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SuperSaiyanSwag , in [Tutorial]How to impress her Dad

Good dad joke, but the final line could use some work

ares35 ,
@ares35@kbin.social avatar

the two dating are actually cousins. makes it an 'uncle joke'

oldGregg ,

Shut your fucking face, uncle fucka!
You’re the one that fucked your uncle, uncle fucka!
You don’t eat or sleep or mow the lawn,
You just fuck your uncle all day long!

Rivalarrival ,

Something about her being knocked up, because he’s already telling Dad jokes.

lurch ,

What’s your problem with it?

SuperSaiyanSwag ,

I should have said “in my opinion”. The final line just seems too much, maybe it works better as a comic strip? The “looks at daughter” seems necessary, but makes the punchline longer.

bstix ,

You shouldn’t have pointed it out at all. Now we have to come up with a better punchline.

Like: " Sorry kid, the bank does that"

bstix , in I lose mine last month :(

Only Satan would design a hole that is smaller than the end of a bent paperclip when the entire purpose of the hole is to put something into it.

wandermind ,

How else can you sell an iPoker 4X?

bigkahuna1986 ,

You’re still using the 4X? Lol, get yourself an 8Max and thank me later.

clearleaf ,

I did but I’m still saving up for the handle

SARGEx117 ,

deleted_by_author

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  • CleoTheWizard ,
    @CleoTheWizard@lemmy.world avatar

    For anyone else who ever has this problem, there are easier ways than a paper clip and hammer.

    I have used pencil lead (0.5mm) successfully. You get a short piece and push hard, it might hurt your thumb a bit but it works. Obviously most needles work but I have used things like safety pins from the back of a shirt pin. I’ve also used the tip of mechanical pencils in a pinch. And if you’re crafty you can do something (carefully) with a toothpick and a knife to shave the tip down. Dumbest thing I’ve ever used is a disposable flosser that had a toothpick on the end. I also used that to clean USB C ports. All of these also similarly work on small reset buttons on routers and such.

    clearleaf ,

    I usually take a needle of some kind and clip the point off so it’s not as sharp.

    nonailsleft ,

    For a Korean, the hole doesn’t need to be that big

    bobs_monkey ,

    An earring pokey works too, just wipe off any schmutz

    leanleft ,
    @leanleft@lemmy.ml avatar

    is there a name for the superfine point ones?

    bstix ,

    I guess it’s called a SIM card eject pin tool, but you’ll usually find them in cell phone toolkits.

    leanleft ,
    @leanleft@lemmy.ml avatar

    some are thicker or thinner than others. some phones have a superthin hole. so some ejectors or a paperclip won’t work (for some phones).

    maybe the superthin variety is the most common variety out there. but i have a collection and they are nearly all thick.

    leanleft ,
    @leanleft@lemmy.ml avatar

    there must be an everyday item that functions as a makeshift alternative.

    bstix ,

    Certain plastic toothpicks work.

    SquareBear , in Minimalists

    This pic is obviously American.

    joneskind ,

    It could be a toy gun

    DragonTypeWyvern ,

    Why?

    Real guns are cheaper.

    Voyajer ,
    @Voyajer@lemmy.world avatar

    I know, right? That’s obviously a type B power outlet on the left wall.

    sleepy555 ,

    Gotta protect your mattress somehow.

    Cleverdawny , in Double standards or something, I don't know...

    Launching rockets at civilians isn’t glorious whether you’re Russian or Palestinian.

    callouscomic ,

    Or Israeli

    Cleverdawny ,

    Sure.

    Kusimulkku ,

    I like how you were downvoted for this. No you need to choose a side that you support 100%!!

    orphiebaby ,

    I think maybe a lot of people failed to see that “Sure.” doesn’t necessarily mean sarcasm, and didn’t used to.

    RealFknNito ,
    @RealFknNito@lemmy.world avatar

    deleted_by_author

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  • Cleverdawny ,

    You’d have a good point except for the fact that Hamas governs the Gaza Strip. So, it’s like blaming the government of Ukraine for the actions of the Ukrainian government.

