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BrerChicken ,

Have you considered playing the drums?

mods_are_assholes ,

Protesting, peacefully

Railison ,

Invest in a manual typewriter and cathartically type out ranty letters by pressing each key as hard as possible.

tygerprints ,

These "isms and phobias" are used as excuses to rationalize violence, but really they are just excuses based on irrationality and on hurtful stereotypes.

So if you're angry about someone or some group of people, the way you handle it positively is to use that energy to lift up people.

Instead of being negative and downward, trying to stomp on other people like they are bugs, what about trying to get to where you can help someone who is struggling. Doesn't have to be a person of the group you hate, but anyone who needs a helping hand.

Think of it this way, the person you're really mostly hurting when you're out of control angry, is yourself. All that energy expended on bitterness and stress - why not instead use it to go out and be proactive with people. The world is a stupid place, so - go flip it the bird by helping someone out.

It sounds weird I know. I'm usually a pretty angry reactive person. At the store yesterday, a lady was buying like eight cartons of soda, so I asked her if I could help her with loading them into her car. She was a little unsure at first but then was really grateful for the help.

It's a tiny thing. But I felt good, in a way. Sure it's not going to change the world, but it's better than putting more dents and dings in it.

Holyginz ,

This is a very useful way to funnel energy in a positive way. But it doesn’t really help in dealing with frustrations/anger. Those tend to build up over time and being able to act it out in a safe way can be very helpful. My suggestion is something like a rage room if available. They have things you can smash up with bats and such and let’s you take the rage out on objects that are already broken/junk. So it provides relief without hurting anyone or anything still in use.

tygerprints ,

I get that completely, as someone who could use an anger management session or two myself. I just couldn't encapsulate everything into one brief (and it wasn't brief) posting. I like your suggestion of a rage room, what I do is I usually punch a wall or something, which ends up hurting me more than the wall.

Holyginz ,

Trust me I know the feeling. My one and only time I punched things was enough not to do it again. I actually punched two things that time. The first wasn’t so bad since it was the drywall and my hand went through. The second thing I punched, not so good. I punched the stainless steel grill we had and broke my hand. Didn’t do that again lol.

tygerprints ,

Ouch, that sounds painful!!! I broke the mirror in the apartment I was renting because one day I was furious and punched it. What a dumb thing to do -- I needed that mirror!! :/ So yeah, going around punching stuff is not a great solution, I've bruised my knuckles more than once.

Holyginz ,

I had a dumb reason lol. I was in high school and the first “real” gf I had dumped me after prom over the phone and I just kinda let the emotion out lol

tygerprints ,

I dunno, it's not such a dumb reason, it seems like a perfectly teenage kind of reaction. I think most guys have been there.

Phegan ,

See a therapist

Croquette ,

What works for me :

  1. I remove myself from the situation that caused the anger.
  2. I let myself live the anger for a minute or two, or a bit more if needed.
  3. When the anger is gone, I identify what emotion is the cause of anger. Anger is 99% a reaction to a negative emotion.
  4. I say outloud to myself the reason of my anger. Otherwise, I feel like the anger is pent-up.
  5. If my anger was directed at someone, I apologize and explain why I was angry.
  6. Finally, I reflect on the situation and the emotions I experienced. Sometimes it’s 30 seconds, sometimes it’s a few days, depending on the gravity of the situation. By understanding what caused the negative emotions, I can handle it better in the future.
apolinariomabussy ,

This is a nice way to look at anger. Kind of similar to something my therapist said a long time ago. #3 specifically is a huge one.

Croquette ,

I figured out that my issue was that I wasn’t able to identify the emotions I had.

I worked with my therapist to learn to catch myself when I get angry, then I learned to accept the anger and finally identify the negative emotion.

By doing that, I don’t hold on to that anger most of the time, and when I do, it’s a lot shorter.

And by identifying the underlying emotion, I can live the emotion and then redirect it. Overall, it made a big difference in my life.

I will always be stuck with anger as my first reaction to a negative emotion. But it is a lot healthier now.

tygerprints ,

Usually with regard to the 3rd step, I realize it's a series of smaller frustrations that have led up to the huge angry outburst. One or two things go wrong, OK I can usually handle it. But after that, get outta the way because I'm like an exploding nuclear warhead. I've driven off more than one friend and roommate with my 0 to suddenly 100 rage.

Croquette ,

This is why it is important to learn to identify the smaller frustrations to stop them from building up. Smaller frustrations are easier to deal with, so it is a good idea to take a minute or two to just deal with them right when they happen. It will stop most of the bigger outbursts.

tygerprints ,

That's very true, smaller frusts are easier to deal with. I usually have to step away from the situation and let myself breathe and try to talk myself out of "catastrophizing" every situation.

Croquette ,

Same for me. It works, and I can just vent to myself and move on with my life.

But sometimes, the big outbursts are inevitable considering the context. But that’s life.

tygerprints ,

Yeah I think it's inevitable sometimes. I'm also working to try and catch myself before it gets to that point, but sometimes it just happens. I try to remember that causing damage will only makes thing much worse than they are already, and I can use that energy for something I really want to be doing instead.

