Tim_McTuffty

Tim_McTuffty , 1 month ago to actuallyautistic

Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 186 , Thursday 02/05/2024

So I’ve been feeling ruff as a bears bum for a few days now (again , you would think more regular exercise would take me the other way 🙄) so I planned to try and sleep thru to 8ish. I put in my ear plugs & set the alarm accordingly.

I was awake at 05:50 … a mix of my traitorous body responding to its Pavlovian training & the noise of herself romping round the house like baby elephant , in that considerate way she has.

So here I sit, my brain is moving at glacial speeds & my body feels like a train hit it.
At least she’s in the office today, so a day of peace & quiet!

I hate how little I am able to do at the moment , either thru illness or depression stealing my motivation.
Sometimes I wish I had a child , or a dog - they seem to be highly motivational from what I can see from the lives of others who have them.
I would be a terrible father or dog owner though , so probably best all round that I avoid both .

Oh while I’m on a roll I WISH my tinnitus would give me a break! It’s been screaming so loud in my ears for days now!

Where to go next on my ASD journey has been on my mind for a few days, the GPs completely negative reaction last time I went to see him has ripped me asunder. Where I had a set path now I flounder in indecision. I guess I have to decide if I need to be able to function better in society , or whether I just stick 2 fingers up at society & return to being a hermit.

Had a really epic FO4 session today after I finished my chores & then when Mrs S. got home we went & did our civic duty & voted - me being plagued by dizzy spells, nausea & exhaustion on the walk there and back & her being plagued by her dodgy knee ! We made a right pair, I think the thing that holds our marriage together at the moment is the need for mutual physical support , together we make a whole working person !

Caved & watched the first episode of Fallout - I’ve missed a couple of the games so I don’t know just how true it is to the earlier games, but I (& surprisingly Mrs S.) enjoyed it , so yeah, roll on ep 2 !

Final Thoughts.

Others write of monumental achievements , of beating challenges , or of coping with pain or personal circumstances that would reduce a normal person to jelly. I wish I were that strong.

I defo have EDFitis again , & it seems as though it’s gonna take its own sweet time to pass. Bummer !

Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖

@actuallyautistic
#TimsASDjourney #ActuallyAutistic #Neurospicy #TheMammutMoves

Tim_McTuffty , 1 month ago to actuallyautistic

Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 186 , Wednesday 01/05/2024

It’s been a really quiet day, not been feeling too good , but what’s new.

We’re supposed to be going to see my family for a birthday on Saturday, I hope I’m well enough!

Final Thoughts.

Nope , one of those days where even someone as nutty as me has nothing deep to write.

Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖

@actuallyautistic
#TimsASDjourney #ActuallyAutistic #Neurospicy #TheMammutMoves

Tim_McTuffty , 1 month ago to actuallyautistic

Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 185 , Tuesday 30/04/2024

Woke to the nicest day so far this year, went for a walk, it was nice to feel the sun on my face !

I’m having an ongoing issue with lack of energy, did a few chores & I was exhausted !

So had a couple of hours on here in between involuntary naps & got a an hour or so of FO4 squeezed in - got a sweet set of early game ‘toys’ so ploughing thru most of the bad guys !

Last of the rotisserie chicken we got from Costco for tea, then the usual couple of hours TV with herself before she buggered off to read upstairs .

Final Thoughts.

I hope I can get back to some semblance of normal before the summer ends, it would be nice to have som fun in the sun.

Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖

@actuallyautistic
#TimsASDjourney #ActuallyAutistic #Neurospicy #TheMammutMoves

Tim_McTuffty , 1 month ago to actuallyautistic

Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 184 , Monday 29/04/2024

Monday already!

Up at just before 6 , dizziness made itself known because why not !

Walkies nonetheless , even though walkies at the moment is merely an unpleasant means to an end.

FO4 was the order of the day , Mrs S. offered to go clothes shopping with me this afternoon but I was just not up for mixing with my fellow humans today.

Final Thoughts.

Once again the plans I made for getting stuff done in a day have fallen by the wayside , I guess I got out for a walk & got my basic shores done so it wasn’t a total write off.

Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖

@actuallyautistic
#TimsASDjourney #ActuallyAutistic #Neurospicy #TheMammutMoves

Tim_McTuffty , 1 month ago to actuallyautistic

Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 183 , Sunday 28/04/2024

Slept in this morning , felt somewhat better for the extra couple of hours.

We went to Costco, with a plan to then go on to M&S for some clothes. Sadly the lighting in Costco plays havoc with me , dizziness & nausea shortened our time in there & meant that we came straight home.

A couple of further dizzy spells this afternoon one fairly minor, but the other causing me some distress indicate that my subconscious stress levels are still high.

We had chicken, chips & gravy for tea, vaguely naughty but very nice.

Final Thoughts.

I thought I was over the dizzy spells earlier this year, but once more EDF messed with my head & we are back almost to square one. Thankfully we have just received the final bill from EDF so I will be rid of them for good by the end of next month.

Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖

@actuallyautistic
#TimsASDjourney #ActuallyAutistic #Neurospicy #TheMammutMoves

Tim_McTuffty , 1 month ago to actuallyautistic

Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 182 , Saturday 27/04/2024

TL:DR - hands up everyone who wants me to write a summary for an entry of half a dozen lines or so.

Up at 06:30 for some weird reason known only to Mrs S.

So tired today, exhausted to my very bones.

Did my chores then hit FO4 , I do like that game.

We had a Chinese takeaway for tea with a side of Terminator:Genisys .

Final Thoughts.

What happened to the old me who was full of energy & re-landscaping the garden at this time of year not so many years ago, they seem to have emigrated or something.

Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖

@actuallyautistic
#TimsASDjourney #ActuallyAutistic #Neurospicy #TheMammutMoves

Tim_McTuffty , 1 month ago to actuallyautistic

Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 180 , Friday 26/04/2024

TL:DR Walkies, stress related mankyness, Masto cake wars & FO4 . What more can one wish of a Friday ??

Up around 6am . Breakfast & then walkies. There is a stress transfer thingy going on I think - the dizziness / nausea problems associated with dealing with EDF is now being triggered by the low level anxiety associated with not wanting to walk on a buggered foot.
A mix of this, the agoraphobia & the general dislike of peopling is making getting out for a walk a pain in the bum!

Had a brilliant banter session with some good friends on here , really cheered me up!

Played the new version of FO4 for a little while , the updated graphics & general fixes are breathing new life into the game for me.

Final Thoughts.

It’s entirely possible I may be addicted to FO4 , heaven only knows how many hours I’ve put into it. I really don’t know what it is about that game that keeps me coming back.

One day I might even finish all the DLCs 😆

Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖

@actuallyautistic
#TimsASDjourney #ActuallyAutistic #Neurospicy #TheMammutMoves

Tim_McTuffty , 1 month ago to actuallyautistic

Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 179 , Thursday 25/04/2024

TL:DR A hardy Squirrel braving the elements while feeling under the weather. Starting once more to enjoy things. Hey there might be an end in sight for the whole energy billing thing !

Woke to a fairly dismal day.
Dizzy, nauseous ,exhausted & that was before I set out on my (admittedly short) walk. Just caught the edge of the rain as I turned into our street.

I realised this morning that I cannot read people to save my life, texted a dear friend this morning, heard nothing back, so I’m getting paranoid , turns out she had an early appointment. Duh!
Yeah Squirrel, other people have lives! (I’d add ‘too’ there but it’s really not warranted.)

So I sit here hot coffee in my hand, ice bottle under my right foot (for the PF) & contemplate life, the universe & everything & arrive at the answer 43 …. Ooops 🙄🤦‍♂️

Bit more with it this afternoon, in the sense that I actually got into an ESO session - hey don’t mock it , at the moment that is a move in the right direction !

In other news Octopus Energy appear to be able to read our gas meter remotely ! This , if it is a permanent state of affairs, is huge ! We have fought for so long to get the energy meter readings correct & make best use of the smart meter tech.
The only fly in the ointment is that the IHD is not showing gas usage.. hey ho.

Final Thoughts.

It would be nice to see the energy related issues finally resolved in my lifetime !

