There have been multiple accounts created with the sole purpose of posting advertisement posts or replies containing unsolicited advertising.

Accounts which solely post advertisements, or persistently post them may be terminated.

lemmyshitpost

This magazine is from a federated server and may be incomplete. Browse more on the original instance.

Varyk , in The logic is absolutely without flaw

I totally agree. corrolarily, I’m always thinking we should put the clouds under the rain, to use them as umbrellas, rather than over the rain because then the rain falls on us

CoolMatt ,

And they should move all the deer crossing signs to different roads so the deer don’t have to cross where they’re so likely to get hit

Varyk ,

Hahaha, damn right!

affiliate ,

i can’t believe no one else has thought of this, especially since we know how good clouds are at holding water

Varyk ,

Exactly, they’re sky sponges, we’ve mixed up where the rain and clouds go and now it’s some odd tradition to walk around in water when the clouds are right there, RIGHT there.

Write your local congressman

Show them how useful clouds can be

kemsat , in That's what she said?

I know godfather is there for the “my boy” meme, but the port actually looks like him too

waz ,

It’s a reference to “last tango in paris”?

hexabs ,

I’ve seen the movie. Why do you say that?

waz ,

Because he uses butter as improvised lube and quite forcefully sodomises her, which is why I thought the cable port that looks like the arsehole on a dockyard cat, with an inset of Brando, was meaning, yep - buggered hard.

Agent641 , in Discord rule

But its still ok to announce when you have just returned from masturbating, right?

FlyingSquid ,
@FlyingSquid@lemmy.world avatar

Just please wash your hands first.

filcuk ,

Not before a nice wet high five!

Kedly ,

If we high five before I wash my hands, does that make our hands eskimo brothers? (I really am speedrunning how many times I can get comments removed for uh, bigotted?, language)

Sabre363 , in Useful tip for declutering your mind.
DragonTypeWyvern ,

Same, it’s all your fault.

Hiro8811 ,

Exactly what the fuck man?woman?..whatever

LopensLeftArm , in It's breathtaking
@LopensLeftArm@sh.itjust.works avatar

Wyomings and Colorados as far as the eye can see

TexMexBazooka ,

Any agricultural stat.

Yaknow… where the food comes from

LopensLeftArm ,
@LopensLeftArm@sh.itjust.works avatar

Huh?

MisterFrog ,
@MisterFrog@lemmy.world avatar

The joke was that they are square-shaped.

Even_Adder , in When someone says landlords are asking for tips

There’s at least this guy. Check the rest of the videos, this probably wasn’t a joke.

ObviouslyNotBanana OP ,
@ObviouslyNotBanana@lemmy.world avatar

When you finally post something to please the skeptics you get comments on how real it is!

Haagel ,

Oh my God. This guy is serious.

Ottomateeverything ,

Jokes on him. Why the fuck would I tip a server 25 fucking percent. Nor am I tipping someone to pour me a coffee while getting paid a normal fucking wage. And I’m definitely not tipping someone who shows up days later to solve my problems and already robs me of a huge chunk of my salary.

Tipping in this country is fucking out of control.

mmagod ,

i never wanted to strangle someone so much in my life

Scubus ,

Can you mirror to anythihg but tiktok?

spudwart , in Its most common use case is interrupting games

Is this a windows joke I’m too linux to understand?

RedditWanderer ,

Yes if you hold “shift” for 5 seconds, it will attempt to turn on sticky keys, which makes individual key strokes act like if you were holding them down. Individually pressing ctrl, alt, del with sticky keys is like pressing ctrl+alt+del

papalonian ,

Correction because I’m annoying: it’s when you press shift 5 times in a row. It would be terrible if just holding it down for 5 seconds activated it, haha

ThatWeirdGuy1001 ,
@ThatWeirdGuy1001@lemmy.world avatar

It’s both, different computers have different settings

Valmond ,

Ha ha, it’s still so fucking stupid though.

