I developed the same weird irrational fear about it from a young age. I’d hold it as long as I could. Even once that embarrassed me enough to start trying to stop, I still wasn’t “regular”. I’d go, it would be painful, and then I wouldn’t have to go again for weeks on end. My mom kept tabs on the situation, took me to all kinds of doctors, tried all different laxatives and stool softeners, got a colonoscopy done, but the answer was always “I guess that’s just her body’s schedule”. Best lead we got was allergy testing that came back positive (mild) for pretty much everything; the worst being eggs, whey/milk, and gluten. Which wasn’t realistic to cut out on our budget but we reduced as much as we could.
Then my period kind of forced me out of it. So I have a couple big shits around my period that need to be cut with a knife and that’s that. My PCP still asks about it occasionally lol, says her kid had the same issue, but as far as she can tell I’m in perfect health so…
Aside from the mild embarrassment I get when the topic comes up for whatever reason, I can’t say it’s the worst thing to not have to go super frequently. And I guess I got pretty good control of my bowels from the whole ordeal 😅 Although in terms of people in my life knowing about it from here on, I’ll probably take the entire experience and my “schedule” to my grave.