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@shannonpersists@mastodon.social cover
@shannonpersists@mastodon.social avatar

shannonpersists

@[email protected]

Hello everybody! My name is Shannon, fka Twitter https://mastodon.social/@shannonpersists. I'm an Obama Stan. Pronouns: Barack, Michelle. Donald Trump trolls my profile & he's afraid. 💯 Shy & awkward. I try to make people laugh.😂
#NeuroDivergent . Bipolar with psychotic features. Chronically depressed.
She/Her🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️#Bisexual/ #Asexual
Are you registered to vote?
Profile pic: Platinum Blonde girl w/ messy hair and light blue glasses.
Banner: Stained glass window film depicting colorful flowers.

This profile is from a federated server and may be incomplete. Browse more on the original instance.

AnAutieAtUni , to actuallyautistic
@AnAutieAtUni@beige.party avatar

Is it an autistic thing to find waiting for something like results extremely difficult, perhaps more than the ‘average’ person?

Am slipping into ‘wired’ mode a lot right now. Final degree results day next week. All of my usual relaxation techniques aren’t working.

I’m almost shutting down with the anxiety and excitement (definitely a mix of good & bad feelings but, physiologically, it feels like stress). I know many students will feel this way, but wondering about the autistic side to it. This is especially because I already know enough about my results to know everything will be fine next week. Better than fine, even. But it still feels very uncertain. I can’t trust what I know about my results until that day comes, if that makes any sense?

It will also be digital results, that sometimes don’t feel real at all. I’ll get my paper certificates a few weeks later.

What if I misinterpreted everything and actually I was way off with my assumptions of my results? (Highly unlikely, but this is what my brain is saying.)

(Final results for my degree, after 20+ years of hoping for this and navigating many massive life challenges to get here.)

@actuallyautistic

shannonpersists ,
@shannonpersists@mastodon.social avatar

@AnAutieAtUni @actuallyautistic Hang in there! Hope you Haman easier time soon!

RavenLuni , to actuallyautistic
@RavenLuni@furry.engineer avatar

Heres an example that triggers that funny size comparison sensation I mentioned a while ago @actuallyautistic

shannonpersists ,
@shannonpersists@mastodon.social avatar

@RavenLuni @actuallyautistic What could possibly go wrong?

Tarrenvane , to actuallyautistic

@actuallyautistic @neurodivergentblind Curious if this is an thing, a thing, or just a me thing. Sounds that, when identified, don't remotely faze me will drive me up a wall if I can't either perceive or envision what is making them. It's almost like the unknown factor triggers me more than the sound itself.

shannonpersists ,
@shannonpersists@mastodon.social avatar

@Tarrenvane @actuallyautistic @neurodivergentblind It's that squeaky fuzzy sound that drives me bonkers I'm not autistic but I'm schizophrenic and the squeaky fuzzy sound, though hard to describe makes me cringe!

Tim_McTuffty , to actuallyautistic
@Tim_McTuffty@beige.party avatar

Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 128 , Monday 04/03/2024

TL:DR House elf, but not house elf enuf it seems.

Up around 6, made breakfast, emptied the dishwasher , hung the laundry out & then managed to get out for a walk.

Got home to find that herself had been down while I was out & made her mid-morning snack , leaving me the cleaning up to do. I really don’t mind housework, but I object to being taken for granted & treated like staff!

Really struggled to find the motivation to do anything for most of the rest of the day.
Managed to get into ESO a little bit late this afternoon.

Reading Masto this evening while watching the TV & a person I thought of as a friend essentially accused me of being lazy today, which kinda hurt.
I know that I have motivational problems & that for various reasons I have not been super active over the last 6 months or so , but I do try to at least do the minimum to keep house n home together. I have yet to have a full week where I can completely turn off - even when I have been quite seriously ill !
I know there is so much more that I have to do, but I am trying !
Sufficed to say that our relationship is changed as of now. 😔
Reading this has really brought my mood down.

I also caved to another pizza - which I didn’t really enjoy , so major failure!

Final Thoughts.

I generally have a very low self image , today a ‘friend’ successfully dropped it several pegs lower.

Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖

@actuallyautistic

shannonpersists ,
@shannonpersists@mastodon.social avatar

@Tim_McTuffty @actuallyautistic Your friends on Mastodon feel for you. Sorry to hear that! Hope you get treated better soon!

nddev , to actuallyautistic
@nddev@c.im avatar

We had dinner with some friends this evening -- five of us in total. After discussing it with Helen earlier in the week, I came out to them as autistic.

