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What are the worst names you could give a baby boy?

Hello you awesome people,

Friends are having a boy and everyone they know wants to push a name on the child. So I decided to be the best friend they could have and to offer only bad, ugly or horrendous names to the lucky parents so they could have a laugh. I already send them some names and dictators, Smeagol, Steve and Juan-Esteban.

So please, people or Lemmy, give me the worst names you could give a child, so that I can help them as a good friend!

Ps: don’t worry, I’ve already planned some meals to drop off when the gremlin will be there to feed the parents. And some take-out vouchers so they won’t get food poisoning

mypasswordis1234 ,
@mypasswordis1234@lemmy.world avatar

X Æ A-12

FlyForABeeGuy OP ,

The only way to escape a name like that is to take a phallic rocket to mars and start a new colony

cheese_greater ,

How do you even pronunce that?

ChrisLicht ,

Dixon.

cheese_greater ,

Is (the name at issue) this some unicode shit or sumfing?

ChrisLicht ,

It’s what a manchild thinks is sci-fi.

Susaga ,
@Susaga@ttrpg.network avatar

It’s only pronounced that way because he’s a dick’s son.

ChrisLicht ,

That was the joke, but I trust it’s much improved by the explication.

XEAL ,

Shi-thead

dingus ,

Honestly such a classic youtu.be/r_Ua8iOR0g8?si=D-UWy03OoBxFszEy

Man those were the golden days of yt

XEAL ,

I may have seen that one too, but I was thinking about this one, lol

youtu.be/Bm1SLX4WBCo?

LazaroFilm ,
@LazaroFilm@lemmy.world avatar

I read they pronounce it Xavier

cheese_greater , (edited )

For real?

Edit: doesnt he have a Xavier already?

Edit: duplicative

YexingTudou ,

Does he care about any of his kids enough to know if there’s already a Xavier?

nitefox ,

Xavier v2.0

Kevo ,

No joke, it’s pronounced Kyle. It’s the Greek letter chi, the dipthong æ which is called an æsc (pronounced ash) that makes a sound similar to the “a” in “cat” but shorter, and A-12 stands for “alphabet 12” or the 12th letter of the alphabet which is L. So chi-æ-l or kinda like a two syllable “Kyle”

cheese_greater ,

Wow, I see it now. That is beyond retarded. Jesus Christ

bizzle ,
@bizzle@lemmy.world avatar

Pretty fuckin cringe that you’re still calling stuff retarded lmfao 1998 called they want their insults back

hungryphrog ,

Can we not throw slurs around?

SigloPseudoMundo ,

It’s pronounced kyle

SpeakinTelnet ,
@SpeakinTelnet@sh.itjust.works avatar

The only winner here is his sister who’s name was not as publicized. Exa Dark Siderael

zalgotext ,

Sounds like a hidden boss in a final fantasy game

cheese_greater ,

Actually so many boss fights in life

ryan ,

Bob, short for Bobert. So that every time he has to say his full name to anyone on the phone or fill out forms somewhere, he has to repeatedly explain that, no, it's not Robert, it's Bobert.

KISSmyOS ,

Best one so far

Sweetpeaches69 ,

Extra points if you tell him it’s because of Lauren Boebert, the classiest woman to walk this earth.

/s

bradorsomething ,

Ted, get off of Lemmy.

burgersc12 ,

Ngl i have considered calling every Rob/Bob i know Bobert, but i like this idea better

root_beer ,

I knew someone who did that to me in high school. I hated him, for many reasons, mind, but that was one. I hated him enough to be almost glad his wife died. Not that I am, and nothing against her, just… fuck him.

I’ve been called Bert by one guy, and sometimes I wonder if I should have run with that. Another guy would call me Rootbeer. I was totally fine with that, as you can see.

BananaPeal ,
@BananaPeal@sh.itjust.works avatar

Tombert.

TheBananaKing ,

You monster.

Jinn ,

Robert with a B

kent_eh ,

Robert’); DROP TABLE Students;–

Spaghetti_Hitchens ,

Little Bobby Tables as we call him.

Pons_Aelius ,

Explanation for today's 10,000

ASeriesOfPoorChoices ,

Spez.

257m ,

Now that would just be cruel.

SatanicNotMessianic ,

Sue.

justhach ,
@justhach@lemmy.world avatar

I dont know about that.

See, this world is rough, and if a man’s gonna make it, he’s gotta be tough. If a father knew he wouldn’t be there to help his son along he could, hypothetically, give him that name, say goodbye, and know his son would have to get tough or die.

That very name would then help to make him strong.

Semi-Hemi-Demigod ,
@Semi-Hemi-Demigod@kbin.social avatar

Right but everyone would be like "haha sue like the song" and he'd get so annoyed

Spaghetti_Hitchens ,

I bet Sue'd be able to put up one hell of a fight.

cheese_greater ,

More like “Suetable”

bestusername ,
@bestusername@aussie.zone avatar

He’d hunt you down and beat the snot out of you!

0x2d ,

X Æ A-12

Scary_le_Poo ,
@Scary_le_Poo@beehaw.org avatar

“Hello 911? I’ve just witnessed a murder.”

OrkneyKomodo ,

Pubert

FlyForABeeGuy OP ,

Only if Pube is considered as it’s diminutive!

Spaghetti_Hitchens , (edited )

Her comes lil Pubey!

GammaGames ,

Fucking Pubert!

shiveyarbles ,

Boink! Boink! Boink,! X2$&#@!?!

eezeebee ,
@eezeebee@lemmy.ca avatar

Adolf

FlyForABeeGuy OP ,

That wouldn’t fly with the city clerk in Belgium. But then again, one can always try!

