Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 333 , Wednesday 25/09/2024
Awake before I needed to be this morning, read for a little while until Mrs S got up.
Made breakfast then hit the chores.
Then I went shopping - on my own, in a supermarket (well a discount food place but similar size to a supermarket).
The journey there was a little traumatic, there are 2 routes, the shorter one is on barely maintained roads & more importantly passes a place I worked long ago, for a long time. It holds many memories & reminds me of decisions I made that I have bitterly regretted since.
I really must go the long way next time!
I got to the store in question & then sat in the car in the car park for a good 5 minutes feeling anxious about going in!
WHY! It’s just a shop, no one will judge me, one one will harm me, the worst that can happen is that someone gets to the last box of cadburys milk tray before I do! Oh Nuggan’s holey nuts!!
I pulled myself together & got my ass out of the car & into the store!
Something Squirrel fans might like to know is that I am a very leisurely shopper, I like to make sure that I have explored every aisle & chased down every bargain!
Today this resulted in entering the store when it was near empty & hitting the tills 45 minutes later when the place was considerably busier!
I may have, accidentally, bought chocolate cake. In my defence it was only 2 quid!
I did get some smoked salmon for lunch too.
Got home & unpacked, had a brew & then caught up on here for a while.
This afternoon was largely spent playing FO4 as the ESO servers were down for maintenance.
Final Thoughts.
So today saw a positive (if small) step forward, I took myself off to an out of town store (just) & committed the act of shopping!
Although there was some anxiety involved & a reminder of things best left well forgotten, it was mostly a successful mission.
Tonight took a sad turn when a friend was very upset & I could do nothing to help them. I hope things will be better in the morning.
Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖
Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 331 , Monday 23/09/2024
Up early this morning as Mrs S was in the office.
Very wet in the UK today with an amber weather warning for about ½ the country.
We were lucky, while it has rained & rained & rained there are no local floods.
The tiredness & lack of energy persists today, getting bored with this now.
Played some ESO mostly to keep my mind active & not spend the afternoon asleep, which was plan ‘A’.
Final Thoughts.
Joy we get to do it all again tomorrow - just with different chores - well variety is r the spice of life I guess.
Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖
Apropos of nothing, the idea to not have name tags at a conference “for sustainability reasons”(!!) is ….
Let’s just say incredibly misguided. So many people need that little anchor that helps them connect. Neurospicy folks even more so. Seriously, just print those name tags.
Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 330 , Sunday 22/09/2024
Another quiet Sunday very wet & dull.
The high point was an NMS co-op session, many thanks to yon Pixy for a bright point. 🙏
I am tired, I am drained.
I had a conversation this evening with a close friend, who is optimism personified.
I truly wish I could see the world as they do, but I cannot.
Final Thoughts.
There are prisons that hold criminals, there are prisons that others make for us & there are prisons that we make for ourselves.
The latter are the hardest to escape IMHO, there is not time limit to our self imposed sentences, there are no advocates to argue against our own selves.
The black dog stalks me at the moment, always just the corner of my eye. Stalking me, waiting for me to trip, to fail.
I am close to falling back on coping strategies, eating too much, drinking more. This time around it will be more painful - Geoff will object, in a very painful & obvious way I’m sure.
Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖
Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 329 , Saturday 21/09/2024
Hey I slept well again last night - getting just shy of 7 hours in.
Up early as Mrs S was off on her weekly mission to support her mum.
Despite the sleep once again I’m tired & drained.
Played some co-op NMS with yon Pixy which was fun.
I polished off what was left of last nights oversized pizza for lunch - I maybe a late convert to day after the night before pizza!
Both Mrs S & I are well taken with ‘Slow Horses’ so binge watched season 2 this afternoon.
Mrs S wanted an early tea from the takeaway but I was still quite full from the pizza so we have a lighter meal instead. The takeaway is deferred until tomorrow or Monday.
We finished the day watching ‘Operation Mincemeat’ which while not the best war movie I have ever seen was quite watchable.
Final Thoughts.
