There have been multiple accounts created with the sole purpose of posting advertisement posts or replies containing unsolicited advertising.

Accounts which solely post advertisements, or persistently post them may be terminated.

TwinkleToes , (edited )
@TwinkleToes@lemmy.ca avatar

I worked for one of the major dating sites about a decade ago. Let me assure you, that people act like debased hyperhormonal chimps in heat when they think nobody is watching. Oh, and by the way - someone is ALWAYS watching.

If you’re a male who has some combination of a steady job, are remotely reliable, not drug or booze addled, have most of your teeth and hair and can tell a joke and hold a conversation - you’re golden. It is UTTERLY unfair to ladies, but just being able to hold that low bar will get you much farther than you might think.

It’s a strange dilemma - for a dating site to suceed, you have to protect the women. From the guys’ perspective, it’s shouting into the void, on the off chance you might EVER stand out enough to get a reply a week. From a woman’s perspective, it’s like the ozone layer protecting a constant bombardment of radiation and lethal rocks from space. A cornucopia of typically BAD CHOICES that manage to slip through the various cracks that the sites/apps put up to protect them.

But - the women ARE the site. If you have the WOMEN, then the men would follow you buck naked through the flaming tar pits of hell to get to them. But - the average male is a monosyllabic goblin with skeletons in his closet and bad intentions much more often than you’d think. It’s why Bumble tried female-only communication initiation. The women on dating sites have an invisible shield tbey don’t even realize exists around them to prevent bots, unsolicited dick pics, one word messages, repeat-offense harassers, and wide-net-casting quagmires who have more deeply held mysoginstic beliefs than they do good pick up lines.

BrokenGlepnir ,

I think the joke and hold a good conversation are where I run into problems.

TwinkleToes ,
@TwinkleToes@lemmy.ca avatar

That there is already a good self deprecating joke. Don’t sell yourself short. Unless you ARE short, then may I recommend entering the priesthood

CanadianCarl ,

I can’t keep jobs because of my agoraphobia, and anxiety. I was thinking of volunteering at the library, but transportation sucks in my city, and I don’t drive. I have mental rumination, and depression, while I also suck at keeping a good conversation. I do a lot of sucking, but not the good kind, except when I have a bowl of noodles.

INHALE_VEGETABLES ,

Surely they can’t start browsing DMs?

TwinkleToes ,
@TwinkleToes@lemmy.ca avatar

Of course. How do you investigate harassment and identify site-killing lunatics without keyword searching.

It’s all stored and anyone who needs to see stuff their site hosts can get it. Plus - you’d be surprised how much criminal activity people are willing to discuss with strangers.

bitfucker ,

Anything not advertised as E2EE can be assumed to have some 3rd party able to look at the conversation, malicious or not.

sentient_loom ,
@sentient_loom@sh.itjust.works avatar

This is a good ad.

Except that “the women” on your sites are often bots controlled by the site. Men will drag themselves through hell when they’re led on by a bot, too. And the site gets to control the bots.

jenny_ball ,
@jenny_ball@lemmy.world avatar

is this poltergeist lolll

RadicallyBland ,

deleted_by_author

    •
    setsneedtofeed ,
    @setsneedtofeed@lemmy.world avatar

    Poltergeist. The creatures in The Descent are distinctly different.

    Nuke_the_whales ,

    I believe so. If so, those are real skeletons

    TinklesMcPoo ,

    Not that I didn’t believe you but I needed to understand it. This article not only confirms they were real but the actress wasn’t aware until after filming. Nuts.

    HexesofVexes ,

    The real secret to dating after 35 - don’t.

    Folks are not looking to “date”: they’re after long term commitment OR quick hook ups. The middle ground really vanishes when you get older!

    TubularTittyFrog ,

    you can’t build a successful relationship without dating and getting to know if you’re a good fit.

    HexesofVexes ,

    Yes and no; I’ve met some people who were great to date but hell to live with.

