Do you guys also combine almost pathological conflict avoidance - and the brilliant talent to create a conflict out of nothing just trying to explain your point of view or to point out some factual error another person made while talking about your special interest?
I don’t defend myself, I don’t tell I don’t like something or that I see that I am being taken advantage of or being lied to, or that someone hurts me - I never raise a voice and tell that, or question them, or demand my rights and all - because I am terribly afraid on conflicts. Not even that I won’t be liked, or that there’s going to be some consequence or anything. Just a conflict itself. I’m scared even when there’s a conflict that doesn’t include me nearby, but even the shadow of an idea that something I may say may create a conflict makes me go silent, and just dodge and tolerate more, doesn’t matter how bad I feel.
But when just discussing something - I mean not something important, may be a birds name, a train route from 80-s, the way some thing works etc - any abstract staff that doesn’t correspond to my life in any way - especially when I clearly see the opponent is making the factual error or denying my actual experience with the topic - it does create a conflict, and people would say I am a conflicting person, I am the one who likes to just disagree and all.
Is that desire to avoid conflict at all costs - and the inability to actually spot when another person starts to see your discussion as a conflict - some #neurodivergent thing? #autism #AuDHD #ADHD @actuallyautistic
Only Here, Only Now by Tom Newlands review – growing up with ADHD
“The prose in Tom Newlands’ debut novel is glorious, managing the feat of being both muscular and airy at the same time. But it is first and foremost the landscape that he stakes out that grabs you by the throat”
—Tom Newlands’ ONLY HERE, ONLY NOW is the Guardian’s Book of the Day
Liebe Autist:innen und #ADHD-Leuts, besonders aus der Gegend um #Aachen rum:
Gesucht wird ein:e Therapeut:in, die sich genug mit ADHD und Autismus bei weiblich sozialisierten Erwachsenen auskennt, dass frau da hingehen kann, ohne erstmal über die Basics unterrichten zu müssen.
Tips, wo man selber so jemanden suchen könnte, nehm ich auch gern.
I don’t operate the world putting everything into defined folders and boxes of clear tree-like structure (like I do on my laptop).
I operate the world by slapping infinite amount of tags on everything (which do not exist independently like in some tag cloud, but are rather interconnected in their own ways), and then tag-filtering or pulling the chain of tags when I need.
Sure, from outside that looks like a totally random chaotic pile, but it has its own structure, just the structure is different to what is usually pictured as a structure.
“Don’t assume, ask” - is the approach I share. However, there are many people to whom asking seems like something rude and inappropriate. And those people would assume.
The thing is, I am one of those people that usually can’t be accurately assumed: if you’d think a person that does this and this would also do that, the one who likes this and this would hate that and so on - most probably, I’d not follow that pattern. For that very reason I’ve been called ‘eclectic’, or less politely - ‘messy’, ‘illogical’, and all sorts of weird - most of my life, and for that very reason some people are kinda afraid of me: they can’t predict because their assumptions aren’t correct.
In turn, for me it’s very frustrating/confusing to see that someone is offended by me asking directly instead of assuming because all I want is to avoid any misunderstanding and clarify things.
I feel like #AuDHD is quite an eclectic thing per se(due to some #autism aspects looking from a certain point of view as opposite to those of #ADHD), so maybe that is the key to me being so, well, contradictory in eyes of other people.
I wonder, if that asking is just #autistic desire to have things clear and precise, or assuming/asking divide does not correspond to the NT/ND one #neurodivergent @actuallyautistic
I did this 👇 and, now I have recovered some spoons, I'm extremely proud of myself. The day really illustrated my #ADHD Arriving (after much planning & lists) all I wanted to do was go home again; Masking++ for socialising; then hyperfocus for 2hr which was bliss; feeling faint & realising I need to eat! The final half hr: utter determination to finish just to satisfy myself; stuff EVERYWHERE 🤣 The day after I was so wired! I've now just slept for 12hr @actuallyadhd https://mastodon.art/@cognissart/112654012849956281
So for the last ten years, my partner has been mowing the lawn on Fridays every summer so that the bugs are settled and the yard is less buggy for our time together on the weekends.
