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@Susan60@aus.social avatar

Susan60

@[email protected]

Lifelong learner, leftie, AuADHD, Bunurong country, Australia. She/her. Won’t boost photos without alt txt (unless I forget!).

This profile is from a federated server and may be incomplete. Browse more on the original instance.

theautisticcoach , to actuallyautistic
@theautisticcoach@neurodifferent.me avatar

How do my comrades understand the term "regulation"?

@actuallyautistic

Susan60 ,
@Susan60@aus.social avatar

@theautisticcoach @actuallyautistic I was able to regulate at work, at least in the classroom, but had a few teary episodes in my office. (A lot of teachers do this!) Humour, distraction, a determination to focus on the positive… but it was so, so exhausting. Every term break was so desperately needed. I wonder how many of teachers I heard of having “nervous breakdowns” when I was a kid in the 60s & 70s were actually autistic? When I was struggling, without really knowing why, I was so very careful about who I spoke to. My kids & I came up with a code word to alert me that I was starting to go OTT. (My kids were & still are totally awesome people. One is ADHD & possibly autistic.) Nowadays I sometimes find a need for a big cry, which isn’t always forthcoming. Exercise helps, & I finish off my shower with a cold blast, but not on my back or shoulders. https://health.clevelandclinic.org/vagus-nerve-stimulation/

Susan60 , to actuallyautistic
@Susan60@aus.social avatar

Going to take the rest of the day off from here & news media. Weird, I actually feel I can do this. @actuallyautistic

var , to actuallyautistic
@var@autistics.life avatar

What did you do to discover how you want to live and what you want to do in the next ten years?
:RedHearts:

@actuallyautistic

Susan60 ,
@Susan60@aus.social avatar

@var @actuallyautistic What? That’s a thing? I started uni in my mid 30s, not knowing where I wanted to end up. The last 27 years have been interesting, challenging, rewarding & stressful. Do I know what I’m going to be doing for the next 10 years? Nup.

Lipk , to actuallyautistic German
@Lipk@masto.ai avatar

I grew up with the metric system, and for me it's quite impossible to learn to calculate with inches, yards, stones, etc. It's OK when I need one, but height already uses two kinds of measurements that don't seem to have any relation at all. There's no inner logic to the system

@ahrimans_erbe @Susan60 @AlisonW @GTMLosAngeles @autistic[email protected] @actuallyautistic

Susan60 ,
@Susan60@aus.social avatar

@Lipk @ahrimans_erbe @AlisonW @GTMLosAngeles @autistic[email protected] @actuallyautistic Oh I agree, but I did grow up with it & while I’m fine with most metric, the units of measurement for height, cm, are too small & the numbers too big.

Susan60 ,
@Susan60@aus.social avatar

@Lipk @ahrimans_erbe @AlisonW @GTMLosAngeles @autistic[email protected] @actuallyautistic The numbers are too big. 178 cm… I know that’s nearly 6foot, because it’s me. When I was first learning metric in about 1970, there was talk of a “decimetre”? 10cm which would give us a larger measure than a cm but smaller than a metre, but never took off. Fortunately for oldies like me, 30cm is roughly a foot.

Private
Susan60 ,
@Susan60@aus.social avatar

@Janet_52square @pathfinder @actuallyautistic Um… I worry about those who fell by the wayside, using drugs, falling into abusive relationships etc, because they didn’t learn the masking, or did but it was unsustainable. An early diagnosis for me in the 1960’s probably wouldn’t have been a good thing, and I have learned useful skills & had some great experiences. But it was also very tough at times & when I see an older homeless woman, I always think, that could so easily have been me.

AutisticAdam , to actuallyautistic
@AutisticAdam@autistics.life avatar

Finding out that I have spent my life scripting things to say just to make other people happy and make social interactions go "smoothly" at the cost of my own mental health, personal integrity, and self-identity is an masked Autistic experience.

@actuallyautistic

Susan60 ,
@Susan60@aus.social avatar

@exme @AutisticAdam @actuallyautistic I think an “I’m not very good at small talk. Can we talk about …” might work better. The initial “you” would come across as an attack.

