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programmer_humor

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dbilitated , in Which side are you? Javascript or Typescript
@dbilitated@aussie.zone avatar

vanilla javascript? what are you, fucking Amish?

RGB3x3 , in “Hire me”

React definition: React (also known as React.js or ReactJS) is a free and open-source front-end JavaScript library for building user interfaces based on components.

Guys, I’ve learned React in 1 minute!

bitsplease , in “Hire me”

Tbf, “learned a language” is a hard thing to pin down in any case.

I’ve been building enterprise software with python for almost a decade now. I still occasionally find stuff in the stdlibs that I didn’t know about, or even sometimes some subtle feature of the language that I never had reason to explore until now.

If someone asks me if I “learned” python, id say hell yeah - but there’s always still plenty to learn

That being said, no reasonable definition of learned includes what you could do in 2 days, even as an experienced dev lol

tsonfeir OP ,
@tsonfeir@lemm.ee avatar

Exactly. I’m 20 years in and I’m still like “I had no idea this was a feature… cool!”

phorq ,

“cool”: that sinking feeling that there’s so much you could go back and optimize, but that you probably will never have the time to…

tsonfeir OP ,
@tsonfeir@lemm.ee avatar

Yeah… stuff from last week too 🙃

jecxjo ,
@jecxjo@midwest.social avatar

To be fair, i did cover the Fortran 95 spec in a weekend, but i was motivated to tutor aerospace engineerings as there were far more females there than in Electrical Engineering and Computer Science.

floofloof ,

The point is that learning a spec is not learning how to program in the language, just as learning how a violin works is not learning to play the violin. And writing your first few programs is like learning to play Twinkle Twinkle Little Star and The Happy Farmer on the violin. You’ve kind of learned the violin, but you’re not getting into any professional orchestras.

jecxjo ,
@jecxjo@midwest.social avatar

Oh i know, was joking mostly. At that point i had half a dozen languages under my belt and for tutoring purposes i was good to go.

Aceticon ,

It’ basically the Dunning-Krugger curve - you’re well enough into the last part of it so you are well aware of how much there is to learn about it and how you will never know all of it, thus you don’t have and never will have the same kind of cocksure belief that “I know this shit” as somebody who knows just a bit but not yet enough to understand how much there is to know.

It’s all perfectly normal, IMHO.

Hobo ,

The more you learn the less you know.

Aceticon , (edited )

More precisely, the more you learn the more you are aware of all you have yet to learn.

You do know more after you’ve learned something, but that also includes the realisation it’s but a drop in an ocean of things still tomlearn.

jarfil ,

Define “reasonable”…

Something like 20 years ago, I learned PHP in 2 days… meaning, I could write better PHP than anyone else on the team.

(not to diss on the team, one was a Java guy who left shortly afterwards, the others were a couple interns, while I had the power of something like 10 years of coding experience… and a PHP cheatsheet-booklet)

bitsplease ,

That sounds less like you learned the language to a high standard, and more that you were already a good programmer in general terms and everyone else on your team barely knew what they were doing.

Ultimately if you can write good code in one language, you can probably also do it in another (especially with access to cheat sheets), but I still wouldn’t call using a cheat sheet having “learned” a language.

Of course it’s all relative and subjective - which is the whole point , one person may consider just being able to write syntactically correct statements as having “learned” a language. Where others might expect a deep knowledge of the language features, standard libraries, and best design practices (this is the side that I personally lean, which I maintain can’t be done in 2 days)

ImpossibleRubiksCube ,

Shit, man. I barely know English.

Swedneck , in Shower thought:
@Swedneck@discuss.tchncs.de avatar

blockchain for state management, TRULY speculative execution.

morrowind ,
@morrowind@lemmy.ml avatar

Holy shit, this guy is living in the future

starman ,
@starman@programming.dev avatar

And AI for arithmetic operations. That’s so brilliant. I think we have a great idea for startup.

eltimablo ,

You're responsible for cleaning up all this vomit I made just now.

skilltheamps ,

I once wrote an interpreter for a subset of the java bytecode in python. The jvm being a stack machine allowed me to store its state in IPFS and reference past states by their hash, i.e. you get a blockchain of execution states. It worked for a hello world program and was slow as fuck.

