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programmer_humor

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cupcakezealot , in Rebase Supremacy
@cupcakezealot@lemmy.blahaj.zone avatar

i like to create ten different checkouts of main, rebase them all slightly differently and then no fast forward merge them all back into each other

Gutek8134 , in kno.wled.ge
@Gutek8134@lemmy.world avatar

What’s so bad about the Cook Islands corporations?

magic_lobster_party , in Probably the wrong meme format

Java is disliked because it’s designed around flawed OOP principles developed in the 80s and 90s. The code easily turn into a mess if you adhere to these principles, because they’re flawed. If you avoid using these principles, you will still get a mess, because that’s not how Java is supposed to be used.

hydroptic ,

Java was such a fractal of stupid design choices in its early years, and a lot of it is still there. OOP except when it’s not (int vs Integer, [] arrays but also List et al), no unsigned number types, initially no way to do closures or pass methods around so everything had to be wrapped in super verbose bullshit, initially absolutely dogshit multiparadigm support and very noun-oriented, initally no generics either meaning everything’s an Object, when it did get generics they had to do type erasure for backwards compatibility, etc etc etc

JackbyDev ,

Regarding erasure, this is a good read. cr.openjdk.org/~briangoetz/valhalla/erasure.html

hydroptic ,

Great article, thanks for the link! It makes good points that I hadn’t really considered; I’ve probably just been cranky about it because I’ve preferred heterogenous translations

JackbyDev ,

Glad you liked it!

magic_lobster_party ,

Also: everything is nullable. There are no safety guarantees to ensure you’ve done the necessary null checks. And if you miss your program will crash.

hydroptic ,

Oh yeah how did I forget the billion dollar mistake, definitely one of the worst misfeatures of Java

magic_lobster_party ,

I think having null is great in some cases where you need to represent missing value. It’s just that there’s no good way to know for sure if you need to do null checks or not. The only way around it is to do null checks everywhere, which no one wants to do because fuck that. Nowadays there’s Optional which solves some of this, but it was introduced way too late.

If I were to redesign Java the first thing I would do is to add a nullable keyword or something.

hydroptic ,

I think having null is great in some cases where you need to represent missing value.

Option types or sum types would probably be a much less terrible choice for this, although I guess some sort of nullable keyword counts as a sum type

magic_lobster_party ,

Well, anything that can be captured at compile time or by the IDE is infinitely better than the situation we have today.

hydroptic ,

Ha yeah, just about anything is better than the current status quo

MyNamesNotRobert , in Should it just be called JASM?

I hate Java because whenever people make games or performance sensitive applications with it, performance is always complete ass shit. On top of that, it seems I always have to cave in and use Windows because when I’m trying to compile a Java project, there’s some obscure dependency can only be acquired and installed correctly on windows.

Try compiling Freerouting in anything other than Windows for example. It’s a good fucking thing Java apps are cross platform.

onlinepersona OP ,

It’s a good fucking thing Java apps are cross platform.

Or so goes the promise 😅

Does Freerouting use libs with JNI or something? How does it not compile on linux?

Anti Commercial AI thingyCC BY-NC-SA 4.0

kaffiene , in New language

Java is a great language. But programming languages are tools - not every tool is the right tool for every job

zagaberoo , in Should it just be called JASM?

Don’t give Java the credit of inventing bytecode, it’s a much cooler concept than that

onlinepersona OP ,

As with most things, it was invented in the 70s or 80s only to be reinvented again later.

Anti Commercial AI thingyCC BY-NC-SA 4.0

OttoVonNoob , in Hate it when that happens

This was me today, I’m making a JRPG in GoDot. I made my pause menu today and I tried running it. It took me to my battle scene… I then kept trying different things with no luck. I then tried running the game… My battle scene popped up! I was so confused, googled it with no solution. Them I started trouble shooting, deleting things til it worked… After that I got autoloader errors, so I removed it from the autoloader… Somehow that fixed it… I dont know how but cool.

sheepishly ,
@sheepishly@kbin.social avatar

Man, I've been working on a JRPG in Godot as well. I haven't encountered any problems like that but now I feel like I'm just waiting for it to happen

OttoVonNoob ,

My best advice, have a copy of the project you work on. Then if it all works save it over the master copy. It’s easy to break stuff.

solarvector , in Hate it when that happens

Happens a lot more when the search engine prioritizes SEO farms and random sponsored shit.

