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What are the worst names you could give a baby boy?

Hello you awesome people,

Friends are having a boy and everyone they know wants to push a name on the child. So I decided to be the best friend they could have and to offer only bad, ugly or horrendous names to the lucky parents so they could have a laugh. I already send them some names and dictators, Smeagol, Steve and Juan-Esteban.

So please, people or Lemmy, give me the worst names you could give a child, so that I can help them as a good friend!

Ps: don’t worry, I’ve already planned some meals to drop off when the gremlin will be there to feed the parents. And some take-out vouchers so they won’t get food poisoning

cheeseburger ,
@cheeseburger@lemmy.ca avatar

Felcher Mycal (Michael), Jaxsyn (Jackson), etc Ryler/Rylen Axton/Joxton Grond

roo ,
@roo@lemmy.one avatar

Lithium

sobanto ,

Adelbert

lolcatnip ,

One of my grandfather’s names was Delbert. From what I’ve been told he was an asshole.

RaoulDook ,

Splooge

jmes ,

Lemmy

ggwithgg ,

Maven, given they are Java developers

kent_eh ,

Robert’); DROP TABLE Students;–

Spaghetti_Hitchens ,

Little Bobby Tables as we call him.

Pons_Aelius ,

Explanation for today's 10,000

Susaga ,
@Susaga@ttrpg.network avatar

There’s a classic Japanese story about a boy called Jugemu Jugemu Gokō-no Surikire Kaijarisuigyo-no Suigyōmatsu Unraimatsu Fūraimatsu Kuunerutokoro-ni Sumutokoro Yaburakōji-no Burakōji Paipopaipo Paipo-no Shūringan Shūringan-no Gūrindai Gūrindai-no Ponpokopii-no Ponpokonā-no Chōkyūmei-no Chōsuke. That’s all the first name. No nicknames allowed.

KISSmyOS ,

Yeah sure, Juju.

squiblet ,
@squiblet@kbin.social avatar

We grew up with the story of Rikki-Tikki Tembo No Sa Rembo Charibariruchi Pip-Peripembo.

There was also this article recently about a Spanish Duke who was told he can’t give his daughter 25 names:
https://greekreporter.com/2023/10/27/spanish-duke-shorten-daughter-25-word-long-name/

Ensign_Crab ,

And now the ending theme from Joshiraku is stuck in my head.

Susaga ,
@Susaga@ttrpg.network avatar

That’s how I first heard of it, and it really helped me memorise the full thing when saying it. The challenge is not doing the pause between the Shuringans or staggering the Chosuke.

Pons_Aelius ,

Monty Python version:

Johann Gambolputty de von Ausfern -schplenden -schlitter -crasscrenbon -fried -digger -dangle -dungle -burstein -von -knacker -thrasher -apple -banger -horowitz -ticolensic -grander -knotty -spelltinkle -grandlich -grumblemeyer -spelterwasser -kürstlich -himbleeisen -bahnwagen -gutenabend -bitte -eine -nürnburger -bratwustle -gerspurten -mit -zweimache -luber -hundsfut -gumberaber -shönendanker -kalbsfleisch -mittler -raucher von Hautkopft of Ulm.

Songar87 ,

Beat me to it!

muddi ,

Oh man this is stirring up some memories from early grade school about an English version of this that we used to sing about a boy with a long name and his younger brother.

I always wondered if that was just the moral of the story: don’t give your children long names. Which my parents did to me 😡

Shinji_Ikari ,
@Shinji_Ikari@hexbear.net avatar

I remember this too, part of the name was like “tik terry tembo”

muddi ,

Ah yep that triggered the full memory for me…it was a book called Tikki Tikki Tempo: en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tikki_Tikki_Tembo

Aria ,

Three different transliteration schemes used in the same name.

thorbot ,

Chodebert

guyrocket ,
@guyrocket@kbin.social avatar

Dilbert.

AFallingAnvil ,
@AFallingAnvil@lemmy.ca avatar

Pubert

KISSmyOS ,

“Baby Boy”

d3Xt3r ,

🎶 We named him ‘Baby’, he had a toothache
He started crying, it sounded like an earthquake
It didn’t last long, because I stopped it
I grabbed a rag doll and stuck some little pins in it 🎶

cheese_greater ,

Cthulu

FlyForABeeGuy OP ,

Lord of the underpants!

ryan ,

Bob, short for Bobert. So that every time he has to say his full name to anyone on the phone or fill out forms somewhere, he has to repeatedly explain that, no, it's not Robert, it's Bobert.

KISSmyOS ,

Best one so far

Sweetpeaches69 ,

Extra points if you tell him it’s because of Lauren Boebert, the classiest woman to walk this earth.

/s

bradorsomething ,

Ted, get off of Lemmy.

burgersc12 ,

Ngl i have considered calling every Rob/Bob i know Bobert, but i like this idea better

root_beer ,

I knew someone who did that to me in high school. I hated him, for many reasons, mind, but that was one. I hated him enough to be almost glad his wife died. Not that I am, and nothing against her, just… fuck him.

I’ve been called Bert by one guy, and sometimes I wonder if I should have run with that. Another guy would call me Rootbeer. I was totally fine with that, as you can see.

BananaPeal ,
@BananaPeal@sh.itjust.works avatar

Tombert.

TheBananaKing ,

You monster.

Jinn ,

Robert with a B

justhach ,
@justhach@lemmy.world avatar

Skibblezz DeWicket

yenahmik ,

I once knew someone who refused to tell anyone the name they chose before the baby was born (absolutely valid choice, IMO). The grandpa-to-be chose to exclusively refer to the fetus as Beelzebub.

Freeman , (edited )

That is normal around where I live, because you never know if it will be alice alive after birth. So I mostly see the name in the birth-card my friends usually send

klemptor ,

Alice Afterbirth is a great name for the placenta

zalgotext ,

Also a good name for an indie prog metal band

MaggiWuerze ,

Where are you from? Chernobyl?

Freeman ,

Switzerland, why?

MaggiWuerze ,

because you never know if it will be alice alive after birth.

I know the risk exists here as well, but “you never know” sounds like something someone from rural Africa would say, not Switzerland.

Freeman ,

Maybe its an old tradition. But I was shocked by how deadly being pregnant and giving birth (to the mother and the child even moreso) is, still to this day. I thought we solved childbirth or something.

MaggiWuerze ,

Yeah, the female physique hasn’t really adapted to our enormous head size. We solved child mortality more or less, but pregnancy and birth is still quite dangerous.

30p87 ,

5 names at once.

FlyForABeeGuy OP ,

As a guy that has 5 first names, I take offense!

30p87 ,

Last time I met someone with 5 names we were in a psychiatry.

^Just\ a\ note^

FlyForABeeGuy OP ,

Maybe my mom tried to tell everyone about my personality just by giving them my names?

30p87 ,

It probably reflects her mental state too, depending on what the names are.

FlyForABeeGuy OP ,

She put a little Pedro in there. 30 years later and I still don’t know why

30p87 ,

At least the depressed guys names had meaning oh god darwin

Bizarroland ,
@Bizarroland@kbin.social avatar

Polysyllabic words too.

Rosicrucian Bellefonte Adelaide Dormandius Xavier {last name} III (as there is no legal requirement to actually have a I and a II first)

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