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@Susan60@aus.social avatar

Susan60

@[email protected]

Lifelong learner, leftie, AuADHD, Bunurong country, Australia. She/her. Won’t boost photos without alt txt (unless I forget!).

This profile is from a federated server and may be incomplete. Browse more on the original instance.

chevalier26 , to actuallyautistic
@chevalier26@mastodon.social avatar

@actuallyautistic How do y’all deal with people who say that autism doesn’t even exist, and that it “suddenly” cropped up over the past few generations because people have been “mentally coddled”? Somewhat in the same vein as “there is a diagnosis epidemic” but much more extreme.

Susan60 ,
@Susan60@aus.social avatar

@chevalier26 @actuallyautistic

I haven’t bumped into it myself, but it would depend on the person. I might tell them that in the past most were misdiagnosed, or simply written off as weird, or institutionalised, orctolerated as that weird uncle or aunty, or burnt as witches, or became mystics or artists & were tolerated as such… Or I might not bother.

Tim_McTuffty , to actuallyautistic
@Tim_McTuffty@beige.party avatar

Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 231 , Saturday 15/06/2024

So Geoff (you remember Geoff, the Gouty Great Left Toe ) was an asshole last night, ended up with him going commando stuck out the end of the bed!
Thankfully being evicted from the bed was enough to calm him & sleep ensued.

Up around 7am, breakfast, chores & knocking around the Fediverse for most of the day.

Out of the blue my Dad rang - he very rarely calls, but like me he is polite to fault & was calling to say thank you for his Father’s Day card.

I’ll catch up with him tomorrow when we go over to Liverpool for my Bro’s birthday.
Geoff is almost certainly gonna disapprove come Monday morning!

Watching Roadhouse (the new version) this evening, a surprisingly good , turn yer brain off movie, lovin the soundtrack too, I hope it’s on one of the streaming services !

Ohhhh on Apple Music! Cool !

Final Thoughts.

I’m a bit worried that I’m missing something - not felt the urge to hit the PlayStation in like 3 days …
Hey ho.

Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖

@actuallyautistic

Susan60 ,
@Susan60@aus.social avatar

@PixysJourney @Tim_McTuffty @actuallyautistic

This comment popped up in my feed, out of context. Somewhat disturbing. 😂😂😂

Susan60 ,
@Susan60@aus.social avatar

@PixysJourney @Tim_McTuffty @actuallyautistic
I wasn’t sure what you wanted him to cut off!

Susan60 ,
@Susan60@aus.social avatar

@PixysJourney @Tim_McTuffty @actuallyautistic

I did read that. I had to go and look to reassure myself that nothing sinister was taking place. 😂😂😂

Susan60 ,
@Susan60@aus.social avatar

@Tim_McTuffty @PixysJourney @actuallyautistic

On my way to the airport!

chestas , to bookstodon
@chestas@aus.social avatar

I just read the most sublime paragraph.

"What mazes there are in this world. The branches of trees, the filigree of roots, the matrix of crystals, the streets her father recreated in his models. Mazes in the nodules on the murex shells and in the textures of sycamore bark and inside the hollow bones of eagles. None more complicated than the human brain, Etienne would say, what may be the most complex object in existence; one wet kilogram within which spin universes."

All The Light We Cannot See by Anthony Doerr

@bookstodon

Susan60 ,
@Susan60@aus.social avatar

@courtcan @Curmudgeon @chestas @bookstodon

I really like it, but this prose is beautiful, so now I need to read the book.

LehtoriTuomo , to actuallyautistic

One of the stereotypes with autistic people is that one is clumsy. Before I self-diagnosed I thought I'm not clumsy. Recently I've become very aware that, actually, I am. Not in relation to big things but dropping small things, knocking them over etc. I've just learned to react quick and often catch them before they hit the surface. If I'm tired, then things start to go wrong.

@actuallyautistic

Susan60 ,
@Susan60@aus.social avatar

@KatS @LehtoriTuomo @actuallyautistic

I was a bit like that. I practised ball skills etc at home, but was still unco. Playing a couple of seasons of indoor cricket in my early 20s (not very well but it was great fun) helped enormously. Activities like that & golf require a great deal of study & thought & not much natural ability, although practice certainly helps.

