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@lifewithtrees@mstdn.social cover
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lifewithtrees

@[email protected]

Working in #tech at the edge of the wilderness. Sharing photos of said wilderness and whatever else feels present 🥰

A gender conscientious objector. ✌️🌈 💛Any pronouns are fine. 👋 PLUR 🕺🎹🎵🎶🌳🏡 Miꞌkmaꞌki

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lifewithtrees , to actuallyadhd
@lifewithtrees@mstdn.social avatar

@actuallyadhd @actuallyautistic

So for the last ten years, my partner has been mowing the lawn on Fridays every summer so that the bugs are settled and the yard is less buggy for our time together on the weekends.

This is very sweet and thoughtful of them and it is also something I did not notice was happening, though they tell me they’ve told me 40 times in 10 years.

I just never noticed or remembered. 😬😞It makes relationships (and gratitude for others actions) difficult

lifewithtrees OP ,
@lifewithtrees@mstdn.social avatar

@actuallyadhd @actuallyautistic not sure what to do with that but feel like it may be connected with this “being in my own worldness” that is my particular flavour of neurodivergence.

So… just wanted to share as maybe it’ll help me (and maybe others?) see some sort of something in it all.

lifewithtrees OP ,
@lifewithtrees@mstdn.social avatar

@actuallyadhd @actuallyautistic anyone else have their own version of this

Poor noticing + bad memory = low gratitude = relationship challenges?

lifewithtrees , to actuallyadhd
@lifewithtrees@mstdn.social avatar

The world seems arbitrary so in an effort to make sense of it, I notice patterns, then make my own rules.

However, I can’t see or understand everything, so I end up projecting my understanding of these rules on to my individual perception of reality.

It turns out my rules on the arbitrary world are also pretty damn arbitrary and in an effort to make sense, I become rigid. I make life harder for myself/those around me.

😞

But I’m learning.

@actuallyautistic @actuallyadhd

lifewithtrees , to actuallyadhd
@lifewithtrees@mstdn.social avatar

I've been learning about the Default Mode Network and the Task Positive Network.

Switching from DMN to TPN helps with rumination and being present
https://youtu.be/-3LGjkboZ_8?feature=shared

"Dr. Zerbo points out that there are many routes to get into the TPN. Paying attention and observing what is going on with any of the senses activates the task-positive network. She also points out that being compassionate and kind, whether to oneself or others, activates the TPN"

How cool is that?

@actuallyadhd

lifewithtrees , to actuallyadhd
@lifewithtrees@mstdn.social avatar

Had to leave an webinar early.

It was on procrastination and little did I realize when it started that it was 1.5 hours long! 😬

30 minutes in and the speaker was still building up the great solution and STILL hadn’t got to the point so I left.

Sometimes these “experts” leave me feeling exploited more than helped.

cc @actuallyadhd

lifewithtrees , to actuallyadhd
@lifewithtrees@mstdn.social avatar

A job post that explicitly requires someone with "high executive functioning"

Is this ?

@actuallyautistic @actuallyadhd

lifewithtrees OP ,
@lifewithtrees@mstdn.social avatar

@Pawpower @actuallyautistic @actuallyadhd this particular job is very similar to one im already doing . Like I'm qualified minus that one spot. I've never seen something like this before in a job ad.

lifewithtrees , to actuallyadhd
@lifewithtrees@mstdn.social avatar

“What do you want to do 5 years from now?”

🤔

😬

🤯

I am having a difficult time visioning 5 years from now, what I want to do and then how to get there.

Some of this is due to the chaos of the last few years, but I also think it could be a challenge due to

Also I am 42 so midlife stuff?

That all said, how do you vision 5 years from now?

@actuallyadhd @actuallyautistic

lifewithtrees OP ,
@lifewithtrees@mstdn.social avatar

@mystickal @actuallyadhd @actuallyautistic yes. This is part of the struggle. Like 5 years ago I would not have imagined what was to come, so how can I envision 5 years from now?

lifewithtrees OP ,
@lifewithtrees@mstdn.social avatar

@illuminaudhd @actuallyadhd @actuallyautistic yep same feels! It’s very overwhelming and then I feel hopeless :(

LehtoriTuomo , to actuallyautistic

One reason why it took me so long to self-diagnose autism is that I thought I don't stim. In fact, once I learned that I do stim, my self-diagnosis process kicked in. That was the first time I said to myself that I might actually be autistic.

