Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 231 , Saturday 15/06/2024
So Geoff (you remember Geoff, the Gouty Great Left Toe ) was an asshole last night, ended up with him going commando stuck out the end of the bed!
Thankfully being evicted from the bed was enough to calm him & sleep ensued.
Up around 7am, breakfast, chores & knocking around the Fediverse for most of the day.
Out of the blue my Dad rang - he very rarely calls, but like me he is polite to fault & was calling to say thank you for his Father’s Day card.
I’ll catch up with him tomorrow when we go over to Liverpool for my Bro’s birthday.
Geoff is almost certainly gonna disapprove come Monday morning!
Watching Roadhouse (the new version) this evening, a surprisingly good , turn yer brain off movie, lovin the soundtrack too, I hope it’s on one of the streaming services !
Ohhhh on Apple Music! Cool !
Final Thoughts.
I’m a bit worried that I’m missing something - not felt the urge to hit the PlayStation in like 3 days …
Hey ho.
Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖
Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 230 , Friday 14/06/2024
I am going to shamelessly nick an idea of a dear friend & my left big toe will henceforth be known as ‘Geoff the Gouty Great Toe! (Big toes used to be called Great toes back in the olden days seemingly)
An awful night last night I ate something that Geoff really disapproved of & he was not shy in putting forth his view ! I took his disapproval for an hour then medicated his ass with some codeine & paracetamol.
Up early this morning despite the disturbed night & Mrs S. being on holiday. Pavlov’s Squirrel !
Had a fairly easy morning & rested my poor,sore tootsies.
It struck me this morning in the light of the last couple of days entries that there is one major problem with yon Social Prescriber getting me to go to this Social Cafe …. They are not providing me with the tools to cope with this first!
One of my NT guides pointed out ,& I’m paraphrasing here, that just because I can do the whole socialising thing doesn’t mean I should. There is such a concept as ‘too much of a good thing’.
I remember the last time I was in a prescribed ‘social’ situation - attending the Cardio rehab course after my MI. Long story short , it was a disaster , I ended up storming out on the penultimate session because the social pressures were too much!
Today ,online, one of my prominent traits showed up - I can be very blunt at times, I fail to ease my point into a conversation - my NT brain proffering to ‘hammer home’ the point rather than be more subtle & gentle.
My ASD diagnosis report picks up on this & makes the point that it can ,& indeed has, trip me up in social situations!
If I decide that I really do want to move out of my current comfort zone into a more physically social one then I need to work with the various health professionals to get the sequence right & get the tool kit first!
Tonight I felt that I struck a decent compromise for tea. I did have pizza , but Ham n mushroom not a meat feast - I felt the latter might be taunting the gout gods just a little too much.
At this point Geoff is quite happy so long as I don’t try anything too athletic. Hopefully that will continue thru tonight!
Final Thoughts.
Geoff has made his views very clear on the whole diet thing, namely that he is in charge!
Is it a good thing or a bad thing I have anthropomorphised my big toe ? Is this an indicator that I should resist mixing directly with the rest of the human race?
Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖
Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 229 , Thursday 13/06/2024
A better nights sleep last nigh, although I did wake up early, had a nice chat with CDP 🧚♀️.
Mrs S. was in the office today & I really wasn’t feeling it this morning ,so after breakfast I went back to bed for a couple of hours.
My brain drove me out of bed just after 9am, unless I’m really quite poorly I cannot stay in bed for too long.
So I was reflecting on the meeting with the Social Prescriber yesterday & subsequent conversations with friends on here.
I wonder if I NEED to be more social than I am now. I wonder if the benefits outweigh the stress / anxiety etc. of being in a group of people.
Also the fact that any decent support is a decent distance away. (thanks UK Gov - so much for the promised improvement in MH services NOT !)
I am social to an extent, I regularly chat , laugh ,cry etc with so many lovely folk on here. Yes it is a relationship in a digital environment, but does that make it any less valid an experience?