My sister OTOH was a sporting all rounder & my brother was a caddy golf champion at the local club where he caddied, & I think both are/were autistic. My team were always very happy to have her fill in if someone dropped out. (She would’ve joined the team, but lived some distance away.)

I loved being active (ADHD) but wasn’t good at sport & was horribly self conscious about that as a child.

Susan60 , to actuallyautistic
@Susan60@aus.social avatar

Wondering whether some older undiagnosed autistics might’ve been mis-diagnosed with dementia due to poorer executive function as they age & cope less well with stress. @actuallyautistic

Susan60 OP ,
@Susan60@aus.social avatar

@EVDHmn @actuallyautistic
Older people can become “set in their ways”, & I’m wondering how many of those who promoted that saying were AuADHDers whose ADHD mellowed as they aged.

Susan60 OP ,
@Susan60@aus.social avatar

@pathfinder @actuallyautistic
Yes, a daunting prospect.

Susan60 OP ,
@Susan60@aus.social avatar

@Tooden @actuallyautistic
OFFS. A panic attack is a very different thing to psychosis.

Susan60 OP ,
@Susan60@aus.social avatar

@EVDHmn @actuallyautistic
Some rest time is good.

Susan60 OP ,
@Susan60@aus.social avatar

@EVDHmn @actuallyautistic

Definitely. The living area is a mess - boxes, an old sheet, a length of cord, ping pong balls etc. And my clothes are covered in white fur. And I couldn’t be happier. 😁

Susan60 OP ,
@Susan60@aus.social avatar

@Tooden @actuallyautistic
And they should be educated to know the difference!

Susan60 OP ,
@Susan60@aus.social avatar

@bananamangodog @Tooden @actuallyautistic

It’s our wandering uteri’s ex that are the problem. Oh, wait… I’ve had a hysterectomy. 🤔

Susan60 OP ,
@Susan60@aus.social avatar

@EVDHmn @actuallyautistic

They’re indoor cats, and gentle with us. Fred now greets me at the door. George is the naughtier one, so naturally he’s bonding well with my partner. 😁

Susan60 OP ,
@Susan60@aus.social avatar

@Tooden @actuallyautistic

EDs can be scary places.

Susan60 OP ,
@Susan60@aus.social avatar

@caity @bananamangodog @Tooden @actuallyautistic
😂😂😂

snoopy_jay , to actuallyautistic German
@snoopy_jay@mastodon.world avatar

@actuallyautistic To those who do not (!) have children: Is family important to you? I can not say that my family has mistreated me in any way or not accepted me the way I am, and yet I am drifting away further and further every year. I think I haven't seen any of them in, like, 7 years? I think I just don't like spending time with humans, related or not? 🫥

Susan60 ,
@Susan60@aus.social avatar

@alexisbushnell @snoopy_jay @actuallyautistic

Oh that’s tough.

I think that people weighed down with low self esteem are more at risk of projecting their issues onto others like them & despising those people, with the potential for abuse if they don’t take responsibility for their own behaviour.

In some families, respect & compassion are the norm.

Most families & the individuals in them are somewhere in-between. Negotiating the boundaries is difficult, but worthwhile if healthy relationships can be established, because people with similar issues & backgrounds have the potential for greater understanding .

Susan60 , to actuallyautistic
@Susan60@aus.social avatar

I watched the first episode of this yesterday. I started watching Love on the Spectrum before I self-realised, but unsurprisingly, became irritated by the way people were infantilised. I did like Michael however & I think this show has promise. 🤞🏼@actuallyautistic

https://www.abc.net.au/news/2024-06-06/michael-theo-stars-in-new-abc-drama-comedy-austin/103937648?utm_source=abc_news_app&utm_medium=content_shared&utm_campaign=abc_news_app&utm_content=other

Susan60 OP ,
@Susan60@aus.social avatar

@skyfire747 @actuallyautistic

Yeah, same here. We learned too little about them, with the whole focus being on their pursuit of romance & their social skills or lack thereof. What strengths & skills did they have?

Imagine if we’d seen these people discussing their disabilities & experiences with each other. Honestly & openly. A big ask for them to expose themselves that way on TV, but what we saw was choreographed masking.

