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Adventurer

@[email protected]

CA & OR, USA
I am somewhere today. Likely somewhere else tomorrow. Sometimes I sleep. #Ukraine #HumanRights #Living #Trees
#Travel #Explore #Photos #Accept #PeopleAreHumans #AntiMafia #AntiFascist #AntiForcedBirth She/Her
Neurodiverse. Kind. Sensitive. I support people, not the leaders using them. Anti-greed.

Profile header is a zoomed in mix of trees.
Profile image is a sailboat stuck against the Hawthorne bridge in PDX. A white boat against a night sky and a dark river reflecting lights.

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neversosimple , to actuallyautistic
@neversosimple@mstdn.social avatar

Think I need a sleeping mask.

Earplugs has helped my sleep a lot already, (even tho they itch at times) but light is also an issue.

Any sleeping mask recommendations, regarding sensory sensitivities and all?

@actuallyautistic

Adventurer ,
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@neversosimple @actuallyautistic
I have the music cozy brand from Amazon. I used to be able to make them work for side sleeping and they were perfect. Except after 7 months they started to hurt one night and now I look at them and feel pain. There is a little wiggle room to move the speakers. They are not that expensive and they can be returned. I am looking at a very expensive pair $143 US for the manta sleep. It is a ridiculous price to pay for what it is but it seems to check all my boxes and the video reviews on YouTube good.

LehtoriTuomo , to actuallyautistic

Some remarks of a conference from my newly-found autistic perspective.

  1. I stimmed away through the conference in so many ways. Made my being there way more relaxed. Also noticed how many just kept staring at the speaker/slides. Neurotypical way, which I've struggled with earlier, not understanding why.

  2. I don't have to understand everything of a talk to be able to follow it. Earlier, I've been so concerned about following the talk that if I've lost bits of it, I've had big difficulties getting back onboard. Now, with a more relaxed mindset, I was able to get back in several times.

  3. I don't have to try to follow a talk if I don't find it interesting enough. In a way, I've understood this before, but now I gave myself a permission.

  4. Apart from the first poster session, I simply skipped the next ones. They've always been the worst part of conferences for me. Too many people, need to chat, difficulty of hearing.

  5. I've never been at the conferences for networking. Now I didn't even try. Of course, I'm finally at such stage of my career that I don't have to. The pressure to network was so big when I was a young researcher.

  6. I spent quite some time alone in my hotel room. Didn't go sight-seeing. I don't have to if I don't want to.

  7. The conference itself was quite enjoyable now that I approached it more from my own direction.

@actuallyautistic

Adventurer ,
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@LehtoriTuomo @actuallyautistic
Sounds like a much better experience. And true to yourself.

Just this week I went to a movie and decided I was bored half way so I left. It really felt like a true to me decision.

chevalier26 , to actuallyautistic
@chevalier26@mastodon.social avatar

@actuallyautistic Do y'all know if it's an autistic trait to be super skeptical of stuff? Like, for example, my parents watch some questionable "health" people on YouTube, and when they show me a video from said people, I can tell IMMEDIATELY that they are grifters in it for money. Idk what gives it away but it's like a flashing warning sign in my brain.

I wonder if it has to do with social influence and the effects of charisma/agreeableness that NDs might not fall for.

Adventurer ,
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@chevalier26 @actuallyautistic
My mom was really into Oprah and Dr OZ and every scam for losing weight or looking younger. None of these applied to me when I was younger so I never once thought about them.

As I aged I gained some weight and had trouble losing it. I decided to try the latest Dr Oz craze of raspberry ketones. Keep in mind I never watched the show. I decided to give it a try and bought some. Then I looked into it. Most raspberry ketones are artificial. Immediately discounting Dr Oz claims. The quantity of raspberries needed to make actual raspberry ketones was extremely large making the cost of real ones exorbitant. I don't recall exact but for example $100,000 for an ounce.

