was recently renewed for an additional 3 years. December will be 2 years this instance has been online. The host has also been in business since 2013 (11 years). It's a stable server and not going anywhere.
Is it crazy to consider asking for a primary care doctor that’s #neurodivergent? Having to constantly get it up emotionally for allistics is exhausting, and frankly distracts from my actual care. Further, I don’t think they understand that, when I raise concerns about trust and transparency, that being dismissive and not addressing concerns diminishes trust. They just don’t hear me and then wonder why I avoid them.
ADHD Explained: Your Toolkit to Understanding and Thriving by Edward Hallowell, 2023
A NYT best-selling doctor and TikToker offers a collection of quick-read insights to help a newly diagnosed generation understand ADHD
With a new wave of adult ADHD diagnoses sweeping the world, many are only just beginning to discover what it is that sets them apart, but few have learned what it takes to thrive ....
In the middle of reading Ellie Middleton's Unmasked and it's giving me the same, warm, affirming feelings that I got from reading Devon Price's Unmasking Autism. Both are must reads!
Hey if you manage ppl with #ADHD#autism, which you probably do because #neurodiversity is everywhere, you may want to catch my friend/colleague Judy Katz' workshop for managers of the #neurodivergent
Just noticed that at work I’m getting too close to the screen not in order to see better(in fact, my eyes don’t quite like being that close), but in order to subconsciously help me to focus on a needed thing. Like, the bigger percentage of my viewfield is occupied by the ‘correct’ thing - the higher the chance that I don’t get distracted, especially if the thing is kinda monotonous and the rest of the environment is changing.
I’ve always been scolded for that as a kid, always told that it’s going to impair my vision(which remains perfect), but only now I realized why I actually am doing that
About AuDHD social interactions and inability to stop
A colleague of mine complained that it’s impossible to find sour cream here. I said no, it’s everywhere, it’s just called differently here, check this and that supermarkets, look near the butter.
In the evening, I send them links to the online shop pages of all the varieties of sour cream in every local supermarket chain, and for those which don’t have the online shop, I google images of the varieties sold there and send them also.
Next day, when doing my daily shopping, I see sour cream, and I buy it, and then bring it to the colleague.
Only after seeing the confused expression on their face after giving them the thing, I realize that maybe I may be doing something wrong, and keep the two other varieties in the bag not telling them that I actually brought more.
And I have to tell you that I am actually kinda proud of myself that THIS TIME I was able to notice the expression and actually stop.
Usually I realize I have done something wrong only after they run away and start avoiding me
@actuallyautistic
Topic Nutrition
I have had great and terrible nutrition with being #audhd.
Routine works everytime until that gets boring. I am getting to the point of having bodily convulsions now in public from lack of food and water. Not at all for a lack of availability. Does anyone have a short cirtcuit or helping tool for just gobbling calories at least?
Wayback reference, my hyperfocus was 50 mile races. (Burnout much?)
That said, I *can go a long time with nothing now, but it sucks.
@AnAutieAtUni@actuallyautistic
My stick blender is my best friend. Shakes are a part of the trend here too.
I am convinced that my #adhd side is not allowing me time to sit and intentionally consume nutrients, which I feel would help also.
A second part to the availability and lowest barrier, seems to be possible body doubling and eating with others if possible. But UGH.
Working on forced modes of self care are becoming exceedingly difficult as I get older.
Thank you all for the listen.
Anyone know of any job titles that would be perfect for an Autistic adult?
Minimal verbal communication would be ideal. No retail.
Skills; organization, data entry, scheduling, payroll, composing professional emails, social media management, proofreading & editing, creative writing, computer literacy, graphic design & digital illustration, and more.
The last months I started to dosing up medikinet retard. Since Sunday I took 50mg in the morning. I can't say that I feel big differences. Maybe it it slightly more easyto switch tasks and I don't check every email directly when notifications pop up, and I maybe stay longer at a task. But it's all really minimal.
My psychatrist stated that he don't see reason to increase further if I still don't feel significant change.