FlyForABeeGuy OP ,

Should have made a joke with “nein”, but people would be Fuhrerious about it!

velox_vulnus ,

deleted_by_author

    •
    dingus ,

    A lot of names are cool but then get ruined with shit like that. I always thought Isis was a beautiful name. But terrorism ruined it.

    MacroCyclo ,

    My neighbor named her dog Isis like the Greek God. It was not timely lol

    hungryphrog ,

    Isis is Egyptian!

    sadbehr ,
    @sadbehr@lemmy.nz avatar

    And Goddess! (not a God.)

    MacroCyclo ,

    Shows how much I listened to her about it. Whoops!

    sadbehr ,
    @sadbehr@lemmy.nz avatar

    Also an awesome post metal band Isis. I have a t-shirt of theirs with the lyrics to a song called ‘Dying Light’ which is about death, the afterlife and reincarnation sorta stuff, needless to say I haven’t been able to wear it in many years.

    yenahmik ,

    I once knew someone who refused to tell anyone the name they chose before the baby was born (absolutely valid choice, IMO). The grandpa-to-be chose to exclusively refer to the fetus as Beelzebub.

    Freeman , (edited )

    That is normal around where I live, because you never know if it will be alice alive after birth. So I mostly see the name in the birth-card my friends usually send

    klemptor ,

    Alice Afterbirth is a great name for the placenta

    zalgotext ,

    Also a good name for an indie prog metal band

    MaggiWuerze ,

    Where are you from? Chernobyl?

    Freeman ,

    Switzerland, why?

    MaggiWuerze ,

    because you never know if it will be alice alive after birth.

    I know the risk exists here as well, but “you never know” sounds like something someone from rural Africa would say, not Switzerland.

    Freeman ,

    Maybe its an old tradition. But I was shocked by how deadly being pregnant and giving birth (to the mother and the child even moreso) is, still to this day. I thought we solved childbirth or something.

    MaggiWuerze ,

    Yeah, the female physique hasn’t really adapted to our enormous head size. We solved child mortality more or less, but pregnancy and birth is still quite dangerous.

    intensely_human ,
    • Spanko
    • Twallypod
    • Roooooo
    • Meganginipple
    • Nipple
    • Craig
    • Nart
    • Puddin
    • Sue
    • Ticksy
    • Ewwgross
    spiffy_spaceman ,

    I do not have enough up votes for this

    Cinner Bot ,

    'ay nart, wuh yew uh to tday spud

    CuttingBoard ,

    I too have heard the legend of Spanko.

    BananaPeal ,
    @BananaPeal@sh.itjust.works avatar

    First, anything ending in -ayden. 2-4, I’m just going to list a few real names I’ve heard. Middles included.

    Wynter Obsidian

    Ocean Zebediah

    Buck Shot

    Rolando ,

    Dude, “Buck Shot” is awesome. That kid is pretty much guaranteed to be an astronaut with a name like that.

    HelixDab2 ,

    Or a gay porn actor. No in between options.

    root_beer ,

    Nah, I see cop as an option. More likely than astronaut, actually.

    But most of all, I see him becoming a “professional YouTuber” of the “rant from the cab of a pickup truck wearing a baseball cap and wearing oakleys” genre, before going out and attempting to kidnap a politician at gunpoint. It’s one of those nominative determinism things, for sure.

    corsicanguppy ,

    We were gonna go with Winter Grace. Really-really. There are reasons. But, due to other reasons, kids didn’t happen.

    Hamartia ,

    Aaron Mayden?

    GrayBackgroundMusic ,

    Mayden America

    Ludrol ,
    @Ludrol@szmer.info avatar

    Grzegorz Brzęczyszczykiewicz

    nfsu2 ,
    @nfsu2@feddit.cl avatar

    sounds like it could be a dortmund 2011 player

    Ludrol ,
    @Ludrol@szmer.info avatar

    www.youtube.com/watch?v=AfKZclMWS1U

    nfsu2 ,
    @nfsu2@feddit.cl avatar

    Hahaha, thanks.

    Gosplan14_the_Third ,
    @Gosplan14_the_Third@hexbear.net avatar

    Grzegorz is a perfectly normal name, and it’s not their fault if they have a difficult surname 😔

    root_beer ,

    It’s probably not even difficult in Poland either

    Gosplan14_the_Third ,
    @Gosplan14_the_Third@hexbear.net avatar

    Well, there’s a bit of context behind it:

    The name is a meme in Poland and comes from the 1969 adventure-comedy mini-series Jak rozpętałem drugą wojnę światową (How I unleashed World War 2).

    In the second episode, the main character is in hiding insideof Nazi Germany after escaping from a Prisoner of War camp. He is eventually arrested for an unrelated reason and this is the fake name he gives to the German bureaucrat using the typewriter. Unsurprisingly, he is baffled by the spelling, especially once he gets it right… since he gets an even more difficult fake birthplace to spell by the MC.

    Edit: If you mean Grzegorz, it means George and isn’t too difficult, I suppose.

    happyhippo ,

    X Æ A-12

    RandomVideos ,

    Robert’); DROP TABLE Students;–

    communist ,
    @communist@beehaw.org avatar

    He said worst, not best.

    Poiar ,

    The post clearly asked for the worst names, not the very best /s

    So_zetta_slowpoke ,

    Little Bobby Tables, we call him.

    marketsnodsbury ,

    Open a random page in any P. G. Wodehouse novel and you’re good to go! Gussie Fink-Nottle, Bingo Little, Kipper Herring, Stiffy Byng. Or, my personal fave, add in an extra letter like he did for his character Psmith, where, he explains, the “p” is silent, "as in pshrimp.”

    ElGosso ,
    @ElGosso@hexbear.net avatar

    Those are awful names for people but fantastic names for bands.

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