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kemsat ,

These are all terrible options.

Agent641 ,

I choose the bottle rockets twice.

Hubi ,

That’s the most reasonable choice imo, you could probably earn a fair bit of money with those.

fine_sandy_bottom ,

I think that’s the point.

BeigeAgenda , (edited )
@BeigeAgenda@lemmy.ca avatar

I’ll exchange all that for:

  • Good knife and a sharpening stone
  • Flint for making fire
  • Compass
  • Axe
  • Several years of training in self defense and living off the land. (Or else they should send a Navy seal)

Edit: Ah it’s a shit post, I always get those wrong 😁

Rinn ,

The spices are pretty good - great, portable money source that won’t get you killed for being a witch. Everything else sucks.

auzas_1337 ,

Well ACTSHUALLY, depending on your definition of the middle ages, you wouldn’t be very likely to be killed for being a witch, since the witch hunt came into being after the Reneissance.

That said, I would also take the spices. The amount of spices in that picture would probably set me up for life. Buy a nice place somewhere in Northern Italy and live out my days learning to play the moog, amusing my medieval friends.

Hobo , (edited )

Motorcycle isn’t abad choice. You get an alternator and a battery out if the deal. You can rig up a simple water turbine to charge it easily enough. You also get a bunch of steel, rubber/plastics, some wire, tubes, and a couple of pretty good lightbulbs (possibly even an LED one depending on the headlight/taillight). Taking the magic Moog as the 2nd option seems like the best idea considering it’s magic.

kemsat ,

Sure, but they’re terrible options because of how dumb people used to be. Like, you’d probably have to keep it secret or get called a witch or something.

Something I think would be more useful would be seeds for crops, specifically resistant to plant diseases that would have been devastating back then. Like, take some potatoes that are resistant to whatever caused the Irish famine. That wouldn’t be as likely to get you burned at the stake for being in service to the devil

Drivebyhaiku ,

You might have some issues with potatoes in the medieval period. The Irish potato famine happened because potatoes radically changed the amount of calories you could grow on a set peice of land. The population spiked and crashed because of land efficiency dependancy over the course of years but that all happened well past the medieval period that was more the Industrial Revolution.

The potato was not really a thing in the medieval period. They started showing up in the Renaissance as a curiosity from the new world and took a long time to actually take off since they were very unpopular as a food… Like strangely unpopular. They actually started gaining popularity first as a decorative plant.

Mind you they are dead easy to grow so if your intention is to farm them for personal use for food security they are a solid pick. Still since they are something nobody around you would have seen before you would probably need to construct an adequate lie about how you got them.

Thief_of_Crows ,

The potato famine happened because Britain stole all of Ireland’s potato’s. There were ships full of potatoes leaving Ireland regularly. There was no actual issue with growing food, except that potatoes were too cheap for the capitalists to profit off ofby selling them back to the Irish.

Drivebyhaiku , (edited )

Well… No. It’s more complicated than that. The Irish potato famine happened because the lack of genetic diversity in the crop and a wet humid year caused a massive viral collapse ( scientific name for the blight :Phytophthora infestans) which caused the crop to turn to sludge in the ground… The fact it was so deadly though, that was capitalist bullshitery. The flashpoint though was since potatoes grow in much poorer soil than other crops the population which had seen an overall increase due to the caloric production increase saw massive hardship because the crop could not be easily replaced by sowing other alternative crops. The viral collapse of the potato crop lasted practically a decade. If it was simply the matter of one bad year the supply and storage of other food stuffs would have softened the impact and they would have recovered over the next couple of years while they sowed other crops like they were used to doing when other crops failed… but the land literally couldn’t support other crops because the soil was way too poor. It was potatoes or bust and the potatoes were damn near impossible to propagate unless you were lucky and your tiny potato patch was properly isolated… Which most people’s weren’t.

