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Planning to propose in a few months, what should I look for in a good value engagement ring?

My SO and I discussed that engagement rings shouldn’t be expensive.

What should I look for in good value rings? Lab grown diamonds? Fake diamonds? gold? white gold? silver? platinum?

Also, what kind of cut? Moissante vs Lab grown?

LordCrom ,

Don’t listen to commercials… 3 months salary as a guideline … My Ass!

By now you should know her tastes. Or just ask her about it. She’s the one who’s gonna wear it.

SendMePhotos ,

Yo! I will tell you what I did. I found a standard ring. Nothing fancy. Just a solitaire (ring with one rock on the top). The key part was that I went with a company that allowed trade ups. Meaning that I could return the ring for full price after the purchase as long as I was using the money to buy a more expensive ring. So I did that. Bought the normal standard ring, did the proposal, then went to get a new ring by trading it in so my partner could get one they absolutely loved.

IMO lab grown vs real diamonds are a non issue. They all look and act the same aside from having a laser etch.

For gold silver platinum, up to you. Again, you can always go standard and trade up (as long as the company does that).

linux2647 ,

And that laser etch basically not visible unless you’re looking at it through magnification

sailingbythelee ,

Some companies laser etch and track their natural diamonds, too. It’s to distinguish them from blood diamonds.

resonate6279 ,

I used a sapphire. I’m a ceramic engineer, and sapphire is just alumina, so I think it’s cool, and you can get basically any color you want.

RootBeerGuy ,
@RootBeerGuy@discuss.tchncs.de avatar

I am not sure what you mean with value. Unless you are planning to resell them again, what does the value matter?

otp ,

I interpreted it as “not getting ripped off”, as I imagine one generally does when buying mined diamonds

counselwolf OP ,

I was thinking something like natural diamonds are not good value when compared to lab grown or moissanite

RBWells ,

I have Moissy ring and it’s gorgeous. I’d have been pissed to get something that cost more. It’s really a pretty stone, and durable as fuck.

You will need an idea of her taste in jewelry, ask her literally to send you pictures of what she likes. I think a solitaire is best and that is way more affordable if it’s not diamond, or at least that was true when we were getting engaged.

chemicalprophet ,

I saw a ring that opens beers… I’ve never a more useful engagement band.

jgrim ,
@jgrim@discuss.online avatar

My wife and I picked out her ring together. She has to wear it all the time. I think she should have say in the matter. Ask your partner to help you pick one out.

DichotoDeezNutz , (edited )
@DichotoDeezNutz@lemmy.world avatar

This, it ruins the surprise a bit but also ensures you’ll hear a “yes”

Edit: also I went with a brilliant earth fake diamond ring, but you could save $ and go for moissanite

Pronell ,

You can always also get a cheaper sentimental ring and go out ring shopping together for the official one.

That way you keep the surprise and she gets the ring she wants, plus another ring and a nice memory.

doctordevice ,

IMO, an agreement to get married should be a mutual discussion, not a surprise. My wife and I also decided to get married by having a discussion and then went ring shopping together. We went with a blue topaz. Super pretty and didn’t break the bank.

eronth ,

Yeah, but a lot of people come to the agreement that they’ll get married without an official proposal date getting set.

Cracks_InTheWalls ,
@Cracks_InTheWalls@sh.itjust.works avatar

True, but you can meet in the middle re: this kind of thing with the ring. Having established that it’s going to happen at some point, take a trip to a jewelers ‘for fun’. Pay attention to what she goes ‘oooh’ over - style, stone, cut, etc. Write this information down to search separately.

It’s a bit of a stereotype I suppose, but trust that your future wife knows what she’s doing on that visit (particularly if y’all don’t browse jewelry together frequently - it’s kind of an anvil of a hint). This way there’s still an element of surprise, but you’re not just picking something random in hopes it pleases.

MrQuallzin ,

Same. We made it a date and went downtown to a pawn shop to pick out rings. It’s honestly a great way to find fun rings at not-horrendous prices

counselwolf OP ,

Shouldn’t the proposal be a surprise? I was thinking the ring as well?

andrewta ,

Depends on the individual, some want it as a surprise, some aren’t as concerned about the surprise.

DessertStorms ,
@DessertStorms@lemmy.blahaj.zone avatar

The proposal can still be a surprise, just think of a way to do it where going ring shopping together is the big surprise, rather than the ring itself (if they have a good sense of humour, maybe use a gummy ring or a mood ring, something really silly as a stand in, otherwise maybe a ring shaped “coupon”? Or some other symbolic token that would hold meaning to just the two of you?).

