Tim_McTuffty

Tim_McTuffty , 8 hours ago to actuallyautistic

Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 333 , Wednesday 25/09/2024

Awake before I needed to be this morning, read for a little while until Mrs S got up.

Made breakfast then hit the chores.

Then I went shopping - on my own, in a supermarket (well a discount food place but similar size to a supermarket).

The journey there was a little traumatic, there are 2 routes, the shorter one is on barely maintained roads & more importantly passes a place I worked long ago, for a long time. It holds many memories & reminds me of decisions I made that I have bitterly regretted since.
I really must go the long way next time!

I got to the store in question & then sat in the car in the car park for a good 5 minutes feeling anxious about going in!
WHY! It’s just a shop, no one will judge me, one one will harm me, the worst that can happen is that someone gets to the last box of cadburys milk tray before I do! Oh Nuggan’s holey nuts!!
I pulled myself together & got my ass out of the car & into the store!

Something Squirrel fans might like to know is that I am a very leisurely shopper, I like to make sure that I have explored every aisle & chased down every bargain!
Today this resulted in entering the store when it was near empty & hitting the tills 45 minutes later when the place was considerably busier!

I may have, accidentally, bought chocolate cake. In my defence it was only 2 quid!
I did get some smoked salmon for lunch too.

Got home & unpacked, had a brew & then caught up on here for a while.

This afternoon was largely spent playing FO4 as the ESO servers were down for maintenance.

Final Thoughts.

So today saw a positive (if small) step forward, I took myself off to an out of town store (just) & committed the act of shopping!
Although there was some anxiety involved & a reminder of things best left well forgotten, it was mostly a successful mission.

Tonight took a sad turn when a friend was very upset & I could do nothing to help them. I hope things will be better in the morning.

Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖

@actuallyautistic
#TimsASDjourney #ActuallyAutistic #Neurospicy #TheMammutMoves

Tim_McTuffty OP , 7 hours ago

@Melinda @actuallyautistic Hey Melinda 🤗🥰

Thank you Lovely 🙏💜

Tim_McTuffty , 1 day ago to actuallyautistic

Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 332 , Tuesday 24/09/2024

Up early again, a nightmare woke me around 5am & then Mrs S got up just before 6am.

Made breakfast, did chores , went for a short walk , played a little ESO, made tea & that was my day.

Final Thoughts.

Define dull.

Still so tired & lacking spoons!

Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖

@actuallyautistic
#TimsASDjourney #ActuallyAutistic #Neurospicy #TheMammutMoves

Tim_McTuffty OP , 16 hours ago

@PixysJourney @actuallyautistic Thanks Cynni, also the meme is excellent ! 😊🫶🐿️🖖

Tim_McTuffty OP , 16 hours ago

@DoubleTreble @actuallyautistic 🤗🥰

Tim_McTuffty , 2 days ago to actuallyautistic

Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 331 , Monday 23/09/2024

Up early this morning as Mrs S was in the office.

Very wet in the UK today with an amber weather warning for about ½ the country.
We were lucky, while it has rained & rained & rained there are no local floods.

The tiredness & lack of energy persists today, getting bored with this now.

Played some ESO mostly to keep my mind active & not spend the afternoon asleep, which was plan ‘A’.

Final Thoughts.

Joy we get to do it all again tomorrow - just with different chores - well variety is r the spice of life I guess.

Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖

@actuallyautistic
#TimsASDjourney #ActuallyAutistic #Neurospicy #TheMammutMoves

Tim_McTuffty OP , 1 day ago

@PixysJourney @actuallyautistic Thank you CCDP 🧚‍♀️🥰💜

Tim_McTuffty , 3 days ago to actuallyautistic

Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 330 , Sunday 22/09/2024

Another quiet Sunday very wet & dull.

The high point was an NMS co-op session, many thanks to yon Pixy for a bright point. 🙏

I am tired, I am drained.

I had a conversation this evening with a close friend, who is optimism personified.
I truly wish I could see the world as they do, but I cannot.

Final Thoughts.

There are prisons that hold criminals, there are prisons that others make for us & there are prisons that we make for ourselves.
The latter are the hardest to escape IMHO, there is not time limit to our self imposed sentences, there are no advocates to argue against our own selves.

The black dog stalks me at the moment, always just the corner of my eye. Stalking me, waiting for me to trip, to fail.

I am close to falling back on coping strategies, eating too much, drinking more. This time around it will be more painful - Geoff will object, in a very painful & obvious way I’m sure.

Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖

@actuallyautistic
#TimsASDjourney #ActuallyAutistic #Neurospicy #TheMammutMoves

Tim_McTuffty OP , 2 days ago

@DoubleTreble @Melinda @actuallyautistic Good Morning to both you lovelies 🤗🥰

Melinda, have a good stroll & I hope you enjoy your hols!

DT, much love, have a good day & thank yo for the spoons! 😊🫶🐿️🖖

Tim_McTuffty OP , 2 days ago

@pathfinder @actuallyautistic Morning Kevin 👋😊

I surely need a change in my perspective, I hope that it happens soon, I’m tried of being like this for so long.

