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bobs_monkey , in [USA] Massive emergency alert test scheduled to hit your phone on Wednesday. Here's what to know.

No, it’s not a national conspiracy to infect people with nanoparticles.

Lol

TheRealLinga ,

Of course not! This is how the Greys mind control us. Then they go back into their hollow Earth!

tallwookie ,

OBEY

grysbok ,
@grysbok@lemmy.sdf.org avatar

fnord

scroll_responsibly ,
@scroll_responsibly@lemmy.sdf.org avatar

Why is your comment empty… and why am I suddenly filled with a sense of dread?

kent_eh ,

The fact that even needed to be said is concerning.

Pat_Riot , in US House passes bipartisan bill to avoid government shutdown
@Pat_Riot@lemmy.today avatar

The gorilla in the room nobody seems to want to mention is that this sort of headline shouldn’t even have a reason to exist. The budget should not be up for any kind of contention. Holding the operation of this country for ransom should be treated as a crime against every tax paying citizen and we need a way to hold them responsible

HerrLewakaas , in [USA] Massive emergency alert test scheduled to hit your phone on Wednesday. Here's what to know.

US defaultism

morphballganon ,

usatoday.com source…

synceDD , (edited )
@synceDD@lemmy.world avatar

Noo usatoday cant have us articles, I’m inbred please be understanding

AlecSadler , in [USA] Massive emergency alert test scheduled to hit your phone on Wednesday. Here's what to know.

Perfect. I have a 1-on-1 meeting with my manager during that time.

MelodiousFunk ,
@MelodiousFunk@kbin.social avatar

Stare them dead in the eye and growl, "What did you DO?!?"

ikidd ,
@ikidd@lemmy.world avatar

“That must be the President of the United States calling me.”

fred-kowalski , in [USA] Massive emergency alert test scheduled to hit your phone on Wednesday. Here's what to know.

I’ll be in a status meeting with my Canadian colleagues. I sense an opportunity to mess with them, here.

Death_Equity ,

“Whoot was that eh?”

“The American call to arms. It has been a pleasure to know all of you in times of peace. I hope you all fair well and survive the battles to come. I suggest you surrender your petroleum products to the embassy before the conquest reaches here, that is your best chance at survival.”

And just walk out of the room whistling The Star-Spangled Banner.

kent_eh ,

We test the same system in Canada a couple of times a year. They’ll be familiar with it.

Snowpix ,
@Snowpix@lemmy.ca avatar

Ours is a lot different in sound and use, but those who live near the border will also be very familiar with the American EAS.

kent_eh ,

Everyone in Canada who has cable TV knows what the American EAS broadcast warning sounds like.

MisterD , in Matt Gaetz says he will attempt to oust Kevin McCarthy from the speakership this week | CNN Politics

Gaetz handlers are probably pissed that they were so close to shutdown the government.

Remember: this is the TRUE goal of the GOP. A country in chaos is an easy target for attacks. From outside or within.

Steveanonymous , in [USA] Massive emergency alert test scheduled to hit your phone on Wednesday. Here's what to know.
@Steveanonymous@lemmy.world avatar

Good. Now I can bring a pair of pants that day because I shit myself where ever that annoying noise goes off

hark , in Biden signs bill to keep government funded and avoid shutdown
@hark@lemmy.world avatar

I wonder how we got screwed this time.

Miqo ,

Congress gave themselves a raise.

finthechat , in [USA] Massive emergency alert test scheduled to hit your phone on Wednesday. Here's what to know.
@finthechat@kbin.social avatar

Alright, the missiles aren't gonna hit Hawaii, got it

FlyingSquid ,
@FlyingSquid@lemmy.world avatar

No, but they will hit California. Last time was a test for this time.

LinkOpensChest_wav , in [USA] Massive emergency alert test scheduled to hit your phone on Wednesday. Here's what to know.
@LinkOpensChest_wav@lemmy.dbzer0.com avatar

Nice try, guvernment

you can’t fool me with your 5g rays

bobman ,

Only adolescents find this kind of humor funny.

