If you don’t find someone physically attractive, how do you settle down with them? Do you just accept getting into bed with someone you’re physically repulsed by every night?
I’m not denying that ace spectrum people have relationships and settle down as well. But OP is asking about the normative (read allosexual) experience and explicitly mentions physical attraction.
The vast majority of relationships will involve physical attraction and sex. It’s highly unusual for that to not be the case for allosexual people. That’s not a value judgement—if a minority of allo people find something else works for them, then that’s great. But if OP is asking if this is normal, then no it’s not. Even ‘less attractive’ people, as OP put it, find people they’re attracted to enough to enjoy a lifetime of intimacy and sex with.
Overcoming a lack of physical attraction is a pretty big barrier and I can’t see most people overcoming that barrier just to ‘settle down.’ Not being your physical ideal is one thing, most of us settle down with people who don’t look like models or actors, but finding someone physically unattractive is a tough sell in most cases.
I’m not denying that ace spectrum people have relationships and settle down as well. But OP is asking about the normative (read allosexual) experience and explicitly mentions physical attraction.
I don’t think this only applies to ace people. Sometimes you just realize you can’t have everything, settle with someone “below your standards” in respect to that, and even if you sleep in the same bed, you don’t do anything with each other in that way.
Thing is, sex is not a privilege. If you - as someone in such a situation as OP - can’t accept that, you are in danger of growing… hateful views. I don’t want to become such a person, and it’s clear that it’s not their fault that they are not attracted to me. Realizing this helped me accept it.
To be totally clear, yes, I’m not ace, I have the desire, but that’s just not how it works.
There are still other benefits of having a partner, like not being lonely and sharing the costs of living.
To also respond to OP, I don’t know if this is “the solution”. This is better for everyone involved than the alternative where you grow to be a hateful person. But maybe you should reevaluate if you are really in such a situation as you think. Possibly you are right, possibly not.
Thing is, sex is not a privilege. If you - as someone in such a situation as OP - can’t accept that, you are in danger of growing… hateful views.
No one is entitled to sex, I agree. But in a relationship, you are allowed to make clear what your needs are and move on if those needs aren’t being met. It’s not entitlement to know what you want. Having a ‘dead bedroom’ is why a lot of relationships end.
I don’t want to become such a person, and it’s clear that it’s not their fault that they are not attracted to me. Realizing this helped me accept it.
If I may ask, was there any physical attraction between you two when you met?
If I may ask, was there any physical attraction between you two when you met?
To be honest, there is no other person here. Not yet, at least. My case is a little different, because it’s not about how I look, not even the personality (but who knows actually? I know I have problems e.g. finding the right tone, and sometimes seeming harsh), but some other properties that are day to day pretty noticeable, and are often associated with being handicapped (not in the meeting of being silly) (even by myself when I notice it on others). I know that this is universally a thing (or rather things) that is hard to accept, and I seriously wouldn’t want to live with someone like that either.
The point I wanted to make is that it’s ok if no one wants to be with me.
I have not yet started searching for an “economical partnership”.
I don’t know you but my advice is that you talk to a therapist before you condemn yourself to a life of unhappiness. What you’re thinking about yourself is not always objective, even if you think it is. Being self-critical is not the same as being realistic
There is a lot of room between attraction and repulsion though. A not ideal looking person who is so good in bed, loves you and you get along with? Maybe they are neutral to you looks-wise but hot for reasons other than looks.
Someone whose looks repel you? No, that’s never going to work.
Debian, Arch and Endeavour. Endeavour being the current one, Debian having the least problems until kernel issues without logs. That was more than likely caused by misconfiguration. Arch was too much and Endeavour is pretty much the same. All of them have the same weird small issues when it comes to gaming. Other than that, they all work fine, other than Wayland issues.
Most might suggest to just use X11, but VRR is a must and no matter how I’ve tried to make X11 work, it’s just so much worse than Wayland.
I feel all of that. Debian is painfully slow to bring up-to-date, and all of Arch is neurotic.
You might have a better time with Fedora as they are closest to Wayland, but Fedora is pathologically open source to the point that if there aren’t open source drivers for a thing you’re triple tucked…
Gaming on linux has been, still is, and always will be a struggle. I hope you give it a try again in a year or so. I personally use Debian as my base system, with an Arch VM on CPU and GPU passthrough for work and gaming. You’ll get there eventually! ☺️
I had a lot of the same issues you are stating until I switched over to fedora. I have an nvidia Optimus laptop and it was quite the pain until I installed fedora and used the proprietary drivers from rpm fusion. I use b9ttles and steam to run my games and I can play most of the games I want to. Even Wayland works nice. I am using the Plasma spin of Fedora 40. Hope you can find the solutions to your problems.
Protip, use Rufus to create the windows install stuck and disable all the telemetry if you want to.
question for you and anyone else for that matter: I’m using CachyOS right now and it’s fine, I like it but the more I read about Fedora the more I’m tempted to switch. Would you go with just straight up Fedora 40 or give Nobara a shot?
I have read online that Nobara/Bazzite etc have many perks, but I haven’t really tried them. The main issue of my system is that I have only 512gb of ssd storage and hence heavier distros are a no no for me.
Plus I used vanilla fedora from the get go and am not afraid to use the terminal or program something to solve any minor problems I am having.
I would recommend using vanilla fedora to first get the feel of the rpm ecosystem and if you like it,then test out the other variants.
My personal experience has been that Linux is great for general use, and quite a few verified games. But anything multiplayer with anticheat, games that are regularly updated, etc, it’s a constant struggle. So I have a separate hard drive for windows on my gaming desktop and, in general, mostly use Windows on that machine (with a lot of tweaks like openshell). But all my other devices I run off Linux and it works out fine.
