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@Tooden@aus.social cover
@Tooden@aus.social avatar

Tooden

@[email protected]

#RememberAaronBushnell #FreePalestine #ActuallyAutistic #LGBTQIAally #SJW #Ally2POC
I will happily comment, favourite, boost.
1 partner, 3 sons, 5 g'children, 2 g-g'children.
Love learning new things. Annoyingly helpful.
Self-realised August 2022. Taurean. Year of Horse.
So good at masking, I can even fool myself.
#Novid #reader #Trekkie #history #prehistory #environment #climate #MontyPython #MelBrooks #TheGoons #TheGoodies

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essie_is_okay , to actuallyautistic
@essie_is_okay@aus.social avatar

How did you make a more robust sense of self? How do you know when your sense of self is strong or weak? Interested to hear people's lived experiences.

Years of dissociation and masking makes it hard to feel what is me.

@actuallyautistic

Tooden ,
@Tooden@aus.social avatar

@essie_is_okay I feel that I am finally me, but it is still a work in progress. @actuallyautistic

PixysJourney , to actuallyautistic
@PixysJourney@beige.party avatar

Sensory overload.
Sound. Light. Even smells...
When I go out, I try to use my NC headphones as much as I can.
I have dark sunglasses to accompany me. And often wear a baseball cap as well.
Overload can also happen from socializing. It takes a lot out of me. Even with people that I care loads for.
Sometimes I just need "me time". Just me, a favorite activity and/or series on TV. No talking. No thinking. Just relaxing...

I think it's one of the more difficult things of my autism. I get overloaded too easily, and when I get to a meltdown, it's bad and takes even longer before I can recover.

Anyone recognize this? Any tips I haven't tried yet perhaps? 😊

@actuallyautistic

Tooden ,
@Tooden@aus.social avatar

@PixysJourney I think you are doing it, now. You are aware of the stressors. It sounds like some may be unavoidable, or less easy to avoid. I hope your toxic ex is well out of your life. @actuallyautistic

Tooden ,
@Tooden@aus.social avatar

@PixysJourney Yes. Change is stressful, but it seems you are heading in a positive direction, so it should be a good stress, if that is possible.😊@actuallyautistic

EmilyMoranBarwick , to actuallyautistic
@EmilyMoranBarwick@mastodon.social avatar

Would love : I find I'm fixating on the way my brain locks onto all /

Like "when is the best time to post?!"🙄

I only ever used social media as an educational content creator & the ever-shifting (& more) REALLY messed me up (hardly alone in that!)

I came to Mastodon to have a space that's NOT my nonprofit—that's ME

I want , not clicks

But it's creeping in nonetheless...

@actuallyautistic

Tooden ,
@Tooden@aus.social avatar

@EmilyMoranBarwick Welcome, Emily. We Autists AUDHDers, and ADHDers, tend to be a fixating lot 😁 @actuallyautistic

nddev , to actuallyautistic
@nddev@c.im avatar

There's been a thread here about the horrifying number of children who are sexually abused. If it happened to you, it's so important that you understand:

You did not choose this. You did not consent to this. You did not deserve this. You did not want this, although you may have had to endure in order to survive. This was not normal, or natural, or inevitable, or what all adults do, or "our little secret that other people wouldn't understand". This was not a special treat. You were small and weak and naïve; you are not at fault because you couldn't understand it and defend yourself. Other adults should have protected you, and they failed. You have nothing to be ashamed of. All the guilt and shame belong to your abusers, not to you. They need to go to prison for the rest of their short lives. You have done nothing wrong.

And, for the record: the Roman Catholic Church needs to be destroyed by fire. .

