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Planning to propose in a few months, what should I look for in a good value engagement ring?

My SO and I discussed that engagement rings shouldn’t be expensive.

What should I look for in good value rings? Lab grown diamonds? Fake diamonds? gold? white gold? silver? platinum?

Also, what kind of cut? Moissante vs Lab grown?

jgrim ,
@jgrim@discuss.online avatar

My wife and I picked out her ring together. She has to wear it all the time. I think she should have say in the matter. Ask your partner to help you pick one out.

DichotoDeezNutz , (edited )
@DichotoDeezNutz@lemmy.world avatar

This, it ruins the surprise a bit but also ensures you’ll hear a “yes”

Edit: also I went with a brilliant earth fake diamond ring, but you could save $ and go for moissanite

Pronell ,

You can always also get a cheaper sentimental ring and go out ring shopping together for the official one.

That way you keep the surprise and she gets the ring she wants, plus another ring and a nice memory.

doctordevice ,

IMO, an agreement to get married should be a mutual discussion, not a surprise. My wife and I also decided to get married by having a discussion and then went ring shopping together. We went with a blue topaz. Super pretty and didn’t break the bank.

eronth ,

Yeah, but a lot of people come to the agreement that they’ll get married without an official proposal date getting set.

Cracks_InTheWalls ,
@Cracks_InTheWalls@sh.itjust.works avatar

True, but you can meet in the middle re: this kind of thing with the ring. Having established that it’s going to happen at some point, take a trip to a jewelers ‘for fun’. Pay attention to what she goes ‘oooh’ over - style, stone, cut, etc. Write this information down to search separately.

It’s a bit of a stereotype I suppose, but trust that your future wife knows what she’s doing on that visit (particularly if y’all don’t browse jewelry together frequently - it’s kind of an anvil of a hint). This way there’s still an element of surprise, but you’re not just picking something random in hopes it pleases.

MrQuallzin ,

Same. We made it a date and went downtown to a pawn shop to pick out rings. It’s honestly a great way to find fun rings at not-horrendous prices

counselwolf OP ,

Shouldn’t the proposal be a surprise? I was thinking the ring as well?

andrewta ,

Depends on the individual, some want it as a surprise, some aren’t as concerned about the surprise.

DessertStorms ,
@DessertStorms@lemmy.blahaj.zone avatar

The proposal can still be a surprise, just think of a way to do it where going ring shopping together is the big surprise, rather than the ring itself (if they have a good sense of humour, maybe use a gummy ring or a mood ring, something really silly as a stand in, otherwise maybe a ring shaped “coupon”? Or some other symbolic token that would hold meaning to just the two of you?).

XeroxCool ,

[not OP] I thought about a ring pop. I ended up making a paper ring and quoting Taylor Swift. “I like shiny things but I’d marry you with paper rings”. A normal durable ring followed, but she got to pick it out. As stated above, shevs the one wearing it all the time.

DessertStorms ,
@DessertStorms@lemmy.blahaj.zone avatar

That’s a perfect example of what I meant, it’s cute and personal to your relationship, and leaves the other person room to choose something they’re comfortable with.

Personally I think the ring should be the least important part of a proposal (though I say this as someone who is not interested in getting one, and who also hates wearing rings lol)…

frankspurplewings ,

Hi! The proposal itself should be a surprise, but the fact you are proposing should not. You and your partner should discuss marriage and be on the same page on what you want from the relationship before you take that step.

MajorHavoc ,

The fact that the proposal is coming should not be a surprise. Neither should the look and style of the ring. Just shop for it together.

The actual moment of the proposal, if well researched and planned, can be a fun surprise (if your proposee enjoys that kind of surprise. And there’s no need to get fancy. Just ask. Not for permission to propose, but for permission to make it a surprise.)

But even that shouldn’t be too much of a surprise.

Also, make sure it’s a “dress your best” kind of date, so your proposee will feel good about that way they look.

Fester ,

Whenever I see questions like this, I know there are going to be a lot of answers about how bad this or that jewelry is, or how traditional rings are evil or a waste of money, or whatever. Luckily I don’t see any anti-marriage replies yet. In any case it’s a good idea to not preemptively use logic and morals to override what your future wife will want and feel.

