Tim_McTuffty

Tim_McTuffty , 21 hours ago to actuallyautistic

Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 207 , Wednesday 22/05/2024

Up early as Mrs S. was in the office today.

Felt a lot better today , eating almost normally , just feeling somewhat knackered still.

There’s a calm, peacefulness when I’m on my own, especially at the moment.

After yesterday’s epic ‘War n Peace’ entry there is not much to add today.

Final Thoughts.

I’m hoping that full digestive services will be restored!

Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖

@actuallyautistic
#TimsASDjourney #ActuallyAutistic #Neurospicy #TheMammutMoves

Tim_McTuffty , 1 day ago to actuallyautistic

Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 205 , Tuesday 21/05/2024

TL:DR Late up today , so was more or less ignored. Clues to whether I’m AuDHD & if I’m going thru a burnout period came to light from fellow ND Peeps.

I had a somewhat enforced lay in this morning, in that I was so exhausted that I simply slept thru all the noise that would usually wake me up.
I finally got up around 07:30. Life obviously went on without me, even though Mrs S. was working from home.

Me: I’m a total introvert & wish to be alone.
Also Me when wife zones me out because I was late to get up: I’m so lonely !!!
Is the mind of an ND bananas or what ! (Possibly some for of nut in my case 🤦‍♂️ )

I risked a ‘proper’ breakfast this morning - I seem to have survived it 😊

I would normally have cleaned the bathroom today, but because I’m not feeling so good that didn’t happen. I know from past experience it won’t get done until I feel well enough, be that days or even weeks 🙄🤦‍♂️

I wrote a little while back , when I got the results of my assessment thru , that the Consultant Psychiatrist had suggested that I be assessed for ADHD too. That is currently on hold.
But , & here’s the thing I read a toot ( linked below) from @ashleyspencer that totally spoke to me & I recognised EVERYTHING she was talking about !
Well call me a Squirrel & bounce a walnut off me ‘ed !
I number of other folk on here have suggested that I had ADHD symptoms , but I could never put the whole package together in my own head to the point that I ‘felt’ it!
Maybe I need to pull the whole ‘getting ADHD assessment’ off the back burner ?

I also realised ,based on a toot from @pathfinder (again see the link below) that I may well be experiencing a period of autistic burnout - it seems to be so similar , in key ways to where I am at the moment. No wonder I’m struggling!

Got back into the post-apocalyptic world of Fo4 this afternoon, I had forgotten how enjoyable this game is.

Final Thoughts.

I am struck once again how much I am coming to depend on the @actuallyautistic community to help me progress on my ASD journey and understand more about me!

Special thanks to Ashley & Kevin for pointing the way today. 🙏

Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖

@actuallyautistic
#TimsASDjourney #ActuallyAutistic #Neurospicy #TheMammutMoves

https://autistics.life/@ashleyspencer/112474885392479715

https://beige.party/@pathfinder/112476066417549514

pathfinder , 2 days ago to actuallyautistic

@actuallyautistic

Burnout is a bitch. I think all of us who have experienced it, or are experiencing it, will agree with that. But, how it presents and how long it maintains its hold over us, seems to be as variable as so much else about us.

I can now recognise the many times I have experienced burnout in my life. Each one marked by my constant refrain of, "I'm just tired" and with me doggedly plodding on with my life as best I could. Even now, in the deepest and longest burnout of my life, I am still doing the same.

Of course, I at least know to try and pace myself now. To let the unimportant things slide until their time comes and to spread out what has to be done, to the best of my ability. I know to dedicate time to self-care, to rest and recreation and to acknowledging my needs as an autistic person. This much, realising you are autistic can teach you. It can also help you to spot the signs of burning out sooner and hopefully mitigate its effects that way.

When that's possible, of course. For what caused my current burnout was unfortunately a series of overlapping events that I could not avoid, or do anything about. It was almost as if life chose to keep throwing things at me, each more intense and impossible to avoid, until I broke. But then life can be like that sometimes.