This made me very skeptical of all claims. Even standing in the pharmacy and seeing all the bottles of stuff with no FDA approval, even probiotics, makes me concerned we have no idea what it is.

The moon landing debunk show was well done. That one got me for a while. Noone going back since 69 helped question It.

Adventurer ,
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@chevalier26 @actuallyautistic
My sister got into a fringe account and started giving my mom silver colloidal to treat her cancer. If I were in your situation I would be checking treatments he suggests. I recently read some bad things about tumeric in high doses and I know my sister uses it as a cure all.

pathfinder , to actuallyautistic
@pathfinder@beige.party avatar

@actuallyautistic

No matter how well I learnt to mask, no matter how well I learnt to get on with people, if not in any deep and meaningful way, at least superficially. There has always been one skill that I have never mastered and that is simply the ability to not upset people and especially without having the slightest idea how.

Or that I didn't for a long time, anyway. It was only when I realised that I was autistic and that the way I looked at the world was in some ways substantively different from the way many allistics looked at the world, that I began to understand something. Allistics tend to find validation externally, through feedback from the group or the part of society that they identify with, whereas autistics tend to find it within themselves, in their own reason and sense of worth and value.

Now I must stress that in many respects this is a generalisation and obviously there will be a lot of variation and degree in how true this is. But in its more extreme forms, it could very well explain many of the experiences and difficulties that I've had.

Because if someone's self-worth, the value they see in their life and actions, is almost entirely based on their interactions with the dynamics of the group they identify with, or the society they live within and not from their own judgement, then this could lead to certain choices and reactions that are quite frankly alien to someone like me and that I could easily end up in conflict with and all without really trying to.

For example, if the value of a child reflects back on its parents. Then in the extreme case the values and behaviour expected from that child, are not those of the child, but of the parents in terms of the group the child is meant to be representing them in and how well it is doing that. So any sense of divergence from that or criticism of that child, no matter how slight that might be, could easily be seen as an attack on the parents and reacted to accordingly, irrespective of how reasonable or just it was.

Equally, of course, worth, praise, or rewards, can also become divorced from any sense of reality. All that matters is that you, whether that's through your children or not, are being valued, not whether there is any justice to it. Because the truth or validity of it, is not based on how you see yourself, but only on how others see you. And in the extreme case, it doesn't even matter how they came to this view, as long as they have it. So worth can become something to be manipulated and played for and how you really are and how you actually feel about yourself becomes almost irrelevant to this process.

That people could even be this way, that everything could become how you're being perceived and anything that effects that negatively can be something to be attacked, is still something that I struggle to understand. It is so foreign to my nature. But, it certainly explains so many of the times that I've upset people, because I wasn't playing this game, or seeing the world the way I should and didn't even realise it.


Adventurer ,
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@pathfinder @actuallyautistic
Thanks for writing this. I somehow managed to annoy people with no explanation. Like words aren't even exchanged. I don't know if I am projecting an attitude unconsciously, if I have a resting b*tch face, or I have an invisible sign that requests getting bullied. When a couple of things happen I can handle it and let it go, but not forever.

Dr_Obvious , to actuallyautistic German
@Dr_Obvious@chaos.social avatar

@actuallyautistic
When it comes to awareness and false stereotypes an important topic is autistic woman that were ignored to exist for a long time.

When people talk about that they often refer to "female autism" or "female representation". That often focusses on higher level of masking and deep compensation in social skills.

I find that sometimes irritating because I kind of see myself in that description. On the other hand there are woman that show rather stereotypical traits.

Adventurer ,
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@brandon @vger @Dr_Obvious @actuallyautistic
Hi. I would like to join this conversation. I am a mid fifties self diagnosed in the last year.

My knowledge is limited so please give me grace and an explanation if I say something offensive.

I went to college 20 years ago and don't remember exact details of topics, just generalizations and I acknowledge research may have changed.