The Fediverse is unlike any other Social Platform, it is possible to develop real friendships here & the lack of an algorithm makes for a more interactive experience!
Honestly I don’t know, when actually confronted with the help available, if it is worth pursuing.
On a more positive note I had a great banter session with several of the Peeps on here this afternoon / evening , thanks to all who participated, I enjoyed it enormously! 😊
Final Thoughts.
I never expect that I was fighting for so little, it is quite the anti-climax.
I am glad I got my diagnosis, that has helped me understand myself in ways I did not expect, & almost every day I learn something new.
Apart from anything else I found a whole group of Peeps who relate to & share experiences & challenges unique to ND folk!
Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖
Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 228 , Wednesday 12/06/2024
Had a somewhat disturbed night, I experimented with having a full glass of water with my bedtime tablets to help hydrate me , what actually happened was rather than sleeping thru I was woken by the old call of nature around 3am & utterly failed to fall back into a deep sleep, tossing & turning for the rest of the night.
We won’t be making that mistake again unless there is conclusive proof it’s required (i.e. another gout flare up that can’t be traced to anything else!)
Finally got up around 6am , breakfast t etc ensued.
My feet are both sore , not cripplingly so, just enough to make walking unpleasant.
Spent a chunk of time on here today, honest I’m not addicted to Social Media 😆
Went to see a Social Prescriber this afternoon.
There are no services in local area that will be able to help me 🙄🤦♂️
The best she could off was a social cafe , with crafts & board games & coffee !
Is it me or does this smack of old peoples home ?
I have not said no , but we are going to review the situation in a month.
By chance Mrs S. in her official role received news of an Autism Hub that has opened this year about a hours drive away. So this maybe an avenue of opportunity.
Back on here again this afternoon / evening , currently expecting a spirited discussion on the state of UK politics on my other a/c.
Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 227 , Tuesday 11/06/2024
Up around 5:30, breakfast & chores ensued.
Had to play taxi for Mrs S. so that I could have the car to go to the GPs appointment, I would normally walk, but given the gout flare up last week I chickened out!
This morning I went to see the Doctor who sorted my ASD assessment out for me, that man is a Saint!
So different to his colleague who was - ‘Nope cannot do anything for anyone at any time , certainly not if it costs money! ‘
Today was the first time in a very long time that I have come out of Drs appointment smiling!
We are on with sorting out the ADHD assessment, there are a couple of forms I have to fill out & a couple of forms he has to fill out then it’s a case of sending them off & waiting.
I am seeing a Social Prescriber tomorrow afternoon (I’m telling you Dr S (I know !! But hey that’s his initial 😆 ) is a freakin magician when he puts his mind to it! ) to set up a care plan .. dunno owt about that but I’m sure that I will know a lot more tomorrow !
Dr S. is also referring me to the Primary MH Practitioner - Beth - who I saw before the whole ASD journey started & indeed was the one that set my feet upon this path. I misjudged her last time when I thought she had just bundled me off to 3rd parties. I will approach our next appointment with more knowledge & I hope that she doesn’t hold a grudge.
Dr S. has also forwarded my diagnosis letter to the Community MH team , he’s not sure if this will help but at this point he is reaching out for me to all those who might be able to help!
And out of the blue my journey moves into top gear again!
14:00 - forms for ADHD referral are done, just need to drop them off.
Played NMS this afternoon, ticked off a few achievements then had to go & pick up Mrs S.
I dropped off the forms for the ADHD referral en-route - I’d like to say I jogged front the car to the receptionists desk & back, but the truth was much, much more ungainly!
Made a ham salad for tea with some new potatoes , it was a bit of a challenge because herself does not believe in buying anything more than she absolutely has to to feed herself. Hey ho, for all that it wasn’t too bad.
Finished the evening off with a bit of TV & catching up on here.
Final Thoughts.