Other crops like cereal grains (including some of the less popular ones like millet and corn) were bought up in bulk and imported by the British back to England but they basically diverted everything they could from Ireland early and once they had sustained cereal grain supply from the colonies they never distributed anything back to Ireland despite the ongoing humanitarian crisis. The British were bastards who actively and “passively” contributed to the famine deaths via tremendous greed… But the potato crop failure was real and there were more than a few extra steps in the plot that was more about grain than moving potatoes around… Because the potatoes were basically just rotted slime.

trips ,

Why LSD and not magic mushrooms? I would certainly prefer being able to grow that shit instead of having a limited supply

randomdeadguy ,

Morning glories, Ipomoea Violacea

Rolando ,

Ask for the gun and the bullets.

Before I’m sent back, shoot the time travel master (nerd!) in the head. Shoot their attendants, too (nerds! nerds!).

Grab all the other options, and load them in the time travel car. VERY IMPORTANT: the Moog will be playing the Knight Rider Theme until further notice.

Time travel back to the Vatican, Apostolic Palace. Driving the motorcycle up to The Pope, I do a jump that involves me turning upside-down OVER the Pope, during which I look down, shove the LSD down the Pope’s throat, and then do an Akira-slide right in front of him.

In fluent Latin, I explain to the Pope that I am a messenger from God who has been sent to deliver a Mighty Revelation. For the next several hours I use all the other options I brought back to astound and amuse The Pope during the LSD trip. During this phase of the experience, the Moog will be playing selections from Pink Floyd, focusing on music from Dark Side and before. The key message of The Revelation is that I am an agent of God to be protected and revered.

After the Pope comes down, I scope out the Vatican’s Cardinals. (The Moog will be playing Guile’s Theme during this phase.) The spices are covertly swapped for hashish and opiates, which I use along with the Warheads candy to bring mini-Revelations to those Cardinals who seem friendly. Those Cardinals who seem hostile to me, are fed bits of the Uranium. I am declared a Cardinal. When the time is right, The Pope is also fed bits of Uranium.

After the Pope dies, a conclave is convened in the Sistine Chapel to select the next Pope. The Moog will be playing Objection from Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney (2001) during this phase. As a Cardinal, I attend, and will use the motorcycle to pop wheelies and do donuts until I am elected.

When I first appear on the Papal balcony, to be revered for the rest of my life as an infallible being whose words must be obeyed without hesitation, the Moog will be playing the instrumental version of We are Number One from Lazy Town, and I will be doing an appropriate dance.

RHSJack ,

I would read this comic book.

user224 ,
@user224@lemmy.sdf.org avatar

I had the same idea for the items.

Pick gun and the bullets.
But instead my plan was to shoot myself.

Socsa ,

My plan was to take the dab pens and the moog, assuming it could be used as a backup battery to the pens. And then just plan to hang myself when confronted with the inevitability of sobriety.

Rolando ,

Hey y’all no need for that! Meet up with me in the year 1214, and Pope Rolando will set you up as Archbishops somewhere. We can even go on convenience store runs in my time machine!

Everyone taking this challenge is invited. All your sins will be forgiven!

alyth ,

This is the best comment I have seen on Lemmy. You are a genius.

tooclose104 ,
@tooclose104@lemmy.ca avatar

What about the other items? Bottle rockets off the papalcony for sure. Dab pen for office duties after I think.

The laser pen would also be a mind blower during the high times.

Donebrach ,
@Donebrach@lemmy.world avatar

That moog isn’t a fucking iTunes playlist, it’s a musical instrument that needs a real person to play it so your entire plan is completely shot.

Rolando ,
  1. The moog is “magic - works without amp or outlet” so it is magic. (Given.)
  2. Therefore the moog is AI, since magic and AI are indistinguishable. (Lemma: “Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.” -Clarke. The exact workings of contemporary “AI” neural networks are insufficiently understood, therefore indistinguishable from magic.)
  3. Because the moog is AI, I can talk to it like ChatGPT, I just have the wrong keyboard.
  4. Use the keyboard like this: first key is “A”, second key is “B”, etc. Type out some sentences until the AI figures out the pattern. I have plenty of time to do so, since I have a time machine.
  5. Use the keyboard to chat with the moog to tell it what I want it to play.