My major was human development with an emphasis on women's studies. I believe many studies showed explicit differences in how male and female children are raised and mentored especially in schools. Women and men teachers both held girl students to one standard and boys to another. Boys more often shouted answers, even wrong answers and were encouraged. When girls gave a wrong answer they were treated as stupid and experienced more shame. Minority children were more likely to be punished harshly for minor infractions compared to white children.

If I am correct and I believe I am I think the shame factor and punishment factor

ScruffyDux , to actuallyautistic
@ScruffyDux@fosstodon.org avatar

@actuallyautistic If the device you're using allows it, try setting your display to grayscale mode. I've been using it, combined with a "night mode" / "eye comfort" warm tone, and holy shit is it a massive relief.

Apparently people are more sensitive to blue light, and I know I can really feel the difference. Give it a go.

Adventurer ,
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@ScruffyDux @actuallyautistic
Thank you for saying this. I make my husband buy only warm lights and I keep my phone in the warm mode. I didn't know why.

finnbar_m , to actuallyautistic
@finnbar_m@mastodon.social avatar

@actuallyautistic As an autistic person, how do you stop people from controlling you?

When masking all the time, where do you draw a line between making the necessary effort to socially survive and being a pushover? I'm already putting in extra effort that NTs don't have to.

Where does masking stop, and being "clingy" and overcompensating start?

Adventurer ,
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housepanther , to actuallyautistic
@housepanther@mastodon.social avatar

@actuallyautistic Do other people with have difficulty this time of year? For me this is one of the loneliest times of the year. I struggle with my mental health during the holiday season.

Adventurer ,
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@servelan @housepanther @actuallyautistic
Less daylight hours and more cloudy cover causes many people in all walks of life to experience seasonal affective disorder or (SAD). I never thought about the reduction of vitamin D because of this.

Susan60 , to actuallyautistic
@Susan60@aus.social avatar

@actuallyautistic Has anyone heard from.., can’t remember her name & can’t find… Mikoada? Concerned.

Adventurer ,
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@Susan60 @actuallyautistic
@hellomiakoda
Reaching out. I am going to be back in Portland around the 12th or 13th. I live in NW. I am a married woman in my 50s but I stay alone in pdx. If you need anything please feel free to reach out.

Adventurer , to actuallyautistic
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@actuallyautistic
People here on Mastodon have helped me so much. I wasn't good at masking and have been rejected so often.

I was a poker dealer for 25 years (Texas holdem) and that meant looking at the center of the table and watching everyone peripherally instead of making direct eye contact.

I got to old to continue and have a new job. I am on my second company in 2 years. I was going to quit from the first company but decided to try this one. I work in groups of teams on projects that can be resolved within a week. Or at least my portion of it. I have tried to check out books on making small talk and having conversations and there are not many out there. I have tried to ask people about themselves but I just fail. I talk to them when they are texting or I make too much eye contact. Blah blah.

My point is in following along I have learned to watch what other people do and copy them. If everyone is texting I pretend I am too. I am trying to limit my eye contact I was forced to learn.

magicalgrrrl , to random
@magicalgrrrl@neurodifferent.me avatar

community!

How do I make friends as an adult? I'm new to my area and don't have any local friends or community. Have been struggling with loneliness a lot lately.

Adventurer ,
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@MickG59 @magicalgrrrl @actuallyautistic
I think they are saying that they are queer and find many people in the autistic community queer and therefore feel more at home in this community. Sort of like saying I am into ________ and I am autistic and I find a lot of people into ________in the autistic crowd so I am more comfortable here than just in the __________ crowd.

Susan60 , to actuallyautistic
@Susan60@aus.social avatar

Question. Some dogs can tell if a person has cancer, presumably by their smell. Does anyone think that some autistic people might be more sensitive to such changes in body chemistry? Not as much as a dog, but more than most other people? @actuallyautistic

Adventurer ,
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@Susan60 @actuallyautistic
I have a strong sense of smell and can notice odor changes but I don't always know what exactly is different.

aloopapu , (edited ) to actuallyautistic
@aloopapu@toot.community avatar

@actuallyautistic what are the spoons I see referenced frequently?

