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TwinkleToes ,
@TwinkleToes@lemmy.ca avatar

The problem is, everyone THINKS that they’re the woman in this meme.

where_am_i ,

Solution: don’t live in the US, live in Europe

remer ,

I know you’re not from the South because down there the first wave of divorces is at about 21 years old with three kids

Tyfud ,

Not all of the kids have to be theirs either.

Facebones ,

Southerner here to confirm. I’m 36, graduated in 2004, I know a few people my age with 20 year olds now. 🙄

bouldering_barista ,

I feel this in my core. Dating in your 30s is like dating at max difficulty

BackOnMyBS ,
@BackOnMyBS@lemmy.autism.place avatar

I find it much easier!

  • People are less shy
  • They have more experience
  • They know better what they are looking for
  • Their fantasy marriage/life has been renounced
  • People are much more chill about sex matters
  • Their romantic histories are quite telling
  • Most people have their own place
  • Careers are mostly stable

/

Cons

  • Much smaller dating pool
  • Many have kids already
  • More difficult to make friends/meet people in general
MonkderVierte ,
  • Many have kids already

Why is that a con?

BackOnMyBS ,
@BackOnMyBS@lemmy.autism.place avatar

It introduces more factors to consider. One, the kids will be involved in the relationship, so that’s more people that have to get along well. Two, they take up time, energy, and resources that could otherwise go to the relationship. Three, the parents are more anchored to their current life, so things like going on vacation or moving become much more complex and expensive. Four, the person will almost certainly have to maintain a relationship with their ex/other parent of the children. Five, if you yourself want to have kids, they may not be willing to do so anymore.

I acknowledge that having kids has its benefits too though. It’s not all bad.

MonkderVierte ,

Valid reasons.

KyuubiNoKitsune ,

The solution is to just stop bothering trying and accept that you’ll always be alone, or that at some point you’ll stumble upon a person who you like and likes you back.

Im lesbian and know 2 lesbians, so like, I doubt that’s going to happen, so I just do the former.

AshMan85 ,

This is so sadly accurate lol

kriz ,

What’s the movie? I really identify with corpse #3

v1605 ,

Poltergeist

remer ,

Do I remember correctly that these were real bodies because it was cheaper than fakes?

Quetzalcutlass ,

Also she’s swimming with real bodies because it was cheaper.

MonkderVierte ,

Oh, alright, so it was rubber, only on real bones.

MNByChoice ,

After 35 is the first wave of divorces?

volvoxvsmarla ,

Dude most people I know don’t start thinking about marriage or kids before 30

peopleproblems ,

Im not that ugly am I?

I’m at least a little bit more self-secure that at least I have eyes and hair!?

MNByChoice ,

Not ugly at all.

peopleproblems ,

Truth time tho, I’ve been noticing more of those positives lately. Just a little bit of effort makes a difference.

sentient_loom ,
@sentient_loom@sh.itjust.works avatar

I don’t quite get it. Is the problem that you miss being pursued by younger people?

ThrowawayPermanente ,

All the good men are already taken, the ones who are still available are single for a reason.

Kecessa ,

No matter the gender the issue is the same

Larry ,

If you’re still looking for good men at 35 you’re also single for a reason

peopleproblems ,

Not necessarily. If she was an anxious attached style she’d be more likely to fall for avoidant men. She could either:

  1. Now recognize the red flags of avoidants and not subject herself to that.
  2. Be unaware of the red flags of avoidants and keep making the same mistake
  3. Recently left a long term relationship as an secure individual and discover how many avoidants really exist.

Of course you are right, she could be avoidant to, in which case hopefully she’ll learn sooner rather than later that fearing intimacy and vulnerability is detrimental, and that healthy codependency is actually a thing. But it’s not easy for them to do so.

I don’t like to think that everyone is incapable of finding someone, people just need to figure out why. Pointing out “single for a reason” seems counterproductive and a bit disrespectful.

cheeseandrice , (edited )

I think “single for a reason” is what all that attachment theory shit is trying to help contextualize. It specifically sets the context as “single for a fixable reason” if you have the courage and humility to do the work.

GluWu ,

Is living in the forest because I’m afraid of the federal government a “fixable” reason?

Cypher ,

Sorry you’re so incurably single you’ve latched onto dating advice thats as accurate as horoscopes.

Like I hope it gets better for you but… yikes.