Swedneck ,
@Swedneck@discuss.tchncs.de avatar

I am terrified and aroused

Beanie ,

I’m only terrified

Treczoks , in Brace Style

Python programmer encountering a real programming language for the first time.

Reddfugee42 ,
NutWrench ,
@NutWrench@lemmy.ml avatar

Or a former BASIC programmer who really hates braces . . .

dosuser123456 ,
@dosuser123456@lemmy.sdf.org avatar

@dosuser123456 codes in basic intensifies]

Korne127 , in "Working with Gen AI" by Dandytoon
@Korne127@lemmy.world avatar

In my experience, you can’t expect it to deliver great working code, but it can always point you in the right direction.
There were some situations in which I just had no idea on how to do something, and it pointed me to the right library. The code itself was flawed, but with this information, I could use the library documentation and get it to work.

xia ,

It can point you in a direction, for sure, but sometimes you find out much later that it’s a dead-end.

EatATaco ,

Which is, of course, true for every source of information that can point you in a direction.

uhN0id ,

ChatGPT has been spot on for my DDLs. I was working on a personal project and was feeling really lazy about setting up a postgres schema. I said I wanted a postgres DDL and just described the application in detail and it responded with pretty much what I would have done (maybe better) with perfect relationships between tables and solid naming conventions with very little work for me to do on it. I love it for more boilerplate stuff or sorta like you said just getting me going. Super complicated code usually doesn’t work perfectly but I always use it for my DDLs now and similar now.

The real problem is when people don’t realize something is wrong and then get frustrated by the bugs. Though I guess that’s a great learning opportunity on its own.

danc4498 ,

At the same with using LLM’s for writing. It won’t deliver a finished product, but it will give you ideas that can be used in the final product.

learningduck , in I Will Fucking Piledrive You if You mention AI Again

A lot of spicy quotes I could steal.

I’m going to ask ChatGPT how to prepare a garotte and then I am going to strangle you with it, and you will simply have to pray that I roll the 10% chance that it freaks out and tells me that a garotte should consist entirely of paper mache and malice.

Ephera , in What the heck is a god dang cloud?

Had that happen at work. I just drag-and-dropped a file into the Outlook web-UI, thinking it’d attach as an e-mail. Turns out, they recently changed that feature and you now have to drop into the right half of the area. If you drop into the left half, it uploads into OneDrive.

I accidentally did that. The document had personal data inside. That’s a breach of GDPR. Fucking ace.

(I’m not sure that attaching to the e-mail isn’t also a breach of the GDPR, since my company switched Microsoft 365 for various things. But yeah, I certainly would have liked a confirmation dialog.)

Rentlar ,

Maybe next year Xbox cloud gaming should team up with Outlook and Onedrive for the “Ultimate” cloud computing conversion feature:

When you drag and drop a file into Outlook, Windows mail, or Exchange, the file bounces around like in the window like in the game Breakout. You can only attach a copy if you hit every word in your email message. If you let the file fall past the signature line, it makes a Onedrive link automatically.

floofloof ,

My favorite Windows drag-and-drop feature is that if ever I drag a file over the left pane of Explorer on its way to another window, the whole thing freezes up for a minute or so. I think it’s polling all the network drives just in case I might decide to drop it there, and since my NAS is turned off (it broke) it just waits until the connection times out. Of course in traditional Microsoft style this locks up the UI thread. I have to remember to drag everything off to the right and then go around.

ArtVandelay , in break fast 🥣 move things 🛒
@ArtVandelay@lemmy.world avatar

“we’ve had one break fast, yes. What about second break fast?”

nifty ,
@nifty@lemmy.world avatar

Do you work in devops?

elvith ,
ArtVandelay ,
@ArtVandelay@lemmy.world avatar

Dev oops

jubilationtcornpone ,

I believe we call that a “fast follow”.

Cratermaker , in University Students

Software devs in general seem to have a hard time with balance. No comments or too many comments. Not enough abstraction or too much, overly rigid or loose coding standards, overoptimizing or underoptimizing. To be fair it is difficult to get there.

