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lemmyshitpost

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UraniumBlazer , in Shitpost

A reminder for the uncivilized savages from a very civilized gentleman with a sweet smelling asshole: WASH YOUR ASS WITH WATER. USE A BIDET OR A BUM GUN.

Why are Americans okay with shooting up schools but not ok with shooting up their own assholes?! Bum guns also don’t require reloading! You can fire as much as you want! Use Bum guns 👍.

moosetwin ,
@moosetwin@lemmy.dbzer0.com avatar

I love the name bum gun

UraniumBlazer ,

I love bums

surewhynotlem ,

I’m afraid to Google this. What is a bum gun. I already have a bidet.

UraniumBlazer ,
surewhynotlem ,

Oh. Yeah. That makes a lot of sense.

Smokeydope ,
@Smokeydope@lemmy.world avatar

Oh I think my sink has one of those will have to try it out

Kusimulkku ,

That’s a pussy phone

I_Fart_Glitter ,

Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrring!

bingbong ,

Super soaker with a 1200 psi stream focusing attachment

257m ,

As a child I was to taught to use a Lota and I have never used anything else. Is that grosser than toilet paper or better?

UraniumBlazer ,

A less elegant solution, sure. But much better than using paper for god’s sake!

601error ,
@601error@lemmy.ca avatar

If paper is good enough for wiping the shit from my hands, it’s good enough for wiping the shit from my ass.

sneezycat ,
@sneezycat@sopuli.xyz avatar

And this is why I don’t like handshakes.

dylanTheDeveloper ,
@dylanTheDeveloper@lemmy.world avatar

I’m a heavy shitter, I shit alot and I shit so much my ass crack looks like caramelized fondu. When I go outside flys swarm around my ass and get stuck on my sticky ass crack. Everyone would avoid me in the local Walmart when I shop for gaming supplies (Doritos and Dr Pepper mostly). I have difficultly wiping because I can’t physically reach under there and I can’t stand up in the shower. One day my mom told me to lose weight (yeah thanks for bullying me again mom 😒) and I know I’m a little heavy at the moment because I have to use cooking oil to greese up the doorframes so I can squeeze through but that’s only because of capitalism shrinking all the rental apartments and cramming as many people in as possible. Anyway I was playing Amongus and one of my femboy friends told me about bidgets. At first I was like “huh?” and he explained that because he plays Genshin he cannot physically leave the house or bathe and he has a special toilet that cleans his butthole for him. So I ordered one off Amazon and my god it is the best thing ever, now this device shoots water up my asshole and poof! No more shit streaked stretch pants woohoo!

UraniumBlazer ,

That’s amazing! Btw, what’s ur femboy friend’s snap?

HappycamperNZ ,

What a terrible day to be literate in this masterful world you have created.

SoylentBlake , in This is America

Wait til they got told Mexico is in America, they’re gonna lose their shit.

Like the USA owns the continent, pffh.

The abbreviation for the US, due to what I think are dumb syntax rules in Spanish, is E.E.U.U.

For reals. I know, right?

But wait there’s more! Mexicos official name is the United States of Mexico, or Estados Unidos de México in Spanglish.

And also in Spanish, I think

user1234 ,

I think the official English version is actually United Mexican States.

FlyingSquid ,
@FlyingSquid@lemmy.world avatar

EEUU makes sense when there’s also an EU.

SoylentBlake ,

In Spanish, plurality in abbreviations is denoted by doubling up the letters; so (United States) Estados Unidos -> EEUU

Phanatik , in Republican Senators

Can anyone explain why they all look like they have tomatoes for heads?

VikingHippie ,

A lot of them are from the south and it wouldn’t surprise me if very few of them wear sunscreen since most of their policy positions are from before it was invented.

littlewonder ,

No, it’s because skincare makes you gay. Of course.

instamat ,

And where should I keep this skincare ointment? In my lady purse?! I’ll take my stake with extra asbestos, thank you very much.

Seasoned_Greetings ,

I always assumed it was blood pressure problems. You can’t be a republican politician without being outwardly irrationally angry all the time.

rustyfish , in Push It Somewhere Else
@rustyfish@lemmy.world avatar

One of the greatest cuisines of the world traded against some of the worst humans. No deal, USA. No deal.

