There have been multiple accounts created with the sole purpose of posting advertisement posts or replies containing unsolicited advertising.

Accounts which solely post advertisements, or persistently post them may be terminated.

@dave@autisticnomad.social cover
@dave@autisticnomad.social avatar

dave

@[email protected]

Autistic digital nomad, ADHDer, optimist, lover of learning, tinkerer, CTO of a startup.

I live in an RV and travel around North America

Header: Large bus-sized RV with a small blue car parked in front. Palm trees in the background stand tall against the early glow of a sunset.

Profile: Man with glasses and reddish beard standing on a suspension bridge over a gorge

This profile is from a federated server and may be incomplete. Browse more on the original instance.

DoctorDisco , to random
@DoctorDisco@mendeddrum.org avatar

My wife and I had the "Friends" talk again today.

We're both getting on in years. She's older than me and she's worried that if she goes before me (not imminently.. 20 to 30 years at least I hope) I'll be on my own without friends.

I keep telling there's a difference between being lonely or being alone.

I don't really have a social life outside of my wife and her friends (and I consider them HER friends rather than mine) but that's fine for me

dave ,
@dave@autisticnomad.social avatar

@DoctorDisco

I love my alone time, and I would feel very much like you are if someone kept emphasizing to me that I need to go make friends.

I don't know how I would feel being alone for an extended period. I've been alone for 2-3 weeks and not felt particularly lonely within that time period - but I also knew my wife was coming back.

My very small social network (2-3 close friends) is almost exclusively online. When I don't talk to those people regularly, I feel lonely. That makes me think that socializing online is enough to fend off the loneliness, but I'm not entirely sure.

Honestly - you know yourself better than anyone else. If you've given it some thought and concluded that it's not important to you, and you don't feel like you're missing anything, that's perfectly okay and valid.

@actuallyautistic

dave , to actuallyautistic
@dave@autisticnomad.social avatar

@actuallyautistic

How granular is your taste?

I never really considered 'taste' to be a part of interoception, but... why wouldn't it be? It's a signal from your body.

Like many other of my bodily sensations, I discovered today that I have trouble differentiating and identifying tastes.

What's the difference between sour and bitter? I'm not sure I could tell you - they're both just "not good".

This makes my new espresso hobby so much more difficult 😂

sebwhatever , to actuallyautistic
@sebwhatever@mastodon.social avatar

@actuallyautistic Today marks the 1st of as and I can not be happier about that. 😊

dave ,
@dave@autisticnomad.social avatar

@sebwhatever

Happy Autism day to you!

@actuallyautistic

dyani , to actuallyautistic
@dyani@social.coop avatar

Any other autistic kin struggle with speech and articulation when they were little?

I'm recording an instructional voice-over today and my mom just told me I used to have a lisp when I was little. That's news to me!

I definitely notice sludgy articulation around L and S sound as an adult. Outside of voice over recording, I could not care less about my articulation. But it is interesting!

@actuallyautistic

dave ,
@dave@autisticnomad.social avatar

@dyani

Nobody has ever commented on it, that I can recall, but when I hear my voice it seems to me I don't enunciate very well.

I spent some time learning to sing, which involved listening to myself repeatedly, and it was really obvious when I compared recordings of my singing to the actual songs I was singing - my words were kinda strung together, like my mouth doesn't move far enough around each sound to enunciate it clearly.

Forcing myself to enunciate clearly feels incredibly awkward and unnatural 🤷‍♂️

@actuallyautistic

dave ,
@dave@autisticnomad.social avatar

@dyani

Which reminds me of another thing: when people smile and pose for photos, does that smile come naturally to them? Does it feel natural?

I remember at some point looking at photos of myself smiling, and thinking they didn't look great. So I tried a different way of smiling, which looks a lot better in photos, but feels so incredibly awkward and unnatural 😂

Are these things NTs never think about?!