TheYear2525 ,

no u

bobman ,

I rest my case.

Grayox , in Auto loans could pose a bigger threat to young Americans than student loans. For the first time, the outstanding volume of auto loan debt just surpassed student loan debt.
@Grayox@lemmy.ml avatar

At least you can declare bankruptcy on an auto loan…

PixTupy , in Powerball jackpot skyrockets to massive $1.04 billion after no winner Saturday

I’m not American, please explain, why is the cash value only 478.2 million? Is that after taxes or something?

flipht ,

Yes. They withhold taxes, and at that point it's all in the highest bracket, and you haven't had the cash to get a bunch of credits and deductions.

Some lotteries offer an annuity style payout, over 20 years. This can reduce the tax implications over the whole life, but inflation and not having the money invested can eat it up.

It's a trade off that would be great to have to worry about.

Evilcoleslaw ,

The taxes are not included in that figure. That’s the actual prize pool money they’d have on hand in case of a win. The advertised jackpot is an estimate of an annuity paid off investing that prize pool in securities over the course of 30 years

The lottery will withhold 24% for federal income tax – but you’d likely owe more as the vast majority of that income will wind up taxed at 37%. Then there’s also state income taxes in most places.

If I win this jackpot and take the lump sum it would break down something like:

$478,200,000

-$33,474,000 (7% state tax)

-$176,898,427 (37% federal tax)

= $267,827,573 (total after tax)

bloopernova ,
@bloopernova@programming.dev avatar

2 things: taxes are taken from the winnings, and the jackpot quoted is the amount you would get if you picked the regular payments rather than lump sum.

The regular payments include trust fund interest/growth I think, so you get more.

It’s confusing as all hell. I’d much prefer it tax free and lump sum. Tell me exactly what I get, don’t dress it up to make it look better than it is!

gregorum ,

The tax-free annuity payment version is by far the better deal. But some people elect to get the lump sum in cash, and you end up getting far less than half of it, esp after taxes.

JustAManOnAToilet ,

If you get the lump sum though that’s a large amount growing when invested. You can easily take that and grow it into more than you’d get over time from the payments.

gregorum ,

That’s not a guaranteed payout. The annuity payments, however, is. Plus, with a lump sum, Pam, you get hammered huge amounts of taxes.

JustAManOnAToilet ,

If it takes you longer than 30 years to turn $200m into $1.08b then my friend you have a poor financial advisor. Also by then the $1.08b won’t be worth the same, considering inflation.

gregorum ,

Possibly, but that’s still all speculation

Dkarma ,

This has never been true. If u take the annuity they take the lump and invest that and instead of getting the full profits of that investment you get the same flat rate every year.

gregorum ,

You can’t guarantee profits from an investment. That’s just a gamble. However, you can guarantee the gigantic amount of taxes they will deduct from it, and you’re only getting half as much from the cash payout anyway.

Evilcoleslaw ,

The annuity isn’t tax free. You pay taxes on that income every year just like (and in addition to) any other income you have.

Also, you could most likely beat the rate of return on those investments if you know what you’re doing. But on the other hand most lottery winners won’t know what they’re doing. Additionally the annuity can be a stopgap to keep you from losing everything all at once.

gregorum ,

The taxes a far far less, though, and the total sum is far greater.

As for the rest, that’s all speculation. None of that is guaranteed. That annuity is guaranteed.

Evilcoleslaw ,

The taxes are far less on a yearly basis, but over the course of the annuity you’ll actually pay a lot more in taxes. Rough calculation, if I won this jackpot it would break down to:

  • Lump sum: Immediate payment of $478.2M with a tax bill of around $210M for my state and Federal income taxes. Net payout of $267.8M.
  • Annuity: $1.04B paid over 30 years. At current tax rates that’s a bill of $456.5M over that 30 years. Net payout of around $583.5M. If tax rates change during the term of the annuity those could rise or fall a bit.