Moc ,

Ok I see what you mean about Italy, but Florida does not have the greatest cuisines of the world!

riskable ,
@riskable@programming.dev avatar

For those reading this person’s comments and are confused: They meant to say, “cousins”.

Their children aren’t as appreciated.

someguy3 , in That's ridiculous!

Really? I see locked stores/restaurants all the time with staff inside.

name_NULL111653 ,

That’s fine for doors that unlock when you push the bumper-style handle from the inside. Some older doors without this must be unlocked to open from inside.

someguy3 ,

This is for deadbolt style locks. They have to turn a little knob (or key) to unlock it.

Facelikeapotato OP ,
@Facelikeapotato@lemmy.ml avatar

Let’s hope they’re never on fire, then.

Dangdoggo ,
@Dangdoggo@kbin.social avatar

There's also differences between states on fire regs

TheLowestStone ,
@TheLowestStone@lemmy.world avatar

And fire-safe doors that can be opened from the inside only.

scottywh ,

Regulations vary from place to place…

In some places it may be that having at least one nearby exit unlocked to people inside is sufficient so a place with a deadbolt locked front door and a nearby push to open style backdoor could still be compliant.

DaCrazyJamez ,

If they are older doors that cant be pushed open (riotbars and or firerelease style locks) then this is the law at least in most of the US. New commercial properties MUST have these style doors, but old ones can be grandfathered in with that clause.

Imgonnatrythis , in Photographing the unphotographable

Have you tried turning it off and then on again?

VikingHippie ,

Yes, Moss. Did you catch that ludicrous display last night?

UlfKirsten ,

Thing about Arsenal is they always try to walk it in.

CryptidBestiary ,

I miss that show :(

VikingHippie ,

I like the updated Bluffball guide, this one rings so true, or at least used to:

Have you heard (insert any good Southampton player) is linked with Liverpool?

www.balls.ie/…/bluffball-updated-guide-379606

Mozingo , in Tech CEOs Fleeing to Non-Extradition Countries
@Mozingo@lemmy.world avatar

You mean Sam Bankman-Fried? The guy who fled to the Bahamas and then was arrested and extradited?

stevehobbes ,

I’m not sure so much as fled as that’s where FTX was HQd and he owned a ton of shit there that he bought with customer money.

He didn’t even have the balls to flee.

merc , (edited )

He didn’t flee to the Bahamas. FTX was based out of the Bahamas because it made for good tax dodging.

Before he was accused of more serious crimes like fraud, he was regularly committing the much more common crimes that companies like Facebook and Google do all the time, pretending that their profits all happen to accrue in some country with friendly corporate tax laws.

ivanafterall , in Penetrating gays
@ivanafterall@kbin.social avatar

Penises, mostly.

HappyFrog ,

Or strapons

Kowowow ,

What’s up dog?

Fleur__ , in Sounds like an amazing date night.
@Fleur__@lemmy.world avatar

Gun fetishisation really do be the wildest shit

theyoyomaster OP ,

What about tacos?

bastian_5 , in new adaptor just dropped

How else did you think they got the dialup noises to play?

Mr_Dr_Oink ,

Thats wrong. This is how they got dial up to play

youtu.be/AgqEIp2YmtE

Psythik , (edited )

Dialup didn’t use ethernet.

bastian_5 ,

Care to elaborate? I can’t find any information searching online.

Psythik ,

No.

havokdj ,

Ethernet is rj-45, dialup used 11/25

JusticeForPorygon , in Dad level: 100
@JusticeForPorygon@lemmy.sdf.org avatar

Such a Paul Rudd thing to do.

“What’s Thor’s Hammer’s name?”

“Jonathan.”

Hux ,
rbesfe , in The truth about Canada

The N in lemmy stands for nuance

STRIKINGdebate2 OP ,
@STRIKINGdebate2@lemmy.world avatar

I fail to see the nuance in situations like residential schools. Could you perhaps educate me so I can come to a more informed conclusion than sending thousands of indigenous Canadians to schools designed to stripped them of their culture is a bad thing to do.

JokeDeity ,

Oh we’re not even talking about all the ones they straight up murdered and successfully hid for decades in mass graves?