But this is the right answer. I think if you’re going to get married, it’s good to be at a point in your relationship where you’re talking about these things and you can just choose ring together, or at least discuss if she wants you to be the one who selects it, or if she doesn’t want diamonds, or how much to spend, and whatever else. You should be as confident in choosing a ring you know she’ll like as you are in marrying the person. The best way to do that is to communicate and do it together.

FeelzGoodMan420 ,

This is the way.

cleanandsunny ,

If you can, look into local jewelers who can craft you something handmade with ethically sourced stones. I’m in Seattle and we have Valerie Madison who does great engagement sets and Everling Jewelry who uses recycled metals. A local artist will be able to recommend something within your budget, and your SO can and should be involved, as another poster mentioned.

Know_not_Scotty_does ,

I went the same route, it was significantly less expensive to get a nicer custom ring made by a local jewler I knew, to my spec/design then to get a commodity one from a store.

Death_Equity ,

Lab diamonds are “fake” diamonds. Artificial and natural diamonds only differ in their level of human suffering and exploitation, with natural diamonds being higher in both.

Band metal depends on taste and costs. Platinum is the most expensive and best IMO, gold is kind of out of style(does she wear gold rings?), white gold is budget platinum, silver is cheap platinum that tarnishes.

Get a lab diamond with both your birth stones flanking it. For the band, I would go with white gold unless she wears gold rings a lot or you can afford platinum.

Also, she wants an expensive ring regardless of what she told you. She wants a giant rock on her finger when she shows it off, but should be absolutely ecstatic for anything you get. Talk to her married friends’ husbands and don’t get a bigger diamond than they got if you want to be a bro.

Nefara , (edited )

Also, she wants an expensive ring regardless of what she told you. She wants a giant rock on her finger when she shows it off…

Nope, no. No no. If a woman says she wants or doesn’t want something don’t presume to know better than her. As a married woman with married friends not a single one of them wanted a ring any more expensive than $500 or so, the average was about $300. Big rocks get left in the jewelry box because they get caught on things. One of my friends has two engagement rings, one with the big rock and another she picked out with her now husband. Guess which one she wears? This is from a sample size of about 25 women I know personally with a 0% instance rate of what you describe. My own engagement ring was about $35 with shipping because I like sterling silver and I wouldn’t trade it for anything.

MajorHavoc ,

If a woman (or anyone) says she wants or doesn’t want something don’t presume to know better than her.

Excellent advice. I’m quoting it again here in case anyone reading along missed it, because I wish someone had knocked this into my head before I made an ass of myself a few times.

finley ,

avoid diamonds. there are prettier (and more humane) stones. not to mention: more affordable

instead, choose a stone and metal that reflect your and your intended’s personalities rather than some boring thing billions of others have.

counselwolf OP ,

Are lab grown okay, value wise? what about moissante?

zcd ,

IMO moissanite is a better idea, looks nicer, fuck debeers. Check out your partners existing jewellery for ideas, see if they tend to prefer gold colour metal or silver coloured

themeatbridge ,

Both are beautiful, and both are easily distinguishable from natural diamonds for being too perfect. The irony is that natural diamonds increase in value if they have fewer imperfections, but almost no natural diamonds have zero imperfections.

Value-wise, in theory a natural diamond will hold its value over time, but in practice the value of natural diamonds is manipulated by the diamond conglomerates that control the market. We won’t “exhaust the supply” of diamonds in our lifetimes, so there’s not much sense in worrying about the value of the gem either way.

Are any gems “worth it”? That’s between you and your wallet. It’s an entirely superficial item, serving no practical purpose. To paraphrase a modern American philosopher, you can get married with paper rings. The ring is a symbol of your commitment, and as long as your fiancee enjoys wearing it everyday, don’t stress about what other people will think.

XeroxCool ,

I wouldn’t concern myself about a lab diamond being too perfect. I have never met anyone that pulled out a loupe in the restaurant to check. That’s between me and the jeweler.

themeatbridge ,

You’re right, but moisannite can be distinguished without a loupe by a colorful flash. But also anyone knowledgeable enough to spot that at a distance probably does not have the same prejudices against lab-made diamonds. I mean, unless they work for Debeers.

MajorHavoc ,

in theory a natural diamond will hold its value over tim

The jig is up, on that one, or it’s about to be.