@actuallyautistic

18+ Tooden ,
@Tooden@aus.social avatar

@Elizabeth3 An Australian Archbishop claimed that Abortion was a greater sin than Child Sexual Abuse is hopefully In Hell now, being tortured by his own demons...the children whose abuse he ignored, because it wasn't of sufficient interest to him.
The RCC is just one of many institutions who hid their Child Rapists. Scouting Associations all over the world. Seriously, any organisation that has the 'care' of children, could hide abusers and rapists. Never take anything for granted - even families.😒😢 @nddev @actuallyautistic

janetlogan , to actuallyautistic
@janetlogan@mas.to avatar

I woke up about an hour ago in pain. Took some NyQuil because my sinuses are acting up too. Beginning to feel that starting to make me drowsy. Hasn't really touched the pain yet though. 😞

Went ahead and filed my change of address, since I now have a firm travel / relocation date. By the end of the day on 1-Feb, I will no longer be in the same state as her.

@spoonies @actuallyautistic

Tooden ,
@Tooden@aus.social avatar

@janetlogan May you have a good rest now, and a good life after Feb 1. 🤗@spoonies @actuallyautistic

autism101 , to actuallyautistic
@autism101@mstdn.social avatar

If you are not autistic and know someone who is, it would be really nice if you tried to become friends with them. Because according to science, we get immediately rejected as “friend material” in seconds.

@actuallyautistic

https://www.nature.com/articles/srep40700

Tooden ,
@Tooden@aus.social avatar

@autism101 One might as well adopt the approach primary schools had in the 60s. Maybe they still do it. My family moved interstate when Dad got a job. At the new school, my sister and I were given a 'buddy' to ease us into the new environment. Sister did fine in grade 2. My buddy in Grade 3 couldn't wait to shed me. So, I hung out with the other misfits.
You just can't force these things...at any age. It hurts the autists. @actuallyautistic

18+ vger , to actuallyautistic
@vger@social.daemonlair.org avatar

@actuallyautistic To all the readers: I am starting to dive into the symptoms of being autistic and find myself in many of them (not all, but probably a majority).

My major concern, that I might acutally not be autistic, is that I've found out that I was probably traumatized in a 4-week-long so called "child-rehab" where I was away from my family. I was 6 years old at that time

1/2

18+ Tooden ,
@Tooden@aus.social avatar

@vger So, the children were sent to the country, because authorities believed it was healthier for them. I would say that you could not comprehend why you were separated from your family. The massive change, unfamiliar surroundings, and people would have definitely been traumatic for a 6 yr old autist. I found being in hospital for a week, (even with visits from my parents) traumatic. @petelittle1970 @actuallyautistic

18+ Tooden ,
@Tooden@aus.social avatar

@vger All the best for your journey to self discovery. @petelittle1970 @actuallyautistic

Tim_McTuffty , to actuallyautistic
@Tim_McTuffty@beige.party avatar

Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 79 Tuesday 16/01/24

TL:DR Meh! x 2

Up early , did a few chores , then ESO for much of the day.

Maybe I’m going thru a phase - I want to do a Boris & hide in a fridge !

It is becoming very difficult to even maintain the low level of socialising I managed up to the end of the year, I’m not entirely sure I’m actually a people person .

Also the new sleep schedule really is not working - I have tried, but I cannot get to bed on time !
Maybe try a compromise & get up at 5am instead of 4am.

Final Thought.
As the poet Dylan Thomas wrote:

“Do not go gentle into that good night, old age should burn and rave at close of day; Rage, rage against the dying of the light.”

I have beaten this before, I will again !

A massive thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖

@actuallyautistic

Tooden ,
@Tooden@aus.social avatar

@Tim_McTuffty Worrying about your sleep schedule would not be conducive to rest. If you can manage to lie in for an extra hour in the morning - without stressing about it - it could help with your energy levels. All the very best.🤗 @actuallyautistic

Tooden ,
@Tooden@aus.social avatar

@Tim_McTuffty Easier said than done😳😉@actuallyautistic

DivergentDumpsterPhoenix , to neurodivergent
@DivergentDumpsterPhoenix@disabled.social avatar

My new book hit no. 1 best seller for it's category!