LehtoriTuomo , to actuallyautistic

Been thinking about smiling/not smiling as masking. Yesterday I had a meeting with a colleague, me being tired. Suddenly I realized I'm not smiling and wondered whether I would've smiled in this situation when I didn't understand I'm autistic. I might've forced a smile before but now I didn't feel like smiling so I didn't. This wasn't the first time I realized I'm not smiling while the situation is such that it'd be "desirable" that I do smile.

On the other hand, I've understood that I've started unmasking even before I knew I was masking by smiling when I feel like it walking down the street. I might be just happy, see something nice, or maybe think about something amusing. People don't usually smile on their own and I've recognized this impulse to hide one's smile.

@actuallyautistic

Susan60 ,
@Susan60@aus.social avatar

@pathfinder @LehtoriTuomo @actuallyautistic

Yes, I think men get away with not smiling more than women. I can relate to smiling when I’m not with anyone. If I’m in a good mood, think of something funny or sweet, see something nice, I’ll smile. But I’ve given up for I g smiles to be “nice”.

Susan60 ,
@Susan60@aus.social avatar

@ScottSoCal @pathfinder @LehtoriTuomo @actuallyautistic

We had a female politician make a comment on a state budget & get asked what on earth she would know about economics. She left her job as an economics professor to enter parliament. Not sure if she got told to smile more.

autism101 , to actuallyautistic
@autism101@mstdn.social avatar

Do you have any clothing routines? I own eight gray plain t-shirts with no tags which I love. I often will just wear them over and over again.

@actuallyautistic

Susan60 ,
@Susan60@aus.social avatar

@autism101 @actuallyautistic
Nope. I’m a sensory seeker. I like colour & texture (not scratchy tags!) & variety in my clothes.

But when I was working, I would have dearly appreciated having someone to choose & lay out my clothes of a morning, or a uniform, because I didn’t always have the spoons.

pathfinder , to actuallyautistic
@pathfinder@beige.party avatar

@actuallyautistic

I often describe myself as a minimal speaker. It's because whilst I can speak, unless seriously overwhelmed, I vastly prefer not to. In large part, this is because the effort of speaking, and it is, more often than not, a real effort for me, rarely seems worth it. Since realising I am autistic, I have come to realise why this could be and also why communicating on here is so much easier and not just because it's text, because I struggle with that elsewhere too.

Language, whether text or verbal, is communication. Whether that be communicating thoughts, or feelings. Expressing emotions, or ideas. It is the medium and not the source. The source is where these things are coming from and it is what shapes our use of the medium and therefore in large part the assumptions we make about how others are using it and therefore the likely success of any communication.

Enter the double-empathy theory and the general acknowledgement that autism is a fundamental difference in the ways in which our brains work, often exampled by describing it as a different operating system. It means that whilst I am using the same language to talk with allistics, how we're both using it, the ends and purpose, even the nature of the information being transmitted, can often be fundamentally different.

An example I have used, is to compare it to a foreign language speaker with a reasonable understanding of the local language, but having to work incredibly hard to keep up with a conversation and having to constantly check their translations and whether or not they were making the right replies and not offending anyone. But to be truly accurate, you would also have to add in a cultural divide, a root level difference in the expectation and assumptions they are making about life and how this was also shaping their communication.

This, I think, is why speaking has always been so hard for me. Why it's always been so much of an effort and often without point. It's not that I am speaking a foreign language, or that my words themselves can't be understood. But that the information I am attempting to convey and the intended purpose of that information, is so far out of phase with the expectations of those around me, that miscommunication, confusion and the all too familiar fallout becomes almost inevitable. It's also why speaking here is so much easier.

Effective communication is more than just using the right words, it's about realising the intent and purpose behind those words. About understanding where someone is coming from as much as what they are trying to say. And that, as the saying goes, takes two to tango.


Susan60 ,
@Susan60@aus.social avatar

@pathfinder @actuallyautistic

And this is where we differ, which is a change!

I’ve always been a talker, because of my deep need to question, explore & discuss. At primary school my social skills were poor, but I loved classroom discussions about “interesting” topics & deep & meaningful with my few friends, & of course, adults. And that never stopped.