@actuallyautistic

dave , to actuallyautistic
@dave@autisticnomad.social avatar

@actuallyautistic

Two fully-disconnected weeks off from work have given me a clarity of mind I haven't had in a long time.

I thought I had mostly tackled my burnout over the winter, but the clarity I have now tells me that I was still burned out.

How do I know?

I feel like I have skills now that I haven't had in a long time. Cognitive and information processing skills. I feel like my brain can process things more clearly than before my time off.

I never really understood what it meant when people say that burnout causes loss of skills, but it totally makes sense now.

That clarity has also helped me see some of my challenges at work in a new light. In particular, managing people as an Autistic person.

Several people outside of my department have complained about a member of my team. They, and I, have had conversations with this person about that feedback. I've personally seen improvement and I'm not unhappy with their work. But I'm still getting complaints about them.

This is incredibly challenging for me. Am I misreading the social situation? Am I being taken advantage of? Do others see something I don't? Am I giving this person the benefit of the doubt far beyond what's reasonable? Are my expectations of others too low?

I don't know the answers to these questions, but they're definitely something I need to work on.

EVDHmn , to actuallyautistic
@EVDHmn@ecoevo.social avatar


@actuallyautistic
I had this very odd conjecture thought to my self.

In a sense could there be no such thing as Neurotypical?

As everyone is Neurodiverse.🙄

People are just trying to pretend to do social norms as kids.

People get to adult age, they forget they are pretending.
Get to living
As they get older they don’t care about pretending as much.

Unless they are fundamental pretenders, which are advocates for social norms and traditions.

Perhaps?

dave ,
@dave@autisticnomad.social avatar

@EVDHmn

Neurodivergence is a fundamental difference in the way someone's brain works and how they perceive the world.

Its called neurodivergence because it accounts for a minority of the population. The majority of the population have brains that work in similar ways, and they are neurotypical.

Neurodivergence is not just a rejection of social norms.

@actuallyautistic

LehtoriTuomo , to actuallyautistic

In the series "so that's an autism thing too": difficulties in cooking. I have hard time coming up with the shopping list outside of the routine things which I always check against a list on my phone. It's especially difficult to plan what particular dishes should be cooked in the following days.

Once I got hang of cooking -- which happened after I had turned 30, almost 35 -- I learned to like cooking when there's no rush and the recipe is clear. I even can improvise, albeit on quite restricted range. However, when my spouse isn't around, I default to microwaving things or eating frozen pizzas.

@actuallyautistic

dave ,
@dave@autisticnomad.social avatar

@LehtoriTuomo

I likewise have a hard time coming up with dishes outside a restricted set in my head. I don't find it difficult to plan meals in general, but I do find it difficult to add variety to my diet. We wind up rotating through a list of 20 or so dishes.

I've also come to enjoy cooking in very much the same way as you - when I'm not tired, not feeling rushed, and have a clear plan.

I can't just look in the fridge and come up with a dish on the spot from what I have.

Also can totally relate to default behaviours when my wife isn't around. For me, I fall back on comfort foods that are also low effort: chicken fingers and plain pasta, mostly.

@actuallyautistic

dave , to actuallyautistic
@dave@autisticnomad.social avatar

@actuallyautistic

I have to admit: I was worried about my trip to Italy. My wife was as well.

It's the first time we've travelled away from home in years - since before COVID - and also the first time since I discovered that I'm Autistic.

I was worried about what unmasking has done to my ability to cope with change, disruption to routine and the chaos and unpredictability of travel.

I used everything that I've learned about being Autistic in the last 10 months, and I actually overestimated how stressful and taxing it would be. By doing so, I planned for a lot of downtime. Taking time off work - and not trying to balance work with travel - has also helped tremendously. It has let me focus on travel and rest.

My wife has a chronic illness, which means she needs just as much - if not more - downtime than I do, which helps avoid conflict between our energy levels and motivation. The pace of our travels seems to work well for both of us.

