There have been multiple accounts created with the sole purpose of posting advertisement posts or replies containing unsolicited advertising.

Accounts which solely post advertisements, or persistently post them may be terminated.

lemmyshitpost

This magazine is from a federated server and may be incomplete. Browse more on the original instance.

CuriousRefugee , in This qualifies as a Sandwich

Dear Quora, I ate this sandwich but now I haven’t pooped in 23 days. Should I go see a doctor, or will my friend’s MLM elderberry quinoa enema rinse help?

AliasVortex ,

Nothing can help you now. You are one with the cheese and the cheese is one with you…

idunnololz ,
@idunnololz@lemmy.world avatar

Wait that’s cheese? I thought it was butter.

BluJay320 ,
@BluJay320@lemmy.blahaj.zone avatar

Idk why you had to specify the elderberry quinoa enema rinse’s sexuality, but I’m sure it’ll pass on its own in a few years

Starkstruck ,

I think they mean multi-level marketing scheme, not men loving men

BluJay320 ,
@BluJay320@lemmy.blahaj.zone avatar

I know, it was meant as a joke lol

TheImpressiveX , in So you're saying if I put shoes on my dog...
@TheImpressiveX@lemmy.ml avatar
FlyingSquid OP ,
@FlyingSquid@lemmy.world avatar

NOT ALLOWED IN THE BUILDING!

unexposedhazard ,

You dont know if he has bare feet tho. Maybe he is allowed after all.

FlyingSquid OP ,
@FlyingSquid@lemmy.world avatar

You know a dog like that wouldn’t let anyone put shoes on it.

pathief ,
@pathief@lemmy.world avatar

You misunderstood the sign. You can’t smoke the dog, the dog can do whatever the hell it wants. Smoking cigar is allowed, smoking barefeet dogs not allowed.

gofsckyourself , in Justice for Sid

how the was he supposed to know

KrankyKong ,

I added the “fuck” without even realizing it

halvar ,

And I removed the “the” in much the same way.

snooggums , in Pew! Pew!
@snooggums@midwest.social avatar

Churches are clearly ships for ancient astonauts.

Someone get that guy with the crazy hair on the phone!

ThatWeirdGuy1001 ,
@ThatWeirdGuy1001@lemmy.world avatar

I unironically believe most religions are based on actual aliens whose stories have been muddled by human misinterpretation.

Call me the crazy hair guy 😎

notabot ,

Look everyone! That Weird Guy over there is Crazy Hair Guy!

realbadat ,

He recently got laughed at again over Deadpool of all things.

bufalo1973 ,
@bufalo1973@lemmy.ml avatar

I think it could make a nice sci-fi saga. Imagine the bible being only a “broken phone” version of space war propaganda.

MindTraveller ,

You’re looking for Stargate

bufalo1973 ,
@bufalo1973@lemmy.ml avatar

In Stargate they did that but not with Christianity.

MindTraveller ,

Yeah, network executives probably wouldn’t let them. At least they parodied Christianity with the Ori

Blaster_M ,
werefreeatlast ,

That church was definitely made by aliens or at least someone out of this world.

Xtallll , in fantasy
@Xtallll@lemmy.blahaj.zone avatar

Also we have rapiers from the 16th century, but firearms(13 hundreds) haven’t been invented.

son_named_bort , in Felonies, gotta catch 'em all

I like presidents who aren’t convicted felons.

doingthestuff ,

I like presidents who aren’t corrupt octogenarians.

Signtist ,

Yeah. Obviously if a candidate is a criminal that should invalidate them in the eyes of any sane voter, but really the bar should be a lot higher for anyone to be happy with their choice. The real motivation shouldn’t be to vote for the lesser of 2 evils and call it good enough, it should be to literally fight back against corruption until we have options we actually like. Obviously it’s too late for that in this election, but we should already be getting started in the fights to get someone worthwhile in the 2028 elections.

Zachariah ,
@Zachariah@lemmy.world avatar
eager_eagle , in meme
@eager_eagle@lemmy.world avatar

oi, do you hav’an intercourse loicense sir?

Emerald ,

So you gotta have a loicense for each sex act? Why not just a single sex loicense?

SSL Single Sex Loicense

TseseJuer ,

oi! you got uh permet for that loicense m8??

Rolando , in His neighbors live in constant terror

OP is a subatomic particle in a physics lab.

Wogi ,

I am Jack’s light speed hydrogen atom

niktemadur ,

OP is the probability cloud around the nucleus. Don’t poke him or you’ll collapse his wave function.

Creosm , in https://google.com
@Creosm@lemmy.world avatar

Not even https, just http

HorreC , in beholder
@HorreC@kbin.social avatar

wait, this is a thing some people wanna do?? I wonder if I should ask my partner if they want this.

flicker ,

If you ask a group of men what’s the first thing they would do if they woke up as a woman, almost all of them say something about sex.

If you ask a group of women what’s the first thing they would do if they woke up as a man, almost all of them say something about peeing on random objects/in random places.

Lifebandit666 ,

I was recently party to my wife’s friend telling her she had held it and Wifey saying she hasn’t done that.

Then she was all about it, had lots of fun too, so who am I to judge?

HorreC ,
@HorreC@kbin.social avatar

I asked, and was told flatly no, BUT she would like to go and hold a fire hose. So we are looking into if a fire dept is willing to do that.

Lifebandit666 ,

My Pa was a fireman, I’m fairly sure they would gladly have you, especially if you tell em why you’re there from the beginning.

PhlubbaDubba , in Good afternoon, get yr nails did.

What Lesbians see when other lesbians threaten to let their nails grow

Allonzee , in The illusion of free choice

Plot twist - you get this regardless of which one you choose:

https://lemmy.world/pictrs/image/d7731024-b2a5-4fa2-8528-78de91b491c8.png

Rentlar ,

Al Gore had warned us all along! At least we get a bit of pig with it too.

Allonzee ,

Would you rather be alone in the forest with

A) a bear who has been starved and given your scent.

B) Al Gore giving an 8 hour PowerPoint presentation on light switch waste awareness.

r4venw ,
@r4venw@kbin.social avatar

The bear cause he died of starvation, duuuh

Hegar ,
@Hegar@kbin.social avatar

an 8 hour PowerPoint presentation on light switch waste awareness.

You don't need an 8 hour PowerPoint. Instead try the best ad I've ever seen. It's from legendary estonian animator Priit Pärn:

https://youtube.com/watch?v=NkCuh8K4L8s

original_reader ,

So the ad wants me to follow the example of a man leaving his wife and children crying in despair?

Hegar ,
@Hegar@kbin.social avatar

As long as you remember to turn off the lights.

Thcdenton ,

We never took him super cereal :'(

DaGeek247 ,
@DaGeek247@fedia.io avatar

Would still do the nasty with him.

Rexios , in YOU.

I disabled sticker suggestions immediately when they introduced that garbage feature

Scubus , in The power of AI

The best time was when it saved negative percent by adding a word somewhere

gnutrino , in Tour dates

apolgy for poor english

when were you when beethoven dies

i was at house watching dog movie when phone ring

“Beethoven is kill”

“no”

darvocet ,

Sir this is perfect American English.

Resol ,
@Resol@lemmy.world avatar

I think you mean “Beethoven ded”

  • All
  • Subscribed
  • Moderated
  • Favorites
  • [email protected]
  • random
  • lifeLocal
  • goranko
  • All magazines