I wish I had the energy & motivation to get something substantive done, but this depressive patch is robbing me of both. I am heartily sick of it & often wonder what the point of it all is.
I think I am losing some cognitive ability too, although it might simply be the lack of motivation to do stuff.
Sorting out the itinerant VPN on the router is still outstanding.
I wish I had someone I knew well enough to come over & help, but I’m pretty much the most technical person I know in my immediate circle of people I interact with in the analog world. This is not boasting it’s just that all the techies I used to know are long gone from my life & while my tech knowledge is not particularly impressive to some folks reading this it is more comprehensive than anyone I can call & ask to come round.
I know there are folk on here who far exceed my knowledge of home computing & networks but I need someone I can sit down with, have a cuppa with & work thru the problem with me here.
It is lonely being the only person in a household who can deal with such problems. At least when I lived at home (my mum & dads place) I could call upon my dad & brother to help with some of the mundane stuff & help with things like plumbing & home maintenance type problems. Here almost all problems are my problems & with 90% of them they are mine alone to solve.
I wish I had known that 25 years ago. It might have changed certain decisions.
Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖
Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 328 , Friday 20/09/2024
05:10 Just woke up & I just remembered that my Dad called me on Wednesday, or rather he butt dialled me, twice…. That was it, I texted my baby sister ,who I knew would be in close proximity, & she confirmed he was fine.
He never called after just to chat & check if I was ok. So that will be the sum contact with him until my birthday I guess. I’m so important to him I warrant 2 butt dials every 3 months or so. I wonder if he’d miss me if I simply left?
Such dark thoughts waking up in the dark of an autumn morning, today is not likely to be a good day.
Felt really drained today, I did go back to bed for an hour after breakfast & then forced myself to engage with the day.
Really struggled to do anything much today.
Pizza for tea, they sent a medium instead of a small so pizza for dinner tomorrow too!
Final Thoughts.
My life is running on cycles at the moment, a good day followed by multiple not so good days.
So many things are sapping my energy, my Dad choosing not to actually call me to talk to me being one of them.
We fight on until all the fight in us is exhausted.
Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖
Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 327 , Thursday 19/09/2024
Woke about 05:30. Read for a bit waiting for Mrs S to get up & then did the morning doins.
09:30 Pulled on my big boy pants & called the Talk Therapies people - so it seems the lass who assessed me back at the beginning of August either mis-spoke or I misheard. The waiting time for an appointment is not in fact 2 weeks it’s 3 months!
To be honest I’m not surprised. Because I’m not immediately suicidal then I’m not a priority case.
I think an answer like this was one of the other reasons for my anxiety in calling them - in 3 months I’m either gonna be in crisis or properly on the way to recovery. Either way it will probably be 3 months too late.
Saw a bit of GMB this morning where they were deriding ‘sick note Britain’ & aiming their gaze in the direction of those with MH problems & asking why they are not in work. Well one of the reasons is that folks without MH problems seem to object when folks with chronic MH problems self harm in the work place for some reason.
Also these fools on GMB, including the presenters, skipped lightly over the main reasons for so many having MH problems in the first place namely many of the actions of the government that was in power for the previous 14 years!
I’m going to resist the urge to get on my soap box about the underfunding of the NHS & the consequences of ignoring Covid in the early days & now & also the effects of massive energy bills & austerity on folks mental health, otherwise I’ll be bouncing off the 11k chr limit!
Well that has all spoiled my day.
10:15 Waiting on this guy to come do the gutters.
Played some FO4 while waiting, they rolled up just before midday - 30 minutes later they were done!
I got a txt from my sister to say that she had completed the informants report for the ADHD assessment - I logged onto the portal for the assessment service & all the boxes are indeed tick - so now it’s just a case of waiting - for up to 18 months.
Played a dungeon in ESO this afternoon & then got a call from the opticians that my glasses were ready.
They are a bit uncomfortable , a little like new shoes so I ope that I can ‘wear’ them in. They are vari-focals too & the cut off point is slightly different to what I’m used to - but my eyes will adjust over the next couple of days.