Hey let’s activate hard disk defragmentation if you type 1 2 3 and 4 !!

pimento64 ,

Gee, I wonder why anybody might need an accessibility feature that enables key combinations to be executed one key at a time? I mean, it’s not like there’s anybody alive on Earth who’s missing fingers, or has to use a pointing implement, so I guess we’ll never know.
Windows has a lot of features to make computing easier for the profoundly disabled, you should check the Ease of Access Center to see if there’s one for you.

Valmond ,

So smart to use the shift button. It’s idiotic. Put it in some config panel somewhere instead.

pimento64 ,

It makes it easier for people who struggle to enable it, and the able bodied can learn turn it off as well as the shortcut. It’s not for you or about you, you weren’t considered at all. Skill issue

Valmond ,

Calm down, it’s about a stupid windows feature, not the future of the planet lol.

pimento64 ,

This from the guy who doesn’t know how to use his own computer? Don’t try to save face.

Valmond ,

And here I were, thinking Reddit didn’t leak into Lemmy. Blocked.

marcos ,

KDE has an option to enable them if you want.

0x4E4F ,

So does xfce.

TheBlue22 ,

Its a rite of passage for any computer with a freshly installed windows

root ,
@root@lemmy.world avatar

Was going to say, I don’t remember seeing this anytime recently, then remembered I’ve been daily driving Linux for like 5 years, lol.

Honytawk ,

Is Linux so bad that it doesn’t have accessibility options?

Viking_Hippie , in A psychopath getting 3 wishes from a genie would be a great horror movie.
Vuraniute ,
@Vuraniute@thelemmy.club avatar

im laughing so hard the neighbours will think ive gone insane

samus12345 ,
@samus12345@lemmy.world avatar

Homicide would be justified, I think. Or maybe just force-feeding him shit.

Patches ,

Everyone already has Taste Buds in your asshole

foodbeast.com/…/science-says-testicles-and-anuses…

I was cursed with this knowledge, and now you are too.

Mr_Fish ,
SuperIce ,

Next time you’re stuffing fistfuls of delicious bacon into your mouth, you might want to consider sticking a piece or two of crispy goodness into your crotch, then up your butt for good measure.

That’s a hell of a way to start an article.

Zacryon , (edited )

Disclaimer: I’m not an expert. I invite you to correct me if you know better. Sources are at the end.

If you see taste receptors as chemosensors, then yes. We have those all over the place. In the lungs, brain, kidneys, the gastrointestinal system etc… Even in sperm. Although a lot of those are not well studied yet, it has been found that - depending on the cells and region - they can serve specific purposes, like metabolic regulation, or airway relaxation. Basically a way for you body to react to chemical signals. However, afaik they do not contribute to the taste sensation when you’re eating. (Except of those in your mouth, tongue and nose of course.) So you don’t need to go all Cartman style.

But(t), a lot of those findings have limited validity, e.g., because of investigations using cell cultures instead of in vivo studies, or because several animals have a different (or even completely lacking) set of those receptors than humans.

Sources, which I skimmed for this:

runeko ,
@runeko@programming.dev avatar

McDonald’s purple rotund mascot Grimace was originally conceived as an engorged taste bud. I give you cursed taste bud knowledge in return.

MashedTech ,

I swear, marketing executives seem weirder and weirder.

AceQuorthon , in dong nutte

This is like the Plumbus skit from Rick & Morty, but not narrated by a wifebeater

yamapikariya ,
@yamapikariya@lemmyfi.com avatar

Oh he was found guilty? I heard someone say all the charges were dropped some time ago.

Deebster ,
@Deebster@lemmy.ml avatar

I just looked it up and while the original charges were dropped, there’s new allegations. So a court’s not found him guilty of anything but it doesn’t seem like he’s smelling of roses either.

yamapikariya ,
@yamapikariya@lemmyfi.com avatar

Suppose we just wait and see again then. Thanks for the reference!

