fishidwardrobe

Vincarsi , 9 months ago to actuallyautistic

@actuallyautistic @allautistics
I keep seeing people complaining about how Mastodon is full of "splainy reply guys" and I think there's a misperception of #Autistic #infodumping going on. I think there's more of us on here and we're more comfortable being ourselves. What will it take to get the allistics to understand that our contributions are offered in a mature "yes, and" spirit as opposed to the juvenile "well, actually" they seem to always read it as.
We're genuinely smart, not stuck up.

fishidwardrobe , 9 months ago

@Vincarsi @actuallyautistic @allautistics I don't think all 'reply guys' are autistics info dumping (or, autistics reflecting the OP back as a way of agreeing: "Yes! Here's how I see it").

But some of them definitely are.

fishidwardrobe , 9 months ago

@homelessjun @foolishowl @Vincarsi @actuallyautistic @allautistics I'd add that, as is generally true with useful terms, it is nowadays often degraded and more noise than signal – it frequently now just means "you told me something and I didn't want you to" rather than "you're assuming I don't know anything about this because I'm female".

fishidwardrobe , 9 months ago

@foolishowl @homelessjun @Vincarsi @actuallyautistic @allautistics Well, yes, but often hard to predict beforehand. If someone says "don't @ me" then obviously you're being an arsehole if you do. But often they don't say that.

(And, I'm autistic – I don't pick up subtle cues in person let alone in text.)

fishidwardrobe , 9 months ago

@foolishowl @homelessjun @Vincarsi @actuallyautistic @allautistics I block people as soon as they do that. Even if they are somehow saying that in good faith – which seems doubtful; some people just like to be angry at others – how would you ever communicate with them?

raantuva , 9 months ago to actuallyautistic

How to make and keep neurotypical friends as an Autist? Any ideas? I feel the lack of neurotypicals in my life is doing me harm. @actuallyautistic

fishidwardrobe , 9 months ago

@roknrol @jamesmarshall @raantuva @actuallyautistic Well, no. You're either typical or you aren't. It's like "a little bit average"; doesn't really make sense.

sahat , 9 months ago (edited 7 months ago) to actuallyautistic

so, we have two different groups now. @actuallyautistic and @allautistics. I understand that not all autistic people were there when the discussion took place, that resulted in the #ActuallyAutistic hashtag.
In short: A lot of NTparents took over the discussion and steered it in a direction that was toxic to autistic people themselves, talking over them, not with them in a massively ableist way. Promoting harmful stuff like ABA and the like. A lot of that took place on Twitter. Hence the tag to make sure we speak to each other, not to people that want to help us eradicate the autism from ourselves or any such nonsense.
To new people it sounds a bit exclusive though. Hence the #AllAutistics hashtag, that plopped up. ActuallyAutistic is meant to be inclusive of all autistics, regardless whether they have a diagnose or whether they know for sure. As long as they are in it for themselves. And is also fine for people that want info and learn directly from the horses mouth, cus they have autistic loved ones, kids etc. (many blood related people are some kind of neurodivergent too, anyways, whether they know it or not). it says "actually" too exclude people that would be disrespectful towards Autstic people. That's all. But it's understandable that it does sound exclusive to some, without explanation. The new people are in that vulnerable phase where they question themselves a lot. Am I really autistic or am I just an imposter. If you haven't been diagnosed as a kid, you have probably had this phase and it can take years and maybe it never ends. I still have these moments of" Ohh whow, I actually have this trait also. It just looks different in me". Well . It always looks different. Cus we aren't all white males with stereotype autism and its highly individualized.There's a ton of autistic people running around that aren't diagnosed and probably never will be. Your chance at being diagnosed as a woman is maybe one in four, depending on where you live, your status, your skin color, your traits. Some traits are more often leading to diagnose than others. Imposter syndrome is the norm not the exception. That's why we often hear" if you wonder whether you are autistic or not, you most probably are". NT rarely wonder about this. And we've all been through this stage. And BTW no one cares if you change your mind or if you're insecure. It's absolutely fine. You're invited.
So. I think we should have one. having two is inconvenient. And most people still hang out in the ActuallyAutistic- one. So either you all feel invited or we think of a name, that includes both, the history and the new people that have arrived. Just sayin'. I know it's probably gonna solve itself by one of them attracting more people and then being the remaining one, but I just wanted to repeat about the history and I don't want new people to get confused over this. Just so you know: There was no disagreement. It's just a question of history moving on and flow of information from old to new not always being perfect. If we need a change of defining terminology that's fine, but let's not get confused or feel divided ok?
Maybe it's ok. to have two, maybe the AllAutistics helps find people that are in the same state of finding out. Whatever helps is fine. I'm just writing this out so no one has to feel confused or not welcome. And BTW, there is a reason why people write hashtags in CamelBack., that's much more readable to screenreaders. Love to you all.
Edit: I missed out on the #AutisticMe hashtag and the @autisticme . Sorry folks.

fishidwardrobe , 9 months ago

@sahat @actuallyautistic @autisticme Personally I'll continue to post to just #ActuallyAutistic. I don't have the patience to remember to include all three. I don't like the idea that there are three separate groups now, and I think this is detrimental, but folks will be folks.

fishidwardrobe , 9 months ago

@sal @actuallyautistic @autisticme @sahat There's always one, isn't there?