CAMHS in Crisis: Writings on the failure of CAMHS to support Autistic people

https://amzn.eu/d/fnz8qzf

@neurodiversity @neurodivergent @actuallyautistic @bookstodon @autisticadvocacy

Tooden ,
@Tooden@aus.social avatar

@DivergentDumpsterPhoenix Congratulations! 🌟 @neurodiversity @neurodivergent @actuallyautistic @bookstodon @autisticadvocacy

autism101 , to actuallyautistic
@autism101@mstdn.social avatar

Did you get labeled as a “picky eater” when you were growing up?

@actuallyautistic

Tooden ,
@Tooden@aus.social avatar

@autism101 Not really. I had my fave foods, but my Mum didn't make us eat yucky stuff. Youngest son was Very Picky. @actuallyautistic

kkffoo , to actuallyautistic
@kkffoo@mastodon.social avatar

@actuallyautistic A car park that we visit regularly has a one way system marked out with painted white arrows on the road. This week I realised that I felt uncomfortable walking 'the wrong way' over the white arrow after leaving our vehicle. Has that feeling always been there and I didn't realise, or was it just a 'that day' thing? I don't know.

Tooden ,
@Tooden@aus.social avatar

@kkffoo I do. Law abiding to the nth. @actuallyautistic

jalcine , to blackmastodon
@jalcine@todon.eu avatar

A friend is searching for his sister in the area, please share and spread.

@blackmastodon

https://www.instagram.com/p/C1hwGQ5vVUX/

http://bit.ly/locatejessicashabazz

Dear Friends and Family, I'm reaching out regarding a very serious important matte. My sister, Jessica Shabazz, has been missing since the beginning of December 2023, and our family wouldn't reach out to our community and the public for assistance unless it was absolutely necessary. Her last known whereabouts were in the D.C., Maryland or Virginia area. Over the past year she has been dealing with some mental health issues. Most recently she lost her job, has been living in shelters, and had some run-ins with the police. We love her dearly, and desperately want to find her and bring her home. If you have seen Jessica, please share details on our contact form at https://bit.ly/locatejessicashabazz Please keep our family in your prayers as we continue our search. Sincerely, Diallo less

Tooden ,
@Tooden@aus.social avatar

@jalcine Thank goodness! @blackmastodon

AutisticWave , to actuallyautistic
@AutisticWave@mastodon.social avatar
  • "But you're establishing eye contact with me; how can you be autistic?"

You'd be surprised what compensatory mechanisms developed in sophisticated ways throughout those years I went undiagnosed can do.

  • "Don't worry, we're all on the spectrum nowadays."

Well: https://medium.com/@undaautistica/no-were-not-all-on-the-spectrum-a319b0619308

@actuallyautistic

Tooden ,
@Tooden@aus.social avatar

@AutisticWave I got "It doesn't have to be autism." from the parent of an Autistic teenager. When I replied that I was happy to know I am autistic, he said "That's just an excuse to stop trying."
My sympathies to his son, who may have begun dissociating to deal with Dad's aggro. @actuallyautistic

Susan60 , to actuallyautistic
@Susan60@aus.social avatar

Thought. I have always run warm. I do feel the cold, but not as much as most people. I hate (detest?) overheated department stores. This got worse with the onset of perimenopause, & I was unable to wear jumpers for years, because I couldn’t get them off quickly enough during hot flushes, which threatened spontaneous combustion. This settled somewhat after finally going on HRT.

I’ve noticed a change since going on ADHD meds. I now wear winter pjs on a “cool” summers night, & a nightie on warmer ones & am more likely to don a jacket of an evening.

I’m wondering whether this is a consequence of the meds, & overheating is related to ADHD. @actuallyautistic

Tooden ,
@Tooden@aus.social avatar

@Susan60 Take good care of your hypothalamus, and it will take care of you...maybe🤔 @MsDropbear425 @sister_ratched @actuallyautistic

alexisbushnell , to actuallyautistic
@alexisbushnell@toot.wales avatar

A while ago someone on here mentioned how often folks have difficulty sleeping and that centering your sensory needs can help. They suggested ear plugs and canopy beds, along with weighted blankets and such.