Gallardo994 , in Free trial has expired

Let’s remake it. Instead of completely reverting it after 30 seconds, do the following:

  • change timespan to 30 days
  • after each blink, you see a WinRar-esque trial window which you have to close manually by touching your butthole with bare fingers.
Viking_Hippie ,

That last one is just what everyone already has to deal with, though.Right? …right? Guys?

SeeMinusMinus ,
@SeeMinusMinus@lemmy.world avatar

I have a fix. Cut off the tip of one of your fingers and stick it up your ass. Now the WinRar-esque trial window will not show up anymore. Either that or switch to 7z (which is better anyways) but I know you mother fuckers follow bill gates to closely to ever even think of using a program that is free, open source, faster, and just over all better.

Viking_Hippie ,

Way ahead of you! Did that 5 years ago! Still get a notification through my colon that my finger is out of date and needs to be updated now and then, but I just consider that a bonus 🤷

kautau ,

Brings a new meaning to “cracked winrar”

skulblaka ,
@skulblaka@kbin.social avatar

Had me in the first half there. But Bill Gates didn't write winrar and 7zip works just fine on windows, so I'm not sure what that whole rant was about.

Viking_Hippie ,

They had you in the half that began with advising me to cut off one of my fingertips? 🤔

skulblaka ,
@skulblaka@kbin.social avatar

Sure, that part made sense given the context. Sometimes you just gotta do what you gotta do.

HawlSera ,

I know I do, had a hemorrhoid bust back there, now it itches unless I use a bidet which I don’t have

HawlSera ,

Do they even still charge for WinRAR?

MystikIncarnate ,

Yes officer, this comment right here.

agamemnonymous , in Hmmmmmm 🤔🤔🤔🤔
@agamemnonymous@sh.itjust.works avatar

Women belong in the kitchen. Men belong in the kitchen. Everyone belongs in the kitchen. You should know how to cook, it’s a human skill of crucial importance.

Kolanaki ,
@Kolanaki@yiffit.net avatar

Everyone in the kitchen? That’s too many cooks!

bmsok ,

I watched this many years ago with a few friends and it still haunts each and every one of us.

CaptainBasculin ,

Not knowing how to cook in the same era as internet is absolutely unacceptable. Every food recipe is just a few clicks away.

Cort ,

A few clicks and then a really really long scroll to get past the author’s life story.

vivadanang , in 412

I get to 15 of a 20 piece and just…ugh. the human digestive tract wasn’t meant to endure that kind of disrespect.

Administrator ,

disrespect

That’s straight up violence

Neil ,
@Neil@lemmy.ml avatar

deleted_by_author

  • Loading...
  • vivadanang ,

    mmmm ranchickennug slurry, just like mom used to pump from the feeding hose

    newIdentity ,

    I can eat 9-12 if I force myself

    I usually don’t eat that much

    Dkarma ,

    You mean endure that much pureed chicken skin

    GrimSheeper , in When you're young you fear the fentanyl candy, when you grow up you crave it.

    Make sure to thoroughly check your child’s candy this Halloween. There are a lot of sickos out there putting pure, uncut heroin in their candy and just pretending it’s laced with fentanyl.

    jaschen ,

    Fentanyl is more expensive than candy. It’s like asking a crackhead if he could share his 8ball.

    frippa OP ,
    @frippa@lemmy.ml avatar

    I hate it when my mars is cut with chocolate, I eat it to forget my shitty life nodding out, not for empty calories!

    Alexstarfire , in nooooooo

    My friend’s kid used to take ~1 shit a week. What happened is, he got constipated one time and had a very painful shit. Naturally, he didn’t like it, who would, but was too young to understand the situation was abnormal. So, logically, in order to avoid pain while shitty he decided to avoid shitting as long as possible, which resulted in painful shits because it’s a week’s worth coming out at once.