You have a good day my friend & thank you as ever for your wise words! 😊🫶🐿️🖖

Tim_McTuffty OP , 2 days ago

@PixysJourney @actuallyautistic Thanks Cynni, you’re a good friend Lovely 🤗💜🤗

Tim_McTuffty OP , 2 days ago

@DoubleTreble @Melinda @actuallyautistic 🫂 🫶

Tim_McTuffty OP , 2 days ago

@Melinda @actuallyautistic Thanks Melinda 🤗🥰

Tim_McTuffty , 4 days ago to actuallyautistic

Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 329 , Saturday 21/09/2024

Hey I slept well again last night - getting just shy of 7 hours in.

Up early as Mrs S was off on her weekly mission to support her mum.

Despite the sleep once again I’m tired & drained.

Played some co-op NMS with yon Pixy which was fun.

I polished off what was left of last nights oversized pizza for lunch - I maybe a late convert to day after the night before pizza!

Both Mrs S & I are well taken with ‘Slow Horses’ so binge watched season 2 this afternoon.

Mrs S wanted an early tea from the takeaway but I was still quite full from the pizza so we have a lighter meal instead. The takeaway is deferred until tomorrow or Monday.

We finished the day watching ‘Operation Mincemeat’ which while not the best war movie I have ever seen was quite watchable.

Final Thoughts.

I wish I had the energy & motivation to get something substantive done, but this depressive patch is robbing me of both. I am heartily sick of it & often wonder what the point of it all is.
I think I am losing some cognitive ability too, although it might simply be the lack of motivation to do stuff.
Sorting out the itinerant VPN on the router is still outstanding.

I wish I had someone I knew well enough to come over & help, but I’m pretty much the most technical person I know in my immediate circle of people I interact with in the analog world. This is not boasting it’s just that all the techies I used to know are long gone from my life & while my tech knowledge is not particularly impressive to some folks reading this it is more comprehensive than anyone I can call & ask to come round.

I know there are folk on here who far exceed my knowledge of home computing & networks but I need someone I can sit down with, have a cuppa with & work thru the problem with me here.

It is lonely being the only person in a household who can deal with such problems. At least when I lived at home (my mum & dads place) I could call upon my dad & brother to help with some of the mundane stuff & help with things like plumbing & home maintenance type problems. Here almost all problems are my problems & with 90% of them they are mine alone to solve.
I wish I had known that 25 years ago. It might have changed certain decisions.

Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖

@actuallyautistic
#TimsASDjourney #ActuallyAutistic #Neurospicy #TheMammutMoves

Tim_McTuffty OP , 3 days ago

@si_irini @actuallyautistic Thank you Irini I hope you’re having a good Sunday NGP🧚🥰

Tim_McTuffty OP , 3 days ago

@DoubleTreble @actuallyautistic 🤗🥰

Tim_McTuffty OP , 3 days ago

@PixysJourney @actuallyautistic Thanks Cynni 🤗🥰

Tim_McTuffty OP , 3 days ago

@HeatherMJ @actuallyautistic G’day Heather 🤗🥰

Tech will outstrip us all!

Me too! 😆

Have a great Sunday Lovely 😊🫶🐿️🖖

Tim_McTuffty , 5 days ago to actuallyautistic

Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 328 , Friday 20/09/2024

05:10 Just woke up & I just remembered that my Dad called me on Wednesday, or rather he butt dialled me, twice…. That was it, I texted my baby sister ,who I knew would be in close proximity, & she confirmed he was fine.
He never called after just to chat & check if I was ok. So that will be the sum contact with him until my birthday I guess. I’m so important to him I warrant 2 butt dials every 3 months or so. I wonder if he’d miss me if I simply left?
Such dark thoughts waking up in the dark of an autumn morning, today is not likely to be a good day.

Felt really drained today, I did go back to bed for an hour after breakfast & then forced myself to engage with the day.

Really struggled to do anything much today.

Pizza for tea, they sent a medium instead of a small so pizza for dinner tomorrow too!

Final Thoughts.

My life is running on cycles at the moment, a good day followed by multiple not so good days.

So many things are sapping my energy, my Dad choosing not to actually call me to talk to me being one of them.

We fight on until all the fight in us is exhausted.

Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖

@actuallyautistic
#TimsASDjourney #ActuallyAutistic #Neurospicy #TheMammutMoves

Tim_McTuffty OP , 4 days ago

@DoubleTreble @actuallyautistic Hey DT 🤗🥰

I’m sure he would send me the same if I was 20 miles away rather than 80.

Thank you, today will be fine I’m sure 😊

Tim_McTuffty OP , 4 days ago

@PixysJourney @actuallyautistic Your lucky that your dad can text - my dad will send a blank response to acknowledge receipt nothing more.

Part of the comms thing is down to me & my need not to be with people but even so!

Thank you 🙏 CCDP 🧚‍♀️🥰💜