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Planning to propose in a few months, what should I look for in a good value engagement ring?

My SO and I discussed that engagement rings shouldn’t be expensive.

What should I look for in good value rings? Lab grown diamonds? Fake diamonds? gold? white gold? silver? platinum?

Also, what kind of cut? Moissante vs Lab grown?

cleanandsunny ,

If you can, look into local jewelers who can craft you something handmade with ethically sourced stones. I’m in Seattle and we have Valerie Madison who does great engagement sets and Everling Jewelry who uses recycled metals. A local artist will be able to recommend something within your budget, and your SO can and should be involved, as another poster mentioned.

Know_not_Scotty_does ,

I went the same route, it was significantly less expensive to get a nicer custom ring made by a local jewler I knew, to my spec/design then to get a commodity one from a store.

XeroxCool ,

Wow, tough crowd. At no point did you say you were looking at typical diamonds but you’re still getting jumped. My interpretation is that you’re not interested in mined diamonds and are already aware of the massive ethical issues.

I can’t tell you if she actually wants an expensive ring with a big rock, despite what that other comment assures you. That’s something you have to determine. My SO wanted something pretty and durable, not expensive. She meant it. She also picked a stone in her favorite color. I think it’s flanked by small diamonds for that sparkle but it was only $350 at a department store. I guess at this point I should mention why she did all the shopping and why I don’t really know: I proposed with a paper ring and quoted Taylor Swift in doing so. Rather than take a guess and potentially be way off from what she’s been looking at on her own, she was able to choose it herself. Some people may be upset that you didn’t do all the traditional work, but that’s between you and your SO and for you to determine acceptability. A woman with established desires (beyond price) in a ring has likely already done a ton of shopping.

If she tends to be rough with her hands, diamonds are still the most durable stone available. It will take most stones a long time to be visibly scratched, but it happens - especially around sand. That also means if she loses jewelry, the ring may not be around long enough to matter.

I wouldn’t recommend silver since it’s softer and tarnished a little faster than the other options.

As far as cut, you’re really getting into an opinionated area. Some people like the traditional cartoon cut, some like an older oval, some a rectangle, etc. It depends on her style and how loud she wants her jewelry to be.

It’s a very variable topic. The only thing I can say, and this applies to many things, is that when you get down to the final 5ish options, no one else will know what you chose between. You’ll forget too. They’ll probably all be nearly identical if you were to describe them on paper without a picture. There’s no such thing as perfect but you always come to simply accept something for being what it is. I went through this with dozens of paint chips when remodeling a house. Once the walls are painted, your guests will never know nor care how long you spent choosing between G305-03 and G306-03.

Nefara ,

For the record, whether or not silver tarnishes when worn is a matter of body chemistry. Some people’s skin oils contain sulfur compounds and some don’t. Silver jewelry does scratch, but some people never need to polish their jewelry if it’s being worn regularly. It’s another reason to make buying a ring a collaboration.

XeroxCool ,

Interesting. I don’t really wear any jewelry myself so I wasn’t aware of the nuance. My ring is tungsten and I rarely wear it. I do remember getting green stains from costume jewelry with copper plating beneath weak top layers

Nefara ,

Body chemistry is weird. There are people who tarnish silver by wearing it, people who are allergic to silver or even gold and break out in hives where it touches their skin but can wear something like titanium or surgical steel. My skin turns green or gray with some of my costume jewelry but sterling silver I wear consistently never tarnishes. It’s just a highly personalized thing that should really be up to the person who’s going to be wearing it.

Rhynoplaz ,

I spent more than I should have about 3 years ago, but I HIGHLY recommend the lab diamonds. I was able to get better quality for less price.

I looked into Moissante, and whether or not you should get that is really up to her. A doofus like me would never know it’s not a diamond, but many people would. Definitely DO NOT try to pass it off as a diamond, because she’ll find out one way or another. If you were proposing to me, (don’t get your hopes up, I’m taken) and told me that we could save a thousand dollars by going with Moissante, I’d be all for it because I’m cheap and tradition doesn’t mean much to me, but most people aren’t like me.

I know it’s tricky to get information without ruining the surprise, so what I did was send her a message while I was at work: “The girls here are having a debate on whether or not a fake diamond is acceptable for an engagement ring. 😂”. Her response told me everything I needed to know about Moissante.

Good luck! Don’t forget to invite us to the wedding!

Nollij ,

The surprise shouldn’t be that you’re about to propose. The surprise should be in how you choose to propose.

Unless the ring’s details are part of the surprise (which they could be, if it’s meaningful to the couple), clear and open communication should be preferred

Flax_vert ,

Yeah, my parents already had the wedding booked by the time my dad had proposed 🤣

PhlubbaDubba ,

If they’ve got favorite colors or colors that hold special meaning to them, prioritize gems with those colors over diamonds.

Even elaborate pieces will still be cheaper than an equivalent diamond ring because the prices are that overinflated for those things.

