Tim_McTuffty

Tim_McTuffty , 1 month ago to actuallyautistic

Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 179 , Thursday 25/04/2024

TL:DR A hardy Squirrel braving the elements while feeling under the weather. Starting once more to enjoy things. Hey there might be an end in sight for the whole energy billing thing !

Woke to a fairly dismal day.
Dizzy, nauseous ,exhausted & that was before I set out on my (admittedly short) walk. Just caught the edge of the rain as I turned into our street.

I realised this morning that I cannot read people to save my life, texted a dear friend this morning, heard nothing back, so I’m getting paranoid , turns out she had an early appointment. Duh!
Yeah Squirrel, other people have lives! (I’d add ‘too’ there but it’s really not warranted.)

So I sit here hot coffee in my hand, ice bottle under my right foot (for the PF) & contemplate life, the universe & everything & arrive at the answer 43 …. Ooops 🙄🤦‍♂️

Bit more with it this afternoon, in the sense that I actually got into an ESO session - hey don’t mock it , at the moment that is a move in the right direction !

In other news Octopus Energy appear to be able to read our gas meter remotely ! This , if it is a permanent state of affairs, is huge ! We have fought for so long to get the energy meter readings correct & make best use of the smart meter tech.
The only fly in the ointment is that the IHD is not showing gas usage.. hey ho.

Final Thoughts.

It would be nice to see the energy related issues finally resolved in my lifetime !

Getting past the dizzy spells & exhaustion would be grand too!

Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖

@actuallyautistic
#TimsASDjourney #ActuallyAutistic #Neurospicy #TheMammutMoves

Tim_McTuffty , 1 month ago to actuallyautistic

Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 179 , Wednesday 24/04/2024

TL:DR Wednesday walkies, cooking foibles & failures in communication were on the cards today.

Up early this morning as Mrs S. was in the office .

Managed to get out for a walk, my feet are so very sore at the moment, it really isn’t helping motivating me to get out.

I wish I were better at inter-relational communication , I am constantly hindered by the fear of hurting folk I care for & in turn being hurt by their reactions.

Some of this is experience based, being ND means that I struggle with social communication , some of it I can copy, a lot of the subtle , subconscious stuff I cannot.

I was talking to one of the Peeps about recipes yesterday & they suggested that they were easy to change to fit circumstances. This made me uncomfortable ,at the time I brushed it off based on the fact that I can’t really cook , basic stuff yes but not anything complex, mostly because I cannot focus for that long , I get easily distracted if its an activity with periods of inactivity.

But I think, in retrospect , that what actually made me uncomfortable was the idea of changing a fixed recipe.

In areas that I know well I am quite comfortable making changes on the fly , but in areas, like cooking, & laundry (I know 😆 ) I feel anxious & start worrying that things will go wrong & it will be because I failed to follow the instructions. I’m sure this is down to my ASD.

Managed to squeeze in a little ESO between the end of the maintenance slot & Mrs S. getting home.

Watching ‘Death in Paradise ‘ at the moment , having cooked tea & done the washing up.

Final Thoughts.

There are so many facets to autism, I’m learning new stuff everyday !

Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖

@actuallyautistic
#TimsASDjourney #ActuallyAutistic #Neurospicy #TheMammutMoves

Tim_McTuffty , 1 month ago to actuallyautistic

Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 177 , Tuesday 23/04/2024

TL:DR

Up at around 6:15am, Mrs S. kindly let me have a lay in.
Did breakfast then a quick torture session aka walk. 2 thoughts on that :

1. The weather witches lied - it was not due to rain till around 10am, it rained that horrible fine stuff around 7:30 !
2. If my smart assed watch whinges at me in that snotty red tone about being ‘below the zone’ it’s gonna end badly for it !

You can tell I’m in a happy, well balanced mood today can’t you 😆

So got an email from Octopus says that a) they had updated the billing system to reflect the right tariffs & b) fixed the Gas meter (it’s not been transmitting) .