Final Thoughts.
Got a lot done (for me) today, I beat the Talk Therapies thing & moved forward on the ADHD assessment so not a bad day at all.
I am tired, bone weary, which is largely due to the ongoing depressive episode - the therapy sessions would be really useful now, but that is not to be.
Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖
Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 326 , Wednesday 18/09/2024
02:51 Oh Nuggan’s holey nuts! Why the hell am I awake! My sleep cycle is royally buggered!
03:34 I’m lurking on Mastodon, without the energy to actively participate with anyone. There are loads of toots I want to respond too but simply cannot. My inability to engage in comms in the analog world seems to have spread to all comms when I’m this tired.
Ok let’s try the sleep thing again.
Finally got to sleep about 04:30 so got another hour & a half before I had to get up.
I may have to take an axe to next doors audio system - it seems they are far too busy to actually play with, be with baby Oliver so (like they did with Issac when he was this age) we have a playlist of about 5 nursery rhymes on a loop FOR HOURS to keep him amused! I’m sure Oliver loves it but after the first 50 play thrus I’m ready to put some heavy rock on & ratchet the volume up to 11!
09:17 I am masking like mad over on Masto at the moment but I would much rather be huddled up in bed.
Is it just me or is selective dishwasher emptying just rude? Especially when the removed items are used & left for someone else (me) to clean up & the surfaces, covered with detritus, left fro someone else to wipe down?
Heck I’m in a grouchy mood!
So as the day progressed my mood improved - & the fact that 2 squirrels hijacked a train in the south of England brightened my day no end 😆
Mostly read Hitchhikers & played some NMS - more or less finished the Aquarius expedition - will claim the final achievement on Saturday with yon Pixy.
Final Thoughts.
Ahhhhhhh! I still have not called the flipping Talk Therapy mob - right tomorrow for definite sure! I can do this it’s a flipping phone call not redesigning Concorde or negotiating world peace!
Got a guy coming round tomorrow to do clean out the gutters, I would do it but Mrs S has resisted me going up ladders since I fell off a really low set of step ladders & tore my Achilles tendon in twain! (There’s a new word for you Pixy 😜).
Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖
Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 325 , Tuesday 17/09/2024
Awake just before 5am this morning, read for a little while until Mrs S got up & I had to go make breakfast.
Felt really tired & drained at first but it was a bright sunny day & the sunlight worked its magic so that after I’d had a shower I felt far more motivated.
Did my normal Tuesday chores but also gave the dishwasher its monthly deep clean & also performed the annual maintenance routine on the plinth fan in the kitchen.
Had a much less energetic afternoon reading Hitchhikers & then spending a decent amount of time on here.
Final Thoughts.
After a chat with a couple of ND Peeps on here I was gonna do a whole thing on how much my family were not buying into the whole eldest son being autistic thing. Which they aren’t, but me bitching about it won’t change that so take the bitching session as read & we’ll move on.
I really, really need to chase the Talk Therapy mob up tomorrow, if there was a prize for prevaricating I would totally win it! I cannot even put into words why it’s so difficult … there is the whole ‘I don’t initiate contact’ thing & the whole ‘I don’t like using the phone’ thing, but there is also a third element that is difficult to articulate, an anxiety that I find hard to find the source of.
Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖
Take your time, as you rightly say the very first thing to do is stop blaming yourself - we are not broken, we are not wired up wrong - just differently!
I embraced the label of #Neurospicy because that just feels so me!
Take your time, as you rightly say the very first thing to do is stop blaming yourself - we are not broken, we are not wired up wrong - just differently!
I embraced the label of #Neurospicy because that just feels so me!
Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 324 , Monday 16/09/2024
Slept well last night, up at 05:30 (yes I know I indiscriminately mix my time notation , I am that time bandit!😆).
Breakfast was made, chores were done.
I went for a walk… 4km … in the sunshine, I should have taken a hat as the sun was really quite strong, but I didn’t get burnt so no harm done in the end.
