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Illuminostro ,

“Then the NRA made me president for life.”

HawlSera ,

Chad move!

bookcrawler ,

https://lemmy.world/pictrs/image/5419c855-ba4c-4522-99d9-6f9f44b8c498.png

Psythik ,

Thanks for sharing the rest of the post. But I’m confused about who is speaking what during the last three lines after “even on our dates”.

prime_number_314159 ,

Anon, then anon, then gf

Ravenson ,

GF, Anon, GF.

PsychedSy ,

Girl: even on our dates

2A bro: did you think I was gonna mug you? Why would I wait?

Girl: got it

That better?

Though it makes it even less believable. Most dads I know that might do that have daughters that would appreciate it lol

5wim ,

“Did you think I was gonna mug you?” came from the girl, not 2A bro

PsychedSy ,

Hm. Mayhaps.

ysjet ,

GF: “Did you always have a gun?”

Anon: “I always carry”

GF: “Even on our dates? Did you think I was gonna rob you or something?”

Anon: “Muggers don’t wait until it’s convienient for you to get robbed, you know?”

GF: “Oh that makes sense.”

ZILtoid1991 ,

Buckshot Roulette IRL

thepiguy ,

I am pretty sure I am not allowed to pull out and place even an airsoft gun on the table where I live. The rules clearly state that it must be kept locked in a safe. That would be an easy way to get someone’s license revoked if you record it…

GBU_28 ,

Ok

scoobford ,

I don’t think this is legal basically anywhere. In the US, this would be brandishing or threatening with a deadly weapon.

Olhonestjim ,

Yeah maybe. Doesn’t seem to stop redneck fathers of teenage girls in conservative states. They consider it a rite of passage for fatherhood.

AstridWipenaugh ,

My FIL did a gun cleaning night when I was first taking his daughter out on dates. Had 3 guns disassembled on the kitchen table and let me know they’d be reassembled by the time I brought her home. He’s a really nice guy, but yes, that shit is “normal” in the US

DragonTypeWyvern ,

It isn’t normal, the weirdos just think everyone else acts like them.

lightnsfw ,

Back in my college days I was picking a GF up from her dads house and walked up to him sitting on the porch with a rifle in his lap. He was cool with me but it was still awkward. I was just like “… shooting stuff?”. “God damn squirrels won’t stay out of my garden”.

SoleInvictus ,

I had a high school girlfriend whose dad pulled that bullshit. I realized quickly that I didn’t like her enough to deal with that level of crazy.

ramble81 ,

It’d be hard to prove brandishing. As another poster said, it’s a legal weapon, in the homeowners abode, placed on the table, not pointed at or waived at the person, with nothing said around it. It’d be really hard to prove anything. He’ll, look at the white couple that was literally brandishing their guns and they almost got away with it.

authorinthedark ,

Anon does say it was facing him

Pandantic ,
@Pandantic@midwest.social avatar

Which is poor gun handling, but I’m not sure you could get your licence taken away for it.

lightnsfw ,

What license?

odium ,

Yeah, in Texas at least, you don’t need a license to have a gun in your own house or car.

PsychedSy ,

Yeah, you can do that in your own house pretty easily.

ramble81 ,

Welcome to America

PsychedSy ,

Airsoft license?

jose1324 ,

Yes?

thepiguy ,

Yup. You first prove that you are sane and have no criminal background, your local government provides you with a certificate for that. And then you acknowledge that you know the rules and stuff. The final step is paying a small yearly fee.

PsychedSy ,

For the 'lil plastic pellets? Or the similarly-sized lead ones?

Etterra ,

They must not be Americans. I envy them, but at least when I eat my own weight in pizza it’s actually good pizza.

PsychedSy ,

I’m blessed by the insurance gods. Guns, abortions and insurance. Pizza is also kinda nice.

AlexisFR ,
@AlexisFR@jlai.lu avatar

Repost + it’s missing the rest of the joke at the end.

Wizard_Pope ,
@Wizard_Pope@lemmy.world avatar

What is the part that is missing about?

it_depends_man ,

The boyfriend interpreted as a bonding moment.

The father meant his placing the gun as a threat and got “called” on his bluff and gets angry.

Wizard_Pope ,
@Wizard_Pope@lemmy.world avatar

I mean I kinda understand the threat and bonding mismatch from what we have. The part where he gets angry is missing.

FauxPseudo ,
@FauxPseudo@lemmy.world avatar

Dad doesn’t like losing the illusion of power. He thinks it’s perfectly fine to threaten someone but is a hypocrite the moment he met with equal force. So they tried gaslighting and getting defensive and blaming the person that they tried to threaten.