Problem?

Donebrach ,
@Donebrach@lemmy.world avatar

yes there’s a problem, its only magic is that is works without an amp or outlet. none of the other things you’ve listed are implied or remotely plausible.

Rolando ,

I was using a specialized form of argumentation which I thought befitting this community. Here are the details: knowyourmeme.com/…/troll-science-troll-physics

Was this the right decision? Perchance.

randomdeadguy ,

Absolute madman 👏

Drivebyhaiku ,

Just hope your time machine doesn’t deposit you off during the Western Catholic Schism or else you’ll have to repeat this multiple times with multiple popes.

Rolando ,

Or maybe this is how the Western Schism is avoided in the first place. The Lord works in mysterious ways…

Xttweaponttx ,

What a fucking ride. I had all the tracks on background play in pipepipe. Incredible.

bufalo1973 ,
@bufalo1973@lemmy.ml avatar

A shame it’s only to the medieval times. Had it been to 2000 years ago I’d choose the gun and the bullets. To kill Saul of Tarsus. This would prevent Christianity to exist (and Islam by extension).

iCy619 ,

Better maul Saul

kromem ,

Well, it would have still existed, just been pretty distant from what it is today.

More “everything is permissible” (1 Cor 10:23) and less “God will destroy both stomach and food” (1 Cor 6:13).

dutchkimble ,

I think the choice here is the gun or the bullets, not together. So you’d have to run him over with a bike or light a bunch of rockets in his bum.

Sorry - I see you can pick two items. So you’d have to light a bunch of rockets in his bum and then run him over with a bike.

Eyelessoozeguy ,

Trying to live in the “raised by wolves” timeline?

mino ,
@mino@lemmy.ml avatar

What astonishes me most is that at least half of you are probably highly paid engineers that are debating this on company time instead of using your brainpower for actual problems.

I like it!

Also I choose spices for instant riches and laser for burning out the eyes of my enemy to solidify my identity as a magician. After that we can finally focus on growing weed and mushrooms because y’all know 5 tanks ain’t gonn last long.

dumpsterlid ,

Being unproductive is a form of radical resistance that transcends simply materially impacting your employer and their unrealistic expectations on your labor and extends into destabilizing the fundamental narratives burned into your brain by society about what makes you a valuable human and what the basic pursuit of happiness really entails.

mino ,
@mino@lemmy.ml avatar

I couldn’t agree more. However I do think the revolution would be more accessible with some punctuation now and then.

dumpsterlid ,

Tell that to Thomas Pynchon

Drivebyhaiku ,

Kinda surprised there aren’t a lot of people choosing the castle. Could probably donate that to the royal family for enough cash to get reasonably started and probably get awarded some kind of title or at least a court position with a generous salary.

dumpsterlid ,

Fuck all that shit I am bringing Dishwashers and Bicycles and starting a global feminist uprising.

(the bicycles are both for transportation and for powering the dishwashers)

absentbird ,
@absentbird@lemm.ee avatar

That’s pretty brilliant.

Cort ,

I’d probably do a combo clothes washing machine & dryer over the dish washer since that chore takes way longer to do manually.

dumpsterlid ,

good point

Drivebyhaiku ,

Yup, right up to the victorian period wash day was just that… A dawn to past dusk slog where you spent a lot if time up to your elbows in water and sometimes caustics.

Medieval dishes were a much easier chore. Rince with water and place in sun to UV sterilize when able.

vimdiesel ,

gun and bullets

Pulptastic ,

Does spice melange count as one of the spices?

Ziomster44 ,

It is the only spice that counts.

The spice must flow.

No_Ones_Slick_Like_Gaston ,

As it’s written!

rmuk ,

Definitely the Moog. I’m not into music, but it’s an unlimited source of electricity; just open the case and find the power rails.

c0mpost ,

Good luck opening it without a screwdriver.

ashok36 ,

They had hand drills back then. Just drill out the screws.