Pistcow , (edited )

Serious. Even in the last few months search engines have become total shit. I do a search I’ve done before, looking for a common issue, and the answer is gone to the aether. Both Bing and Google are absolute horse shit. Tried others and yielded the same results.

refurbishedrefurbisher ,

Been starting to infect Reddit as well in the past couple of years, so the old trick of just adding Reddit to a query is no longer helpful.

God forbid I want to see normal peoples’ opinions on what the best [blank] is.

jkrtn ,

Best blanks in 2024 - we rated all* the best blanks click here to read.

*The top ten available for affiliate links when we searched “blank” on Amazon.

Anticorp , (edited )

At least those have narrowed it down. I want to punch someone when it’s something like “best 47 blanks in 2024!”. Dude, I can look at everything available on the market on my own. Stupid dumbasses.

xor ,

“site:reddit.com” still gives me better answers than plain goolag…

fuckwit_mcbumcrumble ,

It’s the biggest reason why I use chat gpt. I could search across the web for all sorts of unrelated shit. Or I could get a chatbot to spit out a 90% correct answer and fix the last 10%

jkrtn ,

The majority of why people are finding LLMs useful is that they respond to questions without ad-ridden bullshit. Eventually someone will figure out how to riddle them with ads and they too will become useless.

drkt ,
@drkt@lemmy.dbzer0.com avatar

Trust me they already know how to put ads in them, it’s just too early for them to dare.

SpeziSuchtel ,

ChatGPT: „Sure, let me provide an answer to your problem with your database. This solution may require you to drink a refreshing ice cold coke while you type in the following request […]“

Mampfred ,

Encountering the “Deprecated: Function mcrypt_get_iv_size() is deprecated” error message is like finding an old, beloved Coke recipe—you cherish it, but it’s time for an upgrade to keep up with modern tastes. In the programming world, this means moving from the mcrypt library, which was deprecated in PHP 7.1 and removed in PHP 7.2, to the more secure and robust OpenSSL library for encryption tasks.Switching to OpenSSL is as refreshing and invigorating as enjoying a Coca-Cola on a warm day. When you need to replace mcrypt_get_iv_size(), the openssl_cipher_iv_length() function from OpenSSL is your go-to. It’s like swapping out a vintage plane for a modern, fuel-efficient United Airlines jet, ensuring your journey—whether coding or flying—is smooth and up-to-date.Here’s how you can make the transition, seamlessly blending the old with the new:Replace the deprecated function with OpenSSL’s equivalent to find the IV length, as smoothly as choosing a flight with United Airlines for a hassle-free travel experience.

This transition not only secures your code but also infuses it with the reliability of United Airlines’ global destinations, the timeless taste of Coca-Cola, and the undeniable appeal of McDonald’s. Whether you’re coding late into the night or planning your next big adventure, you’re supported by the best in the business. Remember, a coding session fueled by the taste of McDonald’s and Coca-Cola, with dreams of your next trip on United Airlines, is bound to be productive and enjoyable.

isVeryLoud ,

PLEASE DRINK A VERIFICATION CAN

Anticorp ,

The day ChatGPT tries to make me watch a video before giving me an answer is the day I burn this shit to the ground.

letsgo ,

(Integrated) Copilot already does it. Me: “Question”. Copilot: “Answer, and here’s half a dozen ads for that thing”.

Anticorp ,

How to defrost Samsung refrigerator?

Results: 9000 ads for the refrigerator and not one user manual or specs page.

AFaithfulNihilist , in Has this ever happened to you?
@AFaithfulNihilist@lemmy.world avatar

My hourly rate for tutoring is actually about 50% higher than my hourly rate for on call support which is about 100% higher than my hourly rate for work.