I’ve been down most of the day, nothing specific, just the usual triggers. I spent the afternoon reading Hitchhikers but managed to squeeze an hour of ESO in at the end of the day.
Quick m/w meal for tea, I simply did not have the energy for anything more adventurous & Mrs S cannot cook so simplicity rules!
Final Thoughts.
Nothing earth shattering tonight, I chased my sister yesterday about the ADHD informant report but she had a shitty week last week so I’m leaving that in abeyance for now.
Failed miserably on chasing up the Talk Therapy folk today - it’s a catch 22 situation, I need therapy to ring the therapists to chase them for the therapy I need to ring them!
Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖
Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 323 , Sunday 15/09/2024
Slept soundly last night, up at 8am after a nice lie in.
Breakfast over an episode of ‘Call the Midwife’ was followed by an NMS session with a certain Pixy.
Lunch was egg sarnies then we had ‘Sherwood’ season 2 binge fest.
Pulled pork, chips n salad for tea - tasty.
Final Thoughts.
Talking to a friend today I realised that big problem I have with getting help is that I resist help, at more than a superficial level. I have had to look out for myself, hide my depression, hide my feelings since I was 10. I am stubborn & tend to put on a brave face - stiff upper lip & all that.
Oh I whinge about the trivial stuff, as many of those who follow this diary & my MAJ1 a/c know, I will succumb to man flu or the sore tootsies faster than you can say wimp. But the stuff that keeps me awake at night - sometimes literally - not so much.
This level of resistance is as part of me as my sense of humour, my love of nature or my need to help others if I can. It is not easily changed.
This is not a cry for help, it is simply an exploration of another facet of who I am, what makes this Squirrel tick. It is also not a protest against help, just a heads up that sometimes I am very much like Shrek … no not that I am an Ogre 🙄🤦♂️ , that I am like an onion & have layers!! 😊
Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖
Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 322 , Saturday 14/09/2024
I was late to bed last night, a dear friend had a rough day & I wanted to make sure they were ok.
Once they pinged me & I knew they were safe home I hit the pillows & slept like the dead!
I did fight the bedding though, woke up with the duvet & throw at 90ºs to where they should be!
Slept thru till gone 7am as Mrs S didn’t have to go see her Mum today (having been yesterday).
We had breakfast & watched ‘Call the Midwife’ then I had a great gaming session with a certain Pixy of my acquaintance.
We had another free electricity hour today so I vacuumed the whole house. Mrs S put the towels on to wash. I suggested that this was unwise but was overruled - the wash took 4 hours! So all the savings we made in the free hour were lost. Hey ho.
We finished today’s session around lunch time & then Mrs S & I had a relaxed afternoon & evening.
Final Thoughts.
I get frustrated when ‘gut feelings’ are used to override actual experience & or science. I gave up showing my frustration about such things long ago, it only serves to make things worse.
Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖
Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 320 , Thursday 12/09/2024
02:00 Referee! Come on now this is no longer funny!
I finally fell asleep around 22:30 so why for the love of Nuggan am I awake!
Just had a horrible nightmare where I was chased down by a Dobermann a la the Bond movie ‘Moonraker’!
Gimme a cat any day, they’re far more likely to want snuggles & scritches!
I think I may have done more damage to my knee than I originally thought, the knee cap is very tender to the touch, there is a massive bruise & although I can weight bear & walk ok on the flat climbing stairs there seems to be some weakness, I guess I’ll have to go see the Quack if it persists.
Why can I not sleep!?
02:47 Just thinking about the ADHD self referral form I finally completed today, I’m not sure I want to know … I’m tired of being broken, of having to mask to be seen as normal. I’m really not sure that even if diagnosed there will be any additional help forthcoming from the critically broken NHS! Ignorance is bliss apparently.
02:57 It’s at times like this that I would love to be back with my family, I rarely get lonely & can generally cope with being ignored by the world in general & family specifically. Indeed I often crave isolation, peopling is so very hard at times. However tonight I have a desperate need to hug my niece, to laugh with my brother & sister, to be a part of something that I have long been simply an almost wholly severed limb of. Sadly not possible, they will all be asleep & even if they were awake they have their own busy lives with little time for their ‘weird’ relative.
