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lemmyshitpost

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MrPoopyButthole , in Solid financial advice
@MrPoopyButthole@lemmy.world avatar

Yeah but sucking that much dick is difficult when you don’t have the heroin to forget…

TurnItOff_OnAgain ,
robocall , in Let lemmyshitpost decide...
@robocall@lemmy.world avatar

I guess cry profusely after sex because I never get any

Mandarbmax ,

During.

smotherlove ,

Jokes on you, I’m into that shit.

tourist ,
@tourist@lemmy.world avatar

Same

Option may as well have been “lose an eyelash every time you get elected president of Uzbekistan”

TheWanderer ,

Same! Virgins ASSEMBLE 💪

😭

Slovene ,

… at a brothel

Diprount_Tomato , in A new low
@Diprount_Tomato@lemmy.world avatar

Also, what skills does a fast food chain need?

MissJinx ,
@MissJinx@lemmy.world avatar

Could be a corporate job

wreckedcarzz ,
@wreckedcarzz@lemmy.world avatar

Someone has to keep the peasants in line

smoof ,

*pheasants

jaybone ,

Pretty unprofessional for a corporate job to respond like this.

MissJinx ,
@MissJinx@lemmy.world avatar

Pretty unprofessional for any job

pdxfed ,

Corporate jobs are not the rainman montage, it’s the Step brothers montage.

assassinatedbyCIA ,

You can get rejected if you’re not child labour. They want their workers cheap and children are cheap.

Mirshe ,

Also if you seem too knowledgeable on pesky things like labor rights.

AngryCommieKender ,

KFC uses commercial pressure cookers. You can blow up a kitchen if you aren’t careful around those things. Fast food doesn’t look like it requires skills because they have managed to bring an assembly line to the kitchen. It does require a certain amount of spatial awareness, and the ability to switch tasks rapidly.

CarbonIceDragon , in It's gone too far. It's just gone too far.
@CarbonIceDragon@pawb.social avatar

I thought sexualized police officer costumes have been a thing for awhile now tho?

puppy , in A romantic story

An apple a day keeps the doctor away?

What does it have to be anything with him being deaf? I feel like a piece of the meme is missing.

The_Picard_Maneuver OP ,
@The_Picard_Maneuver@startrek.website avatar

I’m sure that’s what it said before someone edited it into a shitpost. It’s so dumb that it got a laugh out of me.

Triyfer ,

It’s the expected response for the punchline. The twist is he’s deaf so he doesn’t hear the question to give the delivery.

Che_Donkey ,
@Che_Donkey@lemmy.ml avatar

What?

niktemadur ,

Then you know why he’s deaf?
HIS DISHWASHER MAKES A LOT OF NOISE!

RHSJack ,

…WHAT?..

Imgonnatrythis ,

TELL YOUR DISHWASHER TO STFU!

STUPIDVIPGUY ,

yes the joke subverts expectations by not delivering the punchline, making it more funny than if it were the original

jdeath ,

Quite humorous

afraid_of_zombies ,

Anti-joke?

BirdyBoogleBop ,

What?

Klear ,

What?

Imgonnatrythis ,

Thatzthajoke

DrQuint ,

Congrats on explaining the original facebook tier joke.

Congrats on somehow missing that was the joke.

shasta ,

I think the sentence she says at the end is hard to lip read

jasondj ,

He can’t hear what she’s asking.

Hence the “what”.

Also it’s a grammatical horror show. So that doesn’t help either.

rockerface , in No, thank you

How about you explain why do I need to be contacted by a phone call

SatanicNotMessianic , in Uptown Rat

This post has made me spend the last 20 minutes sounding out the word “genetically” in my head to see if it should have four or five syllables. I think I might even pronounce it differently in different contexts.

I am a biologist, by the way.

I have decided it has 4.35 syllables.

I am a mathematical biologist.

Cypher ,

The mathematical biologist

Had to consult a chronologist

Because he spent too much time

Trying to get genetically to rhyme

Hupf ,

I am the very model of a scientist Salarian

PsychedSy ,

Genetic’ly.

GCostanzaStepOnMe , in You're basically losing money if you don't

It’s fifty fifty. Either you win money, or you don’t.

anolemmi ,
@anolemmi@lemmi.social avatar

Just got two Powerball tix for tonight, thanks! Since one ticket is 50%, two should basically guarantee I win!