Today I was finally able to hang my new (to me) canopy and I am sat in my bed right now and cannot even begin to tell you the joy I feel.

I don't remember who the person was who shared but thank you!!

@actuallyautistic

Tooden ,
@Tooden@aus.social avatar

@fishidwardrobe Ah. It is? We had one. We also had a Tester. Keeps the cold out, too.🙂[email protected] @actuallyautistic

poloniousmonk , to actuallyautistic
@poloniousmonk@mastodon.social avatar

@actuallyautistic @autisticadvocacy @autistic[email protected]

What is this "mask", what do y'all mean by "masking"?

Like, what's the difference between a mask and a public persona?

Both my parents are pretty autistic and in total denial about it. Lacking siblings, cousins, a culture, or human contact, I really have no frame of reference for this stuff.

Thanks.

Tooden ,
@Tooden@aus.social avatar

@poloniousmonk At the risk of repeating what someone else has said...masking is camouflage. Think of a chamelion, or a squid. It is a persona we Neurodiverse folk use, to attempt to fit into an Allistic world.
Most Neurotypicals can't handle our utter brilliance😉. @actuallyautistic @autisticadvocacy @autistic[email protected]

Susan60 , to actuallyautistic
@Susan60@aus.social avatar

For many years I have been conscious of frequently swapping from normal glasses to prescription sunglasses & back again… much more than most people. Someone said something recently about their own sensitivity to light & the need to wear really dark glasses a lot of the time. I’m not so much really sensitive to light, as liking a very narrow range of light, not too bright, not too dark. But both, I’m guessing, are indications of light sensitivity experienced by autistic folk. Who knew? @actuallyautistic

Tooden ,
@Tooden@aus.social avatar

@neversosimple I was always being told off for squinting. I would look at the ground, too, if the adult talking to me had the sun/bright light behind them. It is a relief to know that I have light sensitivity. @Susan60 @actuallyautistic

Tooden ,
@Tooden@aus.social avatar

@neversosimple Same. Going to need sunglasses from now on, though. The sun juse gets brighter. @Susan60 @actuallyautistic

Tooden ,
@Tooden@aus.social avatar

@Susan60 I don't get migraines but I do feel nauseated. Remember the Disco balls, and the UV at the local dances? I would have to go outside. @neversosimple @actuallyautistic

Dr_Obvious , to actuallyautistic German
@Dr_Obvious@chaos.social avatar

@actuallyautistic
Is it a common trait to have the urge to share experiences?

Like as a kid coming from camping, I would give my mom a daylong report about all the things that happened in details.

Or know when I read something interesting I have to show it to my wife. Or when we meet after work I have to let out all the stuff that happened at that very second.

Tooden ,
@Tooden@aus.social avatar

@Dr_Obvious It's common. Hubs, and #3 son are. Me, #1, & #2, aren't. Grandkids are a mix, too. @actuallyautistic

Tooden ,
@Tooden@aus.social avatar

@Dr_Obvious Youngest son got dubbed Mr Encyclopedia at one workplace. We all share that absorbing of knowledge, in the family. @odo2063 @actuallyautistic

Tooden ,
@Tooden@aus.social avatar

@Dr_Obvious "If you leave me, can I come too?" @Cetraria @actuallyautistic

Tooden ,
@Tooden@aus.social avatar

@Dr_Obvious Yup.
It is spposedly a sign that autists are very comfortable with the people that they can do this oversharing/infodumping. @odo2063 @actuallyautistic

theautisticcoach , to actuallyautistic
@theautisticcoach@neurodifferent.me avatar

How did my comrades come to know that they’re autistic?

