BernieDoesIt

chevalier26 , 19 hours ago to actuallyautistic

@actuallyautistic #actuallyautistic I’m in shock right now and feel like I could burst into tears…my parents and I are out at lunch, and my mom just asked me out of the blue, “what gives you joy?” And I said, “why are you asking me that?” She essentially responded by telling me that to her, I showed no evidence that I had any joy in my life, and that there is nothing that makes me happy.

I’m at a loss for words.

BernieDoesIt , 1 day ago to actuallyautistic

@actuallyautistic

My 5 year old just said "thank you very much" after I gave them a complement. Where do they pick these things up from? #AllisticMysteries

melindrea , 6 days ago to actuallyautistic

Speaking of visiting family ... I had a slightly amusing experience when I friday visited with family due to graduation.

I'm quite openly @actuallyautistic (as I'm sure none of you are aware <.<), and while I'm the only one that's diagnosed, we're pretty sure at least one of my niblings are, that my dad was and that maybe my mom was (she had traits, so could be with lots of masking, or could not be).

We were discussing food habits and I mentioned that I didn't use to like mushrooms when I was younger until my mom misread a recipe and minced the mushrooms finely so that I couldn't pick up on the texture. I loved the flavour of it (but didn't have words for the texture aversion). My oldest nibling looks at me, chuckles softly and goes "how did no one realise earlier that you were autistic?!?"

Which, I explained a bit on what was going on. And that I'm torn on whether I would've wanted to be know earlier. On one hand, it would've saved me a lot of pain ... but on the other, it would've added a whole new type of complications.

BernieDoesIt , 1 month ago to actuallyautistic

It turns out that elephants are allistic.

@animalculum @actuallyautistic
https://scholar.social/@animalculum/112417052768543901

pathfinder , 1 month ago to actuallyautistic

@actuallyautistic

No matter how well I learnt to mask, no matter how well I learnt to get on with people, if not in any deep and meaningful way, at least superficially. There has always been one skill that I have never mastered and that is simply the ability to not upset people and especially without having the slightest idea how.

Or that I didn't for a long time, anyway. It was only when I realised that I was autistic and that the way I looked at the world was in some ways substantively different from the way many allistics looked at the world, that I began to understand something. Allistics tend to find validation externally, through feedback from the group or the part of society that they identify with, whereas autistics tend to find it within themselves, in their own reason and sense of worth and value.

Now I must stress that in many respects this is a generalisation and obviously there will be a lot of variation and degree in how true this is. But in its more extreme forms, it could very well explain many of the experiences and difficulties that I've had.

Because if someone's self-worth, the value they see in their life and actions, is almost entirely based on their interactions with the dynamics of the group they identify with, or the society they live within and not from their own judgement, then this could lead to certain choices and reactions that are quite frankly alien to someone like me and that I could easily end up in conflict with and all without really trying to.

For example, if the value of a child reflects back on its parents. Then in the extreme case the values and behaviour expected from that child, are not those of the child, but of the parents in terms of the group the child is meant to be representing them in and how well it is doing that. So any sense of divergence from that or criticism of that child, no matter how slight that might be, could easily be seen as an attack on the parents and reacted to accordingly, irrespective of how reasonable or just it was.

Equally, of course, worth, praise, or rewards, can also become divorced from any sense of reality. All that matters is that you, whether that's through your children or not, are being valued, not whether there is any justice to it. Because the truth or validity of it, is not based on how you see yourself, but only on how others see you. And in the extreme case, it doesn't even matter how they came to this view, as long as they have it. So worth can become something to be manipulated and played for and how you really are and how you actually feel about yourself becomes almost irrelevant to this process.

That people could even be this way, that everything could become how you're being perceived and anything that effects that negatively can be something to be attacked, is still something that I struggle to understand. It is so foreign to my nature. But, it certainly explains so many of the times that I've upset people, because I wasn't playing this game, or seeing the world the way I should and didn't even realise it.