Dedicated gaming machine or dual boot is a way to go.
I played steam on Arch and one update of OS and game stops working.
Despite claims, Windows gets better outcomes. I played a lot of World of Tanks Blitz and the same hardware on Linux was significantly lower graphics quality and FPS compared to Windows.
It’s funny because I’ve seen a lot of complaints about freezes and lag spikes in Elden Ring, but I’ve never noticed these because they’re apparently not an issue in Linux.
I’m sure there are games that run flawlessly, which is why I added the qualifier “In my personal experience”. Despite trying different versions of Proton and launch options, I’ve had trouble getting a consistent quality of gameplay experience with Guild Wars 2, where after long periods of play the frames drop or the game freezes altogether. Same with competitive games like Overwatch 2. It will run fine for long periods of time, but once in a blue moon it will crash altogether. Obviously not ideal for doing fractals with a guild or grinding ranked where getting disconnected lets my teammates or friends down and negatively affects my ranking process or even catching a temporary cooldown to be able to queue up again
I think it will be a long time of ever I will remove my windows boot. I love gaming on Linux but until games “support” Linux it won’t be my only boot device.
I’ve been 100% linux for my daily home computing for over a year now… With one exception… To be honest I didn’t even try particularly hard to make gaming work under Linux.
Instead I have a Windows VM - setup with full passthrough access to my GPU and it’s own NVME - just for Windows gaming. To my mind now it’s in the same category as running console emulation.
As soon as I click shutdown in windows, it pops me straight back into my Linux desktop.
I do something similar but instead of a VM I just have windows installed on a separate hard drive and just boot up from there when I need it (I don’t play games though)
Search for “vfio single gpu”, It’s possible, but it has drawbacks. Iirc you have to run everything as root or something like that.
Another recommended way is to run a headless linux as host, and passthrough the gpu to a linux guest next to a windows guest, than you just switch between the guests
Single GPU with scripts that run before and after the VM is active to unload the GPU driver modules from the kernel.
I think this was my starting point and I had to do just a few small tweaks to get it right for my setup - i.e. unload and reload the precise set of kernel modules that block GPU passthrough on my machine.
At this point from a user experience p.o.v it’s not much different to dual booting, just with a different boot sequence. The main advantage though is that I can have the Windows OS on a small virtual harddrive for ease of backup/clone/restore and have game installs on a dedicated NVME that doesn’t need backing up
Fucking Hackerman. Is there a way to display the VM’s output in a window/fullscreen on Linux today? The last time I tried this, I had to have a separate cable from the passed-thru (secondary) GPU to another input in my monitor.
Long past time for Linux to be set aside. Shit on windows too. We desperately need a return to early DOS and CP/M days. With the TRS-80 OS ecosystem, OSes were simple and command line, and any hacking was extremely easy and fast to detect. The power of the command line let you wipe out any hackers super super fast. Enough of this Windows GUI and hiding things from users shit. GUI is only for losers. Return the power to the devs.
I meant to do this when I built my old system back in 2018, but I found the handful of games I regularly play worked okay on Linux so I never got around to it, and Linux game compatibility has improved leaps and bounds from there.
If it’s a Steam game, for most of them these days you only have to tick a box in Steam’s settings to tell it to use Proton for all games and the game will just work when you click play.
You might give it a try. Or don’t, I’m not your mother.
I’ve never had an issue here. Only comment thats ever been removed straight up called for violence and I get that. If you’re running into issues the answer is probably introspection.
Just to verify all permission-related things in one go, see if you can open the key as your user with an editor like vi or nano. This will let you separate out some behavior specific to OpenSSL vs some behavior purely permissions-based.
I’m not sure what’s happening here, but the above test can at least narrow the focus.
I’ve read your update but try Terminator. You use alt + arrow keys to navigate multiple on screen terminals, create new ones with ctrl+e/o and its my favourite. I highly recommend giving it a try!
Thanks, I did try Terminator, but it didn’t seem to have the kind of C-Tab MRU tab switching I was after. BTW, it looks like the two I did find also support multi-pane terminals with arrow key navigation. Thanks for taking the time to reply!
The most textbook definition of communism as a political-economic organization (rather than an ideology) is that of a “stateless, classless, moneyless society.”
I was in a sport team for a while and they hadn't been treating me well for a while. One day, I slipped and fell during training. Instead of somebody helping me up, the majority of the team laughed at me. Something in my mind snapped that day and it nearly led to my first ever physical altercation. However, my punch just turned into a feint with the thought "fuck this, I'm out".
That was the day I learned not to let things boil until they explode. Put me into any salad and I'm not the calmest cucumber, but I have never let things get that close again and always speak up or just straight up leave before getting too heated. Life's just too short to stay in a bad situation you can get out of.
I once learned that there's seemingly two types of people in this world. People who laugh at other's pain, and people who see someone's hurt and go to them. The cruelest dips I've ever met are the laughers. The biggest hearts, of course the helpers. I have tried to make sense of it. Like...well laughing is how we handle things that challenge us so that it makes us feel better. But I really think maybe it really boils down to this. And I am sorry people literally took your happiness away from something you loved. Fuck bullies! You speak that truth there though, life is too short for that bs.
As long as you know your way home, you'll be alright. People rag on love, because it's seen as this cheesy thing. You know? But really, there's something magical about a partner who can heal your soul. That's good stuff, and I'm glad you've got someone who does that for you. Cheers!
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