I remember being approached by a 10yo when on yard duty one day, who proceeded to explain to me how refrigeration works. I was fascinated, not by refrigeration, but by his interest. When I mentioned it in the staff room, colleagues “empathised” with me for being caught by him. I felt saddened by their response. Now I know why!

Susan60 ,
@Susan60@aus.social avatar

@pathfinder @actuallyautistic

I always have lots of questions, need to clarify, to understand how & why… I was about to say that I probably drove my parents nuts, but I think my mother loved it, when it happened at suitable times.

olena , to actuallyautistic
@olena@mementomori.social avatar

Speaking of joking.
When I was young, pretty often when I wanted to make a joke, I was too embarrassed to do that personally, so instead of joking directly, I’d add “as one of my friends says…”, or “as I’ve read recently…”(obviously, there were no friend and no book, it was just some snarky comment I came up with and desperately wanted to drop). I didn’t do that with serious things, it was just a way to slip in a joke - because doing it openly felt too daring for some reason.
When I got older, I used to do it less and less often, and now (almost?) don’t do that (probably?), but I still don’t quite understand why I was: what it was actually for, why did I need, what it was supposed to solve.
Is this also some thing? Something related to RSD? Part of autistic masking? Or just my own weird thing?
@actuallyautistic

Susan60 ,
@Susan60@aus.social avatar

@olena @actuallyautistic

Sounds like a defensive masking thing. I didn’t do it, but had to be feeling confident to date making what I thought was a witty remark. Still do. Usually such remarks are well received, but often with quite a high level of surprise. Susan said that?

dave , to actuallyautistic
@dave@autisticnomad.social avatar

@actuallyautistic

How granular is your taste?

I never really considered 'taste' to be a part of interoception, but... why wouldn't it be? It's a signal from your body.

Like many other of my bodily sensations, I discovered today that I have trouble differentiating and identifying tastes.

What's the difference between sour and bitter? I'm not sure I could tell you - they're both just "not good".

This makes my new espresso hobby so much more difficult 😂

Susan60 ,
@Susan60@aus.social avatar

@dave @actuallyautistic

My partner has an excellent palate for food & is pretty good on wine. His sister discovered, while on holiday in Ireland & Scotland, discovered that she has an excellent palate for whisky/key.

Richard_Littler , to actuallyautistic
@Richard_Littler@mastodon.social avatar

I finally found a copy of NeuroTribes: The Legacy of Autism and How to Think Smarter About People Who Think Differently by @stevesilberman

An amazing book (and much needed, given the volumes of disinformation out there). Highly recommended, whether you're neurodivergent or not.
@actuallyautistic

Susan60 ,
@Susan60@aus.social avatar

@Richard_Littler @stevesilberman @actuallyautistic

I got part way through it but returned it cos it was overdue & someone had put in a request. I didn’t want to keep them waiting. A somewhat autistic thing to do.

olena , to actuallyautistic
@olena@mementomori.social avatar

Everytime I stand in front of the door and frantically search for the keys in my bag, all that makes me panic, pushes me to the verge of tears - even though it is not such a big deal because I’m not in a hurry and if anything, the concierge has a spare pair.
So, naturally, my brain tries to compensate for a possible fail - and every time I walk home, I feel almost unbeatable urge to get my keys out of my bag to my hand when I am still like 200 meters from home.
I suppose, it’s the same overcompensation mechanism that makes me come to airport at least two hours before the departure and to a train station at least an hour before, buy spares of essentials each time a bottle starts feeling not full, or always have a stocked pantry(though there may be multiple of ones and none of others as I always forget to check what I have before going to the store)

Is this exaggerated(to the point of creating problems) ‘better safe than sorry’ something people are more prone to? Do you guys also do that?
@actuallyautistic

Susan60 ,
@Susan60@aus.social avatar

@olena @actuallyautistic

I can definitely relate, and can also see this in my partner. (I’m happy to get to the airport at the recommended time, early but not stupidly do, but he’d rather get there at least an hour earlier again.)

filmfreak75 , to actuallyautistic
@filmfreak75@mastodon.social avatar

@actuallyautistic looking for non-rabid fans for discussions of both the classic and revival series

and by non-rabid, i mean people not on the “it’s gone woke”, “Jodi Whittaker destroyed the series”, etc. bandwagon

Susan60 ,
@Susan60@aus.social avatar

@filmfreak75 @actuallyautistic

I liked Tom Baker & adored Eccleston & Tennant. Since then I’ve found the writing has varied. I’ve really liked some stories, & been left a little nonplussed by others. I do think it’s the writing more than the actors. I loved Ncuti in Sex Education, but the “Disneyfication” experience has not worked well for me. Partner & my oldest have remained pretty solid fans throughout.