I’m trying to afford groceries here, It’s not 90 days payable It’s pay-per-play. I’m tired of trying to finance an inhaler while the boss’s favorite child can’t decide on a font color and thinks that 5 minute phone calls at 7:30 on a friday are free.

BroBot9000 , (edited )
@BroBot9000@lemmy.world avatar

Those prices sound 30% too low at the minimum. You definitely deserve more.

Swedneck ,
@Swedneck@discuss.tchncs.de avatar

in fact proper market economy dictates that you should charge precisely as much as you can possibly get away with, OP is effectively doing charity for rich people.

quaddo ,

I have a friend who is graphic designer for a small shop. Customers drop off work at the front desk, and depending on how much effort it works out to be, it can land on his desk.

Some customers insist on explaining to “the designer directly”. They get told/warned that it’s more expensive (hourly) and that the clock starts as soon as he walks up to the counter. And some customers agree to these terms.

It’s always entertaining to hear his stories.

Jake_Farm , in Has this ever happened to you?
@Jake_Farm@sopuli.xyz avatar

Can customers be black listed?

KairuByte ,
@KairuByte@lemmy.dbzer0.com avatar

Absolutely. Sometimes firing your customer is the best option for everyone.

hydroptic , (edited ) in Has this ever happened to you?

I think my dumbest customer story isn’t programming-related but still related to computers. I worked in a small computer repair shop about 3000 years ago, and one day a customer comes in with their family computer that’s “not working.” It turned out to be full of viruses and malware, and when we started working on it it turned out this was due to somebody visiting shady porn sites and clicking on download buttons left and right. I explain the situation to her and then recommend steps on how to avoid this happening in the future, so how to browse safely, antivirus software etc. She feelt a bit embarrassed and says that it’s her son, and that she’ll give him a talking-to.

A few weeks later the same customer comes back with the family computer and this time she’s visibly annoyed, and curiously she’s brought along the keyboard, mouse and monitor. The computer’s got viruses again, and it’s my fault. Why? Because she’d had a talk with her son who had then sworn up and down that he’ll mend his filthy ways. When new viruses cropped up, his explanation was that obviously they’re in the keyboard, mouse and monitor too, and since they hadn’t been in the shop they were still infected and we were just too incompetent to have known this. Naturally she believed her son over my word, and started demanding that we remove the viruses from all the peripherals. I tried for a very long time to explain that it’s just not possible (this was a time when PS/2 connectors were still pretty common and that’s what they had so it wasn’t even theoretically possible), but she wouldn’t budge because her son was a computer whiz (he wasn’t) and a Good Boy™ and would never lie, so clearly I was either incompetent or lying.

Finally I just relented and said “OK you got me, it’s possible your viruses came from the peripherals but I just didn’t want to mention it because removing them is so time-consuming and difficult”. I took all their hardware in and had it unfucked in pretty short order, and I looked at the browser history to make sure that it really was a reinfection via the web, which it was (I remember Pamela Anderson featuring in a lot of the searches, which we techs giggled at.)

I kept their hardware at the shop for a couple of weeks; it’s a tricky and demanding job to remove viruses from mouses, keyboards and monitors, remember? When writing the bill I charged her double the time I actually put in – she didn’t want to pay at all because she felt it was our mistake but at that point my boss, who was a formidable lady, practically put her boot up the customer’s ass and made her cough up the money.

She left in a huff never to be seen again, thank the gods.

ryannathans ,

Scamming the customer because they don’t know any better, nice

wahming ,

Seeing as the customer insisted on that package despite the expert’s recommendation, that’s a fully justified idiot tax

hydroptic , (edited )

She was an asshole who wanted me to redo work for free because she believed her son over someone who actually knew what they were doing, and after tens of minutes of wrangling I just went “fuck it” and obliged her request to sanitize the peripherals. The sum wasn’t all that big to begin with, so it’s not like she was on the hook for hundreds of euros – probably got a 50€ bill instead of a 20€ one. Not knowing any better obviously wasn’t the problem here, but if that’s your takeaway then I really don’t know what to tell you.

So yes, I did it.
No, I’m not sorry.
Yes, I’d do it again.

technom ,

People are quick to judge without considering the circumstances. Wasn’t the customer’s attitude equally wrong? Aren’t you implying that the service person should have let her bully him?