A dear friend lost a close family member today, I won’t tag them , but they & those that share TLs with us both know who I mean. Lots of love my friend , know you are in my thoughts. 🫂 🫶
Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖
Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 226 , Monday 10/06/2024
Up at 5:30 because my brain hates me !
Read for a while then did the whole breakfast / chores thing with a bit of SM thrown in for good measure.
I need to get focused on building motivation again, I’m slowly stagnating here & I’m not happy with myself for being this way.
A little help from certain other quarters woudn’t go amiss but that is unlikely !
Hey ho , started th energy ‘Adrift’ NMS expedition this afternoon, it was nice to have a change of pace & scenery - post apocalypse Boston is all very well but it lacks things like greenery (unless you count the Super Mutants & the glowing wildlife ! )
I’m still in the Euclid Galaxy so I have a funny feel that my first hyperspace jump may not go smoothly …
Final Thoughts.
Not a bad day, just want to build some motivation & get doing stuff.
Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖
So this is why I rarely step in to discussions on SM.
My NT nature makes me blunt, it also sometimes makes the reality of a situation very clear to me.
This is the case with climate change.
Don’t get me wrong , I am fully aware of the problem, its causes, in my own way I do my little bit to fight the good fight.
I made a comment today, to the effect that I did not believe that efforts to tame the oil industry would succeed, I was politely, but firmly told to shut up & bugger off.
Fine, I will know better next time, that this is a polarised area of discussion & those that point out realities are not tolerated by either side. I shall hold my peace & watch what happens.
I could turn this diary into a socio/political platform to air my views but I’m not going to, it is not for that. However when folks are intolerant I feel that that deserves a mention.
Final Thoughts.
Humaning is hard, that’s why am Squirrel!
Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖
Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 223 , Friday 07/06/2024
Up around 6am again , my foot was much better but without the codeine to balance the side effects of the Colchicine my digestive system went on the rampage!
Lots of exercise up & down the stairs today - it wasn’t pretty.
Come tea time & I was able to keep a glass of water inside me, so soup & a bread roll has been consumed - results being awaited as we speak (7:35pm)
Hopefully all will be well & I can have a naughty pizza for tea tomorrow !
Final Thoughts.
I am so glad my foot is so much better, that was a very unpleasant experience !
Special thanks to all who have supported me with love & laughs ! 🤗🥰
Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖
Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 221 , Wednesday 05/06/2024
Another disturbed night last night with my foot, but still up at just gone 05:30.
The weather today has got slowly better, with the evening being sunny & mild.
Turned a corner today , my foot has only been painful while I have been walking on it. (The caveat being that I’ve also still been on a decent dose of co-codamol.)
My foot seems slightly less swollen today which is also welcome!
Tomorrow is the last day I can take the Colchicine , then I have to wait 4 days to see if I need a repeat dose, I’m not sure how long it will take for my foot to return to normal.
Final Thoughts.
Onwards towards fully functional feet (right foot take not, none of this PF nonsense !) .
Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖
Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 220 , Tuesday 04/06/2024
My Pavlovian response got me up at 06:30, so hobbled down to breakfast.
The meds the Doc gave me yesterday are doing the biz as far as reducing the pain goes, if not the swelling.
It’s so nice to be able to walk again , even if it is only a shuffling gait!
The meds are also messing with my digestive system, had an egg butty for lunch which grumbled its way thru me this afternoon. So rather than a some ham & a bit of salad for tea it was soup, again !
Oh I hope this speed of recovery is maintained!
Final Thoughts.
Every thought I have at the moment is directed at getting my foot back to normal & not looking like a prop front the Elephant Man !
Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖
Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 219 , Monday 03/06/2024
Another disturbed night, slightly better than last night because I had learnt some lessons on ewhat my foot would & would not tolerate.
Went to see the GP this morning, I have, in fact, got gout . So on a 4 day course of Colchicine … the GP was very specific about the 4 days - apparently 5 days = my entire digestive system liquifying & a decent stay in the local hospital !
