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@anomalon@neurodifferent.me cover
@anomalon@neurodifferent.me avatar

anomalon

@[email protected]

I am crusty on the outside, soft and warm on the inside.

Basically, a baguette.

I suppose this profile has evolved to give visibility to the #PDA profile of #ActuallyAutistic.

(I could have stayed so sweet without the command that I had to be.)

This profile is from a federated server and may be incomplete. Browse more on the original instance.

JeremyMallin , to actuallyautistic
@JeremyMallin@autistics.life avatar

I wonder why there is a high comorbidity of issues and . 🤔

I myself have had strong acid reflux since my mid twenties.


@actuallyautistic

anomalon ,
@anomalon@neurodifferent.me avatar

@JeremyMallin @actuallyautistic

I call it headcanon because it formed other than reading loads of technical papers.

I think of autism as a type of nervous system, like a blood type, but not blood. Everybody gets blood, types are heritable, some play well with others, but there are variations. The nervous system has a lot of components. Autistic comorbities are so often like, yyyup nervous system, what about... there it is, another branch of the nervous system.

clouddweller , to actuallyautistic
@clouddweller@raccoon.place avatar

My friends’ gf is the mother of an autistic child and she often uses this fact to discount and discredit my self dx, which I feel is unfair because I can’t afford to seek dx and would if I could. She keeps suggesting I get back on meds for depression and anxiety that we’re really not helping my disorders so much as obliterating my sex drive and thus destroying the relationship I was in. I don’t know how to politely tell her I’ve tried the things she has recommended and they didn’t work for me, without sounding like im just discounting it out of hand…. Or being obstinate. But somethings don’t have a cure and Im ok with that. I just don’t want to be judged. @actuallyautistic

anomalon ,
@anomalon@neurodifferent.me avatar

@clouddweller @actuallyautistic

This might not help, but I hope it helps. I'll just describe my own orientation and if anything seems helpful, apply as you like. Being judged is survivable. As an autistic person, there is no way to win the game of politeness unless someone is willing to meet you halfway. This can be dismal, or it can be a useful tool in knowing whom is actually safe to absorb what they have to say from.
A boundary needs to be set in this relationship. From what you've said, I guess she is not a mental health professional, and certainly not your mental health professional. Even in neurotypical world, she has crossed a line that is generally understood it is ok for you to enforce. You have that going for you. You can talk about how the drugs didn't work well for you, but you don't owe her detail. That is your medical history. You can tell her that what has been helping you is finding the narratives and first-hand accounts from autistic adults, many of whom went undiagnosed for a long period of time. Hearing about how to navigate the challenges of autistic life from people who have actually lived them presents a very different view than the medical model, which can only see autism from the outside and only describes it in the ways it may present inconveniences to people who don't have autism.

That's a topic shift that may help her autistic kid. Moms looking into how to help their kids by listening to autistic people about it is good stuff.

But yea, if you don't feel like she's meeting you halfway in good faith, and you feel the pressure of getting it right so that she doesn't focus on you getting it wrong? That's a mask situation, and I'd stop sharing your mental health circumstances with her altogether.

I wish you the best.

AutisticAdam , to actuallyautistic
@AutisticAdam@autistics.life avatar

To be clear: I feel emotions of happiness, joy, fear, sadness, & grief. I experience empathy, but it may take me a minute or so to understand why non-autistics find certain things difficult.

@actuallyautistic

anomalon ,
@anomalon@neurodifferent.me avatar

@AutisticAdam @actuallyautistic

It's certainly so much easier when/if they

  • avoid immediately whinging about external factors
  • admit they're having difficulty
  • can express what the difficulty pertains to

and bonus:

  • have some patience and willingness to get there
AutisticAdam , to actuallyautistic
@AutisticAdam@autistics.life avatar

Autistic people are often criticised for “reading too much into things” and “assuming” the worst, but usually what we deduce is highly accurate, thanks to our pattern-spotting and dot-connecting abilities. I think the real issue is we typically unearth truths others want to remain hidden.

@actuallyautistic

anomalon ,
@anomalon@neurodifferent.me avatar

@hollybrigstocke @Vincarsi @AutisticAdam @actuallyautistic

This is not a proportionate response. Also, "use autism as a defense" is ableist and I encourage you to dismantle that.

anomalon ,
@anomalon@neurodifferent.me avatar

@marytzu @Vincarsi @AutisticAdam @actuallyautistic

I call that elephant naming and I do it all the time. Partly to announce my premises, also a great way to determine who is safe in my environment.

KaCi , to random
@KaCi@autistics.life avatar

The discussion about the hashtag is really annoying. It's the hashtag for Autistic people either self-indentified or officially diagnosed and if your research about the Autistic community didn't provide you this knowledge, then maybe you should do more research or ask the community before you start complaining. Who are you to criticise a hashtag that connected and empowered thousands of marginalized disabled people for years? (1/2)

anomalon ,
@anomalon@neurodifferent.me avatar

@obrerx @KaCi @actuallyautistic @allautistics @neurodivergence

Yes however, let's not conflate fayedray with cathat.

Cathat is the one who has been frequenting the tag with Aspie and late/early dx stuff.

Fayedray is the one who expressed that something was "disturbing", got immediately jumped, and went Kill Bill on the crowd.

Different people.

yourautisticlife , to actuallyautistic
@yourautisticlife@mast.yourautisticlife.com avatar

@actuallyautistic

I've posted my opinion about the new hashtags, in the following article. I've prevented commenting directly on that article, because unfortunately the ActivityPub plugin makes a mess of it, when you have replies to replies.

(Actually... I'm not sure whether the plugin will prevent people from commenting in the fediverse... oh well.)

https://www.yourautisticlife.com/2023/09/15/actuallyautistic-is-for-both-formally-diagnosed-people-and-self-diagnosed-people/

anomalon ,
@anomalon@neurodifferent.me avatar

@helioselene @Arletta @yourautisticlife @actuallyautistic

We might just have to get better at really sharing a world with so much diversity in it.

anomalon , to random
@anomalon@neurodifferent.me avatar

Pattern brain:
Why the rush to a new hashtag when has been in use for ten years and is understood across every platform in use now?

Rude brain:
Why did all the cool kids get up and decide to sit at a new lunch table when the poor weird kid who was raised in a cult sat down with them?

Pattern brain: Shut up

Rude brain: I'm doing your job now.

anomalon OP ,
@anomalon@neurodifferent.me avatar

@CynAq

Somehow, in an effort to avoid "gatekeeping", autistic content gets hidden from people who are new to the fediverse unless someone in the know shows them in. It's not a gate, it's a clubhouse!

ratcatcher , to random
@ratcatcher@neurodifferent.me avatar

For anyone having issues with the hashtag, there is also and @allautistics (the latter being a recently created group that you can follow and post to).

They are intended for anyone who is (or thinks they might be) autistic (formally or self-diagnosed).

anomalon ,
@anomalon@neurodifferent.me avatar

@marytzu @100mountains @allautistics @actuallyautistic

This is such a valuable point. Internal vs. external conflict.

External conflict requires a receiver who receives it as conflict, though, and I wish autistic spaces here were better at declining to take up the offense.

100mountains initially spoke primarily in first-person. It would be so fucking cool if first-person sentences at least got a full-on pass from masking. Let people describe their own perspectives on depersonalized things without any risk of someone self-identifying with those things enough to say OUCH! minus one point for aggression!!

(I don't want to have to caveat, but I will for clarity, that I am criticizing an aspect of social choreography that doesn't have to be this way, and not either of you personally)

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