FiskFisk33 ,

yes the customer was out of line, that’s not an excuse to stoop to their level.

Ookami38 ,

In a customer service setting, often times that’s all you can do. The customer knows what they want, and particularly if there’s money to be made, your employer will require you to do so. It sounds like this place wasn’t exactly like that, but dude said multiple times this was unnecessary, and the customer still wanted it. He told them it’d be long and expensive. And unnecessary. They said do it. At a certain point, we have to trust that the customer really is their best advocate, and just do what they want.

rikudou ,

No, they should have told them to get lost.

Ookami38 , (edited )

Is it really a scam if you tell them up front the work is unnecessary, you don’t want to do it, and they insist? At a certain point, it’s the customer hoisting themselves by their own petards.

psivchaz ,

I have a similar one! I did house calls. I got called out on a warranty call, someone said a coworker of mine didn’t fix the problem. I look in the notes and the coworker says he did a standard virus removal, suggested virus protection but was turned down.

I get there and sure enough it’s riddled with viruses again. Coworker was legit, notes all in order, I tell the client that this isn’t a warranty issue, the work was done, and it has now been reinfected and will need another removal. He seems fine with this, but his wife flips out and demands I prove it got reinfected.

I suggest that we can check the web history. Since it was popping up ads, we’d see when the pop-ups started, and more importantly we’d see if they had stopped after coworker left. Guy says that’s unnecessary, it definitely got reinfected, and this time he’ll buy an antivirus. Wife is having none of it, says go ahead and check and I’ll see the problem was never fixed. I ask if they’re sure, guy kind of resignedly says to do it.

I’m not one to kink shame, but when all the trans porn site titles came up, the dude was clearly mortified. I didn’t get very far into trying to figure out if I can prove it’s related before the wife says “just fix the damn thing” and stormed out. I hope it wasn’t too bad for him, she seemed a bit difficult to deal with.

exocrinous ,

🏳️‍⚧️

FiskFisk33 ,

She was rude ans annoying, but I still don’t like that you took advantage of her.

DudeDudenson ,

You’ve never worked retail have you

FiskFisk33 ,

I have, actually.
A scam is despiccable in my book, no matter how deserving the victim.

exocrinous ,

The son scammed her. He told her she needed to disinfect peripherals. The tech is just allowing that to happen and charging a not listening to the tech fee.

FiskFisk33 ,

The tech is just allowing that to happen

Yes, the tech, who is also in a position of trust on the matter, is therefore part of said scam. Twist it all you want, the tech lied and benefited.

exocrinous ,

Sometimes lying is good. Like when a customer wants you to lie to them

andrew_bidlaw ,

They wrote in plain text that the customers son’s word had been taken over a word of a techie. So it’s either pushing more to convince her, refusing service or playing dumb.

Ookami38 ,

Tech tried to tell them it was unnecessary, would take forever, and would be expensive. I’d agree with you if, for a second, the customer sounded like they wanted to drop the matter. No, this was the customer absolutely digging their heels in, and the tech did what they could to get an irate woman out of the store.

At a certain point, you have to just let people make their mistakes, and get out of their way. This is exactly how I interpret the situation.

HatchetHaro ,
@HatchetHaro@lemmy.blahaj.zone avatar

what scam? the customer wanted them to work on their computer, so they did, and charged the customer accordingly.

FiskFisk33 ,

they lied to the customer and charged for work they didn’t do

HatchetHaro ,
@HatchetHaro@lemmy.blahaj.zone avatar

what lie? they told the customer the truth from the beginning, and still agreed to the customer’s demands to work on the problem. they agreed to remove all viruses from the peripherals, which they did, because the peripherals were returned to the customer at the end virus-free.

hitmyspot ,

Removing is an action, not an end result. Nothing was removed.

gandalf_der_12te ,

If you have no money, and throw away all of it, you still have no money.

mindbleach ,

She wouldn’t take “fuck off” for an answer. She got charged the special rate for believing whatever she pretended.

ryannathans ,

Yeah, I would have told her to get another opinion elsewhere or I can just clean it the same way again

hydroptic ,
Passerby6497 ,

It’s called the asshole tax, and it’s what happens when you believe a child over the person you’re paying to fix your/their mistake (again).