The new meds are working a storm in association with the pain killers , this evening I am walking (well shuffling) sans crutches ! It hurts like hell, but importantly it is bearable !
I hope that this means that I will get some decent sleep tonight !
Also made an appointment to see yon GP about my ADHD assessment in a week or so , so the journey continues !
Final Thoughts.
I am so relieved to be coming out of the other side of this gout flare up , is has been one of the most painful experiences of my life !
Hopefully future episodes will be avoided via ongoing medication.
I really hope that seeing yon GP later this month will be a positive move in my ASD journey !
Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖
Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 217 , Sunday 02/06/2024
So last night was fairly awful. My foot felt like someone was trying to rip it off while hitting it with a hammer !
I think I can safely say that it was the 2nd most painful experience of my life - the first was tearing my Achilles !
Mrs S. went adventuring in the loft to find my crutches (guess when the last time I used them was ! ) because my left foot is not weight bearing at all !
I finally got some relief after sailing dangerously close to an OD level of pain killers , & eventually fell asleep.
Been depending heavily on Mrs S. for help n support today , but still having to finish jobs she starts / ½ does. I am sitting heavily on my trigger responses , she is trying to help after all .
So the meds might be holding back the very worst of the pain, & spacing me out slightly , but it is also affecting my appetite. I really don’t feel like eating at the moment.
My toe is now really badly swollen , GP will be getting a call in the morning & hopefully I’ll get an appointment!
Final Thoughts.
I’m exhausted now, lack of sleep & the fact that limping around the house is actually quite tiring !
Hopefully have a better night tonight !
Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖
Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 217 , Saturday 01/06/2024
Woke up in agony at around 1:30am it seems that I may have gout in my left big toe (apparently one can inherit it - thanks Dad! ) & it hurts like a barsteward !
Hit the co-codamol , pain med of last resort (I need a high dose so I only use it when totally necessary ) & once that kicked in I was able to get back to sleep
The weather picked up thru the day & this evening is lovely & sunny.
Our neighbours - 3 doors down are having a party - an all day party - with the volume cranked to 11 , it’s becoming annoying because their taste in music is questionable to say the least!
I really hope that they pack it in before it gets late , it will be hard enuf to sleep without some tit playing Dennis waterman at 200Db ! 🙄🤦♂️
Starting a Blade fest tonight , been a while , still a good ‘turn your brain off’ movie , lots of tommy sauce & toasted vampires 😆
I’m high off the back of the pain killers at the moment , one of the reasons that they are a drug of last resort , it is making the whole experience slightly surreal!
Final Thoughts.
1st day of summer - please can we have some warm weather !
Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖
Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 216 , Friday 31/05/2024
Up just after 6am today.
A quiet day, the only thing of real note is that what ever is wrong with my left big toe is getting worse.
There are no signs of injury but it hurts to touch & is making it hard to get comfy at night.
Today I caught it as I tripped over one of the Varmints & it hurt like a bugger !
I am slowly falling apart - if anyone wants me for medical science now’s the time to get your bid on ! 😆
The weather has slowly improved today , this evening is lovely & sunny, if a little chilly !
Final Thoughts.
Even being retired, Friday is a special day. I realised it’s June tomorrow - nearly 6 months gone already !
Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖
Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 214 , Wednesday 29/05/2024
Up a little later today as Mrs S. was working from home.
Still fighting the agoraphobia , sometimes I wish I didn’t live so very far from my family, they would come round & drag me out.
But they live nearly 100 miles away & have their own lives.
Spent the morning totally indecisive about what to do.
Made some egg sandwiches for me n Mrs S. for lunch , then , as per had to clear up & wash the dishes too.
Ended up reading for a couple of hours then hit Fo4 after lunch.
Went wild & forsook the soup option for tea, in favour of spaghetti hoops with a couple of slices of toast - I really need to break out of the house so I can get some real food !
Final Thoughts.
Stupid brain going nuts about going outside !