Maggoty ,

Conversation with the person you’re angry at if they’re available and willing to engage in good faith.

Otherwise you’re going to need an outlet like music, crying, video games, crying, outdoor meditation, crying, throwing a half full plastic water bottle at a metal dumpster until your worn out, crying, getting active in politics, or … Crying.

Seriously we get told we’re not allowed to cry and that’s bullshit. We have a built in stress response system. Go have a good cry and then think about long term solutions to whatever is making you angry. Someone is ignoring you? Disassociate from them. (Not from yourself, that way lies much therapy) Someone is violating your rights? Call the government. It’s the government doing it? Vote and protest.

Dealing with anger is always a multi step thing. The worst thing you can do is meditate and then nothing else. All you’ve done is escaped the moment. It will come back.

EatATaco ,

40% of time I get angry there is absolutely nothing to do, 55% of the time it isn’t worth doing anything, and that 5% of the time really maybe only should do something.

So I would disagree and say that meditating and doing nothing is absolutely the best thing to do almost all of the time.

Maggoty ,

Sometimes that long term option is to do nothing. The important thing is to process it clearly and without catastrophizing it. I didn’t mean to make anyone think there had to be a physical action to take or else.

1984 ,
@1984@lemmy.today avatar

Ok some examples that makes me angry:

  • People being mean to animals
  • People who don’t care about others (plays loud music, talks loudly on phone in public places etc).
  • People who treat others badly because they look good and think they are better because of it

I think the right response to this is to get angry. Not saying its helping, but getting angry at someone is perfectly fine sometimes.

Maybe the problem is that we don’t show anger, so the idiots mentioned above never gets to suffer for their actions.

1984 ,
@1984@lemmy.today avatar

This is a question that should be asked and learned in school. Maybe then we wouldn’t have so many broken people.

Ever notice how no schools have any emotional intelligence lessons whatsoever?

It’s all focused on learning shit for work. Not much for handling life issues, that happens to everyone, all the time.

Cinner Bot ,

Ever notice how no schools have any emotional intelligence lessons whatsoever?

I don’t remember it being a thing when I was a kid but both my kids have had classes that teach these things.

I also remember I was having issues with a kid in school and the school counselor sat us down and talked to us about anger and emotions, etc. I think we had a short daily session for a few weeks. This was in the 90s.

The American education is state funded daycare with forced learning about dry topics, so we don’t even remember 90% of what we learned. People talk about wishing they learned about taxes and resumes etc in school. Those were Freshman and Sophomore level electives for us in a small town in the early 00s.

1984 ,
@1984@lemmy.today avatar

Yeah I think we had it also, but today’s kids don’t seem to have it anymore…

Cinner Bot ,

Dunno where you live. Mine both did in grade school.

Coskii ,
@Coskii@lemmy.blahaj.zone avatar
  1. Consider what it is and why it made you angry
  2. Think about ways to avoid that issue/reason again

2.5. If that reason is a person, figure out if there’s anything you can reasonably do to change the situation which caused the anger

  1. If you can make changes, make them. If not, don’t fret over it and continue your day with the full understanding that you’ve done all you can and it isn’t worth any more of your time.

I my life, anger has always been a very short lived emotion. I cannot fathom being actively angry for more than 30 seconds at a time. Even if I hit the full 30 I figure it’s probably time to break from whatever I’m doing and hydrate/eat.

Anticorp ,

These are strategies for resolving anger, not expressing it. There are plenty of scenarios where anger is a valid response, and people have a right to express it in those scenarios.

BumbleBeeButt ,

Exercise and drag racing.

FenrirIII ,
@FenrirIII@lemmy.world avatar

Plant a tree. Lots of work to dig a hole.

Kolanaki ,
@Kolanaki@yiffit.net avatar

I go break bottles behind the WaWa.

I_Fart_Glitter ,

There is something very therapeutic about smashing things that shatter. I go for dollar store flower pots in my driveway (I live in the country and the neighbors can’t see me).

samus12345 ,
@samus12345@lemmy.world avatar

https://comb.io/I1K159.gif

MrPoopyButthole ,

I’d have to agree that anger isn’t usually it’s own emotion, it’s a specific expression of fear or sadness. There are always exceptions I think, but usually there’s more to it.

My favorite thing is to express those things through humor. It’s not for everybody. If you’re not funny enough you can just sound like an idiot or an asshole, as I can. Other times it enables you to attack the root of the problem in a digestible way that doesn’t make a person feel attacked.

otp ,

Especially in men, as men are generally socialized to keep most of their feelings to themselves. The only ones that are socially acceptable for a man to display tend to be ones like anger and maybe joy (or just contentment). So instead of fear or sadness, men have to express those emotions as anger to fit the expectations for their gender.

I think this is where most road rage comes from. We feel fear because someone does something stupid, or something bad happens on the road…but men aren’t supposed to feel scared, even if they could’ve gotten into an accident. So they express that strong emotion as anger, because that’s an acceptable outlet.

joneskind ,
@joneskind@lemmy.world avatar

Swearing. This is the purpose of bad words.

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