Susan60 ,
@Susan60@aus.social avatar

@filmfreak75 @actuallyautistic
The special was ok, baby episode … nope. The next episode was ok until it turned into Dr Who the musical, which would be ok as a separate, stand alone special.

I love Luhrman films, but couldn’t get through the opening scenes of La La Land & Barbie.

Susan60 ,
@Susan60@aus.social avatar

@filmfreak75 @actuallyautistic

I’ve liked a lot of Disney stuff over the years, but Dr Who is unique. I’d rather a return to tinfoil & wire coat hanger props & costumes than disneyfication.

Susan60 ,
@Susan60@aus.social avatar

@manu @filmfreak75 @actuallyautistic

I have to admit that I haven’t actually kept tabs on the writers themselves, so it’s interesting to read this.

dyani , to actuallyautistic
@dyani@social.coop avatar

Any other autistic kin struggle with speech and articulation when they were little?

I'm recording an instructional voice-over today and my mom just told me I used to have a lisp when I was little. That's news to me!

I definitely notice sludgy articulation around L and S sound as an adult. Outside of voice over recording, I could not care less about my articulation. But it is interesting!

@actuallyautistic

Susan60 ,
@Susan60@aus.social avatar

@dyani @brooke @actuallyautistic

Oh wow! My mum loved to sing & so do I. Singing is great for breath control, especially if you participate in a choir with a good choir leader, which I did for a while. I used to watch musicals as a kid. Maybe I was learning how to sing & breathe.

chevalier26 , to actuallyautistic
@chevalier26@mastodon.social avatar

@actuallyautistic
Read an article recently that claimed autistic individuals are less likely to succumb to marketing and impulse buying. I think this is true about myself.

I am aware that AuDHD can often work against this, and make shopping a dreadful experience because of the push and pull of "wanting" but not "needing" something. I'd love to hear y'all's experiences/opinions.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-fallible-mind/201708/why-advertising-falls-flat-in-individuals-autism

Susan60 ,
@Susan60@aus.social avatar

@svenscholz @chevalier26 @actuallyautistic

I’m AuADHD, & generally rather frugal. Occasionally my ADHD, or maybe my Austistic gullibility, or my ADHD RSD (or just plain not so smart decision making) might’ve had me lash out on something not so wise & or a bit expensive. More often though, when I have lashed out, it’s been something really good at a good price that I’ve been really happy with. Like a half price leather jacket that I’ve had lots of wear out of.

Susan60 , to actuallyautistic
@Susan60@aus.social avatar

Just saw an interesting post by someone missing the simplicity of their childhood. I know that most people wear rose coloured glasses when they’re feeling nostalgic, but I wonder how many autistic people read such posts & think, “No way!”?

I had lots of fun & interesting times during my childhood & adolescence, but there was also so much complexity, confusion & distress. Learning to mask made it easier. I could at least pretend to understand what was going on & therefore attract less negative attention.
@actuallyautistic

Susan60 OP ,
@Susan60@aus.social avatar

@gooba42 @actuallyautistic
Ah…
I found high school easier due to a bigger pool of potential friends & better social skills. OTOH, dealing with raging hormones was a massive challenge.

Susan60 OP ,
@Susan60@aus.social avatar

@anomalon @actuallyautistic

That’s a good point, & one that I’m guessing a lot of people could relate to.

I developed a very simplistic, linear way of thinking, probably in my attempt to reduce the confusion. It worked for me, but shut down my creative & problem solving capacity. I felt like I was constantly in survival mode, never getting ahead.

I think that started to change when I started teaching & learned more about thinking tools such as mindmaps. Something which was probably innate but had been shutdown, sprang into action. But it is exhausting.