I got an interesting set of reactions. Angela (a former headteacher, who I thought knew more about autism) said: "but you're so social." So I said a few words about masking and learning to spend time in company. Lesley replied: "you should have known him when he was young. He was really quite odd." (No, it's fine, we have that kind of relationship.)

I told Angela I thought she'd known for years, and she said she'd suspected it, but only because of my unusual walk. So, if you really want to pass as NT, you need not only to avoid ticcing and stimming, and make eye contact, and say the right things at the right speed, and pull the right faces, but also to get your walk right. Who knew teachers specialised in gait analysis?

So that's it. I'm committed. I'm now. 🙂

@actuallyautistic

shannonpersists ,
@shannonpersists@mastodon.social avatar

@nddev @actuallyautistic Tics are symptoms of autism? Crazy. I'm schizo affectivr and I have had facial tics since I was a kid.

Tim_McTuffty , to actuallyautistic
@Tim_McTuffty@beige.party avatar

Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 90 Friday 26/01/24

TL:DR 90 days ! Woo hoo ! Project WOOF is moving forward. On the whole not a bad day .

My sleep pattern continues to be all over the place , sleeping for a couple of hours , waking for an hour or so then sleeping for 4 or 5 hours. Why I cannot get a full nights sleep is beyond me !

I know that I am in a pretty deep depressive episode, inability to sleep, inability to concentrate, some manic behaviour - the sudden & intense exercise routine . Also the loss of socialising ability & a shortage of spoons !

I did manage to get out for a walk to day , after I did my chores , or rather redid the chores that herself had ½ done.

I was in a lot of pain , from various sources , so I only managed a ‘short’ walk of 8k steps , it was a nice sunny day but fighting with various aches & pains somewhat muffled the experience.

Had a nice chat with CDP 🧚‍♀️ when I got home, but we didn’t get chance to play co-op which was a bit of a shame , maybe get a chance on Sunday. 🤞

Spent the afternoon on a ‘Vigil’ season 2 fest which was nice & went wild & had pizza for tea with a couple ciders to wash it down - pure heaven !

Final Thoughts.

A much better day today, although I am in a fairly deep depressive episode. The fact that I’m able to write about it is a good sign that I’m maybe on the way back up.

Project WOOF seems to be progressing in the right direction so thats all good !

Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖

@actuallyautistic

shannonpersists ,
@shannonpersists@mastodon.social avatar

@Tim_McTuffty @actuallyautistic I'm glad you can still see the perspective of depression being a fleeting and temporary feeling! So many times when one is depressed they don't see a way out.

shannonpersists ,
@shannonpersists@mastodon.social avatar

@Tim_McTuffty @actuallyautistic Sorry to hear that! That's got to be rough. It seems like it's always one thing or another. I just got out of a really really bad depression. I know how it feels. Wishing you well and you are in my thoughts.

VeeRat , to actuallyautistic
@VeeRat@zeroes.ca avatar

@actuallyautistic

I told my mother that I am Autistic. I am in my 50s, she is in her 70s. I had not wanted to talk about it with her for a very long time now, because she tends to believe that anything like that is caused by her being a "bad mother"; she bought into that hype from a long time ago, and never let it go.

I got the expected response. She said that she doesn't think I'm Autistic, because she bases her knowledge of Autism on the people who make the news due to NT people thinking they are gifted or strange, and on movie characters like Rain Man. She said it's ok that I investigate Autism "if it makes you feel better". Not that I was asking her permission.

Then when I was listing behaviors of mine that I attribute to Autism, she said, "I do those things too." I said, "yeah, it is hereditary...". But she would never investigate it about herself. She could never accept the label for herself, or for me.

I don't know why I try. I guess I do find some peace with myself having told her, because I felt bad talking about it so much with other family members, without her knowing. I still don't feel the need to talk with her about my cPTSD from childhood; I know I won't get a good response to that.

shannonpersists ,
@shannonpersists@mastodon.social avatar

@punishmenthurts @VeeRat @actuallyautistic I would say yes you're autistic. My 19 year old daughter is too.

GreenRoc , to actuallyautistic
@GreenRoc@mastodon.social avatar

@shannonpersists
I grew to be outspoken in recent times, because I need to be believed. To keep stuff to myself feels selfish and wrong. Suffering silently, felt like the wrong move.

Briefly describing MCAS, MC is mast cells are cells in the body that communicate messages to other cells in the body, like the ones that make one sneeze. But I dont have MCAS dx officially. Doctors and other health care settings are a threat to my life.