I need to get myself out of this current episode , it’s not as bad as some I’ve had , but it is doing my tree in!
Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖
Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 213 , Tuesday 28/05/2024
Up at 6m as Mrs S. was back in work today.
Another day of fighting the agoraphobia & losing . The spectre of the world beyond the front door playing havoc with my mind.
Watching others sally forth, both in analog & digital life makes me realise how far I have to go to get better.
I would go to the GP, but the whole thing over the ADHD assessment has badly shaken my trust in them.
Also I am so very aware of the state of the NHS & I feel that I cannot deny other, more worthy souls their opportunity to get medical help.
So chores are done and now I roam the countryside around Boston in the virtual world of Fo4.
I was analysing my current play style & I am being so very logical about it - for no reason. I need to relax & play the game as I encounter it, instead of maximising companion potential or trying to do stuff in a set order.
Got a new stand for the iPad today , gotta get used to the new layout - it’s more comfortable if a little odd at the moment.
Final Thoughts.
Sometimes my autistic nature makes me miss communication cues. I fail to respond in the way folk expect , sometimes say things innocently that are misinterpreted because there are certain rules that I either don’t know or don’t understand.
I am kind by nature & like to see the best in people, I like to compliment folk, often the old adage ‘it’s nice to be nice’ comes into play.
Sometimes I do not recognise the unseen, unspoken edges of what is acceptable, people have blocked me before today for being too familiar too soon.This upsets me a great deal when it happens. Thankfully it has not happened since I got my diagnosis.
Now I know I am autistic I take steps to try & avoid the more obvious pit falls , but sometimes I forget or get a little over enthusiastic & folk bring me up short. Then I back away & something is lost.
I had hoped that my GP would help me find the help I need but they seem disinterested. For now I am on my own.
Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖
Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 212 , Monday 27/05/2024
Up really early today (05:30) which is ironic because it’s a public holiday & I should have had a lie in.
Hey ho.
Bit of banter on Mastodon - congrats to @dgar for a very respectable 3rd place in #FediVision24 btw !
Binge watched ‘Traces’ series 2 - not a bad series !
Final Thoughts.
I was in quite a dark place this morning & wrote a whole thing on things that triggered me, but I’ve mellowed out during the day.
The upshot of this is that I have gone from epically insightful final thoughts to this ! 🙄🤦♂️ 😆
Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖
Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 210 , Saturday 25/05/2024
Up earlier than I wanted, Pavlovian response kicked in 🙄🤦♂️
Went for a walk this morning , the British summer was on its best behaviour & did me proud !
I saw the shadow of a butterfly, not the wee beastie itself, which inspired my muse to spout a little poem.
Tried to sit down for my lunch, first the sky went seriously dark so we had to get out & get the washing in , then the door bell went & the Postie wanted to leave a parcel with us for a neighbour. Then 3 minutes later he was back as the neighbour had appeared at their door !
For Nuggan’s nuts will I ever get this sarnie eaten!
Lunch was finally finished & followed by a lovely coffee 😊
Hovered up then watched ‘Traces’ with Mrs S.
Finished off the evening with some ‘B’ movie.
Final Thoughts.
I don’t write poetry often - but sometimes the urge takes me & I scribble a little nonsense.
Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖
Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 209 , Friday 24/05/2024
Up slightly later today as herself was not in the office.
Usual palaver , I make breakfast she makes her snack, I clean up after her.
I was all up for breaking out past my agoraphobia, but once again triggers were pressed & so here I am stuck inside.
I did venture into the back garden to sort out the kitchen compost tub.
Apparently I’m having a chip butty for me tea, I wanted a simple pizza (ham n mushroom ) but her masters voice has spoken & a chip butty it is.
Sometimes I wish I was more vocal, but I hate arguments & I always cave, or on the rare occasions I hold my own I get guilted into feeling that I’m in the wrong.
How do we like our roast squirrel, rare or well done ?
Final Thoughts.
Hey ho - the joys of married life.
Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