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programmer_humor

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bolexforsoup , (edited ) in They never let me

spoilerasdfasfasfasfas

sudo ,

Client: “How much is this disaster recovery plan going to cost me?”

Me: “A hell of a lot less than when you don’t have (valid, tested) backups and need them”

uservoid1 , in The perfect commit message

Keeping the chicken in the oven could lead to nasty bugs

Patches ,

That’s not true. Chickens are fantastic at getting rid of bugs.

Got a tick problem? Not anymore.

However you will now have rodent problems and require something to take care of that: Terriers are great at that. So are cats.

bort ,

However you will now have rodent problems

chicken got you covered on that front too www.youtube.com/watch?v=iubf1oJdQQQ

Patches ,

Will they eat the rodents? Yes. They will eat anything. edible or not.

Will you still have a rodent problem? Yes you will.

Kolanaki ,
@Kolanaki@yiffit.net avatar

…she swallowed the horse to catch the cow, she swallowed the cow to catch the goat, she swallowed the goat to catch the dog, she swallowed the dog to catch the cat, she swallowed the cat to catch the bird, she swallowed the bird to catch the spider (that wriggled and jiggled and tickled inside her), she swallowed the spider to catch the fly. I don’t know why she swallowed the fly. Perhaps she’ll die. 🤷🏻‍♂️

gregorum ,

On a hole on bottom of the sea…

wreckedcarzz ,
@wreckedcarzz@lemmy.world avatar

For the first few words, I thought this was going a very different direction

kryptonianCodeMonkey , in As someone not in tech, I have no idea how to refer to my tech friends' jobs

I’m in tech and “computer programmer” has always sounded to me like a grandma phrase. Like how all gaming consoles are referred to as “the Nintendo” or “the game station”.

Poutinetown ,

Has there been a programmer for anything other than a computer

kryptonianCodeMonkey ,

angry domino logic programmer noises

Poutinetown ,

Do you program domino logic on a electric board or on a computer?

kryptonianCodeMonkey ,
marcos ,

Yes. And, by the way, “computer” was once the name of a profession, carried out by people.

neuracnu ,
@neuracnu@lemmy.blahaj.zone avatar

Television programming? It’s a stretch, one might say a broad-casting of the term.

small_crow ,
@small_crow@lemmy.ca avatar

I remember telling my high school guidance counsellor I was planning on becoming a programmer. She looked at me, head tilted like a confused dog and asked what excited me about Event Programming (as in, planning and scheduling large in-person events).

That was the first time someone didn’t understand what I did for work, and it was about 5 years before I started doing it.

0x0 ,

That’s funny, plain “programmer” would be my preferred term if it weren’t for the fact that non-tech folks think it sounds like menial work. I’ve landed on “software engineer” because that’s what my employer calls me and other people seem to understand a little bit, too.

floofloof ,

Here in Canada you can’t call yourself an engineer unless you are a qualified and licensed engineer. So most people have to call themselves “developer”. When you see someone calling themselves a software engineer it should mean something.

kryptonianCodeMonkey ,

I was hired with the official title “software engineer,” then I was noted in all unofficial org charts as a “SE/DE” (software engineer/data engineer), and recently my boss announced that I have had my title officially changed to “data engineer”. My job functions have not changed the entire time I’ve been here. I write Python, SQL, KQL and Pyspark scripts and have to fuck around with Azure architecture sometimes. So there’s not always clear delineation between these terms, anyway.

Feathercrown ,

I was hired as a Developer and a month or two in they changed our titles to Software Engineer because “It sounds better.” I’d have to say I agree!

odium ,

Lol, are you me? Job application said software engineer. 3 months after I was hired, it changed to data engineer with no changes to the work I do. I wasn’t even notified, just noticed on a random day that the role on my profile on Teams had changed. I also do Python, SQL, and Pyspark scripts, but use AWS instead.

wise_pancake , in Is there anything we cannot learn from the wisdom of ancient Japan?

I believe it was Benjamin Franklin who said “You have reached the end of your membership at Benjamin-Franklin-Quotes.com”

mattd ,

Such a wise man

caleb , in Every language has its niche

As a Rails engineer with 14 years experience, I can say the place that should be in the 3rd panel is Shopify. They employ so many ruby and rails core committers and directly fund a good many rails gems, and ruby community infrastructure it’s insane. They’re also directly funding the development of things like the YJIT and speed enhancements to MRI itself.

Then there’s all the other places I know or worked at built on Ruby where my other long tenured ruby friends work.

