It’s easy to believe you’re invincible in your twenties. Or “later me can deal with it.”. As that later version of me, I’m not a huge fan of that earlier version in a lot of ways. It’s fine, I’m who I am for what I went through, and I’m righting the ship. But the more cans you kick down the road, the more you have to deal with later and the harder they are to deal with. Physically, mentally, financially. It’s ok to try to live life freely, but definitely be aware of this and consider kicking one less can every chance you get.
So much this… Despite trying to drive defensively I have been involved in two major car accidents. The first one I walked away from, but the second one put me on Flight for Life. Despite the accident itself being pretty bad, the only physical issue was a broken leg that took a couple years to heal properly. However the REAL issue took longer to realize – something from that accident has caused me to have continued sleep issues since then. I’ll be on medications the rest of my life probably, and even then I still have trouble getting restful sleep if I’ve been physically active.
Yeah it’s easy to feel invincible when you’re young, and your body can heal from a lot, but just remember that those things can also fuck up your shit in ways you might not realize until years later. Things you take for granted now (like sleep) can really screw up your enjoyment of life when they don’t work right.
If you’re working in the attic, under the house, around dirt/dust/debris wear a mask/respirator. It’s so nice to be able to take deep breaths without coughing later in life (and outclass your peers in the stamina department) 👍
Pro tip: Even though they’re bigger and bulkier respirators are much more comfy than masks.
I tend to disagree on that one. Random acts of kindness/selflessness to people, even complete strangers, can bring bonus satisfaction to your life (and sometimes will be paid back). Make it a habit to give to people, when you have the chance, especially if it is low effort.
If you have people around you that just constantly leech off of you, then I agree: don’t let yourself be sucked dry.
I was more referring to your final statement. Those who take and take and never give back to use you with little regard for your own happiness or safety.
Start saving for retirement now. You can make literally millions by putting away 10% of your income early on. Do it automatically so you never even notice the money gone.
If you are worried about making the wrong choice and your company doesn’t have a 401k, open an IRA somewhere (Fidelity if you need someone to make the decision for you) and pick a date targeted fund. Set up auto deposit. Never look at the balance.
You can always make it better later but for now the best thing to do is start. Don’t let analysis paralysis get in the way.
Question: If I had money saved in a 401k or Roth IRA, what if I died before I retired? What would happen to the money? Would it go back to the government or to a close relative?
I don’t want to come off as insensitive, so I’ll try to phrase things carefully.
If you have even the slightest spare money per pay period, like $30, and a 401k or 403b is offered to you, you really need to do it.
That money comes out of your check before taxes, so you will be investing more money than what actually comes out of your check. By deduction 6% of a $15/hr full time job, you’re putting in $36, but your paycheck will only go down about $30-free money!
Many places will match you some, say half of that first 6%, so now you’re saving $54 while only being out $30. You’ve almost doubled your money in one week!
Come tax time, you’ve saved $1872, and you’ve been given a free $936. It doesn’t stop there though, because now you only are paying income tax on $29,328 instead of $31,200. If you get a tax rebate now, you will get even more back!
So now you’re saving $2808 a year at age 20. Let’s put that in one mutual fund, a SP500 index fund. Over the last 10 years, that has returned 12‰, but let’s be conservative and call it 10. If you never make a cent more per hour, by age 65, you will have saved $84,000 and your job has chipped in $42,000, over a year’s pay! But with that 10% compound interest, you have $2,000,000! You are a multi-millionaire for $30/wk!
No, I understand what he’s trying to say. The point is: doing what he recommends requires having money to save up in the first place, and for a big portion of people in their 20s that’s not the case.
I don’t know if this goes for all guys. Your balls will kinda drop again at some stage. If you have a desk job you could end up sitting on them for a while before realising what’s happened. Adjust the way you sit, what you wear down there.
Try to take the time to care for your mental and emotional health when you need to, then, instead of stewing for years and years. I made the mistake of rolling with it, turned 35, and I’m lucky to still be here at 40.
Still struggling. Wish I’d spoken with someone years ago.
Yeah seconding that. Try to find a way to deal with your monsters. Forgiveness or accepting that you won’t get justice, whatever. But don’t drink poison thinking the other guy will hurt. We all need to learn to heal, the process takes s long time. The earlier you start the better.
Sound like a tall order? Work on that. Your liver is important. You’ll be alone a lot. You get in that habit now, it’ll be with you when you’re 40, and your liver will not be a fan.
“Work on that” what do you mean?!? – you get home from a shit day at work, or you stop at a bar on the way home. You get drunk to numb the calcified agony of the working life. – that’s what I mean. There are other ways to numb thatee less maladaptive, they just take more effort and take affect less quickly. Move toward it for me tak health.
Do you spend hours on the couch scrolling on your phone? Try to go on a 2 mile walk every day. 4 is even better. Your heart will thank you. Your hips, knees and ankles will thank you. Listen to a podcast. You can still binge content, just… Get your body moving. And get your eyes to focus on the horizon every now and then. It’s good for your eyesight long term.
Get yourself out of breath, heart racing from pushing yourself physically at least once a week. Preferably nearly every day.
Take up an artistic hobby. Write bad poems. Write bad stories. Write bad songs. Draw dumb cartoons. Draw bad portraits. Sing your best, but sing. Dance.
Stretch.
Brush your teeth twice a day.
