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Drusas ,

He's really just got that one "accomplishment" he's proud of, huh?

doctortofu ,
@doctortofu@reddthat.com avatar

You guys! I did it! Like, with an actual woman! And, wait for it, no condom! You guys, I wennt in raw! And I totally came inside! Is your mind blown yet?

Chozo ,

Sure thing, JD, whatever you say. What was her name? Lemme guess, Broyhill?

thurmite ,

Ashley.

NoSpotOfGround ,

Finnala.

Evilcoleslaw ,

That’s sofa king amazing.

RagingSnarkasm ,

If the world didn’t have so many J.D. Vances in it, I would reconsider having children.

usualsuspect191 ,

While he’s just an adultless child

NegativeInf ,

He wants to ensure that all children have children. His type is couches, dolphins, and little girls.

Klear ,

His type is couches, dolphins, and little girls.

That’s unfair of you to say. The first one is confirmed to be a hoax.

BigFatNips ,

But he admitted it. He even went on the “Sectional Healing” podcast. His favorite type of couch to fuck is a chaise btw

yetAnotherUser ,

No it’s not. So far, no one has been able to disprove that Vance fucked a couch.

Bytemeister ,

A technicality, it was actually a love seat.

CitizenKong ,

Wow, he really wants to go with the “childless” thing, huh? Should go over swimmingly with Millenials and Gen Z that can’t afford to have children anymore.

FlyingSquid ,
@FlyingSquid@lemmy.world avatar

He just wants Millennials to be the happy and proud parent Trump is of his children- Ivanka, Don Jr., Derek, Barron, and he doesn’t have any other daughters.

bitchkat ,

He probably knows their names as well as you.

FlyingSquid ,
@FlyingSquid@lemmy.world avatar

I’m not so sure of that. Unlike him, I know Tiffany Trump exists.

bitchkat ,

Yes but what about Eric?

FlyingSquid ,
@FlyingSquid@lemmy.world avatar

You mean Derek? Donald’s third-favorite son he forgets about? Yes, Donald Trump is very aware of his third son who he knows is definitely named Derek.

not_that_guy05 ,

And that right there is some fascism talking points.

dohpaz42 ,
@dohpaz42@lemmy.world avatar

Print photos of different couches and mail them to any or all of these locations:

www.vance.senate.gov/office-locations/

Don’t forget to add little love notes. e.g., “Thinking of you 💋”

TheRealKuni ,

Okay I’m super out of the loop, where did the couchfucker thing come from?

naught ,

There was a Twitter post claiming he wrote in his book that he fucked couch cushions as a younger lad. It is (as far as we know) not true, however it caught like wildfire and is now a certified dank meme

Boozilla ,
@Boozilla@lemmy.world avatar

The Bronze Age belief system makes these guys really fucking weird.

Librarian ,

This isn’t even bronze age bruh some primitive societies had women who specialised into certain tasks not have children for various reasons. Or even for paganist (religious) reasons.

sarcasticsunrise ,
@sarcasticsunrise@lemmy.world avatar

Hell yeah JD!!! That’s my boy! Keep giving us this motivational locker room talk, you’re the gift that keeps on giving! Keep cooking (yourself) King. You’re kinda mainlining the LGBTQ stuff to the point that it’s stale, maybe alienate some minorities next go round, that’d be SICK

Stern ,
@Stern@lemmy.world avatar

Unlike him and his wife, Couchela.

RBWells ,

That is pretty funny, actually. It’s such an old-timey insult. He is basically calling them spinsters. I can’t imagine this will catch on.

d00phy ,

With all his focus of who does and doesn’t have kids, I feel like there’s a good “precious bodily fluids” joke to be made here.

Nuke_the_whales ,

🎶 every sperm is sacred, every sperm is good. Every sperm is needed, in your neighborhood. 🎶

FlyingSquid ,
@FlyingSquid@lemmy.world avatar

I hear he left a lot of precious bodily fluids in his couch.

242 ,

You know what else is childless? All the couches he’s been humping. What a hypocrite. Sheesh.

WhiskyTangoFoxtrot ,

I dunno, I’ve seen some chairs and loveseats that look too much like their couches to be a coincidence. We might need to get Maury involved here.

Socsa ,

I’ve been saying this for a while now that this anger and resentment over childfree people has become increasingly pervasive and dangerous and it really feels like we are going to be one of the first against the wall.

Even among otherwise reasonable people I know there is a shocking amount of resentment towards people who choose to live their lives for something besides children.

expr ,

I haven’t really seen that honestly, it’s pretty much a non-event. I have a kid, some of my circle don’t plan on it. No one really cares.

I’ve seen childfree people on the internet complaining about people with kids plenty enough, but I always assumed they were a vocal minority.

The only time I’ve ever seen this topic as an actual point of contention in real life is people who insist on no kids at weddings. Which I do think is kind of a dick move, but also people’s preogerative.

lath ,

I’ve seen kids at weddings. Hell, I’ve been a kid at weddings. It was generally a bad experience for everyone.

Bored. Hungry. Thirsty. Where’s the toilet? I wanna play over there. Not allowed to touch this and that. Don’t run around. Don’t yell. Stop doing rude things. Don’t cry. Barf. Sleepy. Who gave them alcohol? I wanna go home! Stop crying. Etc and so on.

Kids and weddings rarely mix well, often making it a burdensome experience for everyone, mostly for the kids.

zarkanian ,
@zarkanian@sh.itjust.works avatar

This is also why I hate weddings as an adult. They’re boring. Maybe I’d feel differently if it was my own wedding or if I was really emotionally invested in the couple or something.

SkyeStarfall ,

Or maybe the wedding they want to make wouldn’t be appropriate for kids?

MeekerThanBeaker ,

The wealthy want more people in the world so that they can pay employees less. More people, more competition for jobs. Also, more consumption, more sales.

EmpathicVagrant ,

Infinite growth requires an increase in one of two things - workers in the pool, or wages.

Corporate sees one option.

Tylerdurdon ,

This guy is hilarious! He’s gonna drop a solid gaffe bomb soon enough and Drumph won’t know what to do.

modifier ,

I’m trying to imagine what would even register as a gaffe at this point, discernable from the cosmic background dumpster-fire of Trump’s campaign

APassenger ,

He may get dropped, I think.

We’re in move, counter-move territory after Biden dropped out and everything coalesced behind Harris.

FlyingSquid ,
@FlyingSquid@lemmy.world avatar

I don’t know, if Trump drops him, that looks a lot worse for Trump than it did Biden dropping out for Harris. There haven’t been months and months and months of people on both sides saying Biden is unfit for another term.

APassenger ,

You may be right. Where I am is this:

  • Trump NEEDS to win (for his own purposes)
  • Vance has a lot of connections to Project 2025
  • Project 2025 may doom Trump’s run

If the race starts to separate, Trump is not loyal. He just requires it of others. And he’s been rather successful with persuading others to view his treatment as unfair.

Edit: formatting

interdimensionalmeme ,

Also Appalachians are rising up to shit in his face

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