We planned for two full days in Venice. We spent all day yesterday walking and exploring, and today we're mostly staying in our hotel and recharging. We've both become better tuned to our needs, and we both need this downtime before we move on to the last leg of our trip in Rome.

I do expect this coming week to be a bit more challenging, as I'm returning to work while we're still in Italy. But the last couple of weeks has given me more confidence in my ability to recognize, plan and advocate for my needs, and I'm confident that will carry over into this week as well.

dave OP ,
@dave@autisticnomad.social avatar

@Susan60

That certainly may be the case, but I think recognizing and understanding your sensory needs and keeping those in mind as you plan a trip will help you mitigate it.

I don't know about you, but in the past we have felt a kind of pressure to see as much as possible, and a sense of guilt from not being outside and experiencing the places we're visiting. Like travel was always something we rushed. We tried to cram as much activity as possible into the time we had.

But slowing the pace and giving ourselves a full day here and there to recover has made a huge difference.

We are spending a week in Rome next week and flying home next weekend. We have full days of activities planned for only 3 of the 6 days we'll be there. The other 3 days are discretionary, and we can use those depending on how we feel - we can go walking and exploring and see some of the sights that are less important to us, or we can stay in our hotel and rest.

I've also learned to just enjoy and appreciate being in a place, without having to be constantly doing things. Simply going out for a meal here is an experience in itself.

@actuallyautistic

dave OP ,
@dave@autisticnomad.social avatar

@kliplet

Yikes, two weeks of travelling WITH other people? No thanks 😂

Good on you for recognizing your need to have some alone downtime ❤️

@Susan60 @actuallyautistic

dave OP ,
@dave@autisticnomad.social avatar

@Susan60

We just did an 11 day cruise of Italy and the Adriatic... I have mixed feelings about cruises for that very reason.

On one hand, I like that they give you an opportunity to see a bunch of things quickly. Broad and shallow. I also like that I don't have to think much about where and when to eat.

But, omg the tours. Small group/private tours would be ideal, but they're prohibitively expensive for us.

On top of that, Italy has been, by far, the busiest and most crowded tourist destination I've ever visited, which has made quiet downtime all the more necessary.

@kliplet @actuallyautistic

dave OP ,
@dave@autisticnomad.social avatar

@Susan60

I like and appreciate both approaches. Cruises let us see places we might not otherwise choose to go as a specific destination. They also give us a preview of places we might choose to visit in more depth later.

But... there's just so many places to go and things to see in the world. It's hard to wanna go back to the same place.

We likewise prefer to get off the beaten path where possible. Some of my favourite places we've been have been far off the beaten path.

As great as Pompeii was, we were rushed, and it was incredibly crowded. I kinda preferred visiting Ostia Antica on our own time before the cruise. It's the best preserved Roman city outside of Pompeii, and it's much less crowded because it's not as well known.

I wouldn't choose cruising exclusively over any other form of travel... just that there are some upsides. We got to visit Dubrovnik on this trip, for example, and I'm not sure it's a place we would've planned to visit as a specific destination.

@kliplet @actuallyautistic

dave OP ,
@dave@autisticnomad.social avatar

@Susan60

For contrast, before COVID, we used to spend our winters island hopping around the Caribbean. We'd spend 4-6 weeks in each country, renting an Airbnb and really trying to live like a local.

We spent time in places most people have never even heard of - Dominica and Montserrat, for example - that were by far my favourite places, of which I have the fondest memories.

I think crusing has its place, but it's definitely not the only (and hardly the best) way to travel.

@kliplet @actuallyautistic

dave , to random
@dave@autisticnomad.social avatar

@actusllyautistic

Here's another example of masking sensory preferences because they're considered "childish":

One of my comfort foods is PB or Nutella sandwiches. While in Italy, I found a loaf of sliced white bread that has no crust, and I was shocked at the difference in my experience between this and normal bread with crust. It's so much more enjoyable and less stressful to eat a sandwich without crust.