@actuallyautistic

Tooden ,
@Tooden@aus.social avatar

@dpnash What a journey! I can understand how an 'official' ASD diagnosis would be traumatic, considering the labelling that still goes with it. :bear_hugs: @theautisticcoach @actuallyautistic

Richard_Littler , to actuallyautistic
@Richard_Littler@mastodon.social avatar

Having one of those days when I wonder how different my life might have been had my & been diagnosed much (much) earlier...
It sometimes feels a bit like heaving myself breathless over a marathon finishing line long after others have completed it, only to find that I was shlepping an anvil behind me that could have so easily been offloaded, if only I'd known.
@actuallyautistic

Tooden ,
@Tooden@aus.social avatar

@Richard_Littler Yes.☹@actuallyautistic

theautisticcoach , to actuallyautistic
@theautisticcoach@neurodifferent.me avatar

What role does nutrition play in the life of my comrades?

Do you monitor it and how it affects your day to day?

@actuallyautistic

Tooden ,
@Tooden@aus.social avatar

@BeamsAndBows So you can't even drink fruit juice? That is tough. ☹ @actuallyautistic @theautisticcoach

Tooden ,
@Tooden@aus.social avatar

@BeamsAndBows Oh, good. 😊@theautisticcoach @actuallyautistic

Tooden , to actuallyautistic
@Tooden@aus.social avatar

@adelinej Ah, so she could be self-absorbed, also. It is sad for you to be rejected. @pathfinder @actuallyautistic

Tooden , to actuallyautistic
@Tooden@aus.social avatar

@adelinej It sounds like she is heavily into denial of unpleasant subjects. There may be no path to reasonable conversation.😕 @pathfinder @actuallyautistic

Tooden , to actuallyautistic
@Tooden@aus.social avatar

@vee Do they see and communicate with your husband? Have they always been like this? It seems strange.@actuallyautistic

AutisticAdam , to actuallyautistic
@AutisticAdam@autistics.life avatar

When talking to autistic people, especially in the workplace or at school, be absolutely clear and unambiguous about instructions.

Especially don't leave anything unsaid, or to be assumed. If you do that there's a good chance it won't be done, because you didn't ask us to.

@actuallyautistic

Tooden ,
@Tooden@aus.social avatar

@engagedpractx Could it be that they don't perceive a use for some skills, in the jobs they will be doing?@AutisticAdam @actuallyautistic

AutisticAdam , to actuallyautistic
@AutisticAdam@autistics.life avatar

As an autistic person, I would feel uncomfortable judging anyone for their facial expressions. There are many reasons why I dont. I know what it’s like to be truly unable to control your facial expressions, and receive criticism from others for looking smug, angry and/or looking miserable, when infact you’re not.

@actuallyautistic

Tooden ,
@Tooden@aus.social avatar

@AutisticAdam I have heavy eyebrows. I used to pluck them, but then thought 'bugger this. Love me, love my brows' (apologies to Lobo). I was not frowning. @actuallyautistic

herhandsmyhands , to romancelandia
@herhandsmyhands@romancelandia.club avatar

Someone at Felon's site just reminded me of this, and my friends @romancelandia, I had to share it with you.

Prepare to laugh and cry and laugh some more (especially if you read a lot of 1980s and 1990s romance...but really, any romance, some tropes will never die)

https://the-toast.net/2015/04/14/things-ive-learned-about-heterosexual-female-desire-from-decades-of-reading/

Tooden ,
@Tooden@aus.social avatar

@herhandsmyhands I read historical romance, and most of those things are in there - especially the lock of hair falling into the eyes, and the crooked smile.
@romancelandia

Tooden , to actuallyautistic German
@Tooden@aus.social avatar

@markusl Oh, wow. Welcome to the neighbourhood.👋🙂 @hellomiakoda @ahrimans_erbe @actuallyautistic

neversosimple , to actuallyautistic
@neversosimple@mstdn.social avatar

Before knowing that I'm I labeled myself as an introvert.

I wonder how often introverts are actually autistic, knowingly or not.

I can see that saying you're an introvert is a whole lot less to explain and would suffice in many situations.

Also curious to know if anyone @actuallyautistic considers themselves an extrovert?

