adelinej

murdoc , 17 days ago to actuallyautistic

I suspect I already know the answer but I'd like to know: does anyone else struggle with resisting the urge to "feed the trolls"? When someone posts something that seems innocuous but is factually incorrect, so you decide to help out, and before you know it you are attacked and bullied and wishing you never spoke up and just want to crawl back into your shell and say to hell with the world?

I wish I wouldn't do that. Yesterday I was called a "Karen" for my comment. Like wtf?
Talking with other ND people is such a relief because they usually appreciate it. But OTOH I think that it has emboldened me, making me more susceptible to this problem. I guess I need to sharpen my skills at recognizing trolls. Is this a DEP issue?

#actuallyautistic @actuallyautistic

olena , 17 days ago to actuallyautistic

Fellow #autistic , #AuDHD, #ADHD and other #neurodivergent folks, do you relate to that stereotype that we always choose the smallest spoon?
I couldn’t relate to it because no, I won’t eat soup with the smallest spoon.

Because choosing the right spoon is more complex than just size.

For my soup, the spoon should be deep and with proper proportions to keep the perfect balance, so I need to do less deeps in order to finish my bowl and spill less soup doing so(and yes, I prefer eating liquid food from bowls and not plates because it helps to maintain the temperature, lets grab it more efficiently and spill less if accidentally moving the bowl or the table) - which is quite important taking to consideration the usual autistic dyspraxia. It also has to be right to touch(not rough), without sharp edges. I hate too small or too shallow spoons for soup because using those means I would get tired of the process of eating way before I finish it.

On the other hand, for all the yoghurts and other packed desserts I find even a teaspoon to be too big, so I buy coffee spoons, and I use them for eating everything that comes in those small plastic/foil containers - because it’s just the right size in proportion and because it’s easier to reach each corner.

But, for the desserts that come in a glass, I have cocktail spoons, because there should always be a certain distance between my hand on the spoon and the glass, and it should be able to reach to the bottom and not sink inside.

Any spoon should, of course, have a right balance, touch, shape and edges.

Though, all of these things with a spoon are nothing compared to the forks!
My family ridicules me for my quest for finding The Right Fork.
The fork should not just be correctly balanced, nice to touch and with smooth edges, oh no, for a fork what’s actually important is the teeth! They should be long, but not too broad and not too narrow, not too thick and not too thin, and spaced correctly, and with sharp enough tips, but not sides, rather roundish than flat, and just curved at a right angle so my wrist doesn’t go in an uncomfortable position whether I’m trying to pick something or to hold something while cutting. Ah, and the side should be just right to be able to cut my food, but not my mouth. And, of course, almost everything that’s not liquid gets eaten by the fork.

Ah, and also I have fruit forks. Those tiny ones. Because I have a habit of making a fruit plate daily(cut a few fruits in thin slices), and eating them with a fruit fork allows me to not have juicy hands afterwards :). These have to be as little as possible without making my fingers tough the food, and also sharp enough.

So nooo, I don’t relate to ‘always chose the smallest spoon’, but can’t say I don’t care about the cutlery either

@actuallyautistic

18+ marenf , 22 days ago to actuallyautistic German

#askingautistics
Hi, I'm looking for some advice on the following:
Most behavioral therapists will recommend to depressive people to create a daily schedule and be as active as possible.
On the other hand, my experience is that being autistic, I take this kind of advice too literally and stress myself out as a result. However, if I do less, I keep beating myself up for not doing more.
Can anyone relate? Any advice on how to find a balance as a depressed autistic?
Thanks in advance!

@actuallyautistic

StarkRG , 25 days ago to actuallyautistic

I learned a new allistic phrase this week. "Do you drink tea very often?" apparently means "should the tea be easily accessible instead of at the back of a hard-to-reach cabinet?" I can kinda see the connection there, but I don't understand why allistics can't just ask the question they're actually asking.

#ActuallyAutistic @actuallyautistic

PossiblyAutistic , 1 month ago to actuallyautistic

"thinking aloud" and infodumping are not the same thing, right? Or are they? How is thinking aloud with someone else called? In my experience, that's a specifically neurodivergent thing ... @actuallyautistic

pathfinder , 1 month ago to actuallyautistic

@actuallyautistic

Like many autistics, I struggle with change suddenly being thrust upon me. It can and will upset me and put me on the back foot. Potentially ruining that day and, indeed, quite a few to come, as I struggle to get back into the structure of my days and a sense of balance, emotionally and mentally. This is because that sort of change, in a very real way, is imposed in that moment. It's beyond my control and the ramifications of it, even if it is only a very small change, can dash like dominoes all my carefully prepared plans and options and whatever preparation I may have already made.