Adventurer ,
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@aloopapu @actuallyautistic
Spoons is a reference to energy levels. Google spoons and forks autism.

theautisticcoach , to actuallyautistic
@theautisticcoach@neurodifferent.me avatar

Good morning comrades.

For the next 24 hours, go ahead and ASK ME ANYTHING.

Autism, history, food, spirituality, coffee, gardening, home design, torah, mindfulness, or anything in between!

I'm at your disposal.

@actuallyautistic

Adventurer , (edited )
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@theautisticcoach @actuallyautistic
I have a question. I am possibly newly diagnosed. I rank very high on self-tests and get lots of feedback from some family members that I am likely (or very) autistic. Where I am having some confusion; and please forgive if I am stereotyping, is the possibility of being overly emotional or overly empathetic. I am a middle aged female and was an adult before I heard of autism, I am unaware of this diagnosis existing in my peer group as a child. I was originally under the impression someone autistic didn't express emotions or communicate. I no longer believe this but am curious about the opposite expression of emotion. Such as overly emotional or overly empathetic. Do you have thoughts on this?

Adventurer ,
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Adventurer , (edited )
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@stina_marie @theautisticcoach @actuallyautistic thank you. This was very helpful and mirrors my experience. I was told constantly I wear my heart on my sleeve and am too sensitive.

Adventurer ,
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Adventurer ,
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Adventurer ,
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@brainpilgrim @stina_marie @theautisticcoach @actuallyautistic
I have a similar story about ADD

I had a diagnosis from my teen years that never felt right. I did not fit into the peer group with the same diagnosis. I constantly had my friends say I was at minimum ADD. So I decided to ask my shrink about checking me. He asked me if I did well in school. I said yes. He said I wasn't ADD then.

I fit in with my ADD friends but finally feel at home listening to my autistic and audhd peers.

It is truly amazing to go from feeling like a weird person who is better off alone to finding out I am just different from NTs, not the entire population.

theautisticcoach , to actuallyautistic
@theautisticcoach@neurodifferent.me avatar

Please don’t forget that for every hypersensitive human there is also a hyposensitive one.

@actuallyautistic

Adventurer ,
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@theautisticcoach @actuallyautistic
This really surprised me. I never considered this possibility. I have so many sensitivities that I knew others didn't have but it is a mind expanding thought that someone could have the exact opposite experience.

veroalgoz , to actuallyautistic
@veroalgoz@neurodifferent.me avatar

differentiating having sensory (over) load spoons, verbalization spoons or just having no spoons. a typical miserable dilema is when I feel I can't deal with talking or verbalising but still having energy and craving human contact (but most ppl get weirded out by "let's hang out and do something which doesnt involve verbalization").
I get frustrated when I try to explain this to others and I hear "oh I also need me time". it is not about being alone. it is the opposite. I want to see people, but talking is impossible. so I end up being alone and lonely.

Comments welcome.

@actuallyautistic

Adventurer ,
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@veroalgoz @actuallyautistic

I really understand this, I think. If I am hearing you correctly would you find it acceptable to be in a group of strangers at a coffee shop or movie theater? I go to all kinds of places alone and believe all of us are having a shared experience at the same time but from different perspectives. They are part of my world for a moment in time as I am also part of their world. This is a satisfactory outcome for me. My old apartment had a large community room and I would often go sit in there and hang out on my phone. But if there was someone who saw me with a history of conversing I was able to make an excuse and leave.

BZBrainz , to actuallyautistic
@BZBrainz@mastodonbooks.net avatar

Late-Identified A Starter Workbook—beginner's tool for adults—has been out for 6 months! Check it out, & if you already have, consider leaving a review. Thank you!

✅ Do you suspect you have spectrum disorder () & attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder ( )

✅ Are you still trying to identify your traits & describe your experiences to access support?

