Only if they are have no self esteem and need validation from strangers, upvotes are mostly fluff, downvotes when not abused are the better way of doing things
Someone says the earth is flat… downvote, someone says I wonder why they think like that let’s try and understand why they think like that doesn’t deserve a downvote, but with the current online echo chambers on both sides these are how downvotes are used
Nah, getting a dopamine hit is the standard human reaction to getting approval, and upvotes are basically distilled approval. You can pretend you are “tough” and don’t care about “validation from strangers” but normal people get a sense of satisfaction and a desire to repeat it when they post something online that is well received.
Hell, that emotional reaction is the entire motivating factor that keeps every social media site full of fresh content. People want to be liked.
Yeah you are right I’m not immune to our biological hardwiring it’s not a me being tough thing however, not everyone is equally affected by it.
I don’t have social media as I don’t see value in it, also if my comments get downvoted to shit or upvoted I don’t really care because these things aren’t real life to me
Even in real life if someone praises me for doing a good job it’s a nice thing to do for sure but I don’t actually care about getting praise especially from strangers, if it’s someone I know then sure
Sure, everyone is variable and your personal experience is valid. It isn’t very different from mine, tbh (also lemmy is social media so…)
I just took exception to the “(people are motivated by upvotes) …only if they have no self esteem and need validation from strangers” part. Many people are motivated by upvotes, but there isn’t anything necessarily wrong with that, and it certainly doesn’t mean they have low self esteem or anything. It just felt rude.
Well. The points are there in the backend, right? I guess you are saying we just shouldn’t worry about them.
I liked being able to look at someone’s comment history and karma score to determine if they were a troll. Also liked how many subreddits wouldn’t let you post until you had a bit of positive karma in the sub.
Haha yes, good joke, by the way, have you seen these new fangled automobiles? They’ll never replace the good old fashioned horse and carriage. I also hear some Austrian dickhead is making moves in Germany - hope it doesn’t spark another war. Anyway, I’m off to beat my wife and suppress my emotions, because it’s apparently 1920.
Well, some probably. But also, humans are often violent. It’s pretty hardwired in. And some men are wired to be more violent than others unfortunately. That’s before we even get into cycles of abuse and all that environmental stuff. Like, the 1920s were three generations ago. Not excusing them at all, but lots of men are dealing with generational trauma that easily goes back further than that.
Excuses. Trauma can cause aberrant behaviour, true, but unless your moral center is corrupted by toxic beliefs, you will recognise those behaviours as wrong and feel bad about it. The types of people who think the dynamic pictured in the OP are standard have either been raised with or have discovered and adopted an ideology of patriarchy, that presents such “wife bad” mentality as morally good.
So yes, you may have anger issues or problems with violence because of trauma, but you will still feel remorse because you now it’s wrong. Or, on the other hand, you may simply believe that such violence and domination is the natural social order and thus be a toxic scumbag.
The toxic beliefs that are taught are part of the trauma. Certainly not an excuse, no, but good to be aware of if we want to help people break the cycle.
As far as the whole “sleep on the couch” thing, I don’t tend to think grown adults should be telling one another where they’re allowed to sleep just because one of them is upset, but that’s a different topic.
Explanations aren’t excuses, and without explanations we can’t fix the problem. Villainizing can be useful and certainly feels good but it doesn’t accomplish much else.
If you look through my comments in this thread you’ll see that nowhere have I said anything like that. In fact at one point I said that neither adult in a relationship should get to dictate where the other person sleeps.
As a trans woman who spent a lot of her life as a violent man, I have some perspective on this.
The tendency to blow up and hit things? Those are panic attacks. Men don’t like to think of themselves as having sissy emotional problems and so they just try to stubbornly power through their panic by yelling and hitting things, but like, a good cry really fucking helps you know? Meds too! Take a break, get some fresh air, take some deep breaths, fix your makeup, it’s going to be okay. No need to break shit.
Put it like this, there’s a reason YouTube removed dislikes, because they need to keep seeing new channels. So even if the old popular channels die, they’ll have newer channels to replace them. That starts with making toxic disliking redundant. Don’t for a second think there’s no place for dislikes, but as a “I don’t like you” or “I disagree”, it’s counter productive.
Yes, some people do misuse down voting, but it’s absolutely worth it in my mind. It prevents bigotry from both being shown highly and also makes it clear that bigotry isn’t acceptable. How do you think someone feels when they see a bigoted comment and it’s in the positives. I’ll answer that question cause I’ve seen it all the time: it’s depressing as fuck. It still sucks to see bigoted comments at all, but at least when they’re downvoted to hell, it feels better. It feels nice to know that the bigotry isn’t accepted by others and that the bigot is in the minority.
Similar for general misinformation, scams, etc. It’d be nice if bad comments could just get removed before you see them, but that will never be perfect. Even well moderated communities still have delays before moderators see reports and most people won’t take the time to report either.
Growing up playing Smash Brothers with my friends we all had an agreement that the only items we would use were pokeballs at max spawn rate. Two years ago I played Smash for the first time since then with some other people with all items on and it felt weird. I haven’t played since.
Yeah that constructiveness is purely subjective. Well it’s constructive based on my own personal point of view. And it might not align with other people.
stupid question but I’ve seen in American tv shows that the wife asks the husband to sleep on the couch when she’s not happy with him… is that a stereotype or does it really happen?
Canadian confirming that the angry party leaves the bed. Usually me because I need time to think it through, get pissy and maybe a little childish, get over being pissy and childish and then go talk about it once I’ve realized how I was probably wrong or have come up with a way that accurately describes how I was wronged and why that makes me angry or sad. My husband is also the type that needs to think it out before talking so it works, unfortunately his process is way slower than mine.
I don’t know if it is a healthy way of dealing but it works for both of us and neither of us had healthy examples of any relationship in our lives so we take what we can get
the reason I upvote a post can differ. sometimes it’ll be because I agree with it, sometimes it’ll be because I want more people to see it and interact with it.
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