Change, in and of itself, though, I don't have a problem with. And that's because I expect it. For me, the potential for change is inevitable. And this is because I live entirely in the now. The past is the memory and understanding of what went on that I have now. Which is subject to change as my understanding and perception of it changes. The future is merely the potential of what may happen and is not carved in stone. I am aware that there are events and situations that I have to prepare for, presents to be bought, for example, preparations to be made. But the future is only ever a potential and never a certainty.

This expectation of uncertainty is also why I think I can be better at dealing with change than many others. I don't cling to what I think the future should, or even will, be. If I can sense that the potential for changes are coming, then I will begin to prepare for them, just as I prepare for them not happening. Sometimes, of course, changes can be so huge, like suddenly going into lockdown, that it can take me some time to get any traction on that preparation and get my head around what needs to be done. But, it doesn't mean that I can't get my head around the fact that things have changed and that I have to deal with it.

So, for me, the upset of sudden change has never been about change as such. It has always been about the jarring impact of its sudden introduction. Change I don't have a problem with, as long as I have time to prepare and an ability, as much as possible, to control how it affects me.

#Autism
#ActuallyAutistic

vger , 1 month ago to actuallyadhd

@actuallyadhd @actuallyaudhd

When I refer to my autism, I like to say "I am autistic". Now, I also have ADHD and would like to treat it like that as well. But "I am ADHD" sounds way off to me. Is there something similar for ADHD?

26pglt , 2 months ago to actuallyautistic

These findings are unsurprising but it’s important to see them spelled out.

In research publications around #autism, medicalised language is used most commonly in older studies & those that frame differences as deficits & seek to identify biological correlates to observed behaviour. Language that frames differences in terms of #neurodivergence is more likely to be used in studies that are more recent, that include autistic adults & that consider topics identified as important by autistic people. Language used is likely influenced by the conventions of different academic journals.

@actuallyautistic

https://www.liebertpub.com/doi/10.1089/aut.2023.0030?utm_campaign=AUT+FP+July+12%2C+2024&utm_content=Article3&utm_term=&utm_medium=email&utm_source=Adestra

Susan60 , 2 months ago to actuallyautistic

Someone sent this to me a while back & I’ve only just got around to looking at it. (ADHD) Rang a lot of bells, & is no doubt another factor is late diagnosis.
#ActualyAutistic @actuallyautistic

https://poweredbylove.ca/2017/11/21/atypical-autism-traits/comment-page-1/#comments

chevalier26 , 2 months ago to actuallyautistic

@actuallyautistic #actuallyautistic Just found out that NT people have REAL habits that happen basically on autopilot. This is news to me.

What most NT people think of as a "habit" I think of as a "task," even if it is a part of my routine. For example, brushing and flossing my teeth is a part of my daily routine, but I have to make myself think about each action separately. I wouldn't call them habits because I literally remind myself to do them every night. It isn't automatic.

chevalier26 , 3 months ago to actuallyautistic

@actuallyautistic #actuallyautistic Wish more YouTubers and content creators added a toggle to their videos that could switch off background music. Idk about y'all, but so many videos have added music that is unnecessary, distracting, and overstimulating.

I have seen videos on YouTube where the closed captions settings have been programmed with a separate audio track with no commentary, so I know it can be done! Would probably be so helpful for so many people!

adelinej , 4 months ago to random

I have just watched the 1st episode of A Kind of Spark thanks to @PetitPas

It’s a Irish British American Canadian series. In Canada I’m watching it on CBC Gem, in the UK it seems to be on the CBBC channel, for the others countries I don’t know.

I like it because the 3 autistic sisters are played by autistic actors, use of the words autistic, masking, meltdown. etc. Shows sensory overload, etc., ignorance and bias.

To watch it in Canada https://gem.cbc.ca/a-kind-of-spark

#ActuallyAutistic #autism

dave , 4 months ago to actuallyautistic

@actuallyautistic Saw this at the pharmacy and picked it up... curious to see what it says.

#ActuallyAutistic

wakehamAMR , 5 months ago to random

Trying to make sense of my identity and personal history in reference to my late dx of ASD is, exhausting.