StrassenKatze , 9 months ago to actuallyautistic

Pretty much my experience so far, lol @actuallyautistic

fishidwardrobe , 9 months ago

@tazedhippo @StrassenKatze @actuallyautistic "That wasn't anything to do with the autism. He was just an arsehole."

sahat , 9 months ago to actuallyautistic

@actuallyautistic @allautistics
#ActuallyAutistic #AuDHD
i want to try a little bit of a resume after a few years of unmasking.
I've changed considerably. My style of masking had a lot to do with suppressing my own needs and being, nice - typically female socialization. It's a huge relief to untangle that an let it go. Ongoing process.
I have been confronted with rejection sometimes. I have to learn to navigate the apprehensive reactions when I'm obviously different and autistic. It's a style of being that I used to only observe in male neurodivergents, that I was close to. Its a rather new experience and as I let go of the pressure that made me mask, I undo a lot of subconscious decisions that I've made before I could even think properly. Probably in early childhood. That process also brings up fear sometimes. Like feeling exposed or insecure of what or who I am.
So I have to navigate both, not matching peoples expectations of how a woman should behave and not matching them as to how "normal" should be performed.The two masks are too intertwined to always know them apart. As a consequence I risk clashing with men much faster. I am even more acutely aware of their habitual ways to assert power in all these minor social ways... bit unsettling. It's a whole new set of skills to navigate that and figure out how much irritation will I cause when I do x and is that o.k., or do I make it easier for myself if I don't..Like learning a new social skill.
The core thing is that I have so much more awareness of what is really going on in me and what my wants and needs are. It's a different thing to play social as long as I have the conscious choice to do it or not do it. If you grew up masking, you don't have that. I feel I have taken it back.
life does not get easier.But also not harder. But my private life is freer and happier. And maybe life did not get easier because I'm still in the adjustment phase.I feel like these past few years of autistic unmasking were a transition and I am about to find anew form, I can move forward with. I have an inkling that it has also a lot to do with everything not getting easier right now. For most people.
I don't think I had a choice. Once I had started on this path, it just felt so right. It is healing. It is full of revelations. It brings me closer to my personal truth. But not everyone around you will like that change. But that is to be expected. Lately I feel, like if I'm putting my feet on the ground for the first time ever, properly. Like if some fog has cleared up. I'm more"in the world". Those lingering subconscious illusions of "I will magically become normal one day" are gone. My energy is more focused on reality as a consequence.
Spirituality is important to me. It may also have been a safe space and a bit of an escape where I could be as sensitive as I am. A flag to sail under and be neurodivergent AF without naming it. (seeing, feeling, experiencing things, inner realities , other dimensions, whatever you want to call it) I don't need the escape so much anymore. That changed my ways of expressing my inner perceptions. Like if I'm more certain about what place this has in my life and in my person.
One more important term is shame. There used to be this need to hide parts of myself and I did not even know why. Social embarrassment. And that is changing. It's still tough to be in those situations where I used to feel embarrassed so much, that I would mask it all away, and not do it. Not do the masking. Let it come up and dissolve in me instead. And navigate the social contact in a new way. It's a bit wild. But I like it.
How did your unmasking-journey go?

fishidwardrobe , 9 months ago (edited 7 months ago)

@sahat @actuallyautistic @allautistics 'Style of masking' is interesting. More worthwhile for consideration than 'to mask or not to mask' – strangers can't cope with me being me, what would be the point? Might as tell me to go live in the woods!

Yes, much better to consider HOW I am masking than whether I should.

Edit: I suppose these days for me masking is a way of communicating with NT folks, and preserving some privacy. It used to be about hiding.

alexisbushnell , 9 months ago to actuallyautistic

Starting to fill out my Autism triage assessment paperwork and I don't have anyone whose known me since childhood I can get to talk to them - am I already screwed?

@actuallyautistic

fishidwardrobe , 9 months ago

@alexisbushnell @actuallyautistic I was assured that the form had to cover a large range of ages and there would be questions I couldn't fill out. I had that question. (Also: "Describe your childbirth. Was it difficult?") -- I got my diagnosis. (Manchester, UK)

fishidwardrobe , 9 months ago

@alexisbushnell @actuallyautistic (I answered: "I'm afraid I can't give you any details as I was quite young at the time.")

JeremyMallin , 9 months ago to actuallyautistic

I wonder why there is a high comorbidity of #gastrointestinal issues and #Austim. 🤔

I myself have had strong acid reflux since my mid twenties.

#ActuallyAutistc
@actuallyautistic

fishidwardrobe , 9 months ago

@JeremyMallin @actuallyautistic interesting. I had IBS until years of taking Mebevarine stopped it.

theautisticcoach , 11 months ago to actuallyautistic

Don’t be edgy.

Edgy is being passive-aggressive.

Being passive-aggressive is an NT communication style, not an autistic one.

Some autistic people internalize this as part of their masks.

If you want to be passive-aggressive, just be “aggressive” and say what you want. Be you. Don’t sugar coat.

#ActuallyAutistic @actuallyautistics @actuallyautistic

fishidwardrobe , 11 months ago

@theautisticcoach @actuallyautistics @actuallyautistic I see the problem, I think. That's not passive aggression. That's something else.

Passive aggression isn't trying to be funny. It's a way of complying with a demand, perhaps poorly, while still asserting a small measure of control. For example:

"I need you to restack all these boxes."

"Absolutely! Right away! I'm sure I didn't have anything else useful to do anyway!"

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Passive-aggressive_behavior

fishidwardrobe , 11 months ago

@theautisticcoach @actuallyautistics @actuallyautistic Well, okay, but doing that is going to get you misunderstood by some people. Perhaps a lot.

fishidwardrobe , 11 months ago

@theautisticcoach @actuallyautistics @actuallyautistic I didn't say that.