Have no proof about the tariffs yet but the gas meter isn’t showing on the IHD still 🙄🤦‍♂️

I wanted to play ESO this afternoon but could not pull the motivation together.

Finished the day watching some random thing that we recorded for herself.

Final Thoughts.

I feel like I am teetering on the edge of another bout of full on depression. The signs are all there, the exhaustion, the lack of motivation the lack of enjoyment in hobbies.

Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖

@actuallyautistic
#TimsASDjourney #ActuallyAutistic #Neurospicy #TheMammutMoves

Tim_McTuffty , 1 month ago to actuallyautistic

Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 177 , Monday 22/04/2024

Up around 6am this morning , slept but not a refreshing sleep, I have been exhausted all day.
Some of this is undoubtedly down to the fact that SAD has been kicking due to the grey, wet conditions, but not all, I wonder if I’m more stressed than I thought.

Managed to play a little ESO this afternoon so that kept me off the streets.

Final Thoughts.

Another quiet day, so tired , I wonder what that is about?

Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖

@actuallyautistic
#TimsASDjourney #ActuallyAutistic #Neurospicy #TheMammutMoves

Tim_McTuffty , 1 month ago to actuallyautistic

Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 176 , Sunday 21/04/2024

Sunday had been a quiet day, spent a decent portion of it on here, not that I’m addicted or anything. 😆

Dizzy spells are still a thing , sadly.

I have said it before & probably will do again , there are some truly lovely folks on here, we share our laughter, our pain & our fears . We teach each other & we bring new perspectives to each other !
The Fediverse is like no other SM & I love it here !

Continued with the Terminator fest this afternoon - Terminator Salvation this time.

Then a couple of Supernaturals to finish the day.

Final Thoughts.

Nothing deep or philosophical , just had a nice day .

Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖

@actuallyautistic
#TimsASDjourney #ActuallyAutistic #Neurospicy #TheMammutMoves

Tim_McTuffty , 1 month ago to actuallyautistic

Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 175 , Saturday 20/04/2024

TL:DR Saturday - yay ! ; Chores, Dune & Fedi-friends - what more could a Squirrel want? (Hint - not to be messed about by energy companies !!)

Up around 7am or there abouts , breakfast then chatted with friends on here for a little while.

I managed to get out for a walk , the sunshine lured me out & although I kept it to a short walk , due to the PF in my foot & the threat of dizzy spells if I pushed myself too far, I did enjoy it.

Caught up with my chores & after lunch Mrs S. & I settled down to a Dune fest . I’ve seen Part 1 before but Part 2 was a totally new experience! They have made a really good fist of it & I look forward to Part 3 - although that is looking like 2028 / 2030!

Made some new friends in the Fediverse today & strengthened my friendship with others . This place is so cool , there are some truly lovely folks here !

The only sour note today is that Octopus Energy seem to be as crap at taking readings as EDF, for Nuggan’s sake can these companies not due a very basic part of their job properly ??

Final Thoughts.

I am exhausted by the amount of energy I have to expend on stuff that should just happen in the background. Was it always like this & I was just to tied up in myself to notice ?

Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖

@actuallyautistic
#TimsASDjourney #ActuallyAutistic #Neurospicy #TheMammutMoves

Tim_McTuffty , 1 month ago to actuallyautistic

Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 174 , Friday 19/04/2024

TL:DR Friday - happened ! ; went for walkies; dizzy spells have returned 🙄🤦‍♂️ ; super clean extraction fan !
Morally corrupt energy companies & PMs !

Friday dawned bright but with the threat of rain on the horizon. With this firmly in mind I leapt semi athletically out of bed , hobbled downstairs , sorted breakfast & got ready to venture forth.

The clock had barely registered 7am when I braved the cold & romped into the great outdoors.
I have to say our hill is a killer ! It’s not massively steep (at least not until you get near the top) but it is a constant gradient for the first 500m & I always know how fit I am by how fast I climb this initial stage & how knackered I am when I reach the road that runs at right angles to ours. Currently I am not very fit at all !