#Autism
#ActuallyAutistic

JeremyMallin , 1 month ago to actuallyautistic

I believe that autistic burnout is something that other people do to us rather than something we do to ourselves.

It's not simply that we mask too much or work too hard; society requires us to do those things. The choice is not ours.

Those are not the only things that cause burnout. Bigotry and abuse from others also causes burnout. Constant sensory Hell also causes burnout. Anything that keeps us out of equilibrium causes burnout.

#MyUnpopularOpinion #ActuallyAutistic
@actuallyautistic

NPR , 1 month ago to random

Scientists restore brain cells impaired by a rare genetic disorder

A therapy that restores brain cells impaired by a rare genetic disorder may offer a strategy for treating conditions like autism, epilepsy, and schizophrenia. #press

https://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2024/04/30/1247900797/timothy-syndrome-genetic-disorder-brain-cells-restored?utm_medium=JSONFeed&utm_campaign=news&utm_source=press.coop

BernieDoesIt , 1 month ago to actuallyautistic

@actuallyautistic I did some back-of-the-envelope math, and about 50% of people with PTSD are autistic. That's really incredible when you think of how many more allistics there are.

ashleyspencer , 1 month ago to actuallyautistic

I googled “autism and traumatic brain injury” hoping to find something about living with both at the same time.

ALL the results were studies done to see if TBIs cause autism. 😒

Not one article, reddit post, quora post, was about living with both. Ugh.

@actuallyautistic

LehtoriTuomo , 1 month ago to actuallyautistic Finnish

My previous actually autistic posts gave me some excellent answers and furthered my processing a lot. Thanks to everyone involved! 💜

I self-diagnosed very late. Some big reasons have been a) not having certain stereotypical qualities such as aversion of eye contact, and b) scoring between NT and autistic in many online tests. Interestingly, the realization that I'm autistic wasn't that big identity-wise. I've understood I have certain qualities ages ago. Instead of a change in my identity, it's been a big relief to understand why I'm this and that.

There's still lots to process though. I'm only now coming to grips with how my memory works, for instance.

Ordered two books on autism, Neurotribes and the Devon Price book. Really looking forward to reading those.

#ActuallyAutistic @actuallyautistic

BernieDoesIt , 1 month ago to actuallyautistic

My Autistic Pony: Friendship is Overrated

@actuallyautistic

BernieDoesIt , 1 month ago to actuallyautistic

@actuallyautistic I just realized I thought about one of my triggers and then didn't immediately chastise myself for thinking about it. I'm making progress.

JeremyMallin , 2 months ago to actuallyautistic

It seems that I'm better at dealing with major life or death emergencies that every day struggles. Why is that? Is that autistic thing?

@actuallyautistic
#ActuallyAutistic

servelan , 2 months ago to actuallyautistic

That 'repetitive behavior' is frequently an autistic person's attempt to self-calm, not something that needs to be medicated away...not sure I'm ok with this.

Groundbreaking Study Reveals Autism’s Genetic Triggers and Therapeutic Hope @actuallyautistic #ActuallyAutistic #autism
https://scitechdaily.com/groundbreaking-study-reveals-autisms-genetic-triggers-and-therapeutic-hope/

BernieDoesIt , 2 months ago to actuallyautistic

@actuallyautistic I'm in the process of switching one of my meds to another one because my #ADHD inattention was starting to get bad. I was really apprehensive because it's switching from one selective reuptake inhibitor to another, and withdrawal symptoms for that can be pretty intense. But within a few hours of the first dose I could pay attention to things again and my thoughts started to seem more related to each other. No withdrawal symptoms yet (knock on wood). I'm just so happy about it!

ScruffyDux , 2 months ago to actuallyautistic

@actuallyautistic I knew depersonalisation and derealisation commonly co-occurred with autism. But for some reason it didn't click that it's an actual self-contained medical condition.