    Ended up being self-fulfilling. This went on for at least several months if not longer than a year.

    So, to answer how not to shit for 3 days; apparently willpower is enough.

    bus_factor ,

    While potty training, my daughter held her poop for over a week. We had to cave and let her use a diaper, because she was at risk of permanent injuries. Then suddenly one day she decided diapers were for babies and started pooping in the toilet.

    _dev_null ,
    @_dev_null@lemmy.zxcvn.xyz avatar

    Then suddenly one day she decided diapers were for babies and started pooping in the toilet

    Watch out though, apparently this can flip right back like a light switch.

    For instance, my dad turn 76 and bam, right back to diapers.

    bus_factor ,

    Oh no! I have a hard enough time changing diapers now, can’t imagine how hard it will be when I’m 109 years old!

    Rai ,

    Jesus… I poop 2-4 times every day.

    I HAVE done a three-day zero-poo adventure many times at festivals. Usually I’d just eat those heavy bars and beef sticks. Then on the way back we’d stop at whatever place has the greasiest food, order an appetizer sampler, and just destroy the place’s toilets.

    Steeve ,

    I don’t want to be friends

    can ,

    I do!

    Swedneck ,
    @Swedneck@discuss.tchncs.de avatar

    honestly i was like this for a while too, though i very much understood what was going on.
    it just becomes a hard cycle to break because we’re so hard-wired to avoid unpleasantness.

    in my case the solution was consuming as much fibre as i possibly can, it’s helped me tremendously with gut health in general. It basically just makes things behave conveniently and sensibly.

    Mudkipology ,
    @Mudkipology@lemmy.world avatar

    Woah, I did the same thing. My parents ended up taking me to several pediatric Psychologists to help figure out what the problem was, including some quack that tried to say I was acting out in subconscious anger because my Grandfather was a Freemason! Not, you know, the fact I didn’t realize that bowel movements aren’t supposed to be painful. I think I made it for two weeks once although I wasn’t keeping exact score. And yes, I did end up in the ER over it at least once that I can remember.

    meowMix2525 ,

    I developed the same weird irrational fear about it from a young age. I’d hold it as long as I could. Even once that embarrassed me enough to start trying to stop, I still wasn’t “regular”. I’d go, it would be painful, and then I wouldn’t have to go again for weeks on end. My mom kept tabs on the situation, took me to all kinds of doctors, tried all different laxatives and stool softeners, got a colonoscopy done, but the answer was always “I guess that’s just her body’s schedule”. Best lead we got was allergy testing that came back positive (mild) for pretty much everything; the worst being eggs, whey/milk, and gluten. Which wasn’t realistic to cut out on our budget but we reduced as much as we could.

    Then my period kind of forced me out of it. So I have a couple big shits around my period that need to be cut with a knife and that’s that. My PCP still asks about it occasionally lol, says her kid had the same issue, but as far as she can tell I’m in perfect health so…

    Aside from the mild embarrassment I get when the topic comes up for whatever reason, I can’t say it’s the worst thing to not have to go super frequently. And I guess I got pretty good control of my bowels from the whole ordeal 😅 Although in terms of people in my life knowing about it from here on, I’ll probably take the entire experience and my “schedule” to my grave.

    Alexstarfire ,

    It’s funny you talk about whey and dairy because this same friend also has two kids who had issues with the proteins in milk as a baby. Same symptoms, constipation. They had to get special formula to alleviate problems. Over time the kids grew out of it.

    Artyom , in nooooooo

    The “why?” Was because this was in the middle of the Oceangate search and the search had been going on for about 3 days at that point.

    hungryphrog OP ,

    Well, that kinda makes sense.

    Prunebutt ,

    But it also makes it more hilarious!

    jaybone ,

    He said he would be in a large tent with air conditioning.

  • All
  • Subscribed
  • Moderated
  • Favorites
  • [email protected]
  • random
  • lifeLocal
  • goranko
  • All magazines