    Also, don’t think I missed you making up anti-Russian pogroms in Ukraine, buddy

    Omega_Haxors ,

    lemm ee and dbzer0 users on their way to passively support whatever evil regime is in power

    Kusimulkku ,

    lemmy.ml

    lol

    Omega_Haxors ,

    Maybe you should have checked to see who is hosting this community.

    Kusimulkku ,

    Why, what does it change about my joke?

    CorrodedCranium , in Gary larson rule
    @CorrodedCranium@leminal.space avatar

    This and that article about the 16 year old that got arrested for cutting down a historic tree makes me wonder if there’s a way to uncut down a tree. Like using grafting and some kind of tree steroid

    starman2112 ,
    @starman2112@sh.itjust.works avatar

    It’s a bit like reattaching a penis. All the tubes are very particular in what they were connected to, so even if you graft it back on you cant direct all of them to reconnect the right way

    Everythingispenguins ,

    Just get out that extra big domino cutter and a little wood glue. /s

    tilcica ,

    and even if you do, the tree works by not having ANY air in them so as soon as there’s even the slightest amount of it, the tube wont work anymore

    FinalRemix ,

    Well, I’ve got a brake bleeder kit from 1975 in my garage. That gets the air out pretty well, so we just need an extra tube, a wrench, and someone to squeeze the tree hard enough to mush the air out.

    Squids ,

    The closest thing to what you’re talking about is grafting, but that’s a specific thing that only works on certain species and I don’t think can “glue” two entire halves of a tree back together, maybe just a branch at the most if you’re very careful and lucky

    It’s why if you plant a seed from a random apple from the supermarket, you’re very probably not going to get a tree that produces that apple. Most commerical fruit trees (including ones from your local garden centre) tend to have a bottom half that’s hardy and resistant, and then a top half which was “glued” on that actually provides the fruit you want. The bottom half controls the genetic material in the seed, but the top half controls what the fruit will look like.

    On the other hand, you can totally glue a snapped cactus back together, provided it hasn’t been too long and the two halves aren’t too damaged.

    ch00f , (edited )

    Well the other bit about apple trees is that they exhibit extreme heterozygosity which means they need the genes of two trees to be combined to make viable seeds, and the genes of their offspring are chosen randomly.

    So they’re like people, the kids might exhibit traits of both parents, but they’re not clones. Typically if you plant apple seeds, if they are fertile and sprout, the offspring will make apples that are different from both parents. In most cases, these apples aren’t desirable, as there are only a few dozen apple varieties on the market against untold millions of possibilities.

    Rivalarrival ,

    The bottom half controls the genetic material in the seed, but the top half controls what the fruit will look like.

    Yeah, that part isn’t true. The top half has the sexual organs, and controls both the fruit and the genetic content of the seed. The seed of that tree will be a genetic descendent of the top half, not the bottom half.

    The problem is, as the other commenter stated, that the offspring of the tree are not likely to share the specific combination of genetic code that makes the exact apple we are looking for. If you want that exact apple, you need a clone of the original tree, not a descendant of that tree.

    HankMardukas ,

    I mean, for most healthy trees, if you don’t put an herbicide on the stump, they’ll sprout new growth from the cut.

    CodyCannoli ,

    Our neighbors cut down all the trees on their side of the property line, but its been about 2 years now and we’ve got our privacy back because all the stumps sprouted.

    Darukhnarn ,

    That depends on the species….

    Rodeo ,

    Doesn’t happen with coniferous species.

    EmrysOfTheValley ,

    There is a thing called Coppicing or National Trust Link where the stump shoots off and grows new trunks from there. Its not exactly the same and some trees are better suited for it than others.

    thanks_shakey_snake , in Mandatory, and booked over a lunch hour

    Sleep is sooo important you guys. And science says exercise is actually really good for you. Make sure to get lots of natural sunlight. Take time for you. Have you considered journaling?

    Anyway here’s my website and a link to a book that I wrote (digital only). Thanks for the $8000 and have a blessed day!

    drolex ,

    Money is not everything in life, my good friend! Subscribe to my LinkedIn webinar for only $80/month to discover why!