MagicShel ,

It’s an art, not a science. Which is where I think a lot of people misunderstand software development.

penquin , in Naming is hard

“please use our spyware so we can syphon more of your personal info to get more quarterly profit… We are begging you. See how many apps we have for mail?”

HootinNHollerin ,

Poutlook

RiikkaTheIcePrincess , in Hot Potato License
@RiikkaTheIcePrincess@pawb.social avatar

“It’s not my code” “It is now!”

Agent641 ,
morrowind , in new preference war just dropped
@morrowind@lemmy.ml avatar

Where’s file_dialogue_open

janAkali ,

To be fair, it’s also missing open_dialog_file, dialog_open_file and most crucially file_open_dialog

xmunk ,

We’re all trying our best to ignore the Americans and you bring up m/d/y… why!

verstra ,

This is the real big-endian way. So your things line-up when you have all of these:


<span style="color:#323232;">file_dialogue_open
</span><span style="color:#323232;">file_dialogue_close
</span><span style="color:#323232;">file_dropdown_open
</span><span style="color:#323232;">file_rename
</span><span style="color:#323232;">directory_remove
</span>

If I were designing a natural language, I’d put adjectives after the nouns, so you start with the important things first:

car big red

instead of

big red car

dohpaz42 ,
@dohpaz42@lemmy.world avatar

Heathen! You must alphabetize all the things!

Like seriously. It makes scanning code much easier.

funkless_eck ,

If I were designing a natural language, I’d put adjectives after the nouns, so you start with the important things first

So - French?

lunarul ,

The thing is that in French, Spanish, etc. it still makes sense if you put the adjective before the noun, even if it might sound weird in some cases. An adjective is an adjective and a noun is a noun.

But English is positional. Where you put a word gives it its function. So “red car” and “car red” mean different things.

deadbeef79000 ,

That’s because they are romance languages. They come from Latin where word order is irrelevant as each “word” has a different form for the specific use.

lunarul ,

Yes, that’s what I said. My native language is a romance language too. And after speaking it her whole life, my wife has trouble getting the grasp of how in English swapping two words completely changes the meaning of what she’s saying (especially when it’s two nouns, like e.g. “parent council”)

DarkDarkHouse ,
@DarkDarkHouse@lemmy.sdf.org avatar

And “red big car” is wrong.

MonkCanatella ,

literally spanish lol

steventhedev , in Callbacks

Red circles are deprecated in favor of teal because of accessibility requirement WIP.DOnotUSE.14.g.2025.v0.

cAUzapNEAGLb , in STOP DOING DEPENDENCY INJECTION

I fucking hate Spring.

The quickest way to get a team of 10 contractors to turn 100 lines of basic code from a decent engineer into 2k, with 50 janky vulnerable dependencies, that needs to be babied with customized ide’s and multi-minute+ build times and 60m long recorded meetings.

Fuck Spring.

passepartout ,

Wouldn’t want to write a webserver / database connection / scheduler / etc. from scratch. Spring Boot plus lombok turns 2k lines of code into 100.

MajorHavoc ,

… Looks both ways…

Python does the same in 10 lines of code.

… Ducks under a table to avoid the ensuring flames …

SpaceNoodle ,

I replaced the P in my LAMP stand with Python and I’ve never been happier.

MajorHavoc ,

Same here.

VantaBrandon ,

They say he’s still ducking to this day

MajorHavoc ,

Yep. That’s why we call it “duck typing” in Python.

expr ,

Sure… That"s what libraries are for. No one hand-rolls that stuff. You can do all of that just fine (and, actually, in a lot less code, mostly because Java is so fucking verbose) without using the nightmare that is Spring.

SpaceNoodle ,

They can do that in any season

dohpaz42 ,
@dohpaz42@lemmy.world avatar

Ok, you win! 😁 😂

MajorHavoc ,

Fuck Spring.

Actually, there’s a lot to be said for being able to configure your spleamtomoter without needing to reverse the polarity on the stack cache rotator arm.

I’m kidding.

Fuck Spring.

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