Floss.
Do planks.
Side planks too.
Drink water.
You should be able to do 20 pushups.
You should be able to touch your toes.
Sprint as far as you can at least once a month.
Just don’t get complacent being complacent.
Invest $1 for every $1 you put in a savings account. Put $1 into a retirement fund for every $1 you put in that savings acct too. Oh, and $1 in a Roth IRA at the same rate.
Got an extra $100? $25 to savings $25 to investing, $25 to Roth, $25 to 401k.
Do that til your savings ~= 6 months living expenses. Then stop that fund and split it 3 ways for investing, retirement, retirement.
Use your investment (and if things go south, savings) for a down payment on a house to minimize your mortgage.
Edit: in debt? Have more than 1 source of debt? Focus on the biggest one. If you can make minimum payments on all and have money leftover it goes to the largest debt/worst interest. Pay em off one at a time til your chins above water.
Yeah regarding the drinking alone; it’s an easy escape from whatever is happening right now (45+ yrs here). Not an alcoholic but I definitely have a bad habit (that’s what all alcoholics say, right?) during non work hours to disconnect (not sure from what to be honest…life?)
Trying to get them young because these habits die hard.
It is easy to say you’re not an alcoholic. Have you read what defines alcoholism? I qualify. I wouldn’t assume I do.
Here’s the cold slap in the face for us all. Count up your points…
Alcohol is often taken in larger amounts or over a > longer period than was intended.
There is a persistent desire or unsuccessful efforts to cut down or control alcohol use.
A great deal of time is spent in activities necessary to obtain alcohol, use alcohol, or recover from its effects.
Craving, or a strong desire or urge to use alcohol.
Recurrent alcohol use resulting in a failure to fulfill major role obligations at work, school, or home.
Continued alcohol use despite having persistent or recurrent social or interpersonal problems caused or exacerbated by the effects of alcohol.
Important social, occupational, or recreational activities are given up or reduced because of alcohol use.
Recurrent alcohol use in situations in which it is physically hazardous.
Alcohol use is continued despite knowledge of having a persistent or recurrent physical or psychological problem that is likely to have been caused or exacerbated by alcohol.
Tolerance, as defined by either of the following:
*A need for markedly increased amounts of alcohol to achieve intoxication or desired effect.
*A markedly diminished effect with continued use of the same amount of alcohol.
Withdrawal, as manifested by either of the following:
*The characteristic withdrawal syndrome for alcohol (See the “How is alcohol withdrawal managed?” section for some DSM-5 symptoms of withdrawal).
*Alcohol (or a closely related substance, such as a benzodiazepine) is taken to relieve or avoid withdrawal symptoms.
The DSM-5 defines AUD as a problematic pattern of alcohol use leading to clinically significant impairment or distress, as manifested by at least
booze shame warning2 of those previous 11 symptoms occurring within a 12-month period. The number of symptoms determines the severity: 2 to 3 symptoms for mild AUD, 4 to 5 for moderate, and 6 or more for severe.
Remember alcohol is itself a central nervous system depressant. I do drink in moderation (2-3 a week) but everyday is a bad idea, even outside of any harm to your liver or whatever, because it can make you depressed and downers of all sorts (including Benadryl) accumulate damage over time that can contribute heavily to dementia risk.
If you are worried about it, that seems a clear enough signal, you don’t have to label yourself as anything, cut down if you can. Going to the gym or yoga class after work can provide the same wind down in a healthier way. I do understand wanting a separation - it is so nice to come home, sit on the porch with a drink, to separate work from home life, but most days I go to yoga instead.
None is better than some, some is better than a lot.
Get somekind of workout and stretching routine going on. It’s much harder to build the habit later when you’ve got maybe a family going on and probably more work responsibilities.
I’m 43 and gradually coming around to the fact that as long as my managers aren’t actively talking to me about not doing enough, then I’m doing ok. It’s worked wonders for me being anxious that I’m not doing what’s expected of me.
It’s fine to do the bare minimum as long as you’re not fucking things up for your colleagues. You get paid to cover the minimum of your job description, not to work yourself to death.
I’m surrounded by young lads who think that working themselves to the bone is some kind of flex, or lazy pricks who give the others shit for not working hard enough.
These days I just crack on and do my thing. My manager is happy with my work, and I can sometimes spend a good five hours just scrolling the internet, looking busy.
Fuck I needed this. I am at the point where I am about to talk to a psychiatrist about this because I have such bad anxiety about whether I’m doing okay or not at work.
This couldn’t be more true. Don’t fucking lift that two man lift at work that you can totally do it by yourself because you’re young and strong and maybe you’ve done it a dozen times before. Just don’t fucking do it. I’m fucking begging you to learn from my mistake. One time was all it took for me to have a lifetime of problems since my 30’s. I know the exact moment I ruined my back. 30 years later I can remember how that pop felt. It didn’t even hurt bad enough at the time to need time off work. I thought I was still just fine. Ten years later, nope. And now that I’m fifty, everything hurts. It hurts to lay down in bed. It hurts when I get up in the morning. I lifted a 1gal. bottle and was bedridden for a week. My own kids had to watch me spend ten minutes crawling up a flight of stairs to my bed; they were crying and scared that the guy who was their Superman couldn’t even stand up. I promise you, it can happen and you’re rolling the dice every time you do it.