Not like I’ll ever have to worry about the problem,but I think I would take the annuity because I’ve never had to manage a large amount of money, and it more gently eases you into it while giving some buffer to assure you don’t somehow blow through everything quickly.

Ryumast3r ,

Even if you know what you’re doing, you’ll probably go bankrupt after winning. Annuity is, as you said, a stopgap against stupidity.

evatronic ,

It’s not after taxes.

The “jackpot” is what you get if you select an annual annuity over 30 years.

The cash value is what you get if you want it all today.

Taxes come after.

This site explains it well: www.usamega.com/powerball/jackpot

Mr_Blott ,

TL/DR it’s not even 300 million by the time they fuck you in the arse 😂

That’s just false advertising

evatronic ,

I mean, I’m okay with only getting $250 million.

ohlaph ,

Right. Hell, I’d gladly accept and amount.

SuddenlyBlowGreen , in Disney+ to Crack Down on Password Sharing in Canada

As long as people are stupid enough to pay for it…

Salamendacious OP ,
@Salamendacious@lemmy.world avatar

Well “stupid” seems a tad harsh. Some people see value in it while others might not.

bloopernova , (edited ) in Powerball jackpot skyrockets to massive $1.04 billion after no winner Saturday
@bloopernova@programming.dev avatar

If I win I’ll give everyone in this thread a million dollars.

So, if there’s 60 people in the thread, everyone gets $16,667

I see you all fell for my cunning ruse. Definitely not something I figured out after I posted. Not at all.

bradorsomething ,

I and my 43 children all are pleased to be in the thread.

bloopernova ,
@bloopernova@programming.dev avatar

But that just means the million will be divided up even more, reducing your share! ;)

Pregnenolone ,

Your comment implies it’s a million to each commenter

bloopernova ,
@bloopernova@programming.dev avatar

I’m just messing around, we all know I won’t win lol.

Pregnenolone ,

Too late, I’ve already bought a JetSki with your expected winnings

bloopernova ,
@bloopernova@programming.dev avatar

implies

So these people get money because of the implication?

CeruleanRuin ,

You’re more likely to get struck by lightning while taking a poop, so for your sake I hope you win instead.

BonfireOvDreams ,
@BonfireOvDreams@lemmy.world avatar

Hey, free odds approaching zero is better than paid options approaching zero

ElderTree333 ,

Thanks, pal!

JustAManOnAToilet ,

I hope you win, keep your word, and the news runs a story on it afterwards thats grows the user base and specifically siphons users from Reddit. I want to see Reddit burn to the ground.

turbowafflz ,

That would actually be such an interesting way to gain users, I want to see that

andrewta ,

Thank you

tallwookie ,

that’d be interesting

Lixen ,

How much if you don’t win?

bloopernova ,
@bloopernova@programming.dev avatar

About tree fiddy

felbane ,

Imagine how funny it would be if more than a thousand people replied.

Usul_00_ ,

Hey, a thousand buys a lot of lottery tickets…

=)

BillMurray ,

When someone gives you odds like that, you take it!

CyberDine ,

You are of course joking. But on the infinitly tiny odds you win, and the similarly ridiculous odds you follow through, I’ll comment

bloopernova ,
@bloopernova@programming.dev avatar

With odds like that, we can’t fail. Simple rule of conservation of narration.

bradinutah ,

Sweet!

Moebius ,

Thanks kind person! I’m in.

Mostly_Gristle ,

Sure.

chowder ,

I’ll take the possible free money lol

SpaghettiYeti ,

Goooood luck!

Astroturfed ,

I need money thx.

FurtiveFugitive ,

Neat.

llIlIIllIlIlIllII ,

Oooh oooh oooh! Me too! Me too!

Smacks ,
@Smacks@lemmy.world avatar

Can I get $420.69?

Reaper948 ,

I mean 16k~ is still a decent amount of money

FlyingSquid , in Powerball jackpot skyrockets to massive $1.04 billion after no winner Saturday
@FlyingSquid@lemmy.world avatar

You get three darts to throw at the balloons and if you hit all three you get a prize. No, not the giant bear. Never the giant bear.

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