Getting past the dizzy spells & exhaustion would be grand too!

Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖

@actuallyautistic
#TimsASDjourney #ActuallyAutistic #Neurospicy #TheMammutMoves

Tim_McTuffty , 1 month ago to actuallyautistic

Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 179 , Wednesday 24/04/2024

TL:DR Wednesday walkies, cooking foibles & failures in communication were on the cards today.

Up early this morning as Mrs S. was in the office .

Managed to get out for a walk, my feet are so very sore at the moment, it really isn’t helping motivating me to get out.

I wish I were better at inter-relational communication , I am constantly hindered by the fear of hurting folk I care for & in turn being hurt by their reactions.

Some of this is experience based, being ND means that I struggle with social communication , some of it I can copy, a lot of the subtle , subconscious stuff I cannot.

I was talking to one of the Peeps about recipes yesterday & they suggested that they were easy to change to fit circumstances. This made me uncomfortable ,at the time I brushed it off based on the fact that I can’t really cook , basic stuff yes but not anything complex, mostly because I cannot focus for that long , I get easily distracted if its an activity with periods of inactivity.

But I think, in retrospect , that what actually made me uncomfortable was the idea of changing a fixed recipe.

In areas that I know well I am quite comfortable making changes on the fly , but in areas, like cooking, & laundry (I know 😆 ) I feel anxious & start worrying that things will go wrong & it will be because I failed to follow the instructions. I’m sure this is down to my ASD.

Managed to squeeze in a little ESO between the end of the maintenance slot & Mrs S. getting home.

Watching ‘Death in Paradise ‘ at the moment , having cooked tea & done the washing up.

Final Thoughts.

There are so many facets to autism, I’m learning new stuff everyday !

Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖

@actuallyautistic
#TimsASDjourney #ActuallyAutistic #Neurospicy #TheMammutMoves

Tim_McTuffty , 2 months ago to actuallyautistic

Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 177 , Tuesday 23/04/2024

TL:DR

Up at around 6:15am, Mrs S. kindly let me have a lay in.
Did breakfast then a quick torture session aka walk. 2 thoughts on that :

1. The weather witches lied - it was not due to rain till around 10am, it rained that horrible fine stuff around 7:30 !
2. If my smart assed watch whinges at me in that snotty red tone about being ‘below the zone’ it’s gonna end badly for it !

You can tell I’m in a happy, well balanced mood today can’t you 😆

So got an email from Octopus says that a) they had updated the billing system to reflect the right tariffs & b) fixed the Gas meter (it’s not been transmitting) .

Have no proof about the tariffs yet but the gas meter isn’t showing on the IHD still 🙄🤦‍♂️

I wanted to play ESO this afternoon but could not pull the motivation together.

Finished the day watching some random thing that we recorded for herself.

Final Thoughts.

I feel like I am teetering on the edge of another bout of full on depression. The signs are all there, the exhaustion, the lack of motivation the lack of enjoyment in hobbies.

Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖

@actuallyautistic
#TimsASDjourney #ActuallyAutistic #Neurospicy #TheMammutMoves

Tim_McTuffty , 2 months ago to actuallyautistic

Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 177 , Monday 22/04/2024

Up around 6am this morning , slept but not a refreshing sleep, I have been exhausted all day.
Some of this is undoubtedly down to the fact that SAD has been kicking due to the grey, wet conditions, but not all, I wonder if I’m more stressed than I thought.

Managed to play a little ESO this afternoon so that kept me off the streets.

Final Thoughts.

Another quiet day, so tired , I wonder what that is about?

Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖

@actuallyautistic
#TimsASDjourney #ActuallyAutistic #Neurospicy #TheMammutMoves

Tim_McTuffty , 2 months ago to actuallyautistic

Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 176 , Sunday 21/04/2024

Sunday had been a quiet day, spent a decent portion of it on here, not that I’m addicted or anything. 😆

Dizzy spells are still a thing , sadly.

I have said it before & probably will do again , there are some truly lovely folks on here, we share our laughter, our pain & our fears . We teach each other & we bring new perspectives to each other !
The Fediverse is like no other SM & I love it here !