As an embarrassed possessor of a real diamond ring, I’m well aware that my grandchildren may well decide to pawn it on the cheap, considering its awful legacy. If others do the same, and considering the reserve supply, it’s not even going to be worth what we paid for it.

Kit ,

I went with moissanite and it was perfect. Just don’t go too big or it will be obvious that it’s not a diamond, because normal folks can’t afford huge diamonds.

I went to a local jeweler and they ordered in the moissanite for me, then affixed it to one of their rings. The entire thing was around $350.

MajorHavoc ,

Just don’t go too big or it will be obvious that it’s not a diamond, because normal folks can’t afford huge diamonds.

Good point. But as someone who bought a diamond and still regrets it, I hope these younger wiser folks can embrace and normalize avoiding diamonds.

Anytime I see a wedding ring that’s clearly not a diamond, my respect for that union raises immediately.

AmidFuror ,

Lab grown are produced under conditions that would get you animal cruelty charges if you subjected your pets to them. And they are separated from their siblings very early in the process and sold off to stores all across the country.

howrar ,

I’m so confused by this comment. Are you trying to say that putting a live animal under extreme pressure and zapping them would constitute animal cruelty?

AmidFuror ,

If you don't agree, you're sick in the head!

howrar ,

I’m not disagreeing. I’m confused because I don’t see how it’s relevant to the comment you responded to.

otp ,

I think they’re making a joke. It has upvotes, so some people seem to like it

howrar ,

Ah, makes sense. Thanks

AmidFuror ,

You're right, though. It doesn't make sense based on the parent comment. I think I misread it as asking if lab grown are OK values-wise. Instead it was asking if they are a good value.

My bad.

gever4ever ,

I got my wife a moissanite and it turned out beautiful.
She likes big stones so I got her a 2ct oval one which she loved. Didn’t care much for the technicalities - it looks good, suits her style and that’s all that matters.
And no way you could get a 2ct diamond for 700$.

A person who won’t appreciate how you choose to express your love isn’t someone you’d want to marry, anyway.

Seasm0ke ,

My wife loves moissanite, we went with etsy and even got her wedding band custom designed in CAD to fit her engagement ring. Manhattan box was the store we used for the band and a UK spot called shinyjungle for engagement ring where she liked a lab grown morganite. She gets a lot of compliments on them. Most cant tell the difference between them and traditional blood diamonds. Cubic zirconia or epoxy based stones are what you dont want.

Nomecks ,

Diamonds are a commodity like gold and silver. You can buy market value diamonds from a dealer and then have a ring made for it. Even for synthetic diamonds this is the cheapest way to get a diamond ring.

Lost_My_Mind ,

I watch a youtuber who does reaction videos with her boyfriend. She said she’d rather have a blow-pop than a diamond.

Her reasoning is that blowpops are way cheaper, so you can use that money saved on your future together.

…but maybe don’t do that unless your fiancee is cool.

XeroxCool ,

Wow, tough crowd. At no point did you say you were looking at typical diamonds but you’re still getting jumped. My interpretation is that you’re not interested in mined diamonds and are already aware of the massive ethical issues.

I can’t tell you if she actually wants an expensive ring with a big rock, despite what that other comment assures you. That’s something you have to determine. My SO wanted something pretty and durable, not expensive. She meant it. She also picked a stone in her favorite color. I think it’s flanked by small diamonds for that sparkle but it was only $350 at a department store. I guess at this point I should mention why she did all the shopping and why I don’t really know: I proposed with a paper ring and quoted Taylor Swift in doing so. Rather than take a guess and potentially be way off from what she’s been looking at on her own, she was able to choose it herself. Some people may be upset that you didn’t do all the traditional work, but that’s between you and your SO and for you to determine acceptability. A woman with established desires (beyond price) in a ring has likely already done a ton of shopping.

If she tends to be rough with her hands, diamonds are still the most durable stone available. It will take most stones a long time to be visibly scratched, but it happens - especially around sand. That also means if she loses jewelry, the ring may not be around long enough to matter.

I wouldn’t recommend silver since it’s softer and tarnished a little faster than the other options.

As far as cut, you’re really getting into an opinionated area. Some people like the traditional cartoon cut, some like an older oval, some a rectangle, etc. It depends on her style and how loud she wants her jewelry to be.