Susan60 ,
@Susan60@aus.social avatar

@exme @bike @hamlin81 @AutisticAdam @actuallyautistic Oh dear. I forget the names of a friend’s friends, with whom I have little in common. They’ll greet me with a “hello Susan”, & I’m thinking, which one are you again?

theautisticcoach , to actuallyautistic
@theautisticcoach@neurodifferent.me avatar

I am a socialist. A Marxist. A long standing member of the PCF, DSA, and the UK Labour Party. I’m a trade unionist in the CGT.

I’m a fierce internationalist & anti-colonialist.

I’m also a Jew. Moreover, I am an Israeli.

In my religious community I’ve been questioned and doubted more times than I can count about my commitment to my faith due to my political beliefs. I’ve been called a self-hating Jew.

In my national community I’ve been called a traitor. A spy. An aide to those who would kill us.

Conversely, on the left I’ve been called a Zionist pig. A spy. Not a real leftist. A colonizer.

To many on the Jewish right I’m an antisemite and a race traitor.

To my comrades on the left I am an apologist for Israel.

Alienated everywhere.

The past 24 hours have been most disturbing. For those Palestinians facing yet another horrible day of occupation and death AND to Israelis facing a shocking of chaos and death.

I live abroad and don’t face any danger to my life. I am not a victim and this thread shouldn’t be seen as such. Simply sharing my feelings.

Many will reply here and call me a self-hating Jew and a traitor, again.

Others will call me an apologist for Israel.

Days like this show me why I’m so lonely. Not welcome in my religious community, my national one, or my political one.

The Eternal Jew.

People love to say autistic people don’t understand nuance. I’ve been accused of this my entire life.

But the reality is, I get nuance. I’ve fought for a better place my entire life. And still do.

But it’s most of you casual onlookers who don’t get nuance.

And to my fellow committed Jews on the Left, I see you so so so very much.

We are not alone. Our values as leftists and as Jews make us who we are. We fight for the change we want NEED in this world.

We won’t allow bigots to push us out.

Solidarity ❤️💙✊🏼🌹✡️

@mazeldon @communism @actuallyautistic

Susan60 ,
@Susan60@aus.social avatar

@theautisticcoach @mazeldon @communism @actuallyautistic The problem with taking the middle ground is that you get hit by both sides. So sorry this awful, tragic situation is causing you grief. I live in a very Jewish neighbourhood n Melbourne, & noticed that my left leaning neighbour was playing soothing music all day today. Traumatic.

Susan60 , to actuallyautistic
@Susan60@aus.social avatar

@ahrimans_erbe @AlisonW @GTMLosAngeles @autistic[email protected] @actuallyautistic Yes, but if someone asked me how tall I thought someone is, I’d be able to answer in feet & inches.

Susan60 , to actuallyautistic
@Susan60@aus.social avatar

I am not a huge fan of housework, but sometimes, performing simple tasks to a fairly high standard helps me to centre myself. The kitchen in our hotel suite will be cleaner than when we arrived. 😁@actuallyautistic

Susan60 , to actuallyautistic
@Susan60@aus.social avatar

@ahrimans_erbe @AlisonW @GTMLosAngeles @autistic[email protected] @actuallyautistic Apart from the name of the system being archaic, imperial, it’s a mess of different values. We changed to metric, somewhat gradually, in the 70s when I was in my teens. Our (Australian) currency changed from pounds, shillings & pence ( 20 shillings to the pound, 12 pence to the shilling, not Britain’s modern currency) in 1966. Why we didn’t swap to metric at the same time, I don’t know, but it would’ve made sense.

AutisticAdam , to actuallyautistic
@AutisticAdam@autistics.life avatar

When people hear “autistic people don’t like change” they think we mean cancelled events or moving house.

Both true - but it’s much wider. Friendship changes. Loss. Sometimes it’s other things, like being disconcerted by objects being moved. Even changing of seasons.