It made me recall, as a kid, forcing myself to eat the crust because I would be mocked and shamed for cutting it off.

Even now, writing this, I feel a little self conscious. Like someone is going to say, c'mon, is the crust really so bad? How can eating crust possibly be stressful? You're being a wimp/making a big deal out of nothing.

In reality, it's a small thing. Yes, I can force myself to eat it. I've been doing that for 30 years. But all of those little small instances of masking add up.

Now that I'm thinking about it, I actually have a very specific way of eating a sandwich to minimize the discomfort of eating the crust.

Well... lesson learned here: find bread without crust back home, or don't feel shamed for cutting off the crust.

LALegault , to random
@LALegault@newsie.social avatar

Okay, which enthusiast can explain to me (at length even!) how the American aid pier floated away? I am fascinated.

dave ,
@dave@autisticnomad.social avatar

@shiri

My understanding of the history of the ActuallyAutistic hashtag is that it is, in fact, intended to be a space only for Autistic people, exclusive of Allistic (non-Autistic) people, to discuss and share our experiences and to support each other.

Contrast this with, for example, # Autism or # AskingAutistics or pretty much any other hashtag with the word Autism or Autistic in it.

ActuallyAutistic has a very specific meaning and history behind it.

@actuallyautistic @gaveen @LALegault @fishidwardrobe

dyani , to actuallyautistic
@dyani@social.coop avatar

I can tell when I need to lower the volume of something I'm listening to when I feel a kind of tightening in my ear muscles, and/or ringing in my ears, or a slight feeling of stress coming in from my environment.

I also just try to remember to always proactively lower the volume a couple ticks from what i first set it at, to prevent all those sensations.

What are the signs for you that things are a little too loud?

@actuallyautistic

dave ,
@dave@autisticnomad.social avatar

@dyani I can't think or focus.

Usually when I'm on road trips, I've got the music up loud. But as soon as I get off the highway and need to start paying closer attention to where I'm going, I need to turn the music down so I can focus on navigating.

@actuallyautistic

dyani , to actuallyautistic
@dyani@social.coop avatar

Yesterday was my 1 year AuDHD anniversary!

1 year since the most life-changing realization ever. My resting heart rate dropped by ~10 points after I figured it out.

Knowing this about myself has given me so much peace & confidence. It's given me even more compassion for myself and others. I advocate for my needs now, and I have better boundaries.

Every day I marvel at how amazing we ND folks are, and how much we bring to the world.

I so appreciate this community!

@actuallyautistic

dave ,
@dave@autisticnomad.social avatar

@dyani
omg I missed it! Happy autism day!!! ❤️❤️

It's in my calendar but this week has been nuts wrapping up work before vacay. I even thought of it earlier this week and reminded myself to send you a message 😭

@actuallyautistic

theaardvark , to actuallyadhd
@theaardvark@mastodon.me.uk avatar


How does everyone know how, when and how much they're masking?
As a late-diagnosed , I struggle to differentiate between "me but masking" and "me but in a diff situation".
Now that I know I'm autistic, I even miss the person I used to be in some situations before I knew.
I used to call myself a "social chameleon" - I just changed automatically to suit the circumstances.
But who actually am I and what is just a mask?
@actuallyautistic
@actuallyadhd

dave ,
@dave@autisticnomad.social avatar

@theaardvark

That, as they say, is the million dollar question. We're all out here trying to figure out that same thing ❤️

@actuallyautistic @actuallyadhd

dave , to actuallyautistic
@dave@autisticnomad.social avatar

@actuallyautistic Saw this at the pharmacy and picked it up... curious to see what it says.

dave OP ,
@dave@autisticnomad.social avatar

@adelinej Same. It strikes me as odd to use the word "treatment" in the same context as neurodiversity.