Just found the Cambridge Depersonalisation Scale. If you want to try for yourself here's a PDF link:

https://www.johnhartlandtherapy.com/downloads/Derealization/4%20Cambridge%20depersonalisation%20scale.pdf

A total score of 70 or higher indicates a dissociative disorder.

I got 147.

I just thought I was highly existentially philosophical. Here we go again comorbidities! #ActuallyAutistic

ScruffyDux , 2 months ago to actuallyautistic

@actuallyautistic #ActuallyAutistic I just learned that stimulation of the body's proprioception systems in turn down regulates some aspects of the nervous system that are typically overactive for us.

I also learned proprioception stimulation is something Occupational Therapists prescribe for autistic clients.

Wondering if anyone can share any such exercises or methods an OT has prescribed for them?

Deep muscle & tissue stimulation is the general notion I've gathered so far.

pathfinder , 2 months ago to actuallyautistic

@actuallyautistic

I once wrote about how it was not unrealistic, to think that there was no such thing as an un-traumatised autistic. About how so many of us have known bullying and persecution simply for being different. Not even always for what we may have said or done, but often for simply standing out; in all the ways that we didn't even know we were. How just simply being, was so often an excuse to be attacked or punished. That our very existence, even as hard as we tried to mask, whether we knew that was what we were doing or not, was the cause of so much pain.

All the scars we carry from misreading situations. Or from believing in something, or someone, and being burnt as a consequence. All the times we've tried to stand up for ourselves, or as often as not for others, and been dismissed and ridiculed. All the misjudgements and disbelieve and times when our intent and purpose have been seen in the ways that were never, ever, meant. The sheer inability for others to see us as we are, or to judge us accordingly. But, always to seem to want to see the worst and to base everything else on that.

But the more I learn and understand about being autistic. The more I realise that so much of my trauma and the scars that were left, came not just from this overt pain, but from the covert well-meaning of others as well. From my parents and relatives, from friends and teachers. From all the advice and instruction I have received over the years that was meant to shape me in the right way. As a child, to teach me how to grow up, how to behave and act. What was expected and what wasn't. And then, as an adult, how I was supposed to be and how a successful life, with me in it, was supposed to look. All the rules I was supposed to learn, all the codes I was supposed to follow. How to act, how to speak, what to feel, when to feel it. What I was supposed to do and how I was supposed to be.

Not in any unusual way. Not in any way that you weren't supposed to raise a child, well a normal child anyway. That's what makes this so covert. If you were trying to do this to a child knowing that they were autistic, then it's overt abuse. It is ABA, it is infantilising and punishing a child for always failing to become something, that they had no more chance of becoming than a cat has of becoming a dog. But for those of us who didn't know we were autistic. It was simply the constant hammering of the world trying, without even realising it, to fit a round peg into a square hole and all the pain and disappointment that came from their failure to come even close.

For me, what made this worse, was that it wasn't as if I didn't know that I was different, not in my heart, but that I thought that I shouldn't be. That I should be able to learn what I was being taught, that I should be able to follow the guidance. That I wasn't any different really from anyone else and so if I failed to act in the right way, or react the way I should, for that matter, then it was my fault. All the patient sighs and familiar looks, simply became just another reinforcement of my failure. Even being told off for the simplest things, became a reminder that something that I should have been able to do, was beyond me and always for the only reason that ever made any sense; that I was broken, that it was my fault somehow.

Is it any wonder that so much of my life has been about trying to justify myself in the light of this, of trying to become that "good dog". Of judging myself against an impossible standard. A constant lurching from one bad to choice to another, and always because I thought they were the right ones. And for each new failure and inability to even come close, another scar, another reminder of what I wasn't. Further proof that my self-esteem was right to be so low. Of how I was such a failure and a bad person. That I was never going to be a proper son or brother or friend. Because I couldn't even be what I was supposed to be, let alone what I should become.

