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@roknrol@beige.party avatar

roknrol

@[email protected]

Middle aged Progressive; Formerly @roknrolzombie at the bird app. I enjoy science and music - not in than order. I complain a lot. Hopium vendors need not apply, I'll only frustrate you.

Alt-text for profile pic: me, a middle aged white hippy sporting a beard and top hat. I don't look irritating.

Reply guy, drive-by poster. Don't worry, i'll agonize over my replies more than you will.

Note: "Shut up" is less polite than "You can stop talking now", but both work.

This profile is from a federated server and may be incomplete. Browse more on the original instance.

dyani , to actuallyautistic
@dyani@social.coop avatar

Am I the only AuDHD person who likes physical touch and hugs and stuff???

I just don't know how to initiate it, so I almost never do (I cannot figure out the rules 😭). But that doesn't mean I don't like it!

I love when people do it unprompted to me! I legit want to make a "HUG ME" shirt so I don't have to worry about how to get it to happen naturally anymore. Cuz I do worry!

Give me all the friendly shoulder bonks, hugs, hand touchies, lean-ons, arm linking, etc.

@actuallyautistic

roknrol ,
@roknrol@beige.party avatar

@dyani @actuallyautistic When I was younger, perhaps.

I had one girlfriend (before I met my wife) that was overstimulated by 'petting' and too much touching, so I kind ofm stopped.

Then my wife who doesn't really care for herself hygiene-wise so I didn't.really enjoy it very often with her (bad breath, sweaty a lot of the time...it got worse as we got older).

Now the thought of contact is kind ofmgross to me in general...i tolerate handshakes, prefer gist bumps, that sort of thing.

I mightmappreciate it from the right person, but honestly I think those days are well behind me.

(And before anyone asks, yes, i had tried talking to my wife multiple times about it, but she was very defensive, no matter how delicately I would try to put it, so I stopped trying)

filmfreak75 , to actuallyautistic
@filmfreak75@mastodon.social avatar

@actuallyautistic how do you define the line between proactive diligence and paranoia?

several situations at work are making me question this line at the moment.

roknrol ,
@roknrol@beige.party avatar

@filmfreak75 @actuallyautistic If I say it out loud and it sounds crazy to me, I stop saying it out loud.

The one person I've been honest about it with is my wife, and I'm fairly certain she deliberately feeds it.

It does not change the levels of paranoia and doesn't make me feel like there's nothing to be paranoid about.

The thing is, I'm not important enough to be worth it for anyone to be 'out to get me', regardless of how I feel.

In answer to your question: I don't know.

roknrol ,
@roknrol@beige.party avatar

@filmfreak75 @actuallyautistic The real question is probably whether you knowing about it could make any difference.

Most of my paranoia...doesn't. If my resources are suspect, it doesn't matter because i have no other resources. If my country is suspect, same thing. My workplace...well...that might be able to be changed.

Usually in the past if I've gotten paranoid about work, it's usually pretty close to the end of my time there anyway.

roknrol ,
@roknrol@beige.party avatar

@filmfreak75 @actuallyautistic That tracks with my experience in the corporate world.

I don't envy you. It sucks ass to have a target on your back. Like a game of cat and mouse where you're the mouse.

18+ marenf , to actuallyautistic German
@marenf@autistics.life avatar


Hi, I'm looking for some advice on the following:
Most behavioral therapists will recommend to depressive people to create a daily schedule and be as active as possible.
On the other hand, my experience is that being autistic, I take this kind of advice too literally and stress myself out as a result. However, if I do less, I keep beating myself up for not doing more.
Can anyone relate? Any advice on how to find a balance as a depressed autistic?
Thanks in advance!

@actuallyautistic

roknrol ,
@roknrol@beige.party avatar

@marenf @actuallyautistic I'm (probably) autistic and have strugcled with depression since I was 12 (I'm now approaching 50).

The PTSD caused from living and 'coping' in an NT society may or may not be mitigating factors.

My depression, for years, was shoved into the corner and neglected when I was still workdng, only to resurface with a vengeance in my early 40's. My health was also declining due to heart disease, which causes depression and (joy!) anxiety, which I find to be much more challenging to deal with than run of the mill self-harm.

I have been unable to discover a solid 'root cause', though, mostly because so many different things feed into it.

SOMEtimes, my anxiety and/or depression could be caused by a temporary, real-world problem...bad news from Social Security, or like when I lost my last few jobs. Sometimes, it's likely the heart disease - or the medications - that bring on a bout.

Yet other times there is no discerable cause, such as the months/weeks leading to my heart attack.

My go-to was always to keep busy, as I was able. I'm a pacer, so talking on the phone would actually burn a lot of the pent up frustrations as i paced a hole in the floor.

As my health has declined, that's been less of an option...and since I'm not able to work, there's a lot of 'excess' energy that seems to build up.

Occupying my mind with 'other things' has rarely worked, at least in the deliberate sense. Things that require focus and brainpower are all but impossible when I'm too stressed out or anxious, but things like yard work or house cleaning have served me well at those times.

It's always worse if i can't find that kind of thing to occupy my time.

As for the drive to 'do', I have had to accept some hard truths with regards to my health, and they do not make me happy.

I can no longer 'work until I drop'. If I drop it's time to call emergency services. So I struggle. Like, a lot. I have had to accept that not only can I not 'do it all', but I can't even 'do it most'. All I can do is what I can do, and if that's not enough, then it better be enough because I now have hard limits that could kill me.

I do not feel 'better' knowing these facts. It's a level of impotence that I must accept, much as I hate it. It is difficult for me to see beyond that, so yeah, the depression and anxiety are ALWAYS in the background anymore. But, that said, they ARE facts. I may as well complain about gravity.

Look for supporters is the best I can suggest. People that can help with the 'needs to get done' shit when things are bad for you. That would have helped immensely in my struggle. As it is now, alone, it's just a struggle. A pointless one.

If you can afford it, therapy would probably help.

autism101 , to actuallyautistic
@autism101@mstdn.social avatar

Some autistic people find making phone calls extremely stressful and unpleasant and will avoid them at all costs.

Please don’t try and force your communication preferences on others.

image: anon
@actuallyautistic

roknrol ,
@roknrol@beige.party avatar

@markhburton @autism101 @actuallyautistic Whenever I think someone will try to gaslight me, as well. Like bosses or my wife.

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