Autistic burnout is, of course, different from normal burnout, in what causes it and how it presents. It is, more often than not, a breakdown of our ability to cope with the demands being placed on us and not with how much we can carry. We are used to carrying insane loads and with having to work so much harder than most other people, just to keep putting one foot in front of the other through life. In fact, I know that I never really rest, not even now. My life is one long and continuous assessment and checking on whether the routines I have in place are being maintained. Whether I have done everything, on what needs to be done and finding new ways to blames myself for why it hasn't been done yet. There is no such thing as not working as far as my brain is concerned. And because I never stop, I don't know how to stop. How to heed the signals of tiredness and exhaustion and how to not knuckle down and continue anyway. It has been the story of my life. In work and everywhere else, always push, push, push.

And perhaps this is why autistic burnout is so common and possibly even inevitable. The sheer effort that life already is. The constant raggedy edge we walk just to get through a day and how in doing this day after day, all we end up doing is teaching ourselves to ignore the warning signs and that our needs are even important. And end up learning instead, that all that really matters is the next plodding step, no matter the load we are already carrying.

#Autism
#ActuallyAutistic

Tim_McTuffty , 2 days ago to actuallyautistic

Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 205 , Monday 20/05/2024

Was up till the early hours of this morning with stomach cramps after last nights daring attempt to eat scrambled eggs & beans for tea.

Spent the day getting lots of exercise up & down the stairs to take a pew, if you get my drift.

Attempted to interact on here a couple of times but my brain is apparently on sick leave so it didn’t go exactly to plan 🙄🤦‍♂️

Hopefully tomorrow will be better !

Final Thoughts.

Is the babel fish truly a fish if it spends most of its life out of water ?
This & other great questions of our age will have to wait until I can think straight!

Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖

@actuallyautistic
#TimsASDjourney #ActuallyAutistic #Neurospicy #TheMammutMoves

Tim_McTuffty , 3 days ago to actuallyautistic

Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 204 , Sunday 19/05/2024

Up around 8am , Sunday turned out to be a lovely sunny day , which I enjoyed, relaxing & recovering!

Caught up on Mastodon, there are some tremendous folk on here !

Still struggling with the old appetite , exhausted as buggery but I am defo on the way back up !

Apparently there are albino badgers out there ! This is a wonder of the world !

Final Thoughts.

You know when you’re a kid & you dream of your future …

Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖

@actuallyautistic
#TimsASDjourney #ActuallyAutistic #Neurospicy #TheMammutMoves

Tim_McTuffty , 4 days ago to actuallyautistic

Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 203 , Saturday 18/05/2024

Ruff as a bears bum today, no energy, no appetite, everything I do hurts.

It’s probably only man-flu again, I seem to catch every bug going at the moment & regular Squirrel Spotters will be aware that I’m a bit of a wuss when it comes to common or garden illness. 🙄🤦‍♂️

I keep plodding along, hoping that I catch a break at some point.

I am better this afternoon, this morning I felt like death warmed up, lunch was 5/6 of 2 rounds of toast - don’t ask - & tea will be venturing into the dubious gastronomic delights of a can of tommy soup.
I am a little brighter & well enough to write my diary, so that is an improvement.

Final Thoughts.

Please can someone hail a Delorean to transport me back to my 40s ?

I have to say that I am in total awe of those folk I know who live with chronic pain, chronic depression is a walk in the park in comparison, you peeps are the bravest folk I know!

Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖

@actuallyautistic
#TimsASDjourney #ActuallyAutistic #Neurospicy #TheMammutMoves

18+ Tim_McTuffty , 5 days ago to actuallyautistic

Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 201 , Friday 17/05/2024

The number of things that trigger me that I have to keep bottled up , for the sake of a quiet life ! l
Like her taking just the stuff out of the dishwasher she needs (sometimes moving other pots out of the way & then putting them back in the dishwasher ! ) & just the stuff she needs - generally to make her morning snack, which she then leaves for me to tidy away!
It’s even more triggering on days when she is working from home!
No wonder all motivation is dead well before mid-day!