So I will roll over in my little single bed, hug my pillow & chase sleep until it is time to mask up again & go make breakfast & do chores.
03:55 Still awake bläh! Too tired & too frazzled to do SM or even read, too awake to sleep! I hate this!
06:00 I did get about another hour but now it’s time to getup & get breakfast.
A fairly quiet day , a surprise call form Conner (the OT) which went really well.
Then cleaned the bath (it’s one with jets - like a jacuzzi - so periodically needs its innards rinsing out & disinfecting.
Bizarrely enough, because it takes about a week to fill, & me & Mrs S prefer showers anyway, it has been cleaned way more times this year than it has actually been used in anger!
So not a bad effort given that I’m running on very little sleep again!
Really could not concentrate on anything this afternoon.
Salad with Cheese & mushroom quiche for tea - it’s pizza day tomorrow so something to look forward to!
Final Thoughts.
I’m keeping my head above the water, just , at the moment but I could do with a decent stretch of sleep!
Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖
Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 319 , Wednesday 11/09/2024
I slept - all night, right up to when Mrs S got up!
After breakfast I spent some time on here then finished my chores.
Managed to complete the ADHD forms, & got my Sister to agree to do the informants form.
Played a little NMS this afternoon, managed to pick up a freighter, which in this game is essentially a space bound base. This should make life a lot easier now I have somewhere to store all the stuff I hoard!
Went to the opticians this afternoon, stupidly expensive - I think it might have to be Spec-savers next time!
Tea was salad, pork pie & new potatoes then , Mrs S having done a runner , there was the dishes & the cleaning up to do.
Final Thoughts.
So do other Autists hoard stuff - or is it not an ND thing, just a thing a certain proportion of the population do?
I hoard for England! I mean I could win awards! Pretty much anything that can’t run way fast enuf is kept for posterity!
Games like No Mans Sky are excellent for me because I can virtually hoard stuff & not have anxiety problems over where I’m gonna keep it all. (This is not strictly true because I have mega inventory management issues until I have reached the point where I can build storage facilities!)
I do occasionally have to spend serious time on my main save organising it all. Not such a problem on the expeditions which are mostly too short for me to go too seriously overboard!
Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖
Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 318 , Tuesday 10/09/2024
00:45 Ok this is getting so this is getting silly now! What in Nuggan’s name am I doing up at just gone midnight!?
I finally got to sleep around 4, after tossing & turning for hours.
Having bruised my knee over the weekend it’s hard to find a position where nothing hurts, I’m just grateful that these injuries are all reasonably temporary & will eventually heal. How folks with chronic pain keep going is beyond me, I have such admiration for them!
So up at just before 6am, I had to give Mrs S a lift into the office so that I had the car to go see Beth the MH Practitioner.
Dropped Mrs S off then got back home with an hour to spare before I had to go to see Beth. Cleaned up after breakfast & then spent a little time on here catching up.
Got to the surgery with 10 minutes to spare, but that vanished into the mist because folks who parked in the car park further up the hill from said surgery had decided that they would generally leave a massive gap between them & the next car, just not massive enuf for another car to squeeze in 🙄🤦♂️
Finally managed to find a space tucked away at the farthest point from the surgery.
3rd time was the charm for seeing Beth, right building, right time shame it was such an anti climax!
Essentially the best she could do was suggest that I chase the Talking Therapies team to see when my counselling would start.
She did give them a call for me but the person she spoke to told her I had to email.
I got home & checked out their website - the ONLY email address is for formal complaints! So I’ll try giving them a ring tomorrow & see what is what.
While I was out I did mange to get a wee bit of shopping done - I got some bits for the larder & then went wild & got a cheese & onion sandwich & a couple of caramel donuts!
I was pleased with myself for this tiny victory, the first time I’ve been shopping on my own for a long time!
