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confusedpuppy ,

This feels like satire? A site called real men, real style with an article about penises?

PenisWenisGenius ,

This also seems like the kind of thing an ai hallucinated up, but so does the wording in a lot of academic textbooks.

salvaria OP ,

You know, I recognized that too, but what I really needed was for someone to tell me what “how do you dress” meant ¯_(ツ)_/¯

FireTower ,
@FireTower@lemmy.world avatar

The site it self isn’t satire. They’ve got a YouTube channel w/ 3.5 million subs.

Obi ,
@Obi@sopuli.xyz avatar

I’m more curious which leg he puts it down in, in a fucking kilt.

Taniwha420 ,

No, they’re not worried about joggling your junk. It’s because you need something like an extra half inch in the seam on the side you dress on to leave a little extra room in your pants for your dick. Well-tailored pants are asymetrical. Not sure those of you who wear briefs need to worry about it.

RaoulDook ,

This seems like a good place for a joke about hanging dong. Podcasts about how the distinguished gentleman may properly hang dong in tailored slacks, let’s go with that

salvaria OP ,

I don’t have the equipment to know if this is true or not, but it seems smart to ask the person you’re fitting so that you don’t accidentally grope them

NotMaster ,

Its true. This is a common tailoring question for men. Nothing to do with being fondled and everything to do with the pants fit. If you are getting measured like this for expensive pants your going to get nudged a bit anyways when they do the inseam measure.

Anticorp ,

I’ve been measured for expensive suits and I’ve never been asked this question.

fmstrat ,

Most likely due to the for style of the suit, or the country of origin which can define that.

Anticorp ,

Yeah that makes sense. I don’t wear skinny pants, so there’s usually ample room in the crotch.

Taniwha420 ,

I think you’re telling me you’re a woman. I want to point out that seeing a tailor is a non-sexual experience. I’m not sure I’ve ever been to one, not even a female tailor, who HASN’T made incidental contact with my genitals when checking fit, particularly in-seam. It’s a far cry from being “groped”. It’s a bit like imagining a lingerie specialist worries about touching someone’s boobs, or that a doctor gets worried about seeing someone naked.

TammyTobacco ,

This is the right answer. It’s so if you’re wearing tightly tailored pants you have some dick space so you’re not imprinting and showing it off to everyone.

wildbus8979 ,

Let me translate this old joke from Coluche…

It’s the story of a guy who is constantly living with migraines. He goes to the doctor for the tenth time and says “doctor I can’t take it anymore, these migraines are ruining my life!”, so the doctor prescribes him some medication and says “listen, these are the last resorts… If they don’t work, there’s really only one thing we can do, and it’s to chop off your dick!”, “chop off my dick?? I sure do hope these meds work!!”. The guy returns home and starts taking the meds. But months past and the migraines persist. He can’t take it anymore, so he goes back to the doctor and says “doctor, I’ve had it, I have no life, it will be better to live without a dick than not to live at all”, “very well, let’s get it done!”. And so the doctor chops off his dick! Months past and the guy’s migraines are completely gone. He’s so happy, he finally can live a somewhat normal life. After months of success, he tells himself “I think I should celebrate! Let get ourselves a nice suit!”. So he goes to the tailor, and the tailor asks him “sir, tell me, which way do you hang?”, obviously the guy replies “oh you know, it is of no importance what so ever…”, the tailor exclaims loudly “are you mad? It is of the upmost importance sir! If it hangs on the wrong side of the pants, you’ll end up getting constant migraines!!”

salvaria OP ,

Thanks for translating!

Silentiea ,
@Silentiea@lemmy.blahaj.zone avatar

I’ve always heard the ending be something like:

Sir, you are a size 37

37? No, I’m a 36!

36!? Why if you wore size 36, your mangos would be so squished up you’d have constant migraines.

Anticorp ,

The average penis according to multiple studies is between 5.1" and 5.2" long erect. The average penis also grows up to five times in size when erect. I don’t think the problem posed in this article is something the average man needs to worry about.

ChexMax ,

This took me a second to understand (it’s 4AM) and for a second I was like wait, this cannot be correct. No one is walking around with a 25 inch penis. Then I got it

Anticorp ,

Ha! All the guys wish!

iknowitwheniseeit ,

I don’t think so. Even with just 7 inches or so you’re starting to have to be careful with angles to avoid hurting your partner.

Anticorp ,

Plus sitting on those standard toilets, instead of the oblong ones starts becoming risky.

Grass ,

it doesn’t even take that much. I sit forward enough to not be shitting on the seat, but still get front contact if I don’t push it up or down depending if I need to piss or not. and that’s the low end of the average. ban all small toilets!

Anticorp ,

I’d heard people talking about this before and I was like “WTF? How big are these guys?”. But I had only ever had those really deep, oblong toilets. We moved into a house with standard toilets a few months ago and I was like “ooooh. Yeah, this sucks!”.

meep_launcher ,

Lol right? That’s absurd. Mine’s 15" like normal.