JadenSmith ,

Or the forced sterilisations of indigenous women… many of these things happening in recent years

olicvb ,
@olicvb@lemmy.ca avatar

I swear i saw this exact post and exchange like 3 months ago O.O

JadenSmith ,

Maybe you’re a time traveller! If I were you, I would use this power for the silliest things as long as they’re funny.

olicvb ,
@olicvb@lemmy.ca avatar

I’ll try and not mess the timeline too much <3

NakariLexfortaine ,

When you piss in the primordial ooze, try to hit one of the clumps that will eventually crawl out of the ocean and lead to my genetic line.

Trust me, that proto-lifeform earned it.

Historical_General ,

Then don’t reveal that you’re a time traveller blabbermouth!

PM_ME_FEET_PICS ,

There were no forced sterilization of indigenous women in Canada on the basis of them being indigenous.

BC and Albert did use forced sterilization on inmates, homosexuals and mental hosiptal releases.

Indigenous women have been talked into sterilization though the years for the same racist eugenics law but that is very different than being forced.

PM_ME_FEET_PICS ,

Down one all you want. Dipshit echo chamber.

Not_Alec_Baldwin ,

Lemmy leans significantly harder left than Reddit did, I think. It’s hard to have discussions about any of the leftist talking points.

Thankfully lemmy also doesn’t have karma so who tf cares, right?

jabathekek ,
@jabathekek@sopuli.xyz avatar

Truly, but enough people block you because you’re being a insensitive piece of shit, you’ll eventually see barely any new posts or comments.

PM_ME_FEET_PICS ,

Who’s being insensitive?

CileTheSane ,
@CileTheSane@lemmy.ca avatar

“Am I out of touch? No, it must be an echo chamber.”

bbuez ,

There was no forced sterilization… but it was very incentivized, oh and inmates were forced to. Not the hottest take but nice aerobatics nonetheless

CileTheSane ,
@CileTheSane@lemmy.ca avatar

Decades? The “Starlight Tours” have been happening more recently than that.

Oh, you’re talking about the other thing. Too many of them to keep track of…

Cruxifux ,

Starlight tours are so fucked up man

mayo ,
@mayo@lemmy.world avatar

T&R is a thing

Moneo ,

The country has acknowledged the atrocities of residential schools for many years. If you want to criticize the current state of affairs by all means go ahead, but you are not contributing to the discussion in any way by pointing out residential schools were a bad thing.

Cruxifux ,

There is a large portion of the country that still denies it. In catholic schools they don’t take that native remembrance holiday off. Which is crazy to me.

SatansMaggotyCumFart ,

BC just had the conservative party leader saying residential schools and SOGI are the same thing.

Cruxifux ,

What’s SOGI

SatansMaggotyCumFart ,

Sexual orientation and gender identity.

Cruxifux ,

Oh. What a fucking idiot. How did he say they’re the same?

jabathekek ,
@jabathekek@sopuli.xyz avatar
rbesfe ,

The R in lemmy stands for Reasonable good-faith discussion

I nor this post itself referenced residential schools before your inflammatory reply. Come back when you’ve taken off the internet boxing gloves.

Aabbcc ,

Ok but at least explain where the nuance is missing?

rbesfe ,

Well for one there’s been leaps and bounds in paying reparations to first Nations groups, and despite not paying taxes they still get regular economic, infrastructure, and other help from the government. We have an entire truth and reconciliation commission dedicated to fixing the mistakes of the past.

It’s not a perfect situation and progress is needed, but reductive posts like this do nothing to help the discussion up here. Our own problems get drowned out by Americans simplifying them for their small brains and regurgitating

wombatula ,

And 9/10 times when you see one of these posts, it’s from an American (and/or largely commented on by Americans saying “Canada bad!”)

We spent a hundred years as allies, and then the two dumbest presidents to ever exist poisoned our relationship, and now the only time an American even mentions Canada it’s either to dunk on us for their own satisfaction or to make an argument in their senseless “Left” vs “Right” culture war screaming match.

I hated it at the time, but I legitimately miss the days when it was all “eh” and “hoser” and “maple syrup”, sure it meant they didn’t know anything about us, but at least it wasn’t this endless negativity.