Came to think of it while watching this: https://youtu.be/MdG4f5Y3ugk?si=QI5kdseAE1EuFHqj

Tooden ,
@Tooden@aus.social avatar

@neversosimple I used to describe myself as an extroverted introvert. Now I know that my mask was the extrovert, and was suffering from the forced social construct. I am happy in my own company most of the time. Having to interact f2f is often too much 'peopleing' that drains me.
@fictionalbutnot @actuallyautistic

AutisticAdam , to actuallyautistic
@AutisticAdam@autistics.life avatar

The worst part about being Autistic is people expect you to behave like you ain't Autistic.

@actuallyautistic

Tooden ,
@Tooden@aus.social avatar

@AutisticMumTo3 Do we confuse non-autistic folk? Probably. We refuse to fit into either stereotype. I'm great (mostly) at mental maths and spelling, but I am a 'visual' learner otherwise. OH is not so good at spelling, and has mild dyscalculia, but he can visualise something when 'hearing' instructions. We are none of us performing apes. @AutisticAdam @actuallyautistic

Tooden ,
@Tooden@aus.social avatar

@marytzu Ah, but power outages affect supermarkets. It was handy to have a calculator in my head. P.S. I sucked at equations. @AutisticMumTo3 @AutisticAdam @actuallyautistic

AutisticAdam , to actuallyautistic
@AutisticAdam@autistics.life avatar

Autistic people are often criticised for “reading too much into things” and “assuming” the worst, but usually what we deduce is highly accurate, thanks to our pattern-spotting and dot-connecting abilities. I think the real issue is we typically unearth truths others want to remain hidden.

@actuallyautistic

Tooden ,
@Tooden@aus.social avatar

@Vincarsi This was probably 'why' I stopped bothering trying to play. Of course, then you get criticised for not contributing. It's a lose/lose situation with NTs. @AutisticAdam @actuallyautistic

Tooden ,
@Tooden@aus.social avatar

@Laberpferd The Emperor hss no clothes. @fictionalbutnot @TeacherGriff @AutisticAdam @actuallyautistic

Private
Tooden ,
@Tooden@aus.social avatar

@AutisticMumTo3 I just cannot shop online. It ramps my anxiety. What will not be available. What subs will they make? When will they deliver? I hate relying on others. @marytzu @RolloTreadway @theautisticcoach @actuallyautistic

Tooden ,
@Tooden@aus.social avatar

@AutisticMumTo3 I do get that. Plus having the kiddies needing quiet and calm Mum. @marytzu @RolloTreadway @theautisticcoach @actuallyautistic

Tooden ,
@Tooden@aus.social avatar

@AutisticMumTo3 A lot of challenges to everyday tasks. Hubs has got arthritis in both feet, as well as his back, so his excursions are limited. Looking seriously at getting a mobility scooter for him. @marytzu @RolloTreadway @theautisticcoach @actuallyautistic

Private
Tooden ,
@Tooden@aus.social avatar

@Autistrain Perhaps there is a need to mourn, to accept, and to adapt. It's not rejection, but a realisation that your child is going to face innumerable hurdles all through their life, if circumstances don't improve. A parent can't always be there to deflect the crap. @actuallyautistic @neurodiversity

hosford42 , to actuallyautistic
@hosford42@techhub.social avatar

I'm . The sound of the train blowing its horn as it passes my house makes me cover my ears in pain. But the throbbing bass of the engine that causes a deep pressure in my chest from the vibration makes me feel happy.

When I was a kid, I used to crank up the bass of my parents' stereo and sit directly against the woofer to feel that pressure. They would always yell at me to turn it down. I've always loved that feeling.


@actuallyautistic
@neurodiversity

Tooden ,
@Tooden@aus.social avatar

@hosford42 Competing sources of music, like in a shopping mall? Music, plus someone spruiking specials? Shopping can be extremely stressful. Christmas, or Sales days <shudder> 🎧@yourautisticlife @actuallyautistic @neurodiversity

franciscawrites , to bookstodon
@franciscawrites@mastodon.scot avatar

In honor of Gary Larson's birthday, repost with a Far Side cartoon that you love.


@bookstodon

Tooden ,
@Tooden@aus.social avatar

@franciscawrites My absolute fave.
@bookstodon

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