Looking back, I can't help thinking about how much of my life I spent living this way; of trying not to repeat the sins of my past. Of not repeating the actions or behaviour that led to those past failures and trauma. Of, in fact, all the effort I put in to not being myself. Because that, I realise now, was what I was trying to do. I was that round peg and trying to hammer myself into the square hole. Because everything I had learnt had taught me to think that this was how I had to be. That this was how you grew. And in so many ways, I can't help feeling angry about this. About the wasted years, about the scars I carry that were never my fault. About the way I was brought up, even though none of it was ever meant, but only ever well-meant.

#Autism
#Actuallyautistic

Tim_McTuffty , 2 months ago to actuallyautistic

Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 166 , Friday 12/04/2024

TL:DR

Up at 6am , busy this morning get chores out of the way in time to vamoosh down to the GPs for my Physio’s appointment.

The cats were not impressed, no time for too much fussties so far today (they’ve buggered off to bed in disgust ! 😆 )

Got to the GPs in good time - a good 10 minutes early - so sat , more or less on my own, & merrily got anxious for no good reason ! Thankfully the Physio was a nice chap who saw me a little early & it was a quick consultation, exercise , freeze me foot periodically & get some support for my shoes.
Also Project WOOF is back on , I can go walking & the schedule with the supports (one has to break them in slowly apparently) fits with my schedule for getting back exercising.

Need the supports, so that (in my little Squirrel mind ) = one last day of resting it - just to make sure 😆

Had a great day on ESO, I have a character build that is actually surviving! I can run dungeons & not die, even solo ! (This is very unusual for me ! )

Been trying to fine tune the skill set, but honestly I can’t think of another setup that will work as well !
I might tweak the skill bar layout, but that’s all.

Pizza was had for tea, sadly they sent the wrong on, it was a chicken one so acceptable.

The stress from the GP acting so poorly earlier this week has left me stressed - the dizzy spells are back!

Final Thoughts.

Today was a good day, & yet ASD / depression has to have its pound of flesh.

Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖

@actuallyautistic
#TimsASDjourney #ActuallyAutistic #Neurospicy #TheMammutMoves

janetlogan , 2 months ago to actuallyautistic

Mama Cass Elliot - Different

I'm "different" on a number of axes. And I've come to accept and even celebrate those differences. Who want to be the same as everyone else?

💜 :blobhug2:

https://youtu.be/i7rAaYFFeZk?si=vIhoQexDu0JFAFjM

#music #Different #MamaCassElliot

#spoonie #ActuallyAutistic #trans #transgender #pagan

@spoonies @actuallyautistic

BernieDoesIt , 2 months ago to actuallyautistic

That One Direction song, except she doesn't know she's autistic instead. @actuallyautistic

JeremyMallin , 2 months ago to actuallyautistic

If you know, you know.
#ActuallyAutistic
@actuallyautistic

BernieDoesIt , 2 months ago to actuallyautistic

@actuallyautistic This #AllismAwarenessMonth, take a few minutes to think about how drab NTs report their world is like, then feel sad for them for a bit.

Uair , 2 months ago to actuallyautistic

@actuallyautistic

"Arguing with authority is like spelunking in a sewer. It's dark, unpleasant, and almost always results in a load of shit coming down on your head."

-Nick Twisp

Uair , 2 months ago to actuallyautistic

@actuallyautistic

I tried to buy a refurbished computer from target.com. i ordered a computer, a dumb tv, and an hdmi cable.

My order was canceled for either lack of availability of one of the three products or a failure of my payment card.

Am i crazy to think they should sort out which of those it was? Basically, i just got told to fuck off without explanation.

KitOz , 2 months ago to actuallyautistic

I was noticing that my cat and I seem to share some behaviors, which made me wonder if cats aren't a little bit autistic. Or maybe I'm a little bit cat?

Which gave me the idea to come up with a facetious self-assessment quiz: Are you autistic, or are you a house cat?

Take the quiz to find out!

#ActuallyAutistic @actuallyautistic

https://kitozbooks.com/2024/04/autistic-or-a-house-cat/