@actuallyautistic

dave OP ,
@dave@autisticnomad.social avatar

@pathfinder @adelinej

I skimmed the "treatments" section, and interestingly ABA got two short paragraphs across about 5 pages of stuff ranging from various therapies, medications for cormorbid conditions (depression, OCD, anxiety), lifestyle suggestions, etc

I'd rather it didn't get a mention at all, but I guess it behooves the authors to be thorough and cover everything.

@actuallyautistic

dave OP ,
@dave@autisticnomad.social avatar

@Aerliss @adelinej

Ha I was just skimming the treatments section in the magazine and found mostly the same thing. ABA got a very brief mention amongst a bunch of lifestyle and therapy options

Though ABA was not called the gold standard here... just "the oldest and most researched behavioural therapy.

@actuallyautistic

dave OP ,
@dave@autisticnomad.social avatar

@actuallyautistic I'm actually fairly impressed with this magazine so far.

It leads with a brief history of Autism as defined by the DSM, from 1980 onward, then introduces Autism as a form of neurodivergence, and speaks to the paradigm shift behind Autism acceptance.

The next article leads with more detail about neurodivergence: "With this shift, practitioners are no longer treating neurodivergence inherently as an illness. They are instead viewing it as a group of different methods of learning and processing information, some of which become disabilities in an inaccessible and ableist society."

dave OP ,
@dave@autisticnomad.social avatar

@actuallyautistic

"Self-diagnosis is a valid form of identification and is often the only accessible diagnostic avenue for many marginalized people."

Wow, I really didn't expect to see this acknowledged in this magazine.

I feel like the word "treatment" was used on the cover intentionally to give the magazine broader appeal. The fact that the first handful of articles discuss neurodiversity and neurodivergence as a natural form of human diversity is incredibly satisfying and gives me hope. It's like this magazine was designed to educate people who don't know anything about neurodivergence.

dave OP ,
@dave@autisticnomad.social avatar

@actuallyautistic

I finished reading this magazine I picked up last week. Overall, I didn't learn much I didn't already know, but I'm incredibly satisfied and impressed to have found such neuroaffirming content in the mainstream.

Ultimately, it felt like it was written by allistics, but ones who had spent a ton of time in communities and understood, to the best of their abilities, the neurodiversity movement.

ABA got about 100-150 words of coverage in a 90 page magazine, and was referred to as "controversial" but also "the oldest and most researched" form of therapy for Autism. I'd much rather it didn't get any coverage at all - or called "totally unacceptable and unethical" - but I can also imagine that the writers might've wanted or needed to be impartial.

On the whole, the magazine reinforced the idea that Autism is not an illness, and that supporting an Autistic loved one should be about understanding and meeting their support needs and not forcing them into neurotypical norms.

It came across as a crash course in neurodivergence, and many of the ideas and beliefs I've discovered in the community here were reflected in it. And that makes me incredibly hopeful for the future of neurodivergent folks. ❤️

dave , to actuallyautistic
@dave@autisticnomad.social avatar

@actuallyautistic

Holy shit, it's already been four weeks that I've been hyperfixating?

What the actual hell?! When did it become March?

At least I'm managing it this time around. At first, I felt hopeless. I felt like hyperfixation might not be manageable, Like it's an uncontrollable feature (or bug?) of my brain that I have no say in. That's an incredibly frustrating feeling.

But, it seems like I've found some tools that are working to some degree. Tools that are helping me find balance, manage my energy, and avoid burning myself out on my fixation.

Maybe there's hope that it's manageable and sustainable, if not completely controllable. That I can feel healthy and balanced while achieving deep and prolonged focus. I used to think those concepts were mutually exclusive.

Maybe not.

dave , to actuallyautistic
@dave@autisticnomad.social avatar

@actuallyautistic

Who knew it was possible to hyperfixate on TWO things simultaneously?

Not me.

dave , to actuallyautistic
@dave@autisticnomad.social avatar

@actuallyautistic

What do the terms "hyperfixation" and "hyperfocus" mean to you?