It’s a very variable topic. The only thing I can say, and this applies to many things, is that when you get down to the final 5ish options, no one else will know what you chose between. You’ll forget too. They’ll probably all be nearly identical if you were to describe them on paper without a picture. There’s no such thing as perfect but you always come to simply accept something for being what it is. I went through this with dozens of paint chips when remodeling a house. Once the walls are painted, your guests will never know nor care how long you spent choosing between G305-03 and G306-03.

Nefara ,

For the record, whether or not silver tarnishes when worn is a matter of body chemistry. Some people’s skin oils contain sulfur compounds and some don’t. Silver jewelry does scratch, but some people never need to polish their jewelry if it’s being worn regularly. It’s another reason to make buying a ring a collaboration.

XeroxCool ,

Interesting. I don’t really wear any jewelry myself so I wasn’t aware of the nuance. My ring is tungsten and I rarely wear it. I do remember getting green stains from costume jewelry with copper plating beneath weak top layers

Nefara ,

Body chemistry is weird. There are people who tarnish silver by wearing it, people who are allergic to silver or even gold and break out in hives where it touches their skin but can wear something like titanium or surgical steel. My skin turns green or gray with some of my costume jewelry but sterling silver I wear consistently never tarnishes. It’s just a highly personalized thing that should really be up to the person who’s going to be wearing it.

kambusha ,

Remember there are other precious stones than diamonds. Ruby, emerald, sapphire. For me, they’re all prettier than diamonds, and have a much longer tradition.

bluGill ,

if she will go for it get a 100 pack of rubber or silicon rings (dollor store) they look nice from the distance strangers should look and no worry about lost rings and no safety worries.

Rhynoplaz ,

That’s a REALLY BIG “if”.

frankspurplewings ,

From when my partner and I bought our ring set, we went to a gem shop instead of a jewelry store. We had three rings given to us by family members, and wanted to rework them into a new set for me and then get a matching ring for my husband. Every jewelry store we went to wanted $6-8k to do the rework. We ended up at the gem shop as a last resort, because we were both over it. The gem shop reworked and made my engagement ring, wedding band, added a lab grown sapphire, and found a ring for my husband for $1900 total. And they did it all on our timeframe of two weeks.

My advice is to shop around and talk to people. All the big jewelry shops were so expensive, and smaller businesses will probably be better on your budget.

Shout out to Bob’s Gem Shop in Escondido, California! They got us a great deal and I love our set. 😍

AmidFuror ,

Nice try, Bob.

frankspurplewings ,

Lol. I don’t even think that dude would know what Lemmy is. 😄

bjoern_tantau ,
@bjoern_tantau@swg-empire.de avatar

I got our engagement rings from a gumball machine. Was really hard to find. And even harder to find one that sold rings. When I had finally found one I didn’t have a single 20 cent coin it required on me. I flagged down passerby from across the street. She gave me two coins and refused to take my one Euro in exchange.

Those two coins netted me five balls, which included three rings. I selected the most beautiful and headed home.

We’ve been married for over 13 years so far.

MajorHavoc ,

Aw! 💕

AmidFuror ,

You want a plain ring to go with your plain fiancée, is that how it is?

Next thing you know she'll be dreaming of a guy with wavy hair and chestnut eyes.

surewhynotlem ,

I went with moissanite. It’s sparklier than diamond. My wife still gets compliments on it years later.

211 ,

If it doesn’t give her the ick and she likes the classic styles, used jewelry is the way to go. It’s already had the “walk out of store” depreciation and I think engravings on most rings are pretty easy to replace.

As a more personal recommendation, when I ahem “outgrew” my own engagement ring and was too lazy/cheap to resize, I got a “temporary” replacement 10? years ago from here. It was supposed to be moissanite in titanium, did an XRF analysis and the band material was some sort of nickel-less maybe steel IIRC. No idea if the moissanite is genuine, but it’s held up way better than any CZ has, and the band has kept better than silver so props to that.

morphballganon , (edited )

I got one that has another kind of stone as the main stone with cubic zirconias around it. That sort of arrangement isn’t too expensive, and more interesting than a diamond.

Don’t do a plain silver band. They tarnish and cause irritation. The band should be either a metal that doesn’t tarnish, or coated in one.

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