This is very sweet and thoughtful of them and it is also something I did not notice was happening, though they tell me they’ve told me 40 times in 10 years.
I just never noticed or remembered. 😬😞It makes relationships (and gratitude for others actions) difficult
She's in the testing room now. No time limit so hopefully, it doesn't take her longer than 1.5 hours. I'll need to eat & head to work in time to get there for my first session. 🤞🏻I can finally read or journal & fully fade into my music as I don't have to be aware of anything around me. It's not terrible, but there's a persistent unease in these public spaces that drain my 🥄
Plus my mama heart picks up on her #anxiety & testing is not fun for her #ADHD #autistic#neurodivergent @actuallyautistic
I had an ADHD event this morning. I used to explain these away or blame them on external causes or other people.
If I’d taken my meds when I woke, I would’ve been fine, but I didn’t. I tried to do too much before leaving for my appointment, jumped on the wrong tram, had to call an Uber, then got confused about the meeting point. Rang my skin guy & was able to rejigger appointment, which gave me time for a decaf & a decompress.
My oldest has always been more philosophical than me on these things, better at accepting that it is what it is and then adjusting. I used to be good at doing that when others stuffed up (but maybe less patient with my oldest) but would get very upset about my own occasional dramas, maybe because underneath my externalisation of responsibility, I knew it was me.
But this morning I just accepted I’d stuffed up, did what I had to do & accepted that I might have to rebook the appointment. Fortunately they were able to juggle. The worst part is causing other people inconvenience. I’m acutely aware of that, maybe because of RSD? (Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria)
Uber driver was a lovely Manchurian who has his skin check booked. 😊Currently waiting for anaesthetic to take effect.
So I really want to break the cycle of drifting into hyperfocus, staying there until I'm exhausted to the point of breakdown, sinking into a depressed state, slacking around for hours/days/weeks/months while duties pile up, catching a spark of motivation - and then starting the cycle again.
Hey again #autistic and #ADHD mastodon friends! It's BZ—I got lost somewhere. I don't know what happened to my MastodonBooks account, but it's now a "500 Internal Server Error." I'll keep an eye out for names and icons I recognize.
I mostly share experiences or random thoughts, ask questions, and try to find connections within our community. Sometimes, I share about the workbook I wrote. I'm a #AuDHD nicheless wandering netizen looking for kindred.
‘I would strongly recommend going through the ADHD testing, but I am not licensed to do the test myself, so I can’t give you the official diagnosis of it as it can only be provided after the test by a licensed specialist, and there are very few ones with this narrow license. However, if you manage to get the test done, come to me with the diagnosis, I would accept it from any licensed provider, and then I would be able to provide you the treatment and the medication: though your insurance doesn’t cover the evaluation, it covers treatment.
As for the autism testing, do it if you have extra money as anyway there’s no treatment against it, and if you struggle with any particular issue - we can work on each of them on the therapy without an official autism diagnosis’ - the second psychiatrist after actually talking to me.
For the reference: depending on the provider, the testing is around 400 euro for either(I haven’t found any combined option, btw, so if I want to do both, it’d double)
Yes, there’s general free healthcare. When I asked in my health center about the psychiatrist appointment(without even specifying the goal), I was told the waiting list currently is more than an year, so they won’t even book one for me.
And people still would go “If yOu rEalLy hAd AuDHD, yoU’D hAvE aN ofFiciAl diAgnoSis”…
If Boomers would've identified on the spectrum and dealt with their shit instead of projecting their self-loathing on everyone else, we’d never run out of #ADHD meds, much like we don't normally see pharmacies running low on cholesterol meds or insulin.
Not a problem for me, yet, but it's a real problem for too many people I know. @actuallyautistic@actuallyaudhd
Wondering whether some older undiagnosed autistics might’ve been mis-diagnosed with dementia due to poorer executive function as they age & cope less well with stress. @actuallyautistic#adhd#actuallyautistic#Dementia
You know what's great to learn at 38, right before bedtime one night, after a whole life time of struggle...