Continued with the Terminator fest this afternoon - Terminator Salvation this time.

Then a couple of Supernaturals to finish the day.

Final Thoughts.

Nothing deep or philosophical , just had a nice day .

Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖

@actuallyautistic
#TimsASDjourney #ActuallyAutistic #Neurospicy #TheMammutMoves

Tim_McTuffty , 2 months ago to actuallyautistic

Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 174 , Friday 19/04/2024

TL:DR Friday - happened ! ; went for walkies; dizzy spells have returned 🙄🤦‍♂️ ; super clean extraction fan !
Morally corrupt energy companies & PMs !

Friday dawned bright but with the threat of rain on the horizon. With this firmly in mind I leapt semi athletically out of bed , hobbled downstairs , sorted breakfast & got ready to venture forth.

The clock had barely registered 7am when I braved the cold & romped into the great outdoors.
I have to say our hill is a killer ! It’s not massively steep (at least not until you get near the top) but it is a constant gradient for the first 500m & I always know how fit I am by how fast I climb this initial stage & how knackered I am when I reach the road that runs at right angles to ours. Currently I am not very fit at all !

I kinda speed walked the first Km as I wanted to avoid the impending downpour , & as I was ahead of schedule I tagged on an extra few metres to prove I was making progress.

Back home again I hung the laundry out & tidied up after herself. She was in the office today so peace reigned supreme!

I really wasn’t feeling like joking the human race this morning so I lurked at the edge of the Fediverse while watching 2010 - the sequel to 2001 A space odyssey.

I went wild after lunch & cleaned the bathroom extractor fan - a job that has been delayed by MH & physical health issues. I nearly came to a bad end today when a dizzy spell caught me on the way down the ladder.
Yes sadly a mix of last weeks EDF conflab & todays attack on those suffering from MH issues by the UK PM has set my dizzy spells off again. By happy coincidence the ENT consultant my GP referred me to called for an update today , she reckons a trip back to the cardiologist is a really good idea - if my GP can get their finger out !

I felt more myself late this afternoon & ploughed headlong into my TL , much fun was had by all involved !
I am awaiting the result of a poll to see if I should have a name change even as I write this .

Final Thoughts.

Flipping EDF - their morally bankrupt behaviour is even now affecting my life !

I find the folks in the Fediverse a constant source of wit & support , luvs yer all !

Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖

@actuallyautistic
#TimsASDjourney #ActuallyAutistic #Neurospicy #TheMammutMoves

Tim_McTuffty , 2 months ago to actuallyautistic

Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 172 , Thursday 18/04/2024

TL:DR Another day closer to the day I can simply rest.

Up at crack of sparrows fart to make Mrs S. her breakfast.
Emptied the dishwasher & hung up the laundry , then managed to get out for a walk in the sunshine.

I think I must be a serial ‘kind’ person. Don’t get me wrong, I can be just as nasty as anyone & I have perfected passive aggression into an art form - but I need to be really riled before these offensive weapons come into play.
But, & here’s the thing, I cannot help but do RAKs (random acts of kindness) especially for the ones I love.
For example I come home from a walk & find that Mrs S. has made her mid-morning snack & left the dishes for me. As I’m washing up I swear to myself that I will not make her lunch, no way, nope , nada !
Come lunchtime I will cave & make her lunch because that is who I am.
Or maybe I am just weak?

Yes I made her lunch 🙄🤦‍♂️

Just to rub it in, she finished at 16:45 & stayed upstairs ignoring me until … you guessed it , it was time for me to make tea when as if by magic she appeared! 😔

Final Thoughts.

The meek will not inherit the earth, we will simply be ground into the dust.

Off on a tangent here …
I wonder if its an ASD thing, a ‘normal’ thing or a ‘me’ thing that I wake up with a host of things I plan to do but by the time I’ve got to the other side of doing my daily chores & dealt with being triggered by herself I am completely de-motivated. I have no energy these days - even when it’s sunny (although I do have more energy on sunny days , just not enough) .

Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖

@actuallyautistic
#TimsASDjourney #ActuallyAutistic #Neurospicy #TheMammutMoves