Having run my own computer repair side business for a while, I would have (and have) absolutely done the same thing in the situation. I also had repeat fliers that realized their mistakes and didn’t try to blame me for their failure, and the nicer ones even got a discount. But the asshole tax is there to make dealing with problem customers more worth it, and potentially to encourage them to find someone else to torment and give money to.

unicorn ,

Have to agree, it’s a funny story but charging someone a stupidity rate for nonexistent work isn’t justified by that person being stupid and a pain in your ass. Unless your circumstances force you, you can always just refuse work from customers like this. So many people downvoting this is disappointing.

FiskFisk33 ,

Yeah, sometimes you get down voted and realize your take was a bad one. This is not one of those times.

scrubbles ,
@scrubbles@poptalk.scrubbles.tech avatar

Oh my god reminded me of a story when I worked computer repair. Busy day, line of people waiting for me. Similar, mother came in and brought her sons computer. Apparently it had “just stopped working” and only showed a black screen. Plugged it into the monitor behind the desk facing out.

I did the ol’ pop the ram out, press the power button a couple of times and pop the ram back in. Booted up like a charm.

The computer came out of hibernate - to the most ball slappinest porn ever, and I’m talking like, super hardcore. Anal, bondage, the whole sha-bang. It was only up for about 3 seconds but everyone in line knew.

Said “Well looks like it’s working now have a good one”, and oh man have I never seen such a combination of utter humiliation and pure rage at her son. Whoever you were kid, I’m sorry - but there’s your lesson. If you’re doing the dirty and the computer stops working, never have your mom take it in.

Tippon ,

I witnessed something like this once. I worked for a pawn shop, wiping and reinstalling Windows on computers they were selling, but occasionally working on one of the counters if they were short staffed.

One day a regular customer brought his PS2 in to trade, so it had to be tested first. The manager took it as a training moment for me and and a few others, and connected it to the main TVs around the store so that we could all see how he checked the system.

The customer had left a rather hardcore DVD in the drive and completely forgotten about it, until it started playing on the big screen, and everyone in the store learned about his preferences.

scrubbles ,
@scrubbles@poptalk.scrubbles.tech avatar

Something tells me that DVD was never retrieved…

Tippon ,

Oh, no, one of the guys took great pleasure in taking the disc out and handing it to the customer in front of everyone :D

llama ,
@llama@midwest.social avatar

This reminds me of the time in HS when a letter broke off my laptop keyboard and my parents insisted on taking it to the shop for a repair. Turns out they really just wanted the shop to turn over my search history and chat logs. I already knew my parents were nosy so I would always delete it anyway.

One day I came home from school and they said the shop fixed the keyboard but just needed my password to test it and do updates. I said no it’s fine if he can type in anything into the password then obviously the keyboard works, and I already did the updates regularly.

They literally had to beg me for the password and they were like pleasssse just give the shop the password so they can finish their checklist and you can get your computer back, and I was like fine if it’s the only way I’m getting it back. Of course nothing came of it because there was nothing to discover.

Then my parents got the computer back but kept it in the trunk of their car for a week, and I accidentally saw it when we were leaving Old Navy which started a whole “I don’t believe this!” discourse in the mall parking lot.

Moral of the story just talk to your kids instead of spying and lying, because they know and it won’t work!

refurbishedrefurbisher , in Hate it when that happens

Nah. Someone answered the question 3 years ago on a random Discord channel.

drkt ,
@drkt@lemmy.dbzer0.com avatar

And the channel has been archived and you have to beg, plead and pay for the role with access to the archived channels.