I've seen these terms used interchangeably. I'm writing a blog post about hyperfixation coping strategies, and I want to make sure I'm clear on how I'm using these terms.

dave OP ,
@dave@autisticnomad.social avatar

@actuallyautistic I appreciate all the responses 💚

Here's how I define and differentiate the two:

Hyperfocus is when we fall into an intense and deep flow state. When we're hyperfocused, we lose track of time. We forget to eat or drink water. We also usually get superhuman amounts of things accomplished. Hyperfocus is a state of mind, and is limited in scope to a single session.

Hyperfixation is a longer term phenomenon. It involves obsessive and intrusive thoughts about a thing, and repetitive hyperfocused sessions. It's usually accompanied by intense feelings of joy and excitement. It can last days, weeks, even months.

Hyperfixation is not all rainbows and unicorns, though. Which is what I'm struggling with, and what I'm writing about.

Does this resonate with you? Do you experience these things?

dave OP ,
@dave@autisticnomad.social avatar

@FrightenedRat

I really like the way you distinguish between the two as a matter of intensity and choice. In particular, that hyperfocus is a choice, and hyperfixation is not.

Then you throw in Autistic inertia - which I find is more intense when I'm hyperfixating - and it's a struggle all around.

@actuallyautistic

dave OP ,
@dave@autisticnomad.social avatar

@FrightenedRat

That being said, I have felt in the past that hyperfocusing on a project every day for weeks, and dropping "lower priority" things, was a choice... and in retrospect, I'm not sure it was. I suspect that it was actually hyperfixation making a project seem so exciting and fun, that even self care became lower priority. And I ultimately suffer for it.

@actuallyautistic

dave , to actuallyautistic
@dave@autisticnomad.social avatar

@actuallyautistic

First attempt using cannabis to calm my hyperfixated brain seems successful.

I was able to relax and stop thinking about my current fixation. I was also able to get to sleep fairly easily, and stay asleep.

This morning, I my ADHD meds (something I don't do every day), hoping that they'll quiet my brain and help me control my focus away from the fixation.

This is the first time ever I'm actively working to manage and curb my tendency to fixate on a thing. I have hope it's manageable..

dave , to actuallyautistic
@dave@autisticnomad.social avatar

@actuallyautistic

There's a lot I don't love about being Autistic... but one thing I DO love is how systematic and logical my brain is. I can often successfully troubleshoot systems I have no experience with, because my brain just gets systems.

In our RV, our bed is on a slide-out. That means that it extends and retracts: it's retracted while driving, and extends about 18 inches from the wall of the RV when we're parked.

On our way to LV, the bed slide broke. It would extend, but only one side would retract. I found a hacky workaround that let us get it retracted so we could finish our trip.

I did some diagnosis once we got to LV in November and I was fairly certain the problem was the electronic controller that controls the motors, not the motors or the wiring. Lo and behold... yesterday I finally replaced the controller, and that fixed it.

Systems-oriented brain ftw 😃

dave , to actuallyautistic
@dave@autisticnomad.social avatar

@actuallyautistic

The burnout experience, before I knew I was Autistic and expected myself to be able to function like a neurotypical:

Why the hell am I so tired all the time?!
I get 8 solid hours of sleep!
Maybe I'm eating too much sugar.
Maybe I'm not eating enough.
Maybe I'm eating too many processed foods.
Maybe I'm not eating enough protein.
Maybe I'm not drinking enough water.
Maybe I'm not getting enough physical activity.
Maybe I'm drinking too much caffeine.
Maybe I've got mono.
Maybe my body is fighting off a mild infection.

Thoughts that literally never crossed my mind:

Maybe I've had too many demands on my time and energy.
Maybe my senses have been overloaded.
Maybe I'm not giving my brain enough rest (which is different than sleep)
Maybe I need to do LESS.
Maybe I need a lot more alone time.