XeroxCool ,

[not OP] I thought about a ring pop. I ended up making a paper ring and quoting Taylor Swift. “I like shiny things but I’d marry you with paper rings”. A normal durable ring followed, but she got to pick it out. As stated above, shevs the one wearing it all the time.

DessertStorms ,
@DessertStorms@lemmy.blahaj.zone avatar

That’s a perfect example of what I meant, it’s cute and personal to your relationship, and leaves the other person room to choose something they’re comfortable with.

Personally I think the ring should be the least important part of a proposal (though I say this as someone who is not interested in getting one, and who also hates wearing rings lol)…

frankspurplewings ,

Hi! The proposal itself should be a surprise, but the fact you are proposing should not. You and your partner should discuss marriage and be on the same page on what you want from the relationship before you take that step.

MajorHavoc ,

The fact that the proposal is coming should not be a surprise. Neither should the look and style of the ring. Just shop for it together.

The actual moment of the proposal, if well researched and planned, can be a fun surprise (if your proposee enjoys that kind of surprise. And there’s no need to get fancy. Just ask. Not for permission to propose, but for permission to make it a surprise.)

But even that shouldn’t be too much of a surprise.

Also, make sure it’s a “dress your best” kind of date, so your proposee will feel good about that way they look.

Fester ,

Whenever I see questions like this, I know there are going to be a lot of answers about how bad this or that jewelry is, or how traditional rings are evil or a waste of money, or whatever. Luckily I don’t see any anti-marriage replies yet. In any case it’s a good idea to not preemptively use logic and morals to override what your future wife will want and feel.

But this is the right answer. I think if you’re going to get married, it’s good to be at a point in your relationship where you’re talking about these things and you can just choose ring together, or at least discuss if she wants you to be the one who selects it, or if she doesn’t want diamonds, or how much to spend, and whatever else. You should be as confident in choosing a ring you know she’ll like as you are in marrying the person. The best way to do that is to communicate and do it together.

FeelzGoodMan420 ,

This is the way.

dual_sport_dork , (edited )
@dual_sport_dork@lemmy.world avatar

My SO and I discussed that engagement rings shouldn’t be expensive.

Correct answer. This indicates that the two of you have at least some kind of head on your shoulders.

I used a literal piece of costume jewelry for the proposal. It was very shiny, but only $10. The point of this was, we got a “real” engagement ring afterwards and she could pick what she wanted rather than me doing it for her and getting it wrong. We ultimately settled on a moissanite rock which is, it must be said, hella sparkly. And significantly cheaper than getting a diamond which she’d be forever fearful of losing or smashing out of the setting, or whatever. After visiting quite a few jewelry places, believe it or not the place where we found the one she loved was at Walmart. I still feel sophisticated to this very day.

Fellas, if your chickie is more worried about how shiny a pebble you’ve brought her is rather than, you know, the person bringing it, what you have yourself there is a problem.

NatoLover ,

Buy him crack

mister_flibble ,

I used to work at a jewelers. A good quality moissanite is gonna be as close to an actual diamond you can get without getting an actual diamond if that’s what you’re looking for.

As far as metals, gold is the traditional choice but sterling is both less expensive and more durable. If you do go with gold, I would opt for 14 kt over 18 kt personally. The higher the karat number, the purer the gold, which sounds like a good thing but from a practical standpoint is a bit of a PITA because this in effect means higher karats are both more expensive and more fragile because gold is soft. Since typically an engagement ring is worn every day, something that can handle some wear and tear is a plus.

For settings, look for something fairly low with prongs that have a decent heft to them. Tall settings bump into shit ALL THE TIME and eventually the prongs tens to shift and the stone goes flying (again, gold is soft).

Also, look at her other jewelry and talk to her about what her tastes are. There’s no rule that says it “has to be” anything if a more standard ring isn’t her thing. Going with her favorite color or her birthstone and working from there can be a good option.

Etterra ,

Okay so. There’s a lot of factors that go into this; make sure it’s a gem she likes, not just diamond for the sake of diamond. Get synthetic; the entire “natural” diamond industry is a scam. It doesn’t hurt to go with something custom, but keep in mind one important thing that I should have.

If your fiance is somebody who tends to lose things, go cheaper and get copies. I learned this the hard way, and it’s a very painful lesson to learn. If she’s some kind of scatterbrain or klutz, not to be rude but you need to be clinical about this, you’re better off spending a couple of hundred bucks and getting like five of them and just putting the extras in a safe or something.

Because honestly the worst thing in the world is having her in tears because she lost something that important, plus the disappointment you will inevitably feel when she lost something so expensive. I know this is probably a niche issue, but you have to be objective about these kinds of things.

stringere ,

Nenya

www.wetanz.com/us/nenya-the-ring-of-galadriel

That was my wife’s engagement ring, it was $75 at the time we bought it. Mine is a wood and titanium band that cost us $17.