  • Gusto
  • Airbnb
  • Clearbit
  • Stripe
  • Github
  • Gitlab
  • Bold Penguin
ComradeKhoumrag ,
@ComradeKhoumrag@infosec.pub avatar

Ruby was recommended to me by my comparative programming languages professor. I haven’t picked it up, but there were memes that this professor was so good at programming he was secretly built by the university in C++ to teach students how to write better code.

merc ,

It’s worth learning Ruby to understand some of the tricks you can do in programming languages.

Did your prof also recommend others like Lisp?

Lulzagna ,

Basecamp

rambaroo ,

Aha asks for Ruby on rails experience in their job listings, so they must be using it as well

Kidplayer_666 , in X is just better!

Sure X isn’t a hot mess unlike wayland… sure…

jwt ,

X has been tepid for at least a decade.

crossmr , in Every Family Dinner Now

Being a programmer is a lot like being a tradesperson. A tradesperson has a lot of flexibility in what they can do. They can work for a company, work freelance, or start their own business.

Programming gives you the same flexibility, the most important bit being that you can do it for yourself.

AI is going to struggle with larger complex tasks for a long time coming. While you can go to it and say 'write me a script to convert a png to a jpg' you can't go to it and say 'Write me a suite of tools to support business X' or 'make me a fun and creative game' A good programmer isn't going to be out of work for a long time.

xmunk ,

Most of the work software developers do is comprehending the problem, formulating a solution that addresses the problem, and doing it in a maintainable, performant, and security conscious manner.

I think AI can write a killer isEven() method, I think it’s shit at everything I listed… it’s extremely shit at being security conscious, any dev can tell you that it’s easier to write code and confirm it’s following best security practices then it is to review someone’s code and confirm it’s following best security practices… I think AI actively makes it harder to have confidence in security.

The first real part of my job I think AI will help with is performance tuning. We’re not there yet but I think we’re not unimaginably far from being able to give an AI a working but slow function and have a computer spin up a million randomized test inputs and outputs… then start scrambling the algorithm in a plethora of ways and testing the performance while confirming that the test cases pass.

Then again, you’ll need to confirm the algorithm is still secure - but I think the realm of performance is the first place we’d see a tool that I’d demand a license for.

ForgotAboutDre ,

All the AI does is match the request to solutions it was trained in.

It just stackoverflow in your ide. It has a little more flexibility in answering and isn’t as corrupted by SEO result when googling the equivalent answer. Its not informed and thinking.

The optimisation problems you are talking about is the process that is used to make AI models in the first place. I think you want an AI to configure optimisation routines for you rather than build the test cases and variables yourself. Or you want some system that implement all the individual components better, but an AI that can optimise the entire thing isn’t coming about soon. It would need to trained on very similar software. In which case you should just use that better software.

someacnt_ ,

Basically any pro-AI argument seems to go “it will achieve AGI”. So funny that lots of people buy that, forgetting how hard a general intelligence is.

nickwitha_k ,

I want AGI to be a thing. I see little evidence that OpenAI et al are going that way. Pretty sure it’s mostly hype to distract from wholesale theft of IP for profit.

someacnt_ ,

Ah, me too. Should have specified OpenAI

4am , in isEven API

Incoming trademark lawsuit from iSeven, the API that tells you if a number is seven or not

call_me_xale , in JavaScript's days are numbered

Bold of you to assume no one will come up with a replacement date library rather than just getting rid of JS.

__init__ ,

It’s javascript. We’ll have gone through 275,760 new datetime libraries before then, it’ll be fine.

towerful ,

String based date processing

Redkey ,

Of course! There’s already a proposal for a replacement Temporal object.

LPThinker ,

It’s not just a proposal, it’s already fully defined and almost completely implemented - I believe they’re just waiting on a standards update from ISO for time zone stuff.

solidgrue , (edited ) in Brace Style
@solidgrue@lemmy.world avatar

Looks like Python, but in an editor with a weird TUI scrollbar

subignition ,
@subignition@fedia.io avatar

High chance that it's a Python programmer who is really unhappy about having to work in Java, lol

tan00k ,

Agreed. I saw this and thought it looked beautifully passive aggressive

hemmes ,
@hemmes@lemmy.world avatar

Ha! Now I see it - that was very funny, sir!

arudesalad ,

Doesn’t python need colons after if/else/for/etc. statements?