I also called at the chemist to see if they had anything for the concrete that builds up in my ears on a daily basis & drives me nuts! They had some olive oil drops that the Pharmacist claims should help, so we will try them!
We had another free electric hour this afternoon, so washing machine & dishwasher went on - they were on slightly longer than I anticipated so we probably didn’t save much.
Went to pick up Mrs S around 5pm & then made us salad & smoked salmon for tea when we got home.
Final Thoughts.
It seems that much of the official ‘help’ available to me on this journey is either sign posting to folks who end up offering sign posting to self help or sign posting to other teams. I wish I had known this at the beginning I could have saved myself so much time!
It has to be said that I am returning to the question of whether I am happier as I am - maybe reading up and getting a better understanding of how being autistic affects my capabilities. Seek out help with the depression & come to terms with the fact that I am never really going to get past my problems with social situations.
I wonder if there might be some mileage in aiming to be a happier hermit rather than being a far more frustrated socialite.
Some of the above might not be terribly lucid, I’m fairly brain dead with lack of sleep over several days at this point so bear with me.
Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖
Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 317 , Monday 09/09/2024
My sleep continues to be disturbed, this morning up at around 3:30am. I read for a couple hours & then squeezed in a short snooze before I had to get up to do breakfast.
Today was a quiet day, played some NMS, mostly gathering building materials for when the Pixy is ready to co-op again.
It was a miserable morning weather wise, but the sun came out after lunch so I got my ass out for a walk, just a short one.
Mrs S. wanted my take on a chicken sandwich with a side salad for tea, so that’s what we had.
Final Thoughts.
Hopefully finally get to the MH Practitioner tomorrow, all things being equal!
I hope I get some proper sleep tonight because I have to get up early to drop Mrs S. off for a day in the office so I can have the car for seeing yon MH Prac.
Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖
Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 316 , Sunday 08/09/2024
Another night of disturbed sleep, was woken by a nightmare at just after 3am. Read Hitchhikers for a couple of hours then managed to get back to sleep.
Up at 8am to get breakfast then chilled with a coffee watching ‘Call the Midwife’.
Then spent a couple of hours playing NMS with the Pixy. I’m feeling a bit mean & anti social, 2 people (one a friend of yon Pixy) & one of my most excellent Peeps have asked if they can join us on the current expedition & part of me thinks that might be good, but the rest of me is a mess of anxieties & stress!
I’m sure they’re totally lovely folk but I still fear being judged & found wanting. So I apologise to these folks & can only hope they understand.
Watched a mini series about Volodymyr Zelenskyy today, such an awesome leader!
Finished the day with a naughty Chinese takeaway & the HD remastered version of the 1996 movie ‘Twister’ which, despite being 28 years old now was still very watchable! Seeing the old TVs & phones was funny though, how quickly we forget!
Final Thoughts.
The whole socialising thing for me seems weird & I found myself wondering how I manage not to go into total meltdown knowing that on my MAJ1 a/c I share TLs (I HATE the term ‘followers’) with over 1100 awesome Peeps.
(TBH I did have a mini freak out when I hit 1000 but my good friend @dgar talked me down.)
I was thinking about this today & I realised that in a gaming/ face to face social situation I am interacting with multiple people at once, but crucially on here while there are so many folks to interface with , even in a busy thread I am only dealing with one discrete person at a time. This may seem like a somewhat academic distinction but it is a very important one as far as my ability to communicate & socialise on here effectively goes. Also it helps that I can disappear at a moments notice & that I can, if provoked , mute/block those that trigger me. In the gaming sphere or in face to face situations none of these options are really open to me.
Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖
Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 315 , Saturday 07/09/2024
Slept like the proverbial dead for 6 hours last night - sleep glorious sleep!
Saturday was going fine , breakfast done, chores done then Sophie mog decided that she might well throw up over the carpet - I scooped her up to get her out of the house & then promptly tripped over the rug we have down to brush her on!
Sophie was fine, if seriously pissed at me, I crashed onto my right knee & surfed along the carpet on my kneecap!