@actuallyautistic

Susan60 , (edited )
@Susan60@aus.social avatar

@ReimanSaara @AutisticAdam @actuallyautistic I’m so with you on seasons Reiman. Australia is a big country, with a hugely varying climate. I love visiting the more sub-tropical parts, where the sea is warm & swimming is pleasant in late winter, early spring, but I like the more distinct seasons further south. Spring & autumn seem to be getting shorter here as the climate changes, which saddens me as autumn is my favourite season. I actually love change, but on my terms & with plenty of time to plan & prepare. I even like surprises sometimes.

Susan60 ,
@Susan60@aus.social avatar

@ReimanSaara @AutisticAdam @actuallyautistic And I suspect that it’s the ADHD part of me that responds well to sudden change & crisis, but then I have to deal with the consequences. 😩

VeeRat , to actuallyautistic
@VeeRat@zeroes.ca avatar

h/t @chu

Study linking poor clearance of BPA with Autism and ADHD. They are not claiming that this is a cause, though there is some speculation in this article.

“The research found that kids with ASD and ADHD couldn't clear out BPA and another similar compound called Diethylhexyl Phthalate (DEHP) with as much efficiency as other kids, potentially leading to longer exposure to their toxic effects.”

@actuallyautistic

https://www.sciencealert.com/common-plastic-additive-linked-to-autism-and-adhd-scientists-discover

Susan60 ,
@Susan60@aus.social avatar

@VeeRat @chu @morten_skaaning @servelan @actuallyautistic I don’t think the article is looking at causation of AS/ADHD, & is useful, but there is certainly a chance that people will jump to that conclusion which is problematic because it once again supports a “pathology” approach to the conditions. However speeding up a rejection of plastic in our food packing would be a good thing for lots of reasons.

Susan60 ,
@Susan60@aus.social avatar

@chu @VeeRat @morten_skaaning @servelan @actuallyautistic Great idea! 😂😂😂

Susan60 , to actuallyautistic
@Susan60@aus.social avatar

Ok. I’ve moved to the Jetstar gates, which feels like a cattle yard, & there’s a high pitched whining sound that my headphones dull but don’t extinguish. Breathe. @actuallyautistic

Susan60 OP ,
@Susan60@aus.social avatar

@melissabeartrix @actuallyautistic I can’t handle earplugs unfortunately. Not sure if it’s my ears’ shape or my autism but we got on the plane soon afterwards. Partner’s daughter is giving palliative care to an old cat. 😢 Will go around & take Luna dog out for a walk soon.

Susan60 , to actuallyautistic
@Susan60@aus.social avatar

@actuallyautistic I both love travel, & am stressed by it. It’s an opportunity to see & learn new things, but checking in at the airport, security etc is stressful. I’m now drinking water & sipping a cup of tea, which means my mask is down, which is stressful. But even though it’s a domestic flight (which I rarely take), I’m excited because being at the airport reminds me of departures to overseas destinations. And my noise cancelling head phones are around my neck. My last pair were stolen from my bag here when heading to NZ late last year. (I got my first pair several years ago. Funny that.)

Susan60 , to actuallyautistic
@Susan60@aus.social avatar

@ahrimans_erbe @pathfinder @actuallyautistic I taught for 10 years & then another 2 as a casual relief teacher while studying, mostly in my old school. 5 years in public system, 3 schools, & 5 + 2 in a private school. Curriculum wasn’t a huge issue beyond being crowded etc, but certainly plenty of students are below standard, for a whole raft of reasons. I can’t help but wonder how many of the teachers who struggle with their mental health might be autistic &/or ADHD. They’re motivated by an interest in social justice & love of learning, but worn down because they care so much.

AutisticAdam , to actuallyautistic
@AutisticAdam@autistics.life avatar

When talking to autistic people, especially in the workplace or at school, be absolutely clear and unambiguous about instructions.

Especially don't leave anything unsaid, or to be assumed. If you do that there's a good chance it won't be done, because you didn't ask us to.