Gonna go kick my boss in the balls and walk out, should be fine, right? Probably.

son_named_bort ,

I see no flaws here.

Gigan ,
@Gigan@lemmy.world avatar

two tickets actually lowers your odds

50% x 50% = 25%

NorthWestWind ,
@NorthWestWind@lemmy.world avatar

That’s the odds to win both. Op need one of them only.

kSPvhmTOlwvMd7Y7E ,

Go cast your fancy magic someplace else.

surewhynotlem ,

That’s why you should add instead of multiply.

0.5 + 0.5 = 0.10

So the odds are even worse

Karyoplasma ,

Correct. Do it like Homer and use you boss’s head as bongos.

Honytawk ,

That would imply the one organising the gambling isn’t taking a cut.

GCostanzaStepOnMe ,

Nah you’re wrong

ChaoticNeutralCzech , in Skyrim is the new Doom

Now you can have fun while playing Modern Warfare 2

Amir ,
@Amir@lemmy.ml avatar

The old one was fun as fuck

art , in And now Bezos is trying to insert ads everywhere
@art@lemmy.world avatar

I like to bootleg the major studios and patreon the indie artists that are giving their shit away for free.

clonedhuman ,
@clonedhuman@lemmy.world avatar

Yes! I’m right there with you.

Ganbat ,

Where do you stand on indie artists that are using Patreon to act like major studios, e.g. nothing is free and their work is limited release and deleted after the month?

Sharkwellington ,

I find it harder to be upset about what an artist does with their work because they’re the sole creator and didn’t exploit anyone to make it. The limited release stuff doesn’t sound great but none of the artists I follow do that, I certainly wouldn’t support them if they did. If they’re planning to never release the art ever again then I think there’s a fair argument to be made for piracy, although if you’re just waiting for the month to turn over to look at it guilt free, well, I think you’re just trying to justify it to yourself.

Ganbat ,
@Ganbat@lemmy.fmhy.net avatar

I’ve seen a few that delete their stuff after the month and never release it again. IIRC, at least one of them was making relatively huge cash per month and only ever released cropped previews publicly, so that one was definitely what I’d call predatory, but that is just the most extreme case I’ve seen. I hate that false scarcity works so well.

art ,
@art@lemmy.world avatar

I’ve never seen an indie artist on Patreon that delete shit or used any kind of DRM. At least no artist that I’ve been inspired to support.

I try to never steal from people, only corporations.

Ganbat ,

I’ve seen a few different methods. Scrubbed Patreon profiles, archives with passwords that change every month and aren’t redistributed, etc. I’ve run into several artists who do this.

Ubermeisters , in Make sure to toss with olive oil after.

It costs nothing to never put these words together that way though

BonesOfTheMoon OP ,

Good morning you’re welcome have a splendid day.

Ubermeisters ,

😭

TubeTalkerX , in We all need to heal.

I’m pretty sure the animal they used to make transparent stuff went extinct, like the one they used for the original McRib.

steal_your_face ,
@steal_your_face@lemmy.ml avatar

Okja?

johnthedoe ,

Sail into that gentle sea, the majestic Translucent Bison

fushuan ,

You are correct lmao, they do it from plastic with is made from petrol which was made from dinosaurs.

hup ,
@hup@lemmy.world avatar

Vast majority of petrol is dead pine trees but a good effort

Buffalox , in His wish

Poor dog.

But that was pretty funny. ;)

ImplyingImplications , in :(

I’m positive the caption is made up for a joke. The only places that talk about the true origin are subreddits which all seem to say it was drawn in a military bunker.

randint ,

As a Taiwanese, I can confirm the caption was made up. I just looked up “life sentence” and “suicide” in Chinese and got no relevant results. The vibe of the picture does look Taiwanese though

Gork ,

Hasn’t there been a recent trend where the media doesn’t talk about suicides that happened because of copycat suicides that can occur after reporting it?

randint ,

There has been this trend indeed, but I do still see news reports about suicides every now and then.

OrnateLuna ,

Love the approach of lowering suicide rates by not talking about

Dasnap , in An entire Spongebob episode
@Dasnap@lemmy.world avatar

Paramount have literally gone bankrupt because of your actions.

Pinklink ,

Reminds me of that South Park episode.

SSUPII OP ,

Quick, buy more subscriptions to Paramount+!

SomethingBurger ,

We did it, Lemmy!

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