    A good relationship starts with both people knowing what they want - and continual contact helps determine if the other person is being honest about what they want. Post 35/30, this process is often a lot faster, and dating skill matters less than ability not to annoy the person you’re suddenly around 24/7.

    If it matches from the start, or a compromise grows, you’re in for a winner. Otherwise, back to the sea of the undead you go, no matter how good your dating skill!

    orcrist ,

    Sorry, no. Source: life experiences. It’s just you should clarify up front.

    HexesofVexes ,

    I think it goes further than that - post 35 (post 30 really) there is a lot more pressure to shift from casual dating to a relationship at a faster pace.

    Life experience talking here too, it isn’t just “being upfront”, it’s also being willing to move at a faster pace.

    EncryptKeeper ,

    That’s all dating is before 35 too. I mean what middle ground? Do you think people are going out with the intention of dating for a year or two?

    HexesofVexes ,

    Intention and reality are two different things - although I can’t say I ever managed casual dating for 2 years! Usually most folks are in a relationship after 1.

    Evil_Shrubbery , (edited )

    I do not recognise the bodies in the water!!

    No, wait, I do actually, that’s Steve, he died last week, I wonder how he got a movie part after that. Lucky.
    Oh, and there is Shelly, looking sexy as ever.

    … oh shit.

    JackLSauce ,

    Am I the only one having a stroke trying to understand:

    “clears up again after the first wave of divorces (after 35?)”

    TubularTittyFrog ,

    yeah you are. it’s really easy to understand.

    the pool was clear before people got married. it clears up again after the first wave of divorces. clear meaning ‘there are desirable people to date’

    are you ESL?

    Paradachshund ,

    Not OP, but I think it’s fairly confusingly worded because clear implies empty, but the intent seems to be to imply lots of choices.

    TubularTittyFrog ,

    no. clear empties quality when it comes to water. clear as in transparent.

    clear water is good, opaque water is dirty and unsafe.

    you are thinking of clear in the sense of space, not water. clear space is empty.

    Paradachshund ,

    I understand what you’re saying and I still think it would be easy to be confused. It’s ok that you don’t think it is, this is just a second opinion.

    smeenz ,

    Clear, as in all the garbage has been cleared up, leaving the good stuff behind

    menemen ,
    @menemen@lemmy.world avatar

    Seems plausible. Most of my friends got married or “like-married” between arround 28 and 32, then the divorces happened between arround 35 and 38. Those who survived that wave are still married.

    BonesOfTheMoon ,

    This is where I have massive respect for gay guys who just use Sniffies for outright hookups and sometimes don’t even bother to learn the other guy’s name. Listening to drag queen podcasts has taught me a lot, and that a sex life can be pretty straightforward for gay guys.

    NikkiDimes ,

    Meanwhile, gay women, 🦗🦗🦗

    Socsa ,

    The bigger problem is everyone has kids already. But by 45 or so you can start looking for people with adult kids.

    TubularTittyFrog ,

    nobody has kids at that age in the urban coastal cities. i’m 40 i’ve never dated or met a single mother.

    AA5B ,

    I had my first kid at 40, which was on the later side but not at all unusual.

    I came from a more rural area and occasionally here about people my age back there being grandparents already and just have to shake my head at those choices. It just doesn’t happen here

    TubularTittyFrog ,

    yeah i grew up rural and by mid twenties all my HS peers were married w/ kids or doing drugs/prison. I was in graduate school on the other side of the country at 25 and marriage kids was a decade away in my mind.

    least to i haven’t been back there since i was 19 years old and never kept any HS friends.

    Trainguyrom ,

    I speedran adulthood and while on one hand I wish I had waited, on the other I’ll be in my mid 40s with an empty nest which is pretty sweet if you ask me

    lightnsfw ,

    They must all be in the midwest…

    TwinkleToes ,
    @TwinkleToes@lemmy.ca avatar

    The problem is, everyone THINKS that they’re the woman in this meme.