KyuubiNoKitsune ,

Thanks.

peopleproblems ,

Or we became so insecure in our previous relationship that we’re terrified of meeting new people :).

Can’t get hurt that way.

Rakonat ,

If you think the single men are bad that age, look at the women!

pyre ,

single for a reason

is the reason maybe that it’s hard dating after 35 or is that only a valid excuse for women?

Aggravationstation ,

I’m just waiting til I get to the retirement home in about 35 years, they’re like huge orgies.

variants ,

Orgies and Lan parties all day

Lemjukes ,

As a 35+ would you rather be with someone who’s had bad experiences in relationships, or no experience in relationships?

anivia ,

Depends how many bad experiences. If all your relationships were a bad experience, then there is a good chance you were the reason for that

Lemjukes ,

Very true

Speculater ,
@Speculater@lemmy.world avatar

Like a guy I know who is divorced four times… Thinks he has really bad luck. Nope buddy. It’s you.

peopleproblems ,

Give him a book called “Attached” by Levine and Heller. I doubt he’ll actually make any changes, but it’s a good way to tell him it’s him without you having to say it at all.

You_are_dust ,

No experience. All bad experiences means more potential for either a lot of unchecked baggage, that person is the cause of the bad experiences, or both.

Banichan ,
@Banichan@dormi.zone avatar

Is there a third option?

RBWells ,

Bad experiences. No experience at my age would be a very bad sign. With my husband, we each had one crazy ex, then he had a couple of two year relationships that weren’t bad just sort of ran their course. Apparently when he met me he knew it could work out long term but I was afraid he was only good for two years, so just took it kinda slow, not sex-wise but relationship-wise. Waited two years to move in together (we both had kids so it was a good idea regardless) then he started making noise about getting married, I told him he could ask after we’d lived together two years.

Best relationship of my life so far, 12 years in, we are both well aware how good we have it, because we have both had the bad times. His kids won’t even talk to their mom - in the divorce the courts gave him custody not just of his kids, but his step kids too, that is how bad she got, and she has not improved. My ex’s mom said if it came to it she would argue her son should not even have visitation, that’s how bad he got (we weren’t married so that part was easier). He has improved when he quit drinking, thank God and now sometimes hangs out, like at holidays, parties, etc.

So I would argue for experience use but caution. Not someone with a string of crazy exes.

ChronosTriggerWarning ,

Four suitors? What is she, a billionaire?!

Gingerlegs ,

I wish I didn’t know this first hand

BaroqueInMind ,

What happened?

variants ,

They removed the headstones but left the bodies!

Got_Bent ,

No. No it does not.

BrundleFly2077 ,

Yes. It does 🤣

There, now things are balanced again.

Vent ,

No. They aren’t!

LesserAbe ,

√(yes)

frickineh ,

No kidding. I’m apparently the only person who has ever had an amicable divorce where we just realized we weren’t compatible and never felt the need to bash each other. The post-divorce crowd can be pretty dire. They should mandate a certain number of therapy sessions before you can sign up for a dating app.

Kecessa ,

I don’t think the divorce part isthe point of the meme…

frickineh ,

Yes but the post title is what I was responding to.

peopleproblems ,

From what I’ve learned, it has a lot to do with attachment styles.

My ex is avoidant, with some pretty narcissistic traits (love bombing, then refusal to even hug because it’s too much).

I was/am anxious, or as the couples counselor told me “clingy.”

In our one-on-ones, she summarized up a book we had been assigned (which my ex didn’t read lol) that it was a statistic thing. 50% of people are secure style - they meet, and tend to stay together cause it just works. ~25% are anxious, and they do ok together and work fine with secure. ~25% are avoidant, and unfortunately, unless they work towards secure attachments, are pretty much always in and out of relationships. There’s a small amount of “disorganized” that has both insecure styles, but they tend towards secure over time.

The result is that the older you get, the dating pool shrinks. There will always been avoidant people available though. Secure style people are great at recognizing avoidant and typically don’t put up with their bullshit for long. Anxious attachment though end up with avoidants and it becomes a terrible thing, the anxious will do anything to stay, causing the avoidant to do things out of the relationship more.

If you could guess one common thing amongst avoidants that finally ends the relationship, what would it be? If you said cheating, you’d be completely right. It’s really hard to end amicably after that.

Preflight_Tomato ,

What was the book?

blanketswithsmallpox ,

The Boys and Girls Guide to Getting Down.

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