Susan60 OP ,
@Susan60@aus.social avatar

@pathfinder @actuallyautistic
I remember when I turned 18. I was working as a bank teller at that time. A customer commented on it being the best time of my life. The teller next to me, an older woman around 40 (!!!) said that she’d found that period difficult. I felt so grateful.

Susan60 OP ,
@Susan60@aus.social avatar

@chevalier26 @actuallyautistic
My teen years were particularly difficult for family reasons. Life became something to endure for several years, and the habit stuck for a long time.

Susan60 OP ,
@Susan60@aus.social avatar

@dancingtreefrog @anomalon @actuallyautistic @n69n

I was watching a colleague teach using Inspiration. My brain exploded. And it’s bottom up. You’re starting with all the details then linking them together to see the big picture.

Uair , to actuallyautistic
@Uair@autistics.life avatar

@actuallyautistic

In other news, I finally got my first ever communication from my mother. She admitted she takes direction from the state; they tell her what she is and isn't allowed to tell me. She also let me know that, with the additional information she knows about my situation, she'd kill herself. I suggested she come visit, we can make it a twofer.

They hit me twice today. My ears have been gonging to the point I'm functionally deaf, and my vision is all blurred.

Fun fun.

Susan60 ,
@Susan60@aus.social avatar

@Uair @actuallyautistic

I’m not up to date with your current situation, but this sounds awful. And I agree, keeping your distance from your mother would probably be a good thing. Wish I had some effective words of comfort to share with you.

Susan60 , to actuallyautistic
@Susan60@aus.social avatar

This speech to parents of autistic children is so poignant.

@actuallyautistic

https://youtu.be/mXnqYRGnAHs

Susan60 OP ,
@Susan60@aus.social avatar

@actuallyautistic

And of course it applies to all children who aren’t what their parents were expecting or hoping for. They all need to be & be loved for who they are.

dave , to actuallyautistic
@dave@autisticnomad.social avatar

@actuallyautistic

I have to admit: I was worried about my trip to Italy. My wife was as well.

It's the first time we've travelled away from home in years - since before COVID - and also the first time since I discovered that I'm Autistic.

I was worried about what unmasking has done to my ability to cope with change, disruption to routine and the chaos and unpredictability of travel.

I used everything that I've learned about being Autistic in the last 10 months, and I actually overestimated how stressful and taxing it would be. By doing so, I planned for a lot of downtime. Taking time off work - and not trying to balance work with travel - has also helped tremendously. It has let me focus on travel and rest.

My wife has a chronic illness, which means she needs just as much - if not more - downtime than I do, which helps avoid conflict between our energy levels and motivation. The pace of our travels seems to work well for both of us.

We planned for two full days in Venice. We spent all day yesterday walking and exploring, and today we're mostly staying in our hotel and recharging. We've both become better tuned to our needs, and we both need this downtime before we move on to the last leg of our trip in Rome.

I do expect this coming week to be a bit more challenging, as I'm returning to work while we're still in Italy. But the last couple of weeks has given me more confidence in my ability to recognize, plan and advocate for my needs, and I'm confident that will carry over into this week as well.

Susan60 ,
@Susan60@aus.social avatar

@dave @kliplet @actuallyautistic
Pompeii wasn’t crowded when we went, & I liked Herculaneum better, although both were amazing.

Susan60 ,
@Susan60@aus.social avatar

@kliplet @ScriptFanix @dave @actuallyautistic

I can deal with busy streets, but not shopping centres with music & echoes @ artificial light & people hoo g every which way…

I’ve had good experiences with Japanese people, but I find good people everywhere.

The walking trail was the sort of thing I was thinking about. When I did my small group tour in SE Asia, there was some time at each location for doing your own thing, or nothing. There needs to be enough of that.

Susan60 ,
@Susan60@aus.social avatar

@kliplet @ScriptFanix @dave @actuallyautistic
I get that some people need that level of input. ADHD types. Our nearest big shopping centre (the largest in the southern hemisphere) has soaring ceilings & lots of natural light now, which I find much easier to tolerate, but the ostentatious consumerism is depressing. The top floor is brand label shops, the types where beautifully dressed customers line up to enter when the centre is busy. Sickens me.

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