    BruceTwarzen ,

    True, in reality everyone in the ghoul. Dating does become harder the older you get. When you’re 18 and you date an 18 year old, both have very little life and dating experience. You basically mix water with water. When you’re 35, you’re vinegar and even if you like your date, she might be oil and you just don’t mix. You have to compromise, which only gets harder and harder.

    Someonelol ,
    @Someonelol@lemmy.dbzer0.com avatar

    Bad analogy. Vinegar and oil make a tasty vinaigrette but I get your point.

    AA5B ,

    Especially if you can open that up to a little basil now and then

    Entropywins ,

    So threesome…

    bitwaba ,

    With a guy named Herb

    TubularTittyFrog , (edited )

    It’s not harder, objectively.

    It’s just that people’s expectations aren’t realistic. And nobody is more bitter than average folks who think they are the top 1% of the dating pool, which is what the average person thinks. So many people in the dating pool make like 50k/yr and think you should be a millionaire to date them.

    I’ve met so many women who are complete average looking, average income, etc. who think they DESERVE Don Draper and anything less is ‘below them’. They’d rather be alone with their fantasy TV boyfriend then be in a real relationship with a person who is their equal with whom they can build a good life.

    I’m a medium successful dude, and when I go out dating all I seem to encounter women who are worse than me in pretty much every metric who dunk on me for not being the top 1% man of their dreams. Like I can run a half marathon, no problem, but these ladies who can’t even run a mile will dunk on me for not being in the Olympics. I have more wealth than 80% of other americans, and to most women I meet, I am ‘poor’.

    and if you go check out ‘female dating advice’ on social media… 99% of it reflects this crazy unrealistic attitude and it’s SUPER popular.

    madcaesar ,

    Social media has destroyed dating for both sexes.

    TubularTittyFrog ,

    some of it is good. some social media has great/good advice… but that social media isn’t popular.

    because 99% of it is ‘fix your own shit and stop expecting someone else to fix it for you’

    DragonTypeWyvern ,

    Date leftists? Like, actual leftists. I know, it’s a small pool in America, but you’d be surprised what’s out there if you join the right community.

    You’re going after people who buy into the capitalist heirarchy and being surprised it’s all just shallow self-delusions. Idk, just seems self defeating.

    TubularTittyFrog ,

    A good chunk of the people I’m talking about identify as leftists.

    Your political ideals also have nothing to do with your personal expectations and habits in relationships. Plenty of ‘leftist’ women I have met 100% expect traditional gender roles and aspire to be SAHM. And a lot of leftists I knew in my 20s are now hardcore right wingers now.

    Hell half my liberal/leftie graduate school cohort is now support Trump/Republicans.

    DragonTypeWyvern ,

    I think your definition of leftist and mine are quite different.

    TubularTittyFrog ,

    sorry, is there a test i can perform on people to know if they are ‘true leftist’?

    if not, you should create a ‘leftist testing kit’ like they have for covid so i can bring it on dates and swab them and know in 15 minutes if they are a leftist or not!

    DragonTypeWyvern ,

    As a general rule, not believing in capitalism and income based heirarchy is a good start.

    TubularTittyFrog ,

    ok, so no leftists exist. got it. thanks for clarifying.

    DragonTypeWyvern ,

    I think I’ve found another of your dating problems, you’re not very good at listening and combine that with sarcasm as a deflection tactic.

    TubularTittyFrog ,

    correct. i don’t tolerate delusional people who think they have some special super secret knowledge and are superior to other people based upon it.

    tabarnaski ,

    Well, some people might see things different than you do, and it’s always possible to learn something new by listening to them. But you seem to think you’ve got it all figured out and you have nothing to learn from others. So yeah, a part of your dating problems might come from that.

    That being said, it’s crazy that some people give so much importance to money in looking for a romantic partner. I mean, past 30 you should be somehow financially independent… going on a date with the expectation of meeting someone who could raise your standard of living sounds like something from the 19th century.