    ArtVandelay ,
    @ArtVandelay@lemmy.world avatar

    “All my life I had been told money doesn’t buy happiness. Then I realized the people who were saying that were the ones with all the money. So, I figured they were trying to hide a good thing.” -Tony Curtis, Operation Petticoat

    Skaryon ,

    We literally had a coach type woman give a webinar where she spouted all of that crap and a healthy dose of “have you tried not being depressed”?

    Luckily we’re not in the US and workers dare speak up and raised hell until the company leadership apologized (not that we believe it but hey)

    cybervseas , in It's that time again

    From Wikipedia:

    “Wake Me Up When September Ends” was written by frontman Billie Joe Armstrong about his father, who died from esophageal cancer when Armstrong was 10 years old. Armstrong at one point dubbed the song the most autobiographical he had written to that point, considering it “therapeutic” but also difficult to perform.

    SchoopDaWhoop ,

    Also from Wikipedia:

    “Armstrong has expressed his displeasure with the memes and has joked about wanting to write a sequel song in response called ‘Shut the Fuck Up When October Comes’.”

    doctorcrimson ,

    Yeah imagine performing a song about how hard it is to remember the anniversary of the most heartbreaking death of a loved one you’ve experienced, and then everybody makes a joke about reminding you of it for the next several decades.

    Rai ,

    Alt: imagine being a public figure famous music band and not have the internet not make jokes about your songs

    Not saying it can’t affect him and his past trauma, but like… not everyone knows or cares about your lore, famous rock star

    Dasnap , in sToP pOsTiNg pOliTicAl mEmEs!!!
    @Dasnap@lemmy.world avatar

    Political memes -> memes complaining about political memes -> memes complaining about memes complaining about political memes

    Can we go deeper?

    Grayox OP ,
    @Grayox@lemmy.ml avatar

    We must

    Tigbitties ,
    @Tigbitties@kbin.social avatar

    I'll get the lube

    PRUSSIA_x86 ,

    ಠ_ಠ

    therafal ,

    One might call it a recursive meme. You can even go into another level and meme from this meme loop itself.

    meyotch ,

    One can perform meme-ception but at a great risk. If you go too far into the meme-hole, you could disappear up there forever. At that point, your only hope of return is a new social media platform where retreading old memes becomes suddenly cool again, for a moment.

    Bumblefumble ,

    Isn’t that what you just did?

    Dasnap ,
    @Dasnap@lemmy.world avatar
    saltnotsugar , in ah crap

    CMD window pops up and closes.

    andrew ,
    @andrew@lemmy.stuart.fun avatar

    Ah shit, here we go again.

    davepleasebehave , in Buzz buzz buzz.

    feels cruel and unusual.

    BonesOfTheMoon OP ,

    Doo doo doo doo doo

    refurbishedrefurbisher ,

    Doo doo doo doo doo doo eat healthy

    AFallingAnvil , in damnit ted
    @AFallingAnvil@lemmy.ca avatar

    I love that the mspaint dress on her implies it was less effort to do that than to find a picture of her clothed

    nonearther , in I think he's worse though.

    That’s an insult to Zorg

    Kbin_space_program ,

    Zorg at least has some regrets at points in the movie.

    Scrof ,

    Not to mention charisma and sick sense of style.

    blackluster117 ,
    @blackluster117@possumpat.io avatar

    He also proves that he can get things done himself.

    tias ,

    Except for that one time

    EdibleFriend ,
    @EdibleFriend@lemmy.world avatar

    I am disappointed in him.

    balderdash9 , in Why must we be done this way?

    I can try to make the material interesting and be engaging but if you’re watching Overwatch on your phone all of that is a moot point.

    https://lemmy.zip/pictrs/image/8492d076-ffaf-4ad5-a29f-27d31855cc63.webp

    user224 ,
    @user224@lemmy.sdf.org avatar

    but if you’re watching Overwatch

    You can just take away their phone in that case, no?
    Not sure about OP, but my point is that phones can be useful. But if they’re clearly not…

    kmkz_ninja ,

    That means teachers would have to discipline, which means that the superintendent or school board would have to pay a fair salary and give fair tools, which means the state or city would have to up the budget, which means that we wouldn’t be able to repave the roads in the nice part of town next spring.