The reason for this misunderstanding was that I thought stimming is stereotypical, very repetitive, compulsory movement. I guess this misunderstanding is quite common.

I've since learned that stimming, short for self-stimulatory behavior, is basically stimulating one's sensory system in certain ways. It may be a way to soothe oneself, help to focus in overwhelming situations by feeding one's brain predictable sensory input, a way to express joy, or simply something that feels nice. Movements are part of it but any sense can be used.

When googling the term, there are mentions that also neurotypicals stim but that when diagnosing autism, stimming is somehow different -- only socially unacceptable stims are "real" stims. Bah.

I've started paying attention to how and when I stim, and collect a list of stims I do. I've noticed all types of stimming behavior (soothing, focusing, joy, fun). I do it more than before -- or maybe I just notice it more often. I've noticed that I love moving my body parts, especially to music. I also love different textures.

@actuallyautistic

lifewithtrees ,
@lifewithtrees@mstdn.social avatar

@pathfinder @kalikiana @LehtoriTuomo @actuallyautistic yep this was me and beatboxing allll the time

lifewithtrees , to actuallyautistic
@lifewithtrees@mstdn.social avatar

The older I get, the more I find being in the city to be overwhelming. There are so many people and sounds and smells and it is all sensory overload.

Manhattan (and especially MoMA!) was interesting for the day but I’m ready to get home to the forest.

I am back in my hotel room with white noise going and ordered food I make at home for delivery to calm my nervous system.

@actuallyautistic

theaardvark , to actuallyadhd
@theaardvark@mastodon.me.uk avatar


How does everyone know how, when and how much they're masking?
As a late-diagnosed , I struggle to differentiate between "me but masking" and "me but in a diff situation".
Now that I know I'm autistic, I even miss the person I used to be in some situations before I knew.
I used to call myself a "social chameleon" - I just changed automatically to suit the circumstances.
But who actually am I and what is just a mask?
@actuallyautistic
@actuallyadhd

lifewithtrees ,
@lifewithtrees@mstdn.social avatar

@theaardvark @actuallyautistic @actuallyadhd it's like a peeling back of layers.

Tune into your body's reactions.

For me, when something feels yuck I have shoulders up and face scrunched, then I know that's a thing I don't like.

When it feels warm or tingly, those are things i do like.

Then using that info, ask yourself what you like and value and peel back the things that make you go "mmmm more please!" and away from the yuck.

Then go toward what feels warm and build up from there

lifewithtrees ,
@lifewithtrees@mstdn.social avatar

@rebekka_m @theaardvark @actuallyautistic @actuallyadhd it was like that for me too. As a kid, I would always ask my mom if I liked a certain food before I started eating it, because I could never remember what I liked. I externalized that task of executive function.

Asi grew up, to keep the effort low, I would stay with certain foods I knew I enjoyed (shoutout for Mini What's!)

It also left me out of touch with my own body's desires. I learned that I couldn't trust myself

I'm learning now.

lifewithtrees ,
@lifewithtrees@mstdn.social avatar

@rebekka_m @theaardvark @actuallyautistic @actuallyadhd yes! It's taken my years to see it myself, and now I'm learning by listening to what my body wants and regaining my own trust that I CAN take care of myself. It's been helping!

lifewithtrees , to actuallyadhd
@lifewithtrees@mstdn.social avatar

Learned a new word for a thing I do.

What do you think of it @actuallyautistic @actuallyadhd ?

AGNOSTHESIA

n. the state of not knowing how you really feel about something, which forces you to sift through clues hidden in your own behavior, as if you were some other person — noticing a twist of acid in your voice, an obscene amount of effort you put into something trifling, or an inexplicable weight on your shoulders that makes it difficult to get out of bed.

lifewithtrees OP ,
@lifewithtrees@mstdn.social avatar

@itsmeholland @actuallyautistic @actuallyadhd yep! It’s like that! I found it from a mailing list I am on and included unfamiliar words from a book of invented words!