Rambi ,

I honestly have no idea what you’re talking about, left leaning Americans seem to talk about Canada positively all of the time, in reference to its health care system and generally aboit how they want their country to be more like Canada. The only thing negative they say is in reference how native people have been treated and still continue to be treated there which I think is right.

I am not from either country and this is just based on what I see Americans online say about Canada/Canadians.

wombatula ,

You mean they mention us when it is politically convenient for them? That is exactly the “Left” vs “Right” culture war I was talking about, you disagreed with me then said exactly what I was saying lol, they only ever mention us to dunk on us (largely the right doing this, because they view us as a left wing country) or for their political screaming match (the left regarding healthcare, or again because they view us as a left wing country).

ininewcrow ,
@ininewcrow@lemmy.ca avatar

Indigenous rights in Canada is like the silent ‘b’ in doubt

It’s there, no one pronounces it and everyone hates it when they have to write it.

Sheeple ,
@Sheeple@lemmy.world avatar

As someone with English as their second, not first language…

THE B IS SILENT? I ALWAYS PRONOUNCED IT. DID I DO IT WRONG?

Nastybutler ,

Yes. Please tell me you don’t also pronounce the K in knife.

Elderos ,

I kenow better

Sheeple ,
@Sheeple@lemmy.world avatar

I do…

PM_ME_FEET_PICS ,

Yes, you did it wrong.

too_high_for_this ,

There is no nuance in human rights.

Also, this is lemmyshitpost, tf you want

bernieecclestoned , in She sounds fun

3-4

Lose count?

wabafee , (edited )

1 horse is still probably stuck on anon’s ass.

where_am_i ,

if you take off your blindfold at the horse #3, I think you got exactly what you wanted so far.

saltesc , in LinkedIn lunacy

This reminds me of the people applying for senior roles because they’ve learned Power BI basics in the last few months, can make BI reports “dashboards”, and think they’re data analytics gurus “data whisperers” now.

It’s like learning PowerPoint and thinking you’re Scorsese.

Syo ,
@Syo@kbin.social avatar

On one hand, I know personally how frustrating it is you know the data is in there somewhere, why can't anyone in the company extract it. On the other hand, can't we just keep calling them SMEs instead. No one doing real work has time to get acquainted with these titles.

PerogiBoi ,
@PerogiBoi@lemmy.ca avatar

I feel called out and I’m loving it lmao. It’s wild how many people hire ya based on knowing how to click the buttons in PowerBi

saltesc ,

Haha. My advice is learn analytics methodologies to ensure your value. Open Excel and click the Get Data button. You’ll see where Power BI came from and suddenly realise Excel users that query already knew how to use Power BI on Day 1. Catch up by learning your M and DAX well, get good analytics methodologies and concepts learned, and you’re safe 😁👍

PerogiBoi ,
@PerogiBoi@lemmy.ca avatar

Wise words 🙌

Kolanaki , in the future is now, old man
@Kolanaki@yiffit.net avatar

“I wanna be TikTok when I grow up.”

“You want to make content for TikTok?”

“No! I want to be the app!”

Honytawk ,

“I want children to be addicted to touching my body with their grubby little hands”

Preciseid ,

A few Catholic priests, salivating, enters the chat.

Bread ,

It sounds stupid, but kids are stupid. When I was a kid, I wanted to be a police car. Not a cop, the car. Sometimes dreams need to stay dreams.

jarfil ,

Well, have you ever seen a police car break any laws? Your dream was great, don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

Bread ,

I appreciate it, but I changed course and switched to IT. I grew up to be a server rack now and it has been great!

Smokeydope ,
@Smokeydope@lemmy.world avatar

https://lemmy.world/pictrs/image/fdf2ff89-ee49-462a-a9cd-84a345fc9bc7.jpeg

Never give up on your dream, it might just be possible with enough cybernetics and plastic surgery! The future is now!

Bread ,

I can’t remember, but do the cars eat at any point? What do they eat?

son_named_bort ,

As a young boy I dreamed of being a baseball.

HeyThisIsntTheYMCA ,
@HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world avatar

I want to be a firetruck

pedro ,

I’m Idaho

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