I kinda speed walked the first Km as I wanted to avoid the impending downpour , & as I was ahead of schedule I tagged on an extra few metres to prove I was making progress.

Back home again I hung the laundry out & tidied up after herself. She was in the office today so peace reigned supreme!

I really wasn’t feeling like joking the human race this morning so I lurked at the edge of the Fediverse while watching 2010 - the sequel to 2001 A space odyssey.

I went wild after lunch & cleaned the bathroom extractor fan - a job that has been delayed by MH & physical health issues. I nearly came to a bad end today when a dizzy spell caught me on the way down the ladder.
Yes sadly a mix of last weeks EDF conflab & todays attack on those suffering from MH issues by the UK PM has set my dizzy spells off again. By happy coincidence the ENT consultant my GP referred me to called for an update today , she reckons a trip back to the cardiologist is a really good idea - if my GP can get their finger out !

I felt more myself late this afternoon & ploughed headlong into my TL , much fun was had by all involved !
I am awaiting the result of a poll to see if I should have a name change even as I write this .

Final Thoughts.

Flipping EDF - their morally bankrupt behaviour is even now affecting my life !

I find the folks in the Fediverse a constant source of wit & support , luvs yer all !

Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖

@actuallyautistic
#TimsASDjourney #ActuallyAutistic #Neurospicy #TheMammutMoves

Tim_McTuffty , 1 month ago to actuallyautistic

Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 172 , Thursday 18/04/2024

TL:DR Another day closer to the day I can simply rest.

Up at crack of sparrows fart to make Mrs S. her breakfast.
Emptied the dishwasher & hung up the laundry , then managed to get out for a walk in the sunshine.

I think I must be a serial ‘kind’ person. Don’t get me wrong, I can be just as nasty as anyone & I have perfected passive aggression into an art form - but I need to be really riled before these offensive weapons come into play.
But, & here’s the thing, I cannot help but do RAKs (random acts of kindness) especially for the ones I love.
For example I come home from a walk & find that Mrs S. has made her mid-morning snack & left the dishes for me. As I’m washing up I swear to myself that I will not make her lunch, no way, nope , nada !
Come lunchtime I will cave & make her lunch because that is who I am.
Or maybe I am just weak?

Yes I made her lunch 🙄🤦‍♂️

Just to rub it in, she finished at 16:45 & stayed upstairs ignoring me until … you guessed it , it was time for me to make tea when as if by magic she appeared! 😔

Final Thoughts.

The meek will not inherit the earth, we will simply be ground into the dust.

Off on a tangent here …
I wonder if its an ASD thing, a ‘normal’ thing or a ‘me’ thing that I wake up with a host of things I plan to do but by the time I’ve got to the other side of doing my daily chores & dealt with being triggered by herself I am completely de-motivated. I have no energy these days - even when it’s sunny (although I do have more energy on sunny days , just not enough) .

Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖

@actuallyautistic
#TimsASDjourney #ActuallyAutistic #Neurospicy #TheMammutMoves

Tim_McTuffty , 1 month ago to actuallyautistic

Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 172 , Wednesday 17/04/2024

TL:DR Project WOOF is back on . Last day with EDF as our energy supplier - yay! . Some way to go to get back to nominal Squirrelness !

Slept like the dead last night, waking up was basically a crime !

It was a sunny morning so I went for a short walk - just shy of 3km. The new insoles are ok, but they are a bit higher than the old ones so the back of my ankles discovered the back of my boot & chaffed! I guess it’ll be fine once I’ve broken them in again !
I enjoyed the walk , it was nice to get out ! My foot however hates me again!

It was a sunny day interspersed with heavy rain showers, my agoraphobia is still a thing so despite the fact that there is stuff to do in the garden I stayed inside.

Spent the afternoon reading & participating in some decent banter on here - there are good people on Mastodon!

Final Thoughts.

We start the recovery process once more, I hope I can get back into the habit of walking every morning.