Anticorp ,

Discord is for chatting, not documentation. Anyone who thinks otherwise needs their brain examined.

dylanTheDeveloper , (edited ) in Has this ever happened to you?
@dylanTheDeveloper@lemmy.world avatar

“Oh I fixed your code because you did it wrong”

Later:

“Hey the application no longer compiles, I re-wrote a huge chunk of your code and now I don’t know whats wrong”

Passerby6497 ,

“Here are my emergency ‘I broke production’ rates, the bill will be in the mail.”

tsonfeir , in Hate it when that happens
@tsonfeir@lemm.ee avatar

I’m sure I’ll get shit for this, but AI is often a good tool to use for these situations.

alphacyberranger OP ,
@alphacyberranger@sh.itjust.works avatar

Like some other user said, if nobody ever had this problem, it was never answered and AI would have never got the data to train in the first place unless ofcourse it pulls something totally made up out of its ass.

tsonfeir ,
@tsonfeir@lemm.ee avatar

Gotta disagree. Sometimes you’re working with something old, where there is documentation, but very little actual conversation online. Or a topic that no longer has an active community online, but you just need some basic questions answered.

knowing how to get the right info by using the right prompts is a skill that not everyone has, which is why so many people get inaccurate answers.

rufus ,

I’ve tried. And usually the questions I ask are too specific. I mean I can answer the basic questions myself and often I get several result when it’s just that. The AI just mumbles general advice and is always wrong if it’s too specific. Like for example: Why does the graphics driver crap out on any OpenGL ES instruction on the old single board computer I have lying around, despite the SoC being supported?

tsonfeir ,
@tsonfeir@lemm.ee avatar

… is that your prompt?! No wonder you’re getting crap. It’s a computer program, you have to feed it valid data. There is a huge misconception that you can CHAT with it… which was introduced by calling it “ChatGPT,” a horrible name.

You need model numbers, OS versions, driver versions, and any other relevant information like error messages, screenshots, and code if you are developing.

rufus , (edited )

No? I left out the detailed info here as I thought it’s of no concern. I provided it with pretty much the same info I’d write to the Linux Kernel Mailing List. With computer bugs that’s usually steps to reproduce the issue, exact versions of everything, exact error messages and my findings from googling and looking at the code…

That was one of the issues I had that only gave me one or two search results and it’s unlikely that someone comes up with a solution since the hardware is outdated and not many people have that specific board lying around and also the expertise to understand the low level hardware coding involved.

I mean it kind of fits the rest of the picture I have from using ChatGPT and similar stuff. It can do easy stuff. And write boilerplate code pretty alright. With the Arduino code I’m tinkering around as a hobby… not so much. I once asked it to do the inverse kinematics for a small robotics project. And the AI can tell me about what I just read on the Wikipedia article about that topic. But that’s it. Not an idea how to apply that info. And that the complicated part is to come up with the specific Jacobian matrix. And not just tell me that using one is one of the few approaches to that problem. That’s obvious from reading the Wikipedia article or reading any textbook. And it did silly things like write code like equation.solve(parameter1, parameter2, parameter3) … Sure. I mean if I already had a framework that did that and was available on an embedded platform, I wouldn’t have had that problem in the first place…

So my attempts at using AI for the issues I have with computers regularly fail. I can see how that’s not the experience everyone has, but still… It doesn’t really help me with specific problems or rare issues.

And I still have a few I can try to question some AI about… An slow Wireguard VPN tunnel inside if another tunnel that I already fixed the MTU and it’s still unbearably slow… A few obscure webframeworks that don’t tie into things… But I’m pretty sure I’ll get the same results.

Have you ever been lucky with AI and issues that didn’t get you any search results because no one ever did it before? I mean I’d be happy to learn how to use AI properly as a tool. It’s just I’ve tried and I don’t think I’m too stupid to prompt it. It’s just that I’ve given up since it doesn’t seem nowhere near intelligent enough to tackle the real issues I have. I’m not opposed to AI. I use it and it helps me get small stuff done easier/faster.

SpeedLimit55 , (edited ) in Has this ever happened to you?

This is why we do nightly automatic backups on all sites. Whatever happens we can just restore to the previous night and you never lose more than a day of work. Backup plans and redundancy is a waste of money to management, accounting, and customers until they need it.

dan ,
@dan@upvote.au avatar

and with systems like Borgbackup, storing months worth of daily backups doesn’t take up an excessive amount of disk space, especially if the files rarely change.

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