    TheHighRoad ,
    @TheHighRoad@lemmy.world avatar

    What Utopia do you live in where the reason doesn’t end with “which means we won’t be able to line the pockets of our friends’ companies?”

    kmkz_ninja ,

    The friends live in the nice communities with freshly paved roads, but yes.

    usernamesaredifficul ,

    having to look at what the kid is doing and judge things on a case by case basis would eat into lesson time which is already stretched thin with class management as it is

    user224 ,
    @user224@lemmy.sdf.org avatar

    You can just disallow phones during classes.

    RagnarokOnline , in Be there for your ladies

    Bonk

    Wizarded ,

    Believe it or not…

    stebo02 ,
    @stebo02@sopuli.xyz avatar

    We never have boners because of horny jail!

    Hopps ,
    @Hopps@lemmy.world avatar

    Your username gave me some major nostalgia. I think I played iRO like nearly 20 years ago! Even rolled a Super Novice lol

    RagnarokOnline ,

    YES! Always great to meet another fan.

    If you look back through my comment history, I had a looong nostalgia trip with another Lemmy user about the good ol’ days.

    I still miss playing RO, but I usually go back and play on a pserver once a year around December. I just crave killing Elder Willows for some Dead Branches so I can fight random monsters :)

    Hopps ,
    @Hopps@lemmy.world avatar

    Haha I can hear the sad music now, while slaying away those Elder Willows. There was something almost meditative about collecting those DB’s.

    At one point I set up a bot to collect them, he grinded away so long on those that I swear he reached somewhere in the 90’s for his level

    RagnarokOnline ,

    It’s a guilty confession, but I always wanted to bot in that game. I never decided to give it a try, but some of the grind is just so tedious.

    I never get sick of that Peaceful Forest BGM track, tho.

    circuitfarmer , in whyyyy, that doesn't make any sense...
    @circuitfarmer@lemmy.sdf.org avatar

    Years upon years of pro-capitalist propaganda is a helluva drug.

    SupraMario ,

    Apparently years upon years of tankie propaganda is also a drug.

    Clent ,

    And people who thinks it’s either capitalism or communism are dumb fucks.

    Gormadt ,
    @Gormadt@lemmy.blahaj.zone avatar

    Authoritarianism is the real cancer upon society

    Isoprenoid ,

    It’s not the ‘-isms’, my guy.

    It’s people. Flawed beings making and interacting with flawed systems.

    circuitfarmer ,
    @circuitfarmer@lemmy.sdf.org avatar

    It takes people to enact policies around the -isms and to make the -isms themselves, so I dont really see the logic here.

    Isoprenoid ,

    It takes people to enact policies around the -isms and to make the -isms themselves

    The OP said “…-ism is the real cancer upon society”. I was pointing out that people are the real cancer of society. It doesn’t matter what “-ism” you want to stand behind, there will always be issues because humanity is fundamentally broken.

    https://programming.dev/pictrs/image/4005c707-415e-42c8-85ae-64fe9f011c35.jpeg

    circuitfarmer ,
    @circuitfarmer@lemmy.sdf.org avatar

    humanity is fundamentally broken

    I’d argue that humanity and an -ism aren’t that different in this context – arbitrary linguistic form aside, they both refer to abstract collectives.

    But ultimately, I still don’t see the logic in separating humanity from the systems it created and uses. Fixing one fixes the other, in bilateral fashion.

    SupraMario ,

    Thinking that memes like this aren’t just tankies who think the ussr was a tragic loss is hilarious. This is tankie shit.

    circuitfarmer ,
    @circuitfarmer@lemmy.sdf.org avatar

    You do know the USSR was a country and not a political ideology, right?

    SupraMario ,

    You’re an idiot if you think my comment on the USSR collapsing was talking about a political ideology…

    seitanic ,
    @seitanic@lemmy.sdf.org avatar

    What if I told you there were a lot of folks who hate both tankies and capitalism.

    In fact, most anti-capitalists are also anti-authoritarian, which leaves them out of the tankie camp.