Drivebyhaiku ,

Or just sketch what you want and have a metalworker of the period make it. They would have had the precision to manage it particularly if you sacrificed quality and worked in pewter. Pewter is so easy to cast you can pretty much diy.

The Phillips head screwdriver screws are great for not exactly needing the most precise shape for undoing them. Anything sort of in the ball park will work.

absentbird ,
@absentbird@lemm.ee avatar

Hell, just press a bit of wax into the screw head for an impression, then use lost wax casting to cast a driver.

Iceman ,

I could easily reinvent the screwdriver. What i could use the electricity for however…

AFaithfulNihilist ,
@AFaithfulNihilist@lemmy.world avatar

There’s a good book from a former Smithsonian curator called One Good turn that talks about the ancient history of the screwdriver and the screw.

If you went back in time far enough that the people around you didn’t know about the screwdriver and the screw, Even a rudimentary knowledge of It’s existence would possibly on its own break the timeline.

Jikal ,

5 Watt laser pointer and etch dicks onto every wooden surface I see

absentbird ,
@absentbird@lemm.ee avatar

For the second item you could bring the synth, and use its magical limitless energy to recharge the laser for more dick doodles.

Vrijgezelopkamers ,
@Vrijgezelopkamers@lemmy.world avatar

Good chance the upper class were already familiar with the spices. The LSD and Warheads candy on the other hand…

Natanael ,

Enough of the right spices could make you rich. The laser would make you famous

absentbird ,
@absentbird@lemm.ee avatar

Uranium and the watch, for time travel reasons. Gotta refuell the DeLorean and keep track of relative timelines.

CheeseNoodle ,

The rockets and the gun. I can use the rockets to prove I have useful knowledge while using the gun to prove that my stuff is mechanisms not magic (by taking it apart). I’ll then set about teaching them how to make gunpowder (charcoal, sulphur, saltpeter) and once I’m truly established we can move on to basic firearms.

remotelove ,

You might want to work on making quality steel first. Gunpowder will be on its way from China already, so the time will be better spent on some critical materials.

Since you will need funding for other major projects, like smokeless powder, you might be better served by outfitting a few armies with better armor and swords first. (Take advantage of incremental science improvements, basically.)

Even with your vast experience with magic technologies, it’s still going to take a fortune to develop the basics. A small research center is going to cost you at least a few hundred cows, a couple thousand chickens, and a few dozen horses, after all.

(You will need steel for mining operations to get enough raw materials to do anything, actually.)

NaibofTabr ,

And also a degree in metallurgy.

CheeseNoodle ,

I guess it depends where and when you are in the medieval era. In some places even knowing that steels properties are largely determined by its carbon content and not some other component of the regional addatives would be a valuble insight. In other places they already have metalurgy developed enough for spring steel so even with a degree it might be hard to implement improvements with the other technology available.

MyNamesNotRobert , (edited )

The castle and either the gun with no bullets or the motorcycle would be the more responsible answer. If determined enough, you could eventually get it to where you could make bullets but you could also eventually get it to where you could refine compatible-enough fuel from organics or something.

If the DeLorean is the variety with the time machine and the time machine itself doesn’t need any special fuel, then that changes things of course.

But fuck it I’ll take the lsd and the vape.

wesker ,
@wesker@lemmy.sdf.org avatar

Almost all of these will get you drowned for witchcraft

DragonTypeWyvern ,

Nah. Medieval folks understood the idea of mechanical engineering and complex music instruments, take the spices and the keyboard and instead some dude will just stab you for them.

ininewcrow ,
@ininewcrow@lemmy.ca avatar

At least you can shoot the head Inquisitor before they decide to take you away.

No_Ones_Slick_Like_Gaston ,

Not if you can burn them with the 5W laser first

daltotron ,

I thought witchcraft trials were a much later period kind of thing, no? Like a pilgrim-era, maybe even post-renaissance kind of thing.

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