My #ADHD assessment is coming up in early May. Early indications suggest being medicated will be life changing.

Anyone know of any decent adult #ActuallyAutistic support groups?

adelinej , 5 months ago to actuallyautistic

I have a question for AUTISTIC parents homeschooling their children.

Do you have any neurodivergent affirming ressources about PDA and homeschooling of teenagers?

It's for an autistic friend, she lives in France (I'm in Canada), she's homeschooling her 3 children for years now and she's struggling a with her 12 years old boy. Thank you.

#AskingAutistics @actuallyautistic

18+ adelinej , 6 months ago to actuallyautistic

Please dear #ActuallyAutistic @actuallyautistic sign the petition below and boost!

Here is a link through Google Translation (I know sorry) to have the petition page in English. It’s about a movie to be broadcast on April 12 (!) on national French tv: “Thou shalt not kill”, it’s about the murder of an autistic child by her mother. More about it:

https://www.change.org/p/pas-de-diffusion-du-film-tu-ne-tueras-point-sur-france-2?recruiter=39730646&recruited_by_id=6ec56820-4a90-0130-fb7e-00221964dac8&fbclid=IwAR0K76beFgf-n6G9egu2urJQocDcEABbtOUhohltH6gELVeUAOYuWnpf4uQ

To see the original post in French

https://neurodifferent.me/@Autistrain/112084706324625722

Sci_Fi_FanGirl , 7 months ago to actuallyautistic German

Dear fellow @actuallyautistic people,

Can you relate? Sometimes there are upcoming events and I know they'll overwhelm me completely. I'd like to avoid them, but sometimes I don't dare to ask because I don't want to be the person that always asks for a special treatment (German: Extrawurst). I'll complain all the way, but I don't opt out.

I know I have to work on this. It's not about a solution.

Is it internalized ableism? Camouflaging? People pleasing? Insufficient coping at the event?

ratcatcher , 9 months ago to actuallyautistic

Periodic reminder that the @actuallyautistic group and #ActuallyAutistic hashtag are intended for discussion BETWEEN AND AMONGST people who are autistic (diagnosed or self-diagnosed) or think they may be.

If you are not autistic, by all means read what is posted, but please respect this as an autistic space and do not post here.

There are plenty of other groups and hashtags under which more general discussion of #Autism can take place and can include professionals, academics, non-autistic parents of autistic children and those with a general interest in the subject.

But the second - often overlooked - issue is this:

My fellow autists - when someone who is clearly not themselves autistic does post to the group, PLEASE, PLEASE do not engage. I know it's hard, but ultimately it just subverts, dilutes and prolongs discussions which can rapidly become unhelpful and adversarial.

tine_schreibt , 10 months ago to actuallyautistic

@actuallyautistic

This explains so much o.o

Does anybody else here feel the same?

https://neuroclastic.com/the-identity-theory-of-autism-how-autistic-identity-is-experienced-differently/

Autistrain , 10 months ago to actuallyautistic

I'm asking my fellow #actuallyautistic for books on Autism. If you have suggestions, I'm happy to hear about them!

@actuallyautistic @neurodiversity #AskingAutistics

clouddweller , 10 months ago to actuallyautistic

@actuallyautistic what is your relationship to cannabis? #autistism

JeremyMallin , 11 months ago (edited 9 months ago) to actuallyautistic

I wonder… before the Internet, how did most Autistics do special interests and research rabbit holes? Hang out in libraries? But lots of books? 🤔

Thinking back, I guess I used to look for television documentaries and public broadcasting type stuff. It definitely wasn't as helpful as Internet.

#ActuallyAutistic
@actuallyautistic

anomalon , 1 year ago to random

Pattern brain:
Why the rush to a new hashtag when #ActuallyAutistic has been in use for ten years and is understood across every platform in use now?

Rude brain:
Why did all the cool kids get up and decide to sit at a new lunch table when the poor weird kid who was raised in a cult sat down with them?

Pattern brain: Shut up

Rude brain: I'm doing your job now.

adelinej , 1 year ago to random

#AskingAutistics (if you are not autistic please don’t comment, read and learn. Yes, I’m fed up to read allistic comments in thread asking input from autistics. And don’t waste your time and mine by trying to argue with me about that I will simply block you)

Why did you choose to identify yourself as #autistic, #Asperger, being on the spectrum, etc. ? Usually from what I read it’s a generational word and/or a cultural one as our #ActuallyAutistic is international and this is too often forgotten