Once upon a time men were criticised for going to work & leaving everything else to their wives, well I have news for the world, that never went away & has achieved true equality! Certainly in our household!
It’s 09:12 & my day is fecked & I still have the dishwasher to empty, her dishes to wash / put in the newly emptied dishwasher & then hang out the laundry.
Don’t get me wrong I fully appreciate that I have to contribute , but I never signed up for this & I don’t know how to tackle it.
GP suggested marriage guidance - yeah sure that’ll work well with my autistic nature & dislike of humaning !
Sometimes it’s all too much & I just want my head to explode & get it over with !

Oh now I’m coughing & aching all over, gimme a break !
Seems I’ve come down with another bug ! Achy, stomach rebelling at the thought of lunch, freezing cold - got a warm top on and wrapped in a blanket. Had a warm Ribena™ (my hot drink of last resort) which appears to have helped a little.
Is it normal for hot drinks to mean you feel colder when you initially drink them - my body thinks so at the moment!
Ahhhh !!! I cannot get a break this year !
And another thing my tinnitus is so loud ! *grumpily snuggles deeper into blanket.
I refuse to go to bed at 13:54 on a moderately sunny summers day !
I shall kill baddies instead & hope I don’t die too much.

Ok it’s 18:30 I’m on the brink of falling asleep.
No appetite , which is a damn shame it being pizza night!

Final Thoughts.

I’ll be the one at the taxidermist….

Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖

@actuallyautistic
#TimsASDjourney #ActuallyAutistic #Neurospicy #TheMammutMoves

Tim_McTuffty , 6 days ago to actuallyautistic

Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 201 , Thursday 16/05/2024

Up early again , the weather was miserable again, bouts of heavy rain interspersed with showers in the very occasional burst of sunshine.

The weather absolutely affects my mood, so it has been a challenge to interface with the world today.

At least it’s still fairly warm, having the windows open, if only a little , is really nice for me, a bit of a sensory high. 😊

Final Thoughts.

A quiet early summer day , with classic UK weather.

Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖

@actuallyautistic
#TimsASDjourney #ActuallyAutistic #Neurospicy #TheMammutMoves

Tim_McTuffty , 7 days ago to actuallyautistic

Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 200 , Wednesday 15/05/2024

Up early again , breakfast, chores , whole 9 yards.

I’ve been referred to the local cardiology dept for my dizzy spells , phone appointment next month, I don’t hold out much hope that they will get anywhere, but never say never hey !

Octopus Energy , after an initially promising start, have totally failed to get our smart meter system working properly. Both meters appear to be transmitting so that at least is an improvement but the IHD is only showing electric readings. In the latest episode the help desk lass - ‘Edna’ gave me the instructions to set up a budget …. Despite me sending her a photo showing that the IHD is NOT seeing the gas meter at all!
I mean will setting a budget magically get the comms going between the gas meter & the IHD ? I think not !

Final Thoughts.

Why is it so hard to get seemingly simple things done in this world ?

Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖

@actuallyautistic
#TimsASDjourney #ActuallyAutistic #Neurospicy #TheMammutMoves

Tim_McTuffty , 8 days ago to actuallyautistic

Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 198 , Tuesday 14/05/2024

Up just before 6am for some reason that will have scientists puzzled long after the Unified Field Theory is discovered!

Breakfast is done & coffee is drunk.
I sit looking at my TL & feeling a strange reluctance to engage. It’s not that anyone has upset me or that I’m particularly triggered by a toot . I just shy away from interaction with the rest of the Fediverse.
Some of it is that I feel overwhelmed by the number of folk I have to respond to - I have to respond to everyone who mentions me or who greets the world at large, it’s an unconscious imperative for me.
Most days I love this level of interaction, it energises me & elevates my spirits, but not today.
I will engage with folk, because I feel that I will failed them & myself if I don’t.
Maybe a shower first though, prevaricating ….

Ok so the day got better & SM was engaged with !