Titou ,
@Titou@sh.itjust.works avatar

Is that a “who has a bigger dick” competiton ?

Tryptaminev ,

No, whose is smaller.

peyotecosmico ,

Is this an euphemism of both putting their penis out on the table?

Thcdenton ,

No that’s “muh hog”

Kiosade ,

What? No, literal guns. The hell?

Bertuccio ,

Actual penises would probably be more normal…

AI_toothbrush ,

Tbh i dont understand this. Probably because im european plus im tired but i cant figure it out.

Potatos_are_not_friends ,

Dad shows a gun to show OP he’s a badass. Op doesn’t realize and shows his gun.

Common American culture is that you’re supposed to show your gun on the third date with the family, not the first. You’re also supposed to have a Mexican standoff when you walk into the house, with dad aiming at you, you’re aiming at dad, dog aims at GF, etc. And if he’s lucky, they have a rousing game of Russian roulette before tapas.

Totally understandable if you didn’t know. Just basic 2A knowledge every American learns about during elementary school.

zzx ,

They taught me in kindergarten

classic ,

You start learning it in day care depending on the region

Deceptichum ,
@Deceptichum@sh.itjust.works avatar

So are those armoured backpacks for children considered cheating?

HelixDab2 ,

Cheapskate parents, actually. Most parents get their kids a BALCS carrier with level III soft inserts, some ESAPI plates, and a level III or IIIa helmet. But some parents cheap out and just get their kid a backpack and split a set of plates between kids.

dumbass ,
@dumbass@leminal.space avatar

Yeah, it does Give them a slightly unfair advantage over the active shooter, that’s why the cops had to wait, they were required to give them a head start.

A surprising amount of rules involved in it.

A7thStone ,

Some people can afford better load outs. Normal p2w bullshit.

And009 ,

Thanks for explaining the culture, they never show real America in the movies

cosmicrookie ,
@cosmicrookie@lemmy.world avatar

Yeah. Real America sounds tougher than Sons of Anarchy

DragonTypeWyvern ,

Leave it to Hollywood to sanitize real American living and make it so kid friendly!

HawlSera ,

It’s important to remember if you’re ever in Los Angeles, New York, or Miami, all three of the major American cities.

ProstheticBrain ,

I guess this is where the concept of the “nuclear family” comes from then? After the initial courtship hostilities, the escalation of the arms race is inevitable.

captainlezbian ,

Yes, by the time you have a steady relationship you’re at a place of Mutually Assured Dating

SkyezOpen ,

dad aiming at you, you’re aiming at dad, dog aims at GF, etc.

The Aristocrats!

refalo ,

what the fuck

EpeeGnome ,

The first sentence is real, the rest is just a fun bit of hyperbole. It really is not that common for an overprotective father to brandish a gun at his daughter’s new boyfriend, but it has happened enough times to become something of a trope.

Hasherm0n ,

To give you a slightly more serious answer, there’s a trope in America of the girl friend’s dad doing something to “subtly intimidate” the boy friend by casually cleaning a gun or having one within sight the first time they meet. The implication of course is supposed to be something along the lines of “I’ve got this and if you try anything funny with my daughter, I’ll use it on you”

It’s dumb but I’ve also known more than a few people who have experienced this first hand.

lars ,

It gives say-no-to-me-or-any-other-male-in-my-fam-and-we’ll-dump-acid-on-you vibes

Olhonestjim ,

Yeah, I went to senior prom with my friend. I didn’t have a license or a car yet, so my aunt drove us there in her baseball team van, and she was gonna drive us both home too. Suuuper romantic. Her dad met us there, pulled me aside to show me his little pocket knife and threatened to castrate me. I just laughed at him. We were both virgins, so far as I knew. While in hindsight she had a crush on me, I was way too awkward, nerdy, religious, and oblivious to realize. Sex never even crossed my mind as a possibility.

Olhonestjim ,

It’s a thing that basic dickhead fathers look forward to doing; threatening their daughter’s boyfriend in case he ever thinks he and his girlfriend might ever want to have sex.

prof ,
@prof@infosec.pub avatar

I mean yeah, funny greentext, fake and gay and all, but is that an actual thing that happens across the big pond?

If someone did that in Europe they’d be in serious legal trouble if the threatened party sues.

Crismus ,

I had just finished my range day and I had my guns stripped for cleaning when my step daughter dropped of my son for his weekend visit with her boyfriend.

I wasn’t trying to flex or anything, but I did find it funny. Luckily she married a different guy after college.