➡️ https://books2read.com/audhd

@audhd @Adhdinos @actuallyautistic

Adventurer ,
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@BZBrainz @audhd @Adhdinos @actuallyautistic

I am going to buy it by Monday

PossiblyAutistic , to actuallyautistic
Adventurer ,
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@PossiblyAutistic @actuallyautistic
For me, things like loading the dishwasher, getting ready for bed, going to the grocery store I typically do the same way Everytime. I even park in the same general area Everytime. I fold towels the same way Everytime. Generally Everytime because obviously the dishes are not the same, parking spaces are not always open, grocery stores get rearranged. Today I hung a towel up different than usual. I did this on purpose because I had to wash it and I wanted to distinguish it from the other.

Adventurer ,
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@PossiblyAutistic @actuallyautistic
Here is something fascinating about dates. My ex-husband was born on the same day of the month (but a different month) as one of my daughters. My second husband was born on the same day of the month of my other daughter (again different month just the same day). Both of my husbands were born in the same month. Well, fascinating to me, lol. Helps me remember birthdays.

Adventurer ,
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@PossiblyAutistic @axnxcamr @roryreckons @actuallyautistic

The midway point between your two conclusions is autistic. Did you do the tests about sensitivities such as sounds or clothing? They may have sounded more geared to females but still take it.

Do you have anything that causes you pain that doesn't bother other people? It's a pain I can't explain. Maybe high annoyance or agitation are better terms. I personally have a bunch of sounds that drive me straight up a wall. I have all kinds of clothes that bother me and wish wearing sweatpants wasn't considered tacky. Crowded places make me cringe.

I also have what my kids call peer review. They point out things I don't even know about and they tell me I am definitely autistic. This eliminates my doubt or imposter symptoms.

What would happen if you spent the next month trying to learn more ways to be autistic and learn ways of self-care and soothing?

Adventurer ,
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@hlangeveld @PossiblyAutistic @actuallyautistic
Three kids total and two born on the same day of the month is fascinating. I wish I could remember how to check the probability of that happening.

Adventurer ,
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@independentpen @PossiblyAutistic @axnxcamr @roryreckons @actuallyautistic
I do apologize. I meant to be kind. Sometimes I don't phrase things well.

Adventurer ,
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Adventurer , to academicchatter
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@mahal @politicalscience @academicchatter
I honestly don't understand what to do differently. I am more center left but believe that humans should have basic needs yet and agree with issues such as student debt. But the rule of law requires processes and procedures. Without Senate and House help he can't do everything he wants. No politician can do everything they want or even what they say. Actual Democracy requires compromise. Even the most left leaning, most socialist and whatever label won't be able to accomplish things without the House and the Senate. If we want our elected leaders to break the law and do it, force it, whatever then they are fascists also.

Splitting the Democrat vote shores up votes for the Republicans. Democrats have always had 3rd party candidates taking votes making promises they simply can't deliver without having congressional support. These guys in congress wanting to take away everyone's rights, ban teaching about slavery, require Christianity etc. aren't going to stop.

theautisticcoach , to actuallyautistic
@theautisticcoach@neurodifferent.me avatar

More humans live in Autistic Burnout than previously thought.

But it isn't a foregone conclusion that your entire life will be spent in Burnout. Even if it's been decades.

Important to remember that Burnout is caused and sustained by lack of connection to your autistic self and a denial of your autistic needs.

@actuallyautistic

Adventurer ,
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@theautisticcoach @actuallyautistic
This is the best explanation of me that other diagnoses did not really fit and medication never helped.