Riven ,
@Riven@lemmy.dbzer0.com avatar

Alternatively you could consider something that isn’t a ring. My fiancee is very cat coded, I gave her a gold cat bell that she loves and wears all the time. Got it from Mene dot Com which is a bonus because they’re more ethical and transparent about their gold and pay which is something my fiancee is into.

finley ,

avoid diamonds. there are prettier (and more humane) stones. not to mention: more affordable

instead, choose a stone and metal that reflect your and your intended’s personalities rather than some boring thing billions of others have.

counselwolf OP ,

Are lab grown okay, value wise? what about moissante?

zcd ,

IMO moissanite is a better idea, looks nicer, fuck debeers. Check out your partners existing jewellery for ideas, see if they tend to prefer gold colour metal or silver coloured

themeatbridge ,

Both are beautiful, and both are easily distinguishable from natural diamonds for being too perfect. The irony is that natural diamonds increase in value if they have fewer imperfections, but almost no natural diamonds have zero imperfections.

Value-wise, in theory a natural diamond will hold its value over time, but in practice the value of natural diamonds is manipulated by the diamond conglomerates that control the market. We won’t “exhaust the supply” of diamonds in our lifetimes, so there’s not much sense in worrying about the value of the gem either way.

Are any gems “worth it”? That’s between you and your wallet. It’s an entirely superficial item, serving no practical purpose. To paraphrase a modern American philosopher, you can get married with paper rings. The ring is a symbol of your commitment, and as long as your fiancee enjoys wearing it everyday, don’t stress about what other people will think.

XeroxCool ,

I wouldn’t concern myself about a lab diamond being too perfect. I have never met anyone that pulled out a loupe in the restaurant to check. That’s between me and the jeweler.

themeatbridge ,

You’re right, but moisannite can be distinguished without a loupe by a colorful flash. But also anyone knowledgeable enough to spot that at a distance probably does not have the same prejudices against lab-made diamonds. I mean, unless they work for Debeers.

MajorHavoc ,

in theory a natural diamond will hold its value over tim

The jig is up, on that one, or it’s about to be.

As an embarrassed possessor of a real diamond ring, I’m well aware that my grandchildren may well decide to pawn it on the cheap, considering its awful legacy. If others do the same, and considering the reserve supply, it’s not even going to be worth what we paid for it.

Kit ,

I went with moissanite and it was perfect. Just don’t go too big or it will be obvious that it’s not a diamond, because normal folks can’t afford huge diamonds.

I went to a local jeweler and they ordered in the moissanite for me, then affixed it to one of their rings. The entire thing was around $350.

MajorHavoc ,

Just don’t go too big or it will be obvious that it’s not a diamond, because normal folks can’t afford huge diamonds.

Good point. But as someone who bought a diamond and still regrets it, I hope these younger wiser folks can embrace and normalize avoiding diamonds.

Anytime I see a wedding ring that’s clearly not a diamond, my respect for that union raises immediately.

AmidFuror ,

Lab grown are produced under conditions that would get you animal cruelty charges if you subjected your pets to them. And they are separated from their siblings very early in the process and sold off to stores all across the country.

howrar ,

I’m so confused by this comment. Are you trying to say that putting a live animal under extreme pressure and zapping them would constitute animal cruelty?

AmidFuror ,

If you don't agree, you're sick in the head!

howrar ,

I’m not disagreeing. I’m confused because I don’t see how it’s relevant to the comment you responded to.

otp ,

I think they’re making a joke. It has upvotes, so some people seem to like it

howrar ,

Ah, makes sense. Thanks

AmidFuror ,

You're right, though. It doesn't make sense based on the parent comment. I think I misread it as asking if lab grown are OK values-wise. Instead it was asking if they are a good value.

My bad.

gever4ever ,

I got my wife a moissanite and it turned out beautiful.
She likes big stones so I got her a 2ct oval one which she loved. Didn’t care much for the technicalities - it looks good, suits her style and that’s all that matters.
And no way you could get a 2ct diamond for 700$.

A person who won’t appreciate how you choose to express your love isn’t someone you’d want to marry, anyway.

Seasm0ke ,

My wife loves moissanite, we went with etsy and even got her wedding band custom designed in CAD to fit her engagement ring. Manhattan box was the store we used for the band and a UK spot called shinyjungle for engagement ring where she liked a lab grown morganite. She gets a lot of compliments on them. Most cant tell the difference between them and traditional blood diamonds. Cubic zirconia or epoxy based stones are what you dont want.

Pacmanlives ,

We got each other rings made off Etsy. Hers are a nesting set that we later bonded

Most of the time we are wearing silicone rings out

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