@Vincarsi @theautisticcoach @actuallyautistic

shannonpersists ,
@shannonpersists@mastodon.social avatar

@GreenRoc @Vincarsi @theautisticcoach @actuallyautistic So yours is physical and mine is mostly chemical. I'm over-apologizing today and I'm sorry.

18+ Sci_Fi_FanGirl , to actuallyautistic
@Sci_Fi_FanGirl@hessen.social avatar

@actuallyautistic

Can anyone relate?

I've tried other stims, but I just can't stop. There are more fingers like this.

Used to "only" bite off the skin around the nails, but when I approached burnout, I started scratching and biting the lower parts of my fingers as well.

18+ shannonpersists ,
@shannonpersists@mastodon.social avatar

@HaelusNovak @Sci_Fi_FanGirl @actuallyautistic I pick at my mole hairs to the point that it's probably a disorder. I also have facial ticks but I made sure the tics are fairly subtle. I can relate to the feeling of satisfaction when you bite down on your lip for example, just hard enough to cause a little bit of pain. I'm no masochist but it does something to my brain kinda like a temporary rush of dopamine.

looneybyron , to random
@looneybyron@autistics.life avatar

Still trying to figure out who in my family is neurodivergent and how.
Seems like there is a pattern emerging: If both parents are neurodivergent, chances for the kids to be is at almost 100%. If only one parent is, chances seem to be about 50/50.
Anyone know if there are actual studies on that or is there just not enough data from past generations?

shannonpersists ,
@shannonpersists@mastodon.social avatar

@HaelusNovak @btaroli @looneybyron @pathfinder @actuallyautistic assuming evolution to be fact, one could say that paranoid schizophrenia was favored in an environment with many predators.

shannonpersists ,
@shannonpersists@mastodon.social avatar

@HaelusNovak @btaroli @looneybyron @pathfinder @actuallyautistic I get that you guys are talking about Autism I know mine's not the same neurodivergency but there are some parallels forgive me if I'm cutting in with a different topic.

theautisticcoach , to actuallyautistic
@theautisticcoach@neurodifferent.me avatar

I'm often asked how to "stop my meltdowns" by the community.

There are no shortcuts. There are no hacks. Once a meltdown starts, it cannot be turned off. Meltdowns ARE NOT tantrums.

They are the result of your needs not being met.

What are your needs?

@actuallyautistic

shannonpersists ,
@shannonpersists@mastodon.social avatar

@GreenRoc @Vincarsi @theautisticcoach @actuallyautistic I had a really bad rage disorder mostly I when I clean my house so I told him and he added another anti psychotic and it helped. It is the nature of the disorder that you get better sometimes, other times you take another turn for the worst. I still have that rage disorder but it's not as bad.

shannonpersists ,
@shannonpersists@mastodon.social avatar

@GreenRoc @Vincarsi @theautisticcoach @actuallyautistic I hear voice s sometimes and I have another theme where if something happens to someone I always think lm going to take the fall like if someone died and I were right there,. I can think of a few times that I had to get my roommate an ambulance. He fell on the dog and hit his head luckily the CPR I gave him worked and he was OK. If he had died I would probably be in prison for his murder and nobody would believe that I didn't do it.

shannonpersists ,
@shannonpersists@mastodon.social avatar

@GreenRoc @Vincarsi @theautisticcoach @actuallyautistic So I cycle in and out of episodes where I think irrationally. But I learned to ride it out and not call 988 on myself crazy as I may be I learned to adapt through the episodes without having an emergency. Once my main med quit working & it was so incredibly painful in my brain to have that level of chemical imbalance. I immediately went to the ER it was close; I almost flipped out in the waiting room.

shannonpersists ,
@shannonpersists@mastodon.social avatar

@GreenRoc @Vincarsi @theautisticcoach @actuallyautistic Psychotic episodes literally cause brain damage.. It is very much like a seizure disorder in your brain; in fact many mood stabilizers that doctors give you are actually seizure medicine.

shannonpersists ,
@shannonpersists@mastodon.social avatar

@GreenRoc @Vincarsi @theautisticcoach @actuallyautistic I'm really sorry to hear that and I decided to share my story because your experiences are relatable. I don't know if yours is from trauma or does it run in the family mine runs in the family it hit most the females in my lineage.

shannonpersists ,
@shannonpersists@mastodon.social avatar

@GreenRoc @Vincarsi @theautisticcoach @actuallyautistic I'm gonna look it up because I never heard of MCAS also I'm really glad that you're raising awareness of what you go through. It's not that easy to be outspoken about mental illness.