    Ilovemyirishtemper ,

    I agree. To me, money only matters as far as knowing that they can also independently afford their lifestyle. I don’t need a leech in my life, but I also don’t need someone to pay my bills or add to my financial future. If you have your life together enough to hold down a job that covers your expenditures, then you have moved into the dateable category, assuming there aren’t other glaring red flags.

    sentient_loom ,
    @sentient_loom@sh.itjust.works avatar

    Amazing that you turned this into a left/right argument. Are you the CIA?

    CanadianCarl ,

    I know a 30yo woman that I am interested in, and is 40mins away. The problem is she is not interested. She likes guys that are 20yo and live long distance(other countries), and they all end disastrously. I am just her 34yo friend.

    Jon_Servo ,

    They do? Oh… oh, I might need therapy.

    where_am_i ,

    Solution: don’t live in the US, live in Europe

    FatTony ,
    @FatTony@lemmy.world avatar

    Why?

    bitwaba ,

    The skeletons have a French accent

    where_am_i ,

    Because I barely know people in their 30s who married even once in their life. Most of the 30s crowd is single and dating.

    – yurobro

    remer ,

    I know you’re not from the South because down there the first wave of divorces is at about 21 years old with three kids

    Tyfud ,

    Not all of the kids have to be theirs either.

    Facebones ,

    Southerner here to confirm. I’m 36, graduated in 2004, I know a few people my age with 20 year olds now. 🙄

    bitwaba ,

    Did you graduate 2 years early?

    2004 was 20 years ago. You’d have been 16

    clover ,

    Can get pregnant at 16, math checks out.

    Ghostalmedia ,
    @Ghostalmedia@lemmy.world avatar

    And you know they’re not from NYC, LA, or SF - because there are tons of good looking single people over 35.

    buttfarts ,

    Marrying the first person you ever fuck and breeding uncontrollably only to become deeply miserable and unfulfilled in your locked down life is very human and not at all a good idea. Every success story of first love is a random aberration that fuels the myth that this should be the status quo.

    Most people are a lot sluttier than that

    Speiser0 ,

    I didn’t know penguins could marry.

    VinnyDaCat ,

    I hate how true this is.

    What’s worse is that many of the people who didn’t fall into that trap have been waiting to responsibly have children later, which I also don’t want. Finding anyone down here that is interested in being child free down here is a challenge and finding someone who doesn’t expect to have a busy life to make up for it is even more difficult.

    bouldering_barista ,

    I feel this in my core. Dating in your 30s is like dating at max difficulty

    BackOnMyBS ,
    @BackOnMyBS@lemmy.autism.place avatar

    I find it much easier!

    • People are less shy
    • They have more experience
    • They know better what they are looking for
    • Their fantasy marriage/life has been renounced
    • People are much more chill about sex matters
    • Their romantic histories are quite telling
    • Most people have their own place
    • Careers are mostly stable

    /

    Cons

    • Much smaller dating pool
    • Many have kids already
    • More difficult to make friends/meet people in general
    MonkderVierte ,
    • Many have kids already

    Why is that a con?

    BackOnMyBS ,
    @BackOnMyBS@lemmy.autism.place avatar

    It introduces more factors to consider. One, the kids will be involved in the relationship, so that’s more people that have to get along well. Two, they take up time, energy, and resources that could otherwise go to the relationship. Three, the parents are more anchored to their current life, so things like going on vacation or moving become much more complex and expensive. Four, the person will almost certainly have to maintain a relationship with their ex/other parent of the children. Five, if you yourself want to have kids, they may not be willing to do so anymore.

    I acknowledge that having kids has its benefits too though. It’s not all bad.

    MonkderVierte ,

    Valid reasons.

    TonyOstrich ,

    Not OP, but I was sterilized in my mid 20s. Not only am I not interested in having kids, but I would not be a good parent. I have still dated people with kids who made it clear there would never be an expectation that I become a parent or interact with their kids, which does address those issues, but there are others. Understandably their kids take priority over basically everything except for maybe the factors that effect their ability to provide for their kids (or at least I think they should). That often means they don’t have nearly as much time to hang out and build a connection, nor are they able to be as free to do other things due to constraints on their time, finances, or both like going on fun trips. Another factor I have run into that is that usually the reason someone is single and has kids due to entirely positive reasons, and there is often at least some amount of trauma in their past that is often not entirely behind them.