Hit Fo4 this afternoon then the usual evening activities.

Final Thoughts.

Ok struggling at the moment , thank Nuggan it’s warm & mostly sunny otherwise it might be quiet grim!

Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖

@actuallyautistic
#TimsASDjourney #ActuallyAutistic #Neurospicy #TheMammutMoves

Tim_McTuffty , 9 days ago to actuallyautistic

Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 198 , Monday 13/05/2024

Up early for some reason beyond this simple squirrels reasoning.
Tidied up after herself, did my chores & went for a walk in the warm early summer sunshine !

I cannot seem to find the impetus to get stuff done, I work best to a deadline & the only person pushing me at the moment is me, which would be fine but I have minimal motivation levels at the moment.

I’m wondering from day to day like a leaf blowing in the breeze, no direction, no purpose.
At least the days are warm now & a lot sunnier, saving energy is easier , my lone mission to drag our energy bills down is less onerous in the summer.

Final Thoughts.

I suspect that I am going through a depressive episode, I hope I come through to the other side soon.

Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖

@actuallyautistic
#TimsASDjourney #ActuallyAutistic #Neurospicy #TheMammutMoves

Tim_McTuffty , 10 days ago to actuallyautistic

Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 197 , Sunday 12/05/2024

Finally managed to get a lie in , up at 8am. Breakfast, a few chores & then got abused by the cats demanding brushing & snuggles !

It’s been a lovely warm day , have had a really relaxed day.

Currently waiting for the promised thunder storm … I love a good thunder storm but have been sadly disappointed recently !

Final Thoughts.

Is it time for bed yet ?

Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖

@actuallyautistic
#TimsASDjourney #ActuallyAutistic #Neurospicy #TheMammutMoves

Tim_McTuffty , 11 days ago to actuallyautistic

Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 196 , Saturday 11/05/2024

Woke up around 6:30 to the sound of Oliver exercising his lungs again & Mrs S. deciding that stupid early was a good time to get up on a Saturday!

It has been a gloriously sunny day, I have had the patio doors open & passively enjoyed the warmth.

MiL is still in hospital , she is ok , just awaiting discharge which is currently due on Monday.

It has been a quiet day.

Watching ‘Shang-Chi & the legend of the 10 rings’ , not a bad movie at all.

Final Thoughts.

I hope I get to see the Aurora tonight !

Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖

@actuallyautistic
#TimsASDjourney #ActuallyAutistic #Neurospicy #TheMammutMoves

Tim_McTuffty , 12 days ago to actuallyautistic

Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 195 , Friday 10/05/2024

I woke when herself decided that 05:45 was a good time to get up - must get in the hours reading time before we go to work!

Managed to get out for another walk , a bit earlier today & those I came across were a lot friendlier than yesterday , everybody responded & smiled 😊 .

Did the daily chores but was in a funny mood, I really felt the need for isolation today , I had a quick spin on Masto but then hid away for the day.

I was strangely chuffed by being visited by 3 bees today , one was a seriously tubby bumble bee !
In contrast I noticed this evening that the 3 spiders who had taken up residence in the top outside corners of our kitchen window have vanished, they left egg balls but either they haven’t hatched or the youngsters have hatched & left. Point being , that for the first time in several years no spiders - & barely any midges from the pond . So I wonder if the spiders left due to lack of prey ?

Finished the day with a pizza, a couple of pints of cider & a ‘Silent Witness’ or 2 .

Final Thoughts.

I had a thought yesterday following a conversation with a neighbour:
I find it ridiculously hard to start conversations , but once started I find it more difficult to end them, I don’t seem to recognise the body language that says ‘bugger off , we’re done here’ & continue to witter on, until it gets awkward or the other party (as happened yesterday ) gets interrupted by a 3rd party.
I wonder if this is related to my autistic self. I wonder if other autistic folks have a similar experience ?

Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖

@actuallyautistic
#TimsASDjourney #ActuallyAutistic #Neurospicy #TheMammutMoves