_stranger_ ,

Heh, so in Python it’s possible to overload operators in the context of objects. I bet it would be possible to overload tabs to do the same thing as colons inside a context manager, but that’s pure speculation.

takeda ,

Perhaps I don’t understand you, but I don’t think there’s a way to override spaces in python in any way. The spaces are handled by the parser.

_stranger_ ,

You can define what happens for an object when an operator is applied (like +, /, or -) so that you can obj+obj. I wonder if there’s a way to override “tab” such that it acts like a “:”, but from inside the language (this is trivial if you edit the language itself like you suggest). Thinking about it more, I’m guessing not since “:” isn’t an operator and this doesn’t have a corresponding operator function.

palordrolap ,

If Python has anything like Perl's source code filters, then anything's up for grabs, but Perl is kind of weird in a way that Python was specifically designed not to be. Or at least Python 1 was. Things may have changed in the intervening couple of decades.

If it's just plain overloading, then whitespace is probably off the table. Spaces, even required spaces, aren't so much syntax as they are structure. You could argue that the curly braces of some other languages are more syntactic than Python's whitespace, because it's actually Python's magic colon and the first unindented line (lack of whitespace!) that serve that specific syntactic purpose.

Examples of Perl's source code filters range from turning a program into binary representation of the syntax tree and still having it be executable, to new syntax, to writing programs entirely in Latin or something that looks almost but not entirely unlike it, anyway.

takeda ,

I see. I would love to be proven wrong, but I don’t see a way this would work with tabs/spaces in python.

frezik ,

IIRC, Python handles whitespace indentation by having the tokenizer convert them to INDENT/DEDENT tokens. The grammar can then handle them equivalently to a curly brace language.

zaphod ,

You can write Fortran Python in any language.

Zorsith , in Start ups when that VC funding kicks in
@Zorsith@lemmy.blahaj.zone avatar

I’m allergic to dogs and don’t drink, bad recruiter, shoo! Shoo! spray bottle noises

realbadat , in TCP vs UDP

Well this is going in my “basics of networking” presentation.

msage ,

There is a bigger one, with more networking terms, but I can’t find it right now :|

realbadat ,

If you do find it let me know, I’d love to see it! I really do have about 20 hours of training in networking I give to folks, and since it’s literally 20 hours of information, I like to put in fun stuff.

Like a picture of a facemask I added during COVID with “stay at 127.0.0.1, don’t 255.255.255.255”. Super cheesy but at least it’s a mental distraction from information overload haha

msage ,

I believe it was this one link

realbadat ,

Phenomenal, thank you!

funkless_eck ,

could you share it to us laymen internet strangers?

realbadat ,

Right now it’s got some private info in there, but I’ve been meaning to make it sanitized to share, so I’ll let you know

BatmanAoD , in we love open source!!1!

The logo and “join our Discord” text are more than half cut off for me. Is that the original cropping, or is it a client (Jerboa) issue?

DrJenkem ,
@DrJenkem@lemmy.blugatch.tube avatar

It’s cut off in Voyager for me as well.

pewgar_seemsimandroid ,

*wefwef/Voyager

AnActOfCreation ,
@AnActOfCreation@programming.dev avatar

Wow I almost forgot the original name! I was skeptical it would catch on, as name changes are very hard, but fortunately it was very early on and I bet a lot of other people have forgotten as well.

jdeath ,

its still wefwef on my phone and its never changing. i had forgotten that it had changed, actually. lol

reimufumo OP ,
@reimufumo@lemmy.ca avatar

it’s intentional

Kayday ,

To be fair, you have to have a very high IQ to understand cropped memes. The humour is extremely subtle, and without a solid grasp of memetics and linguistics most of the jokes will go over a typical reader’s head. There’s also the high contrast color pallette, which is deftly woven into the message. Lemmy users understand this stuff; they have the intellectual capacity to truly appreciate the depths of these jokes, to realise that they’re not just funny- they say something deep about LIFE. As a consequence people who dislike cropped memes truly ARE idiots- of course they wouldn’t appreciate, for instance, the humour in longing for the bottom half of the text, “Join our Discord”. I’m smirking right now just imagining one of those addlepated simpletons scratching their heads in confusion as the meme’s genius wit unfolds itself on their smartphone screens. What fools…

AeonFelis ,

Do you have a cropped tattoo? Can we see it?

Crackhappy ,
@Crackhappy@lemmy.world avatar

That joke is pretty armless

some_guy ,

The simps will be confounded by your use of vocabulary. Just imagine the ignoramuses and their drooling confusion. It almost makes me feel sorry for them.

