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Charlotte_Thomassen ,

Taught her to walk with her hands put behind like an old man www.youtube.com/watch?v=7BOTUuz_t7A

Xanxia ,

Teach her about Poseidon’s Kiss.

XTL ,

Using capitals

Churbleyimyam ,

That white cows make milk for white coffee and black cows make milk for black coffee.

tamagotchicowboy ,
@tamagotchicowboy@hexbear.net avatar

And strawberry milk comes from red cows.

And009 ,

Where’s my axe

And009 ,

Let me get the axe

WaterWaiver ,

*mooshrooms

MIDItheKID ,

No no no. White cows make milk. Brown cows make chocolate milk.

ICastFist ,
@ICastFist@programming.dev avatar

If you know how, teach her how to whistle real high using the fingers on top of the tongue. One way is by making an O with the thumb and the index finger, bending/rolling your tongue backwards a bit and pressing your fingers against it.

NotMyOldRedditName ,

Oh look at Mr You can just do it this way or that way.

I STILL CANT WHISTLE ALL YOU WHISLTING ELITISTS!!!

😭

CanadaPlus ,

Me neither. I can buzz my lips to a melody without a needing an actual horn, though.

NotMyOldRedditName ,

Do you play a brass instrument?

CanadaPlus , (edited )

I did for like a decade. I’d still play, but I was never as good as my peers, and that shit’s expensive.

It still took a long time to nail the exact movements down, after I made the sound accidentally a couple times. There’s no resonance to rely on the way you can for low brass, at least.

CanadaPlus ,

Give her some unconventional career ideas. Non-edgy ones, of course. I think it would be pretty funny if after a visit from an uncle your kid was talking about sailing knots or something or embalming procedures or something.

Nomad ,

I taught my kid to say “mom drinks beer for breakfast” as soon as she could talk. Wasn’t that popular with the family xD

Zoop ,

Lol! That reminds me of how (when AOL was thing and I was probably way too young to be on it but would use it to talk to family) my mom had me type out and send “I bought a bunch of cars and RECTUM!” via email or AIM out of nowhere to random family members with no context, even though I had no idea why that was funny, but she thought it was hilarious. Which is pretty damn funny looking back!

A_Very_Big_Fan ,

Reminds me of the people who taught their bird to say “mom beats me! oOoOoOoOo”

InputZero ,

If she’s the right age, Teach her The Game. It’s a brain virus game.

Rule number 1 of The Game, you can not think about The Game. When you think about The Game you lose.

Rule number 2, when you think of The Game you have to say that you’ve lost The Game. Ideally loudly and publicly.

Rule number 3, after losing the game you get 30 minutes grace period to stop thinking about it before The Game starts again.

Rule number 4, once you have learned about the game you may either play the game or cheat.

grue ,

https://xkcd.com/391/

Captainvaqina ,

Dangit. It’s been years. You flipping flipper.

NotMyOldRedditName ,

You beat me to it.

Start em young.

Also I lost the game.

WorstCase ,
@WorstCase@lemmy.world avatar

It’s been a while. But now I lost the game again…

lemonSqueezy ,

Tell her a fun fact, in your best science teacher tone. It takes one billion microseconds to get to one second. Hopefully she can run with this and ask more questions.

aramus ,

I’m pretty sure that this is wrong? It should be one million. Am I too tired?

lemonSqueezy ,

My mistake, yes one million.

UpperBroccoli ,

I taught my niece to say “I can’t work like this!”. That was fun!

CentrifugalChicken ,

We got my niece to speak a little Klingon.

RBWells ,

What I like to do with kids that age is cartwheels. One hand, two hands, one foot, two feet.

Good time to introduce them to interesting foods too.

Spitting watermelon seeds really far is also fun.

The macarena.

fubarx ,

Poker. And proper bluffing.

PlantDadManGuy ,

Low-key one of the worst things I think you can possibly teach a child. I’ve actually considered this with my nieces because it would be fun, but teaching kids how to lie convincingly is just a terrible idea on every possible front.

Sanctus ,
@Sanctus@lemmy.world avatar

It’d be hilarious if you taught her how to code Fortran.

cm0002 ,

He said harmless

tiefling ,

Hey this might make her millions in the future

snausagesinablanket ,
@snausagesinablanket@lemmy.world avatar

You sick bastard! Have her do a print loop in BASIC.

ICastFist ,
@ICastFist@programming.dev avatar

I don’t think his niece is named Fortran, tho

EtherWhack ,
@EtherWhack@lemmy.world avatar

Teach her how she can insert “apparently” into every statement.

BananaPeal ,
@BananaPeal@sh.itjust.works avatar

My 8 year old starts almost every sentence with “By the way.”

the_crotch ,

In 80 years your kid could be president

neidu2 ,

And “allegedly”

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