Here is the blog post https://www.themarginalian.org/2024/04/12/dictionary-of-obscure-sorrows/?mc_cid=0c41908236&mc_eid=8e48e1c202

lifewithtrees OP ,
@lifewithtrees@mstdn.social avatar

@itsmeholland @actuallyautistic @actuallyadhd

AGNOSTHESIA

Ancient Greek ἄγνωστος (ágnōstos), not knowing + διάθεσις (diáthesis), condition, mood. Pronounced “ag-nos-thee-zhuh.”

lifewithtrees OP ,
@lifewithtrees@mstdn.social avatar

@rebekka_m @actuallyautistic @actuallyadhd np and same!

It's not only the not knowing HOW I feel but even how TO feel. I need learning on both fronts!

lifewithtrees , to actuallyadhd
@lifewithtrees@mstdn.social avatar

Question for the @actuallyadhd and potentially @actuallyautistic

I am someone who gets migraines and have since I was 8. The reason was never uncovered, but I know migraines are more common among neuroduvergent folks like myself.

My question for you is this:

When you have pain, what do you do to help manage it so your emotional regulation goes out the window?

In short, I can be mean when I am in the midst of migraine.

I want to do better.

Any advice?

lifewithtrees OP ,
@lifewithtrees@mstdn.social avatar

@BsCreativeLife @actuallyadhd @actuallyautistic I do similarly. The challenge becomes that I can't stay alone in the quiet all say and so if my partner, for example, needs something very normal from me, I bite. :(

alexisbushnell , to actuallyautistic
@alexisbushnell@toot.wales avatar

Fellow @actuallyautistic folks, what are your experiences with and feelings about smart watches?

I realise that's a very broad question but I don't want to skew the replies by sharing my experience and why I'm asking!

lifewithtrees ,
@lifewithtrees@mstdn.social avatar

@alexisbushnell @actuallyautistic I avoid all watches, smart or otherwise.

I want to be able to disconnect from the human tracking of time and managing myself in that way. Maybe a sundial watch though? :)

lifewithtrees , to actuallyautistic
@lifewithtrees@mstdn.social avatar

@actuallyautistic

Travelling for a week for work is exhausting. It leaves me feeling overwhelmed, overstimulated, and burnt out. Like a sponge wrung out.

I get home and am irritable and mean and asking for space to decompress is taken as a personal slight that I don’t like someone, when it’s only that I need to calm my body down and have no expectations on me.

I love this person very much but don’t know how to manage this part of work travel.

What might others suggest?

lifewithtrees OP ,
@lifewithtrees@mstdn.social avatar

@BsCreativeLife @lifewithtrees @actuallyautistic I really like the idea of a clear coming together routine. I’d imagine that is something that you created together?

lifewithtrees OP ,
@lifewithtrees@mstdn.social avatar

@abreaction @lifewithtrees @actuallyautistic I definitely feel that. Looonnnng days

lifewithtrees OP ,
@lifewithtrees@mstdn.social avatar

@abreaction @lifewithtrees @actuallyautistic exactly that. And it also throws routines out of whack. Are you still travelling or did you end up looking for other work?

duanetoops , to bookstodon
@duanetoops@mstdn.party avatar

Put out a new thing this morning. A hopeful suspension of the in between…or whatever that means. Enjoy!

https://duanetoops.substack.com/p/equidistant

@bookstodon

lifewithtrees ,
@lifewithtrees@mstdn.social avatar

@duanetoops @bookstodon the potential of liminal spaces and experiences 🥰

lifewithtrees ,
@lifewithtrees@mstdn.social avatar

@duanetoops @bookstodon no problem. I am fascinated by liminal spaces as well :)

Private
lifewithtrees ,
@lifewithtrees@mstdn.social avatar

@bike @actuallyautistic ooh yes I love this. Especially if I do the meditative ommmmm sound :) it calms me down

Sometimes I don't want to be loud while humming so I imagine I'm humming and my throat is vibrating and that still helps! I think in that case it may be due to changing my focus

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