Susan60 , to actuallyautistic
@Susan60@aus.social avatar

Okay late diagnosed & older autists. What do we do when we retire? I’m reasonably social, in a purpose driven way if that makes sense. My “special interests” have usually revolved around my current stage &/or work - parenting, studies, teaching etc. Retirement as a special interest? @actuallyautistic

Adventurer ,
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@Susan60 @actuallyautistic

I am really good at traveling by myself and like to go to all kinds of places. I love taking photos with my phone and documenting my travels for myself. I add themes into my travels such as trying all the coffee shops in a town or trying a local coffee shop in each town if I move on quickly. Sometimes I am on my own salsa judging journey and look for the best salsa. Sometimes I want to visit every state park. Sometimes I look for cool street art or graffiti. I used to be into craft beers but I gained too much weight.

JeremyMallin , to actuallyautistic
@JeremyMallin@autistics.life avatar

How many fellow Autistics have never lied on a job application, never lied on a CV, never lied on tax forms? 🙋‍♂️

Is doing that expected? Is it required? Is not doing that handicapping us? Do you too feel almost unable to do that?



@actuallyautistic

Adventurer ,
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Susan60 , to actuallyautistic
@Susan60@aus.social avatar

I had a wonderful day with my oldest yesterday. We talked our heads,off, constantly distracted each other by going off on tangents, & compared notes on our experiences & observations of neurodiversity. (We’re both teachers.) They surprised by saying that they first noticed signs of my autism, without realising what it was, in their teens. Makes a lot of sense really, but wow! @actuallyautistic

Adventurer ,
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@Susan60 @actuallyautistic

Awesome. My adult kid keeps telling me she is providing me peer review and points out many behaviors I have.

Private
Adventurer ,
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@pathfinder @actuallyautistic
😭❤️

Adventurer ,
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@GreenRoc @pathfinder @actuallyautistic
🫂

samiam , to actuallyautistic
@samiam@lor.sh avatar

@actuallyautistic so many thanks to those who have made feel feel heard and welcome here in the past weeks. the story thus far: 41 years of "muddling thru" depression, anxiety, misc mysterious health problems, etc when one day a new friend (very rare!) shared with me that they are autistic, and respectfully asked me if i might be too.
this [re]kindled lots of thoughts and feels and sent me down a path of recognizing and uncovering some fairly autistic-seeming traits and behaviors that i had been ignoring or suppressing. i have lately been thinking of myself as "provisionally autistic" which is how i'm trying to walk this line between, one the one hand, not mentally framing Autism As One True The Explanation For Everything and stretching things to try to force them to fit; and, on the other hand, not giving in to Autistic Imposter Syndrome. i want "provisionally autistic" to be a comfortable in-between place where i can "let myself be as autistic as i am" without "trying to be autistic when i'm not" and just observe myself and see how it goes. if that makes any sense?

but (and this is a question mainly to all you late/recent adult [self/]dx folks out there, but of course also anyone else who wants to respond):
How do you KNOW?
i'm stuck in this place where lots of things seem relatable and plausible but there is no sense of AHA IT FITS. there's no THIS FINALLY EXPLAINS IT. i know it's early for me yet -- i've been taking this seriously for weeks not years -- and i probably have to be patient with myself . . . but ggghhhghg.
maybe i'm just venting? i don't know. i'm having a day.

Adventurer ,
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@samiam @actuallyautistic
I am in the same exact boat. I feel like I am not being fair if I stake a claim to a narrative others have struggled to navigate because perhaps my struggles have not been as difficult.

But for the first time I feel ok about all my weird sensitivities. Especially sound and clothing. Or maybe things against my skin would be a better description than just clothing. If my sheets have a wrinkle or a crumb I am annoyed until I resolve it.

Adventurer ,
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Sci_Fi_FanGirl , to actuallyautistic
@Sci_Fi_FanGirl@hessen.social avatar

Usually I am quite self-conscious, tend to people-please a lot and feel embarrassed after nearly every social interaction. I hide my true self mostly because I'm afraid people will reject me.

Yesterday though, I suddenly had this thought that I'm maybe not that pathetic after all, but actually a beautiful human being and that I want to be me.

I think that's a step into the right direction.

@actuallyautistic @allautistics

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