Entertainmeonly ,

“Step daughter dropped of my son” has a real Alabama vibe.

boogetyboo ,
@boogetyboo@aussie.zone avatar

I literally don’t understand the relationships in his comment. I simply can’t get my head around it

SturgiesYrFase ,
@SturgiesYrFase@lemmy.ml avatar

Lemme know if you figure it out, I’ve read his comment about 12× and still scratching my head.

onion ,

OP’s step daughter and her boyfriend came over to drop off OP’s son for his weekend visit.

PoopBuffet ,

Woman has daughter. Woman marries man. Man and woman have son. I guess man and woman break up? Son has weekly visits to man, daughter of woman brings son to man. Or maybe son goes to boarding school or something 🤷‍♂️

That is the reasonable explanation. If you want to imagine the situation with a banjo soundtrack nobody is stopping you.

SturgiesYrFase ,
@SturgiesYrFase@lemmy.ml avatar

Naw, no banjo. Was just super confused.
Your line of reasoning seems sound, let’s just go with that until we hear from OP.

MindTraveller ,

OP (dad), married a woman and accepted her daughter into the family, making her his stepdaughter. We’ll call her Drake. Dad already had a son from a previous marriage. We’ll call the son Josh. Drake and Josh became close stepsiblings. Drake started dating a boy, who we’ll call Freddy. Drake introduced Freddy to Josh, and they hang out every week at Josh’s place to play Overwatch. Drake brought Freddy to her house, where dad was cleaning his guns, just in time for Freddy to walk past on his way to Josh’s room.

boogetyboo ,
@boogetyboo@aussie.zone avatar

It’s really funny that you’ve chosen a male name for the only female character

MindTraveller ,

If you open up your mind
See what’s inside

thetreesaysbark ,

I think his stepdaughter, with her boyfriend, dropped off his son for the son’s weekend visit with him (him being the commenter, the father).

It reads like his son was visiting his stepdaughter’s boyfriend. Maybe it is that, but it’d be odd.

mosiacmango ,

Sounds legal overall for America. “Brandishing” is generally illegal, i.e pulling out your gun and pointing it at or actively threatening someone with it, regardless if you fire it.

Pulling out your legal gun in your home and setting it flat on your table? Hard to argue it was a threatening without a stated threat or some other action. It may have been one, but id be suprised if anyone would arrest someone over that.

OP pulling his own gun does make this a hilarious and potentially deadly situation. It’s very possible the father is a scared pissbaby and just starts blasting.

FiniteBanjo ,

Yeah, I was gonna say we’re past the point of legality being the biggest concern in that situation.

onion ,

Either way that guy is not coming to my wedding

h3ndrik ,

So, what do we Europeans whip out and place on the coffee table to make a statement?

prof ,
@prof@infosec.pub avatar

Cock

Wild_Mastic ,

No way, that’s only after the 5th family date

h3ndrik ,

And too obvious and not specific to European c***.

onion ,

Nah the second one is in a sauna

SkunkWorkz ,

Spotted dick

oce ,
@oce@jlai.lu avatar

GDPR pocket books

rufus ,

images(1)

boonhet ,

Data protection regulation for dummies I’m assuming? Mein Deutsch ist sehr schlecht.

rufus ,

GDPR for Dummies. GDPR is DSGVO in German, “Datenschutz-Grundverordnung”.

Diplomjodler3 ,

Health insurance policies

h3ndrik , (edited )

Hmm, you’d think that. But actually health insurance works here. It’s nothing to brag about. I rarely hear people talking about it. At least not more than they talk about their households contents insurance. (I mean guns in the USA also aren’t something exceptional… so you might have a point.)

And009 ,

“Health insurance works… … nothing to brag about”

Ah, the elite countries with their made up issues /s

Diplomjodler3 ,

I’m sure people who have good health insurance in the US don’t see it as an issue. But what about all the others?

captainlezbian ,

Nah guns are more like dutch bicycles. Yes we all have several, but each is important and must be talked about

Ziglin ,

Water pistols. (Optionally modified to shoot liquid nitrogen)

Tryptaminev ,

While it sounds badass “shooting” liquid nitrogen is in fact quite useless. Source: i had liquid nitrogen poured over my hands at room temp. It just feels like cold water as it quickly evaporates before actually touching it.

See video for example and when it acts different.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=jnsDdJwW-KU

Ziglin ,

It’s not meant to cause too much damage. If I wanted that I’d attach a match to the front and shoot fuel instead but that sounds even less legal.

loaExMachina ,

A bottle of wine. Good wine preferably.

BreadOven ,

Beans on toast.

vaultdweller013 ,

I severely doubt English degeneracy reflects anywhere else in Europe.

BreadOven ,

Haha. Good point. Universal healthcare then?

Tja ,

Barftastic

BreadOven ,

Yes. Unless it’s done well.

SkunkWorkz ,

A cheese wheel?