@actuallyautistic

Susan60 ,
@Susan60@aus.social avatar

@engagedpractx @AutisticAdam @actuallyautistic Sometimes we get accused of stressing the bleeding obvious, & other times of leaving something out that we thought was obvious.

Susan60 ,
@Susan60@aus.social avatar

@engagedpractx @AutisticAdam @actuallyautistic I think you’re right about the strong feelings, but in this case coming from the other direction, when someone is offended that I’m stating the obvious, assuming that I think they’re stupid. I don’t often state the obvious, but occasionally do so when I’m not sure if it’s obvious to everyone, or just me.

AutisticAdam , to actuallyautistic
@AutisticAdam@autistics.life avatar

I'm autistic, so I guess it's natural that I will never, ever be able to understand exactly when is the correct time to add my point to a group conversation.

Watching the conversation move onto a totally different topic, while a really good point is left unsaid, is a very specific autistic sadness.

@actuallyautistic

Susan60 ,
@Susan60@aus.social avatar

@markusl @sentient_water @jyrgenn @AutisticAdam @actuallyautistic It’s a bit of a roller coaster. I keep wanting to info dump on my partner,

Susan60 ,
@Susan60@aus.social avatar

@markusl @sentient_water @jyrgenn @AutisticAdam @actuallyautistic Autism!!!😂😂

Susan60 ,
@Susan60@aus.social avatar

@markusl @sentient_water @jyrgenn @AutisticAdam @actuallyautistic 😁It is hard. My partner & I have similar interests. I suspect he might also be autistic, but he’s not ready to consider that possibility. He’s on the golf course right now, pursuing his main special interest. 😁 Hope your wife makes a speedy recovery & enjoys taking this journey with you.

Susan60 ,
@Susan60@aus.social avatar

@markusl @sentient_water @jyrgenn @AutisticAdam @actuallyautistic When checking into ADHD, (and I am), I printed off 2 copies of each quiz so he could take them as well, but he hasn’t looked at them, which surprised me. For a man of his age, he’s very open & reflective, but probably needs a bit of time on this.

Susan60 ,
@Susan60@aus.social avatar

@markusl @sentient_water @jyrgenn @AutisticAdam @actuallyautistic And yes, this is one of the resources I used!

Susan60 ,
@Susan60@aus.social avatar

@sentient_water @markusl @jyrgenn @AutisticAdam @actuallyautistic If you’ve got people around you who work with you on this, that’s great!

Susan60 ,
@Susan60@aus.social avatar

@26pglt @markusl @sentient_water @jyrgenn @AutisticAdam @actuallyautistic 😁😁😁 I read it a while back, but probably need another look.

Susan60 ,
@Susan60@aus.social avatar

@silverhuang @sentient_water @markusl @jyrgenn @AutisticAdam @actuallyautistic Great idea!

Susan60 ,
@Susan60@aus.social avatar

@sentient_water @markusl @jyrgenn @AutisticAdam @actuallyautistic ☹️

Susan60 ,
@Susan60@aus.social avatar

@ginsterbusch @markusl @sentient_water @jyrgenn @AutisticAdam @actuallyautistic Bells going off again. My partner info dumps. He’d learned to be more discerning about what, when & who to by the time I met him 20 years ago, but I learned a lot of geology every time we were out near visible landforms. Our trip to central Aus a few years back was one big info dump. I loved it! (And him. Still do.)

Susan60 ,
@Susan60@aus.social avatar

@morxemplum @AutisticAdam @actuallyautistic if anyone can deal with it, we can.