Prandom_returns ,

Do you guys not tuck it in your sock?

victorz ,

So the average penis is about 1" flaccid?! That’s gotta be a global average. Not in my parts, I’ll tell you that. Not in the local gym showers at least (my only source of data).

DudeDudenson ,

Some people are showers some people are growers, plus it’d be totally different if it was freezing cold in your gyms changing room

victorz ,

Right, but average though? I find that absolutely incredible. It’s not like it’s freezing cold when people measure their penises either… Or is that part of the statistics, to make men feel better about themselves?

I absolutely cannot believe the average flaccid-penis size is one goddamn inch, unless you maybe mix billions of Asians in the mix (no hate). Not from my own experiences. Regional average has to be higher in Western/Northern Europe. No way does anyone of the penises I’ve seen shrink below 1 inch. 😆

Anticorp , (edited )

Like the other person said, 5x growth is overall, meaning length and girth. Some people grow more than others. The guys walking around without clothes at the gym are typically the more confident guys, meaning the guys who are more endowed. As someone who played sports for half his life, and was in the Army, I’ve seen a lot of dongs, and they’re all over the place. They seem to vary from 1/2" to the biggest I’ve ever seen which was an enormous 11" monster. The average flaccid just based on personal observation is 2-3 inches, so still not really something you need to worry about when getting your pants tailored. But if you’re a guy, then you know that your flaccid size varies greatly depending on a number of factors.

victorz ,

5x growth is overall, meaning length and girth.

Oh my god, of course. 😆 I’m so dumb. Right, that makes perfect sense then. God. Dad brain was kicking in hard, earlier. Thank you for that!

victorz ,

the biggest I’ve ever seen which was an enormous 11" monster

Just out of curiosity, how do you know it was 11"? 😅

Anticorp , (edited )

Because he told me, and I told him he was full of shit, so he showed me without giving me any chance to protest.

victorz ,

Jesus. What kind of person tells you the length of their dick, first of all, and second of all pulls it out to show you.

TwinTusks ,
@TwinTusks@bitforged.space avatar

Someone who is proud of it.

victorz ,

I mean I’m proud of my size too but I don’t go around advertising it and exposing myself to randos, JFC.

Anticorp ,

We were 18 years old. Idk if that makes any difference.

victorz ,

I mean, not really. Not to me anyway. 😅 Maybe I’m the prude one (then again I actually have a really miniscule exhibitionist side, which adds to the mix). Ah well. 😁 Funny story either way lol. Thanks for sharing!

Anticorp ,

Young men act ridiculous in Army basic training.

victorz ,

Evidently so lol. 😅

fine_sandy_bottom ,

Nah the 5 times size would be volume not just length

bitwaba ,

Well that’s an easy enough equation to solve. Girth stays the same, length goes 1/5th.

Beer Can Jim is just Tuna Can Jim if he’s not in the mood.

Elkenders ,

I think this includes countries which have a much smaller average.

southsamurai ,
@southsamurai@sh.itjust.works avatar

Down the leg? I wrap it around my waist

SoleInvictus ,

I curl mine up like a butterfly’s proboscis.

Decoy321 ,

Wind it up like a spring

FooBarrington ,

If you bend the tip just right, it can act like a pogo stick

AFC1886VCC ,

I throw mine over my shoulder and wear it like an ammunition bandolier.

meep_launcher ,

Like any proper gentleman.

Gradually_Adjusting ,
@Gradually_Adjusting@lemmy.world avatar

KAKAROT!!!

I saw this comment during a server update and couldn’t reply sooner

electric_nan ,

Show-er problems.

jimp ,

It’s not supposed to just sit there like an acorn attached to the bottom of my torso?

mPony ,

preferably two acorns

PhlubbaDubba ,

Why in god’s name would you choose to put it down a leg‽ That shit will give you the worst rug burn imagineable if you happen to take your pants off too fast or fall in a split or just sit down on your pants in a weird way where they pull against you if you try to shift in the wrong way.

delirious_owl ,
@delirious_owl@discuss.online avatar

Wut. You put yours up so that it pokes out the top?

PhlubbaDubba ,

Optimized for slapping it down on tables to assert dominance.

HR doesn’t let me attend meetings with clients anymore…

Lemminary ,

HR is too kind… to let you have a job.

Noodle07 ,

Let’s all be honest, slapping in on a table is funny as fuck

ramble81 ,

One of the perks of being a grower. Don’t have to worry about that.

SidewaysHighways ,

Yeah that thing goes into fuckin STANBY MODE ME BOIIIIIII

SkyezOpen ,

Boxer briefs keep it nice and snug. Also the number of times I’ve twisted a fucking nut sleeping in boxers or naked… Ugh. Never again.

delirious_owl ,
@delirious_owl@discuss.online avatar

How does one twist a but while sleeping. What does that even mean

SkyezOpen ,

Nut. Testicle.