This is sarcasm building upon the sarcasm of the previous post. I don’t give two fucks about this meme but I know people resent Discord as a substitute for forums. Those people are clearly Neanderthals, a species we now know to have had culture but certainly not computers.

Corbin ,

You’re literally posting from the SDF’s instance. If you’re not going to support FLOSS, then consider migrating to a server which reflects your beliefs. (Also, go take an anthropology course so that you don’t embarrass yourself by dehumanizing people online.)

some_guy ,

And the reason for my mention of sarcasm proves necessary. I can’t contribute code, so I contribute money to FOSS projects. And I think it’s stupid to dehumanize people. I haven’t embarrassed myself because you aren’t able to properly interpret my post building atop prior sarcasm.

There’s a reason I’m on the SDF instance and it wasn’t an accident. Learn to internet.

Corbin ,

Sarcasm needs to be humorous; you’re merely rattling off insults. Anyway, it’s pretty uncommon that somebody literally “can’t contribute code;” anybody who can learn how to use a computer and post juvenile horseshit to Lemmy can learn how to write code. I’m a former professional musician; writing code is my backup career, taking less practice and effort than playing the piano. I encourage you to try putting in some effort; for the same time it takes to write around 500 comments/month on Lemmy, you could probably build a program that automates or simplifies some portion of your life.

And seriously, by doubling down on the idea that being Neanderthal is bad or deficient, you’re spouting some nasty rhetoric. It doesn’t matter whether you’re serious or not; eventually, you’ll forget that you were being ironic. “Those who play with the devil’s toys will be brought by degrees to wield his sword” and all that.

BeardedGingerWonder ,

I uSE aRcH Btw

Twitches ,

To be fair, you have to have a very high IQ to understand cropped memes. The humour is extremely subtle, and without a solid grasp of memetics and linguistics most of the jokes will go over a typical reader’s head. There’s also the high contrast color pallette, which is deftly woven into the message. Lemmy users understand this stuff; they have the intellectual capacity to truly appreciate the depths of these jokes, to realise that they’re not just funny- they say something deep about LIFE. As a consequence people who dislike cropped memes truly ARE idiots- of course they wouldn’t appreciate, for instance, the humour in longing for the bottom half of the text, “Join our Discord”. I’m smirking right now just imagining one of those addlepated simpletons scratching their heads in confusion as the meme’s genius wit unfolds itself on their smartphone screens. What fools…

nifty ,
@nifty@lemmy.world avatar

This is my new favorite copy pasta, thanks

pkill ,

tips fedora

PoolloverNathan ,

tips arch (btw)

HKayn ,
@HKayn@dormi.zone avatar

The fact that this is the top comment sends a funny message about the Lemmy community as a whole.

FriendlyBeagleDog , in Companies are not your friend

Subscription-based models are a plague, but at least Jetbrains products eventually offer a perpetual fallback license for if you stop paying.

It’s absurd that Adobe can just take tools you might depend on away after years of paying the subscription.

watersnipje ,

What do you mean with perpetual fallback license?

ResoluteCatnap ,

Basically when you buy your subscription you also get perpetual access to the current X.Y.Z version + any future bugfixes (Z). So if you stop paying next year you still have access to the version from when your started your subscription.

watersnipje ,

Ah, makes sense , thanks!

floofloof ,

If I subscribe for 10 years then can’t afford it any more I’m rewarded with a 10 year old version of the software? It should be the version that was current when you finished your subscription.

reflectedodds ,

as soon as you pay for 12 consecutive months, you will receive this perpetual fallback license providing you with access to the exact product version for when your 12 consecutive months subscription started.

So at most your software will be 1 year old.

floofloof ,

That’s not so bad. Thank you for the clarification.

con_fig ,

If you stop the subscription, you don’t get upgrades. But you keep whatever the last version you had, it’s not locked out by a license check.

watersnipje ,

That’s good, I think that’s a much better and fairer model than being locked out completely of a thing that you did pay for.

morhp ,

The basic software like the Intellij Community Edition is also fully open source. (And it’s not actually basic at all. It’s a great full featured IDE)

Basically you’re only paying for their support/updates and for specific language and toolkit support, which makes sense to me. They need to pay their staff somehow.

It’s not comparable to Adobe or other crappy manufacturers where you own nothing.

FreshLight , in Unicode

It’s like… WE , the viewers have the wrong encoding. Only we don’t know how the owner of the sticker feels about Unicode. They themselves know exactly how they feel about it.

I like that.

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