    To be clear the above is in no way an absolute and are merely my anecdotal experience and correlations in the given area I live. It is also always worth keeping in mind that I am in no way perfect myself and that it’s possible there is something about me that results in the above being my experience.

    mortemtyrannis ,

    Ahhh they are inextricably linked to a previous partner and you’re expected to become a parental figure if the relationship goes anywhere serious.

    Some people (like me) really don’t want an instant family.

    I take my hat off to those who don’t have kids but date parents; they are better people than I.

    BackOnMyBS ,
    @BackOnMyBS@lemmy.autism.place avatar

    I wouldn’t mind doing it, but I would have to know the partner really well and feel confident that it would be a stable relationship. I remember having a hard time as a kid when I lost my aunt because her and my uncle had a nasty divorce where she went no contact.

    Pros of dating a parent:

    • You can see how they treat those that are vulnerable and dependent on them
    • They’re typically more stable, conscientious, and responsible
    • Good parents know that they have to model healthy behavior, so they practice those
    • You already know what you are getting with the kids, so it’s not a surprise
    • The kids inadvertently tell on the parent if the parent is misrepresenting themselves up front
    • Can do family activities that would normally be considered odd for only adults to partake
    • The many benefits of being a parent
    • If there’s shared custody, you regularly get time off from being a parent
    oatscoop ,

    Getting older, with an established career makes spontaneity harder as it is. Add kids to the mix and it’s pretty much impossible.

    I … don’t want that. I like making last minutes plans, 1-2 week long trips, etc. The most limiting factor for me is dropping off my cat at one of my many friends/family members that can watch it (and I reciprocate with their pets).

    If I’m going to date it’s going to be with someone with a compatible lifestyle.

    TubularTittyFrog ,

    speak for yourself. i have found dating as a 30+ adult to be way more dramatic and miserable than it was in my 20s.

    nobody in my 20s was having a temper tantrum at dinner because the restaurant isn’t expensive enough for their ‘brand’.

    Dkarma ,

    Try dating someone who is mentally in their 30s too.

    Doesntpostmuch ,

    This sounds like one very specific date

    TubularTittyFrog ,

    nah it’s multiple dates. it’s also a common attitude that men need to ‘impress’ dates by spending a lot at restaurants otherwise they ‘devalue’ a woman. asking someone out on a cheap date to get to know them isn’t the point… the point is to win them over by spending money on them.

    basically a lot of people see dating as prostitution with extra steps. and wonder why they are single.

    Doesntpostmuch ,

    Dude, I’ve been on many, many dates in my 30s. I have never experienced this in the least and I am a frugle date. I recommend reevaluating your “type” of women if this is a recurring thing.

    KyuubiNoKitsune ,

    The solution is to just stop bothering trying and accept that you’ll always be alone, or that at some point you’ll stumble upon a person who you like and likes you back.

    Im lesbian and know 2 lesbians, so like, I doubt that’s going to happen, so I just do the former.

    AshMan85 ,

    This is so sadly accurate lol

    kriz ,

    What’s the movie? I really identify with corpse #3

    v1605 ,

    Poltergeist

    remer ,

    Do I remember correctly that these were real bodies because it was cheaper than fakes?

    Quetzalcutlass ,

    Also she’s swimming with real bodies because it was cheaper.

    MonkderVierte ,

    Oh, alright, so it was rubber, only on real bones.

    TempermentalAnomaly ,

    The one struggling to keep it’s head above water?

    kriz ,

    That’s the one!

    TempermentalAnomaly ,

    Noice.

    MNByChoice ,

    After 35 is the first wave of divorces?

    volvoxvsmarla ,

    Dude most people I know don’t start thinking about marriage or kids before 30

  • All
  • Subscribed
  • Moderated
  • Favorites
  • •
  • [email protected]
  • random
  • lifeLocal
  • goranko
  • All magazines
    •