GBU_28 ,

Where the fuck else should it go??

not_woody_shaw ,

Why would you wear pants so tight that you need to choose?

GBU_28 ,

What? They aren’t tight

Dasus ,
@Dasus@lemmy.world avatar

Guess someone stole a part of your genitalia meant to protect a more sensitive part.

Who would’ve guessed that mutilating children’s genitals can be harmful? ¯_(ツ)_/¯

PhlubbaDubba ,

Chaffing doesn’t suddenly stop being chaffing because your sausage comes with a casing.

Dasus ,
@Dasus@lemmy.world avatar

Well my non-circumsized penis hangs out in my left pant leg and even without underwear, I’ve never had chaffing as an issue.

Have you? Have you even an uncircumsized dick? Because, how would you know if you don’t?

The only time that’s been even slightly an issue is when putting on pants without underwear just after sex, putting on jeans without underwear and while the foreskin was behind the glans and not on it. Which is when I’ll just grab my junk, roll the hood back down to cover most of the glans and then no chaffing.

And if you don’t put your dick in your leg, where else would you?

invisiblegorilla ,

But, have you ever caught it in the zip…?

Rivalarrival ,

Foreskin is a fair bit more resilient than frenulum.

MBM ,

… is this why some guys badly need to spread their legs while sitting?

Silentiea ,
@Silentiea@lemmy.blahaj.zone avatar

Ooh, an interrobang

bizarroland ,

Both legs at the same time, like any normal person

Akasazh ,
@Akasazh@feddit.nl avatar

The double slack experiment

RootBeerGuy ,
@RootBeerGuy@discuss.tchncs.de avatar

… like any normal Klingon

cheeseburger ,
@cheeseburger@lemmy.ca avatar

Around here tailors say, “which way do you hang” (or they used to, it’s been a while) and it’s because extra room is required in tailored pants. Generally junk at rest prefers one side to the other.

BorisBoreUs ,
@BorisBoreUs@lemmy.world avatar

It was, “Which side do you dress to?” around here. Especially if i was a woman doing the measurements for the tailoring.

AFC1886VCC ,

Please do touch my penis when measuring me

dumbass ,
@dumbass@leminal.space avatar

Well you won’t let me measure it by looking at it.

MummifiedClient5000 ,

I meant “Your left”, so sorry

Jubei_K_08 ,

It’s always up and in a karate stance, good sir.

Agent641 ,

Like this:

https://lemmy.world/pictrs/image/8cdcb3ae-b6a6-4274-bfe2-4f84154cef62.jpeg

OccamsRazer ,

Interesting idea, because my boxer briefs support my balls in the middle, but my dress pants have one seam down the middle, so when I sit for prolonged periods I get a seam uncomfortably squishing my equipment. If instead the seam was always resting to one side or the other, I wouldn’t have that problem. To fix this, we should either have underwear that better accommodates a middle seam, or my preference would be pants with a built in pouch similar to underwear. It would accentuate the “bulge”, but we could get used to that.

lud ,

I often use underwear that have a bigger and better formed pouch to provide a more natural fit instead of just beating it to compliance like normal underwear does. It’s so much more comfortable.

sploosh ,

David Archy is a good brand for this. Super comfy at not too much of a premium.

lud ,

I agree I own a bunch of their briefs which I like a lot.

DokPsy ,

You’re thinking of codpieces.

_stranger_ ,

www.duluthtrading.com/men/…/ballroom-jeans/

OccamsRazer ,

Nice, that’s what I’m talking about.

ryven ,
@ryven@lemmy.dbzer0.com avatar

I don’t understand the chart in this article about body type vs. underwear style. It doesn’t relate to the question that it’s located directly under, and it makes no attempt to explain why, for example, thin men shouldn’t wear boxers.

I can’t tell if this article is AI generated or just rushed out by someone trying to meet a quota.

salvaria OP ,

I figured that a lot of it was just padding after answering the question of what “how do you dress” means

creditCrazy ,
@creditCrazy@lemmy.world avatar

I’m not even sure there were any men involved in writing this I typically have my thing pinned upward to avoid rug rash and boners turning my leg into a codpiece

TheTetrapod ,

Is this a joke? How do you “pin up” your dick?

ShepherdPie ,

A miniature clothes line running across your waist and some clothes pins. Obviously.

noodlejetski ,

www.thingsmydickdoes.com

NSFW, obviously.

lost_faith ,

Prince Albert?

Ookami38 ,

Just run a pushpin through it?

creditCrazy ,
@creditCrazy@lemmy.world avatar

Am I like the only man here that wears underwear I’ve never worn underwear that lets my cock hang like do you guys get underwear that it is like 2 times the size of your waist

MBM ,

I’m extremely confused by the fact that people are confused

GBU_28 ,

Wat

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