It's so hard to understand why we feel a certain way when we're trying to understand ourselves as a "normal" person.

dave , to actuallyautistic
@dave@autisticnomad.social avatar

@actuallyautistic

Got another chore completed that I had been putting off for months.

These chores weren't particularly complicated. In fact they're kinda "easy" - the trouble was that they required multiple easy steps, and some level of executive function to think ahead about where to start and in what order to complete things.

This chore was "simply" gluing the molding on some of the doors in the RV, because they had come loose.

But that involved setting up a workbench, getting my tools out, finding the glue, removing the doors, taking them outside to a work area, gluing them, clamping them and/or putting weights on top of them, etc

Burnout is not laziness. It's not even really a lack of motivation, though that's the word I've been erroneously using to describe it.

It's a disability. It's the complete lack of ability, in my brain, not just to plan and consider all of these steps, but even to make the decision to get started.

"Just do it" my ass. I CAN just do it - when I'm not in burnout and taking care of myself.

dave , to actuallyautistic
@dave@autisticnomad.social avatar

@actuallyautistic

Finally checked off a maintenance chore I've been putting off for months because I didn't have the spoons.

I feel really good lately. Motivated. Enjoying things. I'm also trying to be very mindful of how I'm feeling, so I don't wind up burning myself out again. I'm trying to find a sustainable balance.

Part of me is hopeful and even confident that this is my new baseline, and a sustainable balance is possible.

Part of me is absolutely terrified this is just the same cycle and in a month or two, I'm going to be completely exhausted and have zero energy to do anything.

dave OP ,
@dave@autisticnomad.social avatar

@arisummerland

😂 Right?! It's like this feeling is some uncontrollable magic and I'm just waiting for the magic to stop working without warning.

Enjoy the good feelings, but give yourself time to rest too. Don't overdo it as we tend to do 😀

@actuallyautistic

dave , to actuallyautistic
@dave@autisticnomad.social avatar

@actuallyautistic

An interesting observation of myself: when I'm deep in burnout, I have very little interest in new and unfamiliar things. In fact, I feel strong resistance to it.

New kinds of music, new movies, new TV shows, going to new places, etc.

I've learned that in burnout, I crave the familiar and comfortable, and I need to follow those cravings to help me recover. Familiar foods, routines, TV shows, movies, music.

But as I recover, as I start feeling better, as my HRV rises... not only do I become more willing and interested about new experiences, but I feel less interested in the familiar.

This has manifested specifically this morning by me exploring new music and artists. Something I rarely do, because I so deeply crave and need my familiar, comfortable music.

dave , to actuallyautistic
@dave@autisticnomad.social avatar

@actuallyautistic Yay I wrote a blog post 😀

I'm feeling fairly confident that I can actually be consistent with it this time around. Time will tell 🤞

https://autisticnomad.blog/2023-in-review

dave , to actuallyautistic
@dave@autisticnomad.social avatar

@actuallyautistic My annual review took a lot longer than I thought it would... literally the whole day.

But, holy shit. I am astonished at how much I have learned about myself and changed in the last two months, compared to the previous 10.

I discovered I'm Autistic in July or August, but it really wasn't until we got to Vegas in November that I had the space to really think about what that means, and start working on identifying my needs and making sure they're met.

Again, learning I'm Autistic was a total life changer for me. I'm just... blown away by how much.

I don't love being Autistic, but I absolutely love knowing that I'm Autistic. It helps me understand myself in ways I have been struggling for over a decade to find.

Not only that, but it helps me feel connected to a community - a family that I never knew I had.

One of my objectives for 2023 was to "build my tribe" - to make connections with people and find people who understand me.

I never would've guessed I'd find that in the community.

dave , to actuallyautistic
@dave@autisticnomad.social avatar

@actuallyautistic It's annual review and planning day for me. I'll be going through my journal, reviewing my notes from throughout the year, and reflecting on how I feel about the year as a whole.