Also if they like purple, see if you can get the body of the ring in purple gold if it’s in the budget, might not be as much of a cost conscious choice as seeking alternative gems but it’ll look sick!

ozymandias117 ,

We went with moissanite, and everyone thinks its an insanely expensive diamond

Moissanite is sparklier than diamond, so for what people look at in rings, it ends up looking better than diamond

Death_Equity ,

Lab diamonds are “fake” diamonds. Artificial and natural diamonds only differ in their level of human suffering and exploitation, with natural diamonds being higher in both.

Band metal depends on taste and costs. Platinum is the most expensive and best IMO, gold is kind of out of style(does she wear gold rings?), white gold is budget platinum, silver is cheap platinum that tarnishes.

Get a lab diamond with both your birth stones flanking it. For the band, I would go with white gold unless she wears gold rings a lot or you can afford platinum.

Also, she wants an expensive ring regardless of what she told you. She wants a giant rock on her finger when she shows it off, but should be absolutely ecstatic for anything you get. Talk to her married friends’ husbands and don’t get a bigger diamond than they got if you want to be a bro.

Nefara , (edited )

Also, she wants an expensive ring regardless of what she told you. She wants a giant rock on her finger when she shows it off…

Nope, no. No no. If a woman says she wants or doesn’t want something don’t presume to know better than her. As a married woman with married friends not a single one of them wanted a ring any more expensive than $500 or so, the average was about $300. Big rocks get left in the jewelry box because they get caught on things. One of my friends has two engagement rings, one with the big rock and another she picked out with her now husband. Guess which one she wears? This is from a sample size of about 25 women I know personally with a 0% instance rate of what you describe. My own engagement ring was about $35 with shipping because I like sterling silver and I wouldn’t trade it for anything.

MajorHavoc ,

If a woman (or anyone) says she wants or doesn’t want something don’t presume to know better than her.

Excellent advice. I’m quoting it again here in case anyone reading along missed it, because I wish someone had knocked this into my head before I made an ass of myself a few times.

bjoern_tantau ,
@bjoern_tantau@swg-empire.de avatar

I got our engagement rings from a gumball machine. Was really hard to find. And even harder to find one that sold rings. When I had finally found one I didn’t have a single 20 cent coin it required on me. I flagged down passerby from across the street. She gave me two coins and refused to take my one Euro in exchange.

Those two coins netted me five balls, which included three rings. I selected the most beautiful and headed home.

We’ve been married for over 13 years so far.

MajorHavoc ,

Aw! 💕

bluGill ,

if she will go for it get a 100 pack of rubber or silicon rings (dollor store) they look nice from the distance strangers should look and no worry about lost rings and no safety worries.

Rhynoplaz ,

That’s a REALLY BIG “if”.

Defectus ,

Probably different depending on region. Our engagement rings were slate white gold and platinum. When we picked out her wedding ring we first went to jewelers. Everything there was kinda ugly. No elegance, just mass-produced bulky stuff. Unless you want to cough up at least 3000€. So we checked an auction house. Found a gorgeous diamond ring from the 1930s, real elegant and you could see the craftsmanship in every little detail. And I got it for 400€. Then took it to a jeweler to size it and engrave it.

So that could be an option.

morphballganon , (edited )

I got one that has another kind of stone as the main stone with cubic zirconias around it. That sort of arrangement isn’t too expensive, and more interesting than a diamond.

Don’t do a plain silver band. They tarnish and cause irritation. The band should be either a metal that doesn’t tarnish, or coated in one.

211 ,

If it doesn’t give her the ick and she likes the classic styles, used jewelry is the way to go. It’s already had the “walk out of store” depreciation and I think engravings on most rings are pretty easy to replace.

As a more personal recommendation, when I ahem “outgrew” my own engagement ring and was too lazy/cheap to resize, I got a “temporary” replacement 10? years ago from here. It was supposed to be moissanite in titanium, did an XRF analysis and the band material was some sort of nickel-less maybe steel IIRC. No idea if the moissanite is genuine, but it’s held up way better than any CZ has, and the band has kept better than silver so props to that.

frankspurplewings ,

From when my partner and I bought our ring set, we went to a gem shop instead of a jewelry store. We had three rings given to us by family members, and wanted to rework them into a new set for me and then get a matching ring for my husband. Every jewelry store we went to wanted $6-8k to do the rework. We ended up at the gem shop as a last resort, because we were both over it. The gem shop reworked and made my engagement ring, wedding band, added a lab grown sapphire, and found a ring for my husband for $1900 total. And they did it all on our timeframe of two weeks.

My advice is to shop around and talk to people. All the big jewelry shops were so expensive, and smaller businesses will probably be better on your budget.

Shout out to Bob’s Gem Shop in Escondido, California! They got us a great deal and I love our set. 😍

AmidFuror ,

Nice try, Bob.

frankspurplewings ,

Lol. I don’t even think that dude would know what Lemmy is. 😄

surewhynotlem ,

I went with moissanite. It’s sparklier than diamond. My wife still gets compliments on it years later.

AmidFuror ,

You want a plain ring to go with your plain fiancée, is that how it is?

Next thing you know she'll be dreaming of a guy with wavy hair and chestnut eyes.

kambusha ,

Remember there are other precious stones than diamonds. Ruby, emerald, sapphire. For me, they’re all prettier than diamonds, and have a much longer tradition.

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