Susan60 , to actuallyautistic
@Susan60@aus.social avatar

@ahrimans_erbe @niamhgarvey @AlisonW @ScottSoCal @pathfinder @cynaq @actuallyautistic The groups assessments are just that, an assessment of how well people do ( or don’t) work in groups. (It’s okay to not be good at everything.) It is unfair when one person brings down the rest of the group, & as a teacher TBH, I would make adjustments when this occurred. The comments about working things out in your head & not writing down the steps, half of which we probably skipped, I can certainly relate.

bike , to actuallyautistic

@actuallyautistic

I went to a dietician in 2019 in another state and the medical record for that visit followed me. I am reading it for the first time and it is 50% inaccurate and since it's about there's no way to correct it that doesn't make me look hysterical. e.g. "avoiding cheese d/t feeling out-of-control when it's around" translation: "ideally i shouldn't keep cheese around because i just eat it straight when I'm hungry". That's not out of control,

Susan60 ,
@Susan60@aus.social avatar

@bike @actuallyautistic The language used is so “pathologising”!

manon , to actuallyautistic
@manon@metalhead.club avatar

So, once again I spent literally hours thinking about that and how I should tell my occupational therapist next time how much the surgery scar hurts.
Until finally, after hours, it occurred to me that taking a painkiller might actually help. Because that’s why they had prescribed them in the first place. In case it hurts. Because that’s what surgery scars can do.

I don’t know whether to laugh about myself or to cry. Will I ever learn? 🙄

@actuallyautistic

Susan60 ,
@Susan60@aus.social avatar

@manon @FrightenedRat @actuallyautistic Ditto. My pain levels are usually tolerably low, to the point that I ignore it, or horrendously high. Oesophageal spasms fall into the latter category.

samiam , to actuallyautistic
@samiam@lor.sh avatar

@actuallyautistic so many thanks to those who have made feel feel heard and welcome here in the past weeks. the story thus far: 41 years of "muddling thru" depression, anxiety, misc mysterious health problems, etc when one day a new friend (very rare!) shared with me that they are autistic, and respectfully asked me if i might be too.
this [re]kindled lots of thoughts and feels and sent me down a path of recognizing and uncovering some fairly autistic-seeming traits and behaviors that i had been ignoring or suppressing. i have lately been thinking of myself as "provisionally autistic" which is how i'm trying to walk this line between, one the one hand, not mentally framing Autism As One True The Explanation For Everything and stretching things to try to force them to fit; and, on the other hand, not giving in to Autistic Imposter Syndrome. i want "provisionally autistic" to be a comfortable in-between place where i can "let myself be as autistic as i am" without "trying to be autistic when i'm not" and just observe myself and see how it goes. if that makes any sense?

but (and this is a question mainly to all you late/recent adult [self/]dx folks out there, but of course also anyone else who wants to respond):
How do you KNOW?
i'm stuck in this place where lots of things seem relatable and plausible but there is no sense of AHA IT FITS. there's no THIS FINALLY EXPLAINS IT. i know it's early for me yet -- i've been taking this seriously for weeks not years -- and i probably have to be patient with myself . . . but ggghhhghg.
maybe i'm just venting? i don't know. i'm having a day.

Susan60 ,
@Susan60@aus.social avatar

@Adventurer @Elizabeth3 @samiam @actuallyautistic I love that “provisionally autistic” term, although I’ve been on this path for over 2 years now & have moved beyond it. I’ve never known any autistic people well (that I’ve been aware of), so my ideas of what an autistic person “looks like” & whether I fit were pretty vague. Of course I’ve learned that there is no more a definition of what an autistic person (or ADHD, or both), than there is a definition of what an NT person looks like. (I’ve seen lots of sweeping generalisations made by ND people, but I think they’re more an expression of frustration than an actual belief.) But I imagine that the “provisional” term provides you with a relatively safe & comfortable space in which to contemplate the issue. I’ve found chatting to people here enormously helpful. They’re all so, dare I say, “normal”? 😊

Susan60 ,
@Susan60@aus.social avatar

@fictionalbutnot @samiam @actuallyautistic Rambling is part of the journey. Having a place where one feels free to do so is wonderful.

ar_collins , to actuallyautistic
@ar_collins@neurodiversity-in.au avatar

Question for other people with , what is your experience with mindfulness as a practice, esp. in the therapy context?

I find it’s wildly counter-productive and am keen to get other people’s perspectives to potentially create some training aroujd Aphantasia-accessible alternatives for colleagues.