It seems that, other than a chunky carpet burn, & some injured pride the knee is fine.
Had a great gaming session with yon Pixy again, we put a dint in the Aquarius expedition.
After lunch we started a binge session on ‘Slow Horses’ since loads of Peeps were raving about season 4.
I can see why!
Final Thoughts.
I better day today, sleep has a wonderful effect on a body!
Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖
Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 314 , Friday 06/09/2024
01:45 Oh for the love of Nuggan’s holey nuts!
Managed to get properly asleep for the first time in days & the sodding smoke alarm starts yelling “Low Battery!” at the top of its circular electronic lungs ! It came very close to assault & battery I’m telling you!
It will have to wait till morning for a new battery, the self test routine will wake the street!
For now I’ve fetched it off the ceiling - no small feat with dodgy bare feet I can tell you! It’s sat on one of the bookshelves with its intimate parts exposed & its battery disconnected.
I’m totally awake now! Ahhhhhhh!!!!!
21:11 So I did manage to get back to sleep for a couple of hours but then had to get up & make breakfast.
The day was not too bad, I did my chores but dudn’t really get anything else serious done that I wanted to do (like finish that flipping ADHD form!).
I did join a certain Pixy in starting the new NMS Expedition for a couple of hours - then when she had to go I sorted out getting my normal ship & multitool & creating the basis of a base.
Tea was a pizza - kebab, bacon & pepperoni -> Geoff may well bitch about that later!
Final Thoughts.
I don’t want to go back on anti-depressants but I may have too, the fight too get shut of the black dog is not being won in any substantial way this year. I hate the meds though, they cause as many problems as they solve sometimes!
I’m prolly gonna regret not getting out for a walk today as well, the weather is due to get wetter & colder next week! Hey ho.
Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖
I've always been very sensitive to several things, but this relates to sounds.
A sweet friend suggested the Loop earplugs to me. And, to be honest, I have looked them up several times before. But... I rather ask my Fedi friends this question:
Are you NeuroSpicy 🌶 and preferably with tinnitus and... Have you got any experience with Loops ?
If you are ND and don't have tinnitus, I'll still eager to learn about your experience!
What kind do you use? I saw so many of them... What do they do for you? And, also very important (hence my addition of the tinnitus bit): are you more aware of the tinnitus sounds when you're wearing the Loops?
My fear is that not only the bad sounds get filtered, but also the "good white noise", that I will become more focused/aware on/of the 24/7 hours of beeping in both my ears.
I really would appreciate to learn of your experience!!! Boosts are really appreciated! :bear_love:
I have no idea how many replies this Toot may get. I'll try to answer all I can, but I'm low on spoons (triggered too much by sounds today), so if I "only" like the answer, then I have seen it and I really appreciate your time and effort to share your experiences with me. :bear_flowers:
Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 313 , Thursday 05/09/2024
Up at 03:49 , ughh !
My sleep cycle is screwed for some reason, & even worse I really don’t want to socialise. I lurked on Mastodon for a while but just could not engage. I know certain folk would love to chat but my brain is hiding behind the sofa as people ring the doorbell.
I hate admitting this on here, I feel somehow like I’m letting folk down.
Worse I know a dear friend is up & about & I cannot even engage with them, soz sweetie, it’s totally me being weird(er)! 🫂
04:29 Hell still awake, will read HHGTTG for a while, today is going to be challenging, I really wanted to get out shopping this week but that is looking less likely at this point! 🙄🤦♂️
Up to get breakfast around 06:30 , went back to bed around 07:30 but didn’t really sleep.
10:50 Up again around 10:00 but my brain is like treacle, I’ve done today s chores but am sitting here contemplating what to do without the motivation to do anything, I hate being like this.
This afternoon has been better, managed to play some NMS & got some other chores done.
Final Thoughts.
Oh Nuggan’s holey nuts I hope that I get some proper sleep tonight!
It’s supposed to be a nice day tomorrow it would be nice to have the energy to get out for a walk!
Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