    SupraMario ,

    Cool, but then you’re just a naive utopia dreamer. Capitalism is the best system we have right now, and it pays for a lot of social programs, can it be better sure but acting like communism is better is just flat out stupid.

    explodicle ,

    Living in a tribe in the jungle is better than capitalism because it’s not literally destroying the world. If you’re willing to consider utopian capitalism, then a utopia based on ideas that can theoretically work should be even easier.

    PatFussy ,

    Huh?

    seitanic ,
    @seitanic@lemmy.sdf.org avatar

    A big meteor strike would be worse for most life on earth than even the climate crisis, and that will happen, sooner or later. In order to prevent that, you need a pretty high tech level.

    stonedemoman , (edited )

    Yes and no. Yes by the time it would likely be detected on a collision course with Earth, at present, even the greatest minds can’t theorize a method to neutralize an asteroid => 5km in diameter that doesn’t cause an extinction event with the technology available to us right now.

    However, if it were detected soon enough there may be more tenable options for preventing an impact event that are not futile. The problem is we don’t have nearly enough resources monitoring deep space for our inevitable destruction and with a lot of our space tech now being privatized in the US it will be more difficult because there’s no profit incentive to being prepared for our doom. At least now that NASA is active again there will be an obvious taxpayer incentive to literally preventing our own annihilation…lol

    Edit to add article about early detection: planetary.org/defending-the-earth-from-impacts#:~….

    seitanic ,
    @seitanic@lemmy.sdf.org avatar

    The point is you aren’t going to stop an asteroid if you’re living in a tribe in the jungle.

    stonedemoman ,

    Sure, but my point is that capitalism may as well be George of the jungle with everything it does to trade our future for revenue growth.

    Croquette ,

    That’s a dumb point. Might as well do nothing and continue to ravage the planet because there will be a meteorite somewhere in the next millions year.

    seitanic ,
    @seitanic@lemmy.sdf.org avatar

    That doesn’t follow. If you care about whether or not humanity survives, those are not equivalent at all.

    pthaloblue ,

    Margaret Thatcher, is that you?

    Iron_Lynx ,

    I thought she was dead, with her grave thoroughly urinated upon.

    pthaloblue ,

    grave thoroughly urinated on

    Shit, I guess people found an alternative after all

    circuitfarmer ,
    @circuitfarmer@lemmy.sdf.org avatar

    Yep, no room to innovate anywhere, everything everywhere has already been tried and capitalism won.

    No propaganda here.

    Rozauhtuno , (edited )
    @Rozauhtuno@lemmy.blahaj.zone avatar

    Capitalism is the best system we have right now

    Citation needed. Also, curious how capitalist countries are always so eager to stomp down any attempt at trying a different system, almost as if the rich really don’t want you to even believe a different system is possible 🤔

    and it pays for a lot of social programs

    It doesn’t pay, it steals. Social programs under capitalism are possible only by exploiting the global south.

    Cool, but then you’re just a naive utopia dreamer.

    Not wanting to be robbed by bosses and landlords is utopia, now? And you talk about it as if it was some theory that was never tried. Libertarian socialism already exists.

    can it be better sure but acting like communism is better is just flat out stupid.

    Because…? Can you even define what you mean with ‘communism’, or is it just some nebulous threat you got programmed to be afraid of? Not all socialists are Stalinists, which is what you seem to be implying…

    Croquette ,

    Its fucking dumb to assume that the only other alternative is communism.

    Dildade41 ,

    Social programs? But… that’s socialism !

    uis ,
    @uis@lemmy.world avatar

    Capitalism is naivest utopia. There is no invisible limbs, monopoly will eventually form.

    HawlSera ,

    For example, me.

    Iron_Lynx ,

    Hello there, fellow anti-capitalist anti-tankie

    HawlSera ,

    I’m gonna list all the good and progressive things about North Korea that America needs to emulate if it wants to stop being a Capitalist Demon Machine

    Thank you for reading my list!

    SnipingNinja ,

    Please give a warning for whiplash

    !Also, put a bullet point to start a list, because the empty paragraph doesn’t appear on my end. If you want to that is!<

    circuitfarmer ,
    @circuitfarmer@lemmy.sdf.org avatar

    If I see some I’ll let you know.

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