@actuallyautistic @actuallyadhd

Susan60 ,
@Susan60@aus.social avatar

@ar_collins @actuallyautistic @actuallyadhd I had to look this up. I imagine I would be very deeply frustrated, & offended if I had informed them.

ar_collins , to actuallyautistic
@ar_collins@neurodiversity-in.au avatar

Hey and peeps.

Imagine a young person is looking for help because they are having difficulties navigating life for reasons stemming from an undiagnosed neurodivergence. They go to a youth mental health service for help developing coping strategies for X barrier they are facing.

If they were given a resource that contained strategies to try while they’re on a waiting list, what would expect the boilerplate tools to be?

@actuallyautistic @actuallyadhd

Susan60 ,
@Susan60@aus.social avatar

@Elizabeth3 @AqiDraco @ar_collins @actuallyautistic @actuallyadhd Ugh, yeah. Say what you want to say, then edit in social niceties. (Thanks. You’ve just reminded me that I’ve got one sitting in drafts. 😊)

Susan60 ,
@Susan60@aus.social avatar

@ar_collins @Elizabeth3 @AqiDraco @actuallyautistic @actuallyadhd It’s amazing the strategies we develop without realising the root cause of why they’re necessary. I would write emails, including replies, with no one in the address part, so that I wouldn’t inadvertently send before considering & editing.

Susan60 ,
@Susan60@aus.social avatar

@ar_collins @Elizabeth3 @AqiDraco @actuallyautistic @actuallyadhd 😂😂😂😂😂

Susan60 ,
@Susan60@aus.social avatar

@meredithw @ar_collins @Elizabeth3 @AqiDraco @actuallyautistic @actuallyadhd The rely all option has resulted in disasters for many people.

QuietMisdreavus , to random
@QuietMisdreavus@squad.town avatar

god, i just want to scream every sentence in this article from the rooftops https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/autism-human-connection-and-the-double-empathy-problem/

Susan60 ,
@Susan60@aus.social avatar

@QuietMisdreavus Yep! @actuallyautistic

ashleyspencer , (edited ) to actuallyautistic
@ashleyspencer@autistics.life avatar

How does an autistic go about finding a special interest?

I don’t have one. I should have one. Tried numerous times to find something and nothing holds my attention like my business.

Does anyone relate to this being autistic and not having a special interest thing?

Edit: it is my only special interest but it’s not healthy.

@actuallyautistic

Susan60 ,
@Susan60@aus.social avatar

@ashleyspencer @actuallyautistic My special interest has always related to my life stage, where the focus was clear, eg, parenting, studying, teaching etc. But now it looks like I’m retired, & I’m lost.

theautisticcoach , to actuallyautistic
@theautisticcoach@neurodifferent.me avatar

How do my comrades feel about spirituality?

Not religion, per se, but spirituality.

@actuallyautistic

Susan60 ,
@Susan60@aus.social avatar

@theautisticcoach @actuallyautistic TBH, I’ve never been clear about what that term really means. I feel joy, connection, peace etc at times, in a beautiful place, listening to music, in the company of loved ones… Is that spirituality? Or is that just a healthy state of mind, as opposed to the stress & distractions of busy lives?

AutisticAdam , to actuallyautistic
@AutisticAdam@autistics.life avatar

Autistic people are often criticised for “reading too much into things” and “assuming” the worst, but usually what we deduce is highly accurate, thanks to our pattern-spotting and dot-connecting abilities. I think the real issue is we typically unearth truths others want to remain hidden.

@actuallyautistic

Susan60 ,
@Susan60@aus.social avatar

@AutisticAdam @actuallyautistic I used to think I was a “black hat thinker”. (De Bono) That wasn’t popular either, because it’s such a downer. One boss told staff that he didn’t want anyone coming forward with problems or criticisms if they couldn’t also provide a solution. So deprive the creative green hats with an opportunity to problem solve?

Susan60 ,
@Susan60@aus.social avatar

@foolishowl @AutisticAdam @actuallyautistic But also “human nature”, or maybe NT nature. Pointing out the flaws in something should be regarded as constructive & valuable, but people just want praise.

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