Kiosade ,

Knives?

Stupidmanager ,

Just a few southern states, and outliers. But really, not so much now. It happened once when I was a kid and the dad was an asshole, so I married his daughter to spite him. Couple decades later and I regret that marriage and wish I would have went with my first instinct and asked if he wanted me to clean it because it was dirty.

Wogi ,

This idiotic bullshit happens all over, it’s just more concentrated in the South.

This happened to a friend of mine from the UK in fixing Minnesota. He had NO context for what was happening and almost shit his pants.

chetradley ,

Never had someone point a gun at me like that, but I dated a girl in college that had a dickhead 2nd amendment gun nut dad who never missed an opportunity to mention he had guns and wasn’t afraid to use them if I “didn’t take good care of his daughter.” It didn’t intimidate me in the slightest though, and just let me know he was a scared, insecure loser.

refalo ,

LOL no they wouldn’t. Unless your kitchen has a camera, it’d be practically impossible to prove.

PsychedSy ,

It’s by dudes that claim to have fucked a lot of bitches in their early years. It’s not as serious as it sounds. Well. The best part is reminding them of what they claim they did if they talk like that.

They almost never have their guns at work.

Mango ,

Isn’t it tradition?

NigelFrobisher ,

He said “you passed the test” and offered me the job as his CTO. That dad was Professor Steven Hawking

lars ,

I’m so fucking sorry that I’m laughing so hard at 4:30am but dad was not playing with guntimidation and also wheelchair-bound and motionless. But I choose to believe you.

pelletbucket ,

oh god. my first girlfriend’s dad showed me his gun collection the first time I visited the house and I got so absorbed in field stripping his MAK-90 that I forgot she was there

PlantDadManGuy ,

You passed the test. Hope you and your wife had a good honeymoon.

andrew_bidlaw ,

What wife? He’s her step-dad now. That’d be ridiculous.

magnetosphere ,
@magnetosphere@fedia.io avatar

I’d love to know what happened next. I’m sure it was a hoot.

MeDuViNoX ,
@MeDuViNoX@sh.itjust.works avatar

Everyone stood up and clapped.

Annoyed_Crabby ,

Can confirm, i’m that gun.

ChairmanMeow ,
@ChairmanMeow@programming.dev avatar

I actually remember this one being much longer. IIRC, dad starts yelling that he “won’t be threatened in his own house”, anon gets confused and tries to explain, mom starts yelling, he leaves the house, gf gets mad at him for even having the gun, asking how long he’s been carrying it with him.

Quacksalber ,

That’d be hilarious, as it confirms that the dad wanted to intimidate anon by pulling out his gun and in turn got intimidated by anon’s gun.

ChairmanMeow ,
@ChairmanMeow@programming.dev avatar

Found the full thing:

https://programming.dev/pictrs/image/1690b204-a870-4f98-8e44-b09a443129b7.jpeg

https://programming.dev/pictrs/image/e913b767-5624-424a-97ec-b47d8b3528f0.jpeg

Boxscape , (edited )
@Boxscape@lemmy.sdf.org avatar

Lmaoà, the escalation reminds me of that Tumblr thread about making tea.

https://64.media.tumblr.com/d520a04b374b9ee700685d375758c7ee/d9d1d3685e941158-55/s2048x3072/e921db838b0014dec4ce95d4b2bfa1d6abc3d206.jpg

@ChairmanMeow, from CHS by the way?

ChairmanMeow ,
@ChairmanMeow@programming.dev avatar

I don’t know what CHS is so I’m not sure what you mean by that (then again that might answer your question maybe :P).

Boxscape , (edited )
@Boxscape@lemmy.sdf.org avatar

then again that might answer your question maybe :P

Haha, Canadian Hardware Swap.
Yeah, I suppose it do answer my question 🥲

ChairmanMeow ,
@ChairmanMeow@programming.dev avatar

Haha I’m not Canadian and live about an ocean away from there, so definitely not me 😋. Lovely place though, I should visit sometime (and swap hardware I guess 😅).

quantenzitrone ,
@quantenzitrone@lemmings.world avatar

its honestly funnier without

Boxscape , (edited )
@Boxscape@lemmy.sdf.org avatar

place my gun on coffee table too

Was it a Derringer chambered in .50 Action Express? 😏

PyroNeurosis ,

I like to imagine it’s a long gun. Pulled from hammerspace.

Boxscape , (edited )
@Boxscape@lemmy.sdf.org avatar

I like to imagine it’s a long gun. Pulled from hammerspace.

https://media1.tenor.com/m/ECKh5mrZb0UAAAAC/joker-batman.gif

😏

Maeve ,

There's my daily literal lol. Thanks OP!

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