That your mother traumatized you with ADHD to the point where actually pushing myself against ADHD is a trigger... making it so no amount of coping skills can help me push myself for any real length of time...
I'd try and do something that requires a push, even a little one... and be crying... and I thought it was just the feeling of hitting my dopamine... but nooooo... now I'm unpacking that it was me getting triggered at the feeling of pushing my reserves at all...
That explains so damn much and makes me feel so damn hurt and angry...
I was forced to push myself so far so often as a kid and she didn't ever relent when I was critically over-extended on dopamine... usually around cleaning. I'm remembering so many times crying and sobbing on the floor because she demanded I clean to an extreme standard and I wasn't allowed to do anything else until I met her approval...
And I've been running my whole life fucking kneecapped by this... I thought I just had it worse than most (with ADHD) on my ability to push myself on tasks... but no... it's because I realize now I can't fucking push myself at all because my fucking brain just jumps straight to that extreme pain and trauma right away...
Now I'm fucking crying when I should be trying to sleep...
Just was ‘diagnosed’ with anxiety today after talking to a psychiatrist for five minutes (I’m using quotes because it seems a bit too preliminary to me to diagnose whoever with whatever after about 5 minutes of general talk).
Came asking for #ADHD and #autism evaluation. Was totally ignored on that regard) Of course, didn’t have courage to ask again.
Was it so obvious? Was I just a walking stereotype: middle-aged woman from a war-thorn country living alone who voluntarily came to a psychiatrist(doesn’t matter what else she has, she can’t NOT be anxious)?
Or is it just a general experience of most of #AuDHD female-passing folks: to be seen as anxious, to have most of their symptoms attributed to #anxiety (not like I was asked about any symptoms, but maybe have demonstrated some?)?
Does anyone have any tips for how to prepare for an ADHD assessment?!
I truly don’t know if I have ADHD or not and want to do what I can to put forward whatever information might be useful for the clinician to get a full picture and come to an accurate conclusion.
I’m really worried that I don’t remember a lot from my childhood, though, especially due to major events in childhood, and that I’m a very heavy masker, even to myself.
I seem to fit AuDHD types the best, which makes sense since I know am autistic. But I don’t really know how to identify the ADHD part of me. I keep thinking about stereotypes which are based on males that aren’t usually autistic as well.
I will be happy whatever the conclusion is from my assessment, whether I have ADHD or not, but ONLY if I’ve done my best to give important information. I would hate it if I came away remembering important things after the assessment is done, especially if it swayed the conclusion one way or another.
Everytime I stand in front of the door and frantically search for the keys in my bag, all that #anxiety makes me panic, pushes me to the verge of tears - even though it is not such a big deal because I’m not in a hurry and if anything, the concierge has a spare pair.
So, naturally, my #autistic brain tries to compensate for a possible #ADHD fail - and every time I walk home, I feel almost unbeatable urge to get my keys out of my bag to my hand when I am still like 200 meters from home.
I suppose, it’s the same overcompensation mechanism that makes me come to airport at least two hours before the departure and to a train station at least an hour before, buy spares of essentials each time a bottle starts feeling not full, or always have a stocked pantry(though there may be multiple of ones and none of others as I always forget to check what I have before going to the store)
Is this exaggerated(to the point of creating problems) ‘better safe than sorry’ something #AuDHD people are more prone to? Do you guys also do that? @actuallyautistic
So, it was good. Very emotional roller coaster. I thought my son was bored but he wasn’t antsy to leave. As we were walking out, he shared that he really liked it. It certainly felt authentic.
The story is focused more on a family and inter-generational perspective, which I think will make it more acressivle and relatable to a broader audience.
I am doing a survey about yoga and neurodivergent folk and your boosts would be appreciated.
If you are neurodivergent (self-realized or Dx'd, it's all good here), and fall under the vast ND umbrella, I'd love to hear from you. Quick 6-7 question survey and you can remain anon if you want.