shannonpersists ,
@shannonpersists@mastodon.social avatar

@GreenRoc @Vincarsi @theautisticcoach @actuallyautistic I'm really sorry I didn't even know your lungs are messed up that's gotta be rough.

shannonpersists ,
@shannonpersists@mastodon.social avatar

@GreenRoc @Vincarsi @theautisticcoach @actuallyautistic That's just awful. Not so easy to just 'grin and bare' or 'suck it up' when it's not a magic flip that we can turn on and off. Who in their right mind would choose to have an episode in public and embarrass themselves. When I get really bad,. I don't leave the house. You never know the full story of what you go through until you step a mile in their shoes. Sorry to hear that.

shannonpersists ,
@shannonpersists@mastodon.social avatar

@GreenRoc @Vincarsi @theautisticcoach @actuallyautistic That's just awful. Not so easy to just 'grin and bear it' or 'suck it up' when it's not a magic flip that we can turn on and off. Who in their right mind would choose to have an episode in public and embarrass themselves?. When I get really bad,. I don't leave the house. You never know the full story of what you go through until you step a mile in their shoes. Sorry to hear that.

shannonpersists ,
@shannonpersists@mastodon.social avatar

@GreenRoc @Vincarsi @theautisticcoach @actuallyautistic I appreciate you taking the time to read our stories you don't normally give it much thought but you see a crazy person what many people don't realize is in that disordered mind there is a human being inside of there most likely suffering. Sometimes we get treated like a half a person and we're commonly scapegoated.

shannonpersists ,
@shannonpersists@mastodon.social avatar

@GreenRoc @Vincarsi @theautisticcoach @actuallyautistic that's what breaks my heart the most.

shannonpersists ,
@shannonpersists@mastodon.social avatar

@GreenRoc @Vincarsi @theautisticcoach @actuallyautistic t Thanks again it was very cathartic to be able to share this with you.

johnnyprofane1 , to actuallyadhd
@johnnyprofane1@neurodifferent.me avatar

Tentative title, "Disabled Warrior".

Tentative podcast title, "Actually Autistic? Whatever Doesn't Kill Your Neurodivergent Ass..."

But I need my wife;s input before I get too married to it....

The nice thing about digital art is it never has to be finished. On this one I got too deep into the image. There's a lot going on you can't see cuz the midtones are too dark...

The non-gendered warrior SHOULD be creating themself (to coin language) out of and battling dark chaos, a bright spark headed toward a dim light... they never know if there's a goal...

Plus they wear a blindfold like Lady Liberty.

In the chaos behind them are dim objects of adversity... chains, car wreck, wheel chair, a fallen dove... others I probably forget ...

Working on the post...

@actuallyautistic @actuallyadhd @actuallyautistics

"Friedrich Nietzsche Ist Untoter..." A fantasy 19th-centure book illustration of Friedrich Nietzsche, vandalized by a bright red grafitti x. Next to his name, Friedrich Neitzche in the book plate, black spray-painted grafitti reads "ist untoter..."

shannonpersists ,
@shannonpersists@mastodon.social avatar

@GreenRoc @johnnyprofane1 @actuallyautistic @actuallyadhd @actuallyautistics Sorry to hear that!. I have painful hands when I draw, probably arthritis. My vision isn't what it used to be either. So I haven't been able to draw anymore either. 💔

shannonpersists ,
@shannonpersists@mastodon.social avatar

@GreenRoc @johnnyprofane1 @actuallyautistic @actuallyadhd @actuallyautistics I was pretty prolific in my 30s. It's probably not professional grade but it's still halfway decent

shannonpersists ,
@shannonpersists@mastodon.social avatar

@GreenRoc @johnnyprofane1 @actuallyautistic @actuallyadhd @actuallyautistics That's so sad. It sounds like you have mad talent. I actually sit there and let everything be blurry instead of resorting to a stronger pair of glasses. I don't want my eyes getting 'used to' a higher strength because if I do that sooner or later I will require a higher strength. It's a never ending battle. My new hobby is doing my nails.

shannonpersists ,
@shannonpersists@mastodon.social avatar

@GreenRoc @johnnyprofane1 @actuallyautistic @actuallyadhd @actuallyautistics Yeah me too I get lonely a lot but you kinda get used to being self-sufficient. I have a hard time keeping friends because I have a mental disorder that affects my personality. Wow this thread is so sad it's making me sad!

shannonpersists ,
@shannonpersists@mastodon.social avatar

@GreenRoc @johnnyprofane1 @actuallyautistic @actuallyadhd @actuallyautistics This might sound hard to believe but if I don't take medicine for 2-3 days it will end up being a medical emegency

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