Tomorrow we should be moved across to Octopus Energy for the leccy & gas , with any luck leaving EDF will be painless !

Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖

@actuallyautistic
#TimsASDjourney #ActuallyAutistic #Neurospicy #TheMammutMoves

Tim_McTuffty , 1 month ago to actuallyautistic

Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 171 , Tuesday 16/04/2024

TL:DR

Up at just before 6am, did the chores , caved to the cats demands for fussties & chille don here for a little.

Chased EDF , they have sorted the billing out - finally.
We’re moving to Octopus Energy , I’m done with EDF, even with this small interaction with them my stress driven dizzy spells are back 😵‍💫.

Folks think I’m just angry with EDF, (& I am angry with them) but it’s deeper than that, after last years epic battle it’s almost like PTSD. I’m having physiological & mental reactions that I have no control over!

I really hope the new company are better !

Watched the original version of the Pink Panther with the late great Peter Sellars & David Niven to help me chill out this afternoon .

Final Thoughts.

I thought I was dine with EDF, hopefully this time next month I will be !

Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖

@actuallyautistic
#TimsASDjourney #ActuallyAutistic #Neurospicy #TheMammutMoves

Tim_McTuffty , 2 months ago to actuallyautistic

Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 170 , Monday 15/04/2024

TL:DR

Up at quarter to Oh My Gawd (aka 05:45) this morning goit brutally abused by a super wet cat who came charging into the kitchen from out of the rain !

The day progressed as normal until about 10:30 when I worked up the nerve to chase EDF over the fact that rather than billing us for a month , as I expected they billed us for 2 weeks - just because !
I spoke to a nice lady who promised to sort it out & call back within about 20 minutes - still waiting at 8pm !

Went onto the web page & it seems they have cancelled all this years bills & (ignoring the fact that we have paid up to date as of the march bill ) want to charge us for the whole year to date - AGAIN !
I’m going to sort out this current billing crisis then up sticks & move to Octopus, who appear to be the least bad option currently.

Watched ‘The Bounty’ this afternoon to try & help me forget EDF for a while !

Succumbed to the temptation of pizza for tea , I needed comfort food !

Final Thoughts.

Please Nuggan don’t let this think with EDF drag on like it did last year , it might break me permanently if it does !

Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖

@actuallyautistic
#TimsASDjourney #ActuallyAutistic #Neurospicy #TheMammutMoves

Tim_McTuffty , 2 months ago to actuallyautistic

Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 169 , Sunday 14/04/2024

A real quiet Sunday, some time on here, a bit of a movie fest this afternoon (Terminator 2 & 3).

Our neighbours from across the street (Bev n Ian ) are back so we can relax on the whole house watching thing.

Will squeeze in a little ESO later , just to collect the dailies.

Final Thoughts.

Quiet days are interspersed with days of high frustration at the moment - tomorrow I will start the battle with EDF (again 🙄🤦‍♂️ ) , initially to get them to bill us correctly then to sort out moving to a new energy provider.

Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖

@actuallyautistic
#TimsASDjourney #ActuallyAutistic #Neurospicy #TheMammutMoves

hooves , 2 months ago to random

My doctor wasn't interested in giving me an #autism diagnosis.

I've had him for 10 years, have only seen him for 3-4 appointments during this time, and In our 45 seconds discussing autism, he stated, after literallylooking me up and down, "I don't see it."

Well, you wouldn't. I do eye contact for important short meetings like doctors and lawyers, I am a chameleon and can dress myself for any role, including, "older dude going to doctors office" and I can read, write and speak fairly eloquently, so in these meetings, what would he even be "seeing"?? 🤔

I'm assuming that some people shop for diagnosis for long term disability or other reasons, but I just wanted to know if I suck at Being Normal for any particular reason besides I Suck at Life, which I'm ... oh, whatever. There is no easy path for a second opinion, so I guess it dies here.

Apparently not #actuallyAutistic after all, and as I don't see any other path to diagnosis, I should probably shut the f about it