Off the top of my head, I feel like 2023 was powerfully transformative. I've had a couple of transformative years in the past - starting therapy and first learning about boundaries and self-care, moving into the RV - but in 2023, I discovered that I am Autistic, and that was a groundbreaking shift in how I view and understand myself and my needs.

dave , to actuallyautistic
@dave@autisticnomad.social avatar

@actuallyautistic Let's talk emotional dysregulation.

What does it mean for you? How does it manifest in your life?

I've been searching for relatable content around this subject, and I've had a hard time finding anything. Most articles - including ones from neurodivergent and neuroaffirming sources that I could find - talk about what it is and what it means, but not how it feels or what it looks like in reality.

What are some examples of it in your life?

If you have any resources on the subject you're able to share, that would be appreciated too!

dave OP ,
@dave@autisticnomad.social avatar

@Tom 😂 I am shocked! @actuallyautistic

dave OP ,
@dave@autisticnomad.social avatar

@actuallyautistic What got me thinking about this was watching a show where a married couple were in a heated argument, then all of a sudden one cracked a joke and relieved the tension and all was fine.

You see that a lot in movies and TV shows. The most obvious trope being when a heated argument turns into passionate intimacy.

Is that fiction? Can people (Allistics, NTs, anyone) really turn their emotions on a dime like that? 🤔

dave OP ,
@dave@autisticnomad.social avatar

@GreenRoc

You make a good point - it's less about how quickly the emotions change, and more about how in control a person is.

My mood can quickly swing to negative as well, given a trigger or stressor. But it's out of my control, and I can't just swing it back to positive because I want to.

So.. is that what dysregulation means? That sounds like an inability to regulate emotions.
@actuallyautistic

dave , to actuallyautistic
@dave@autisticnomad.social avatar

@actuallyautistic I've heard "if you've met one Autistic person, you've met one Autistic person" and I understand that people's experiences vary so wildly.

But there are still times when I read about someone's experiences being Autistic that I think, wow, okay, maybe I'm actually not Autistic. 🤔

But then I set a date with my best friend to play a TTRPG, and I've never played one before, and I feel anxious and stressed about going into this having literally zero idea of how a TTRPG works, so I have to watch YT videos and read the rulebook ahead of time to calm myself down.

Or I post here about how I suppressed my most visible stim (hand flapping) as a teenager, and now as a replacement I hold my hands tightly while holding my breath and exhaling rhythmically through my nose.

Then I find it much harder to doubt my identity as an Autistic person 😃

dave , to actuallyautistic
@dave@autisticnomad.social avatar

@actuallyautistic Once in a while, I wonder what it might've been like to talk to my parents about being Autistic. I doubt it would've been a useful conversation... but I suspect I would've tried to make it more useful by talking about traits and behaviours first, before calling it autism. It would've been interesting to see how much of it they could relate to.

I'm not entirely sure how my dad would've reacted... the few conversations we had as adults felt strained and awkward.

My mom probably would've been confused about why I would think I'm Autistic (just like she was confused about why I thought I needed therapy) but I doubt she would've rejected or doubted the idea. I don't think she'd really accept or acknowledge it either. For her, it'd be more like "Oh, okay, neat... so when can you go to the store for me? I'm out of Tylenol and Diet Coke"

I can see hints of neurodivergence in my memories of both of them. Alas, they both passed long before I discovered I'm Autistic.

dave OP ,
@dave@autisticnomad.social avatar

@punishmenthurts

I'm sorry you have to deal with being made out to be a villain. Ugh, families suck.

I'm estranged from my family, for the most part. I recently reconnected with my brother, and his story seems to be that I'm the genius that nobody knew how to talk to. He also has a very different impression and recollection of my parents... for some reason, he thinks very highly of them.

@actuallyautistic

  • All
  • Subscribed
  • Moderated
  • Favorites
  • •
  • random
  • lifeLocal
  • goranko
  • All magazines
    •