NoneOfUrBusiness , 15 hours ago

This is a... Unique way of thinking about this. I'll preface all of this by saying: Get therapy, or at least talk to people. Seriously. Feeling that every day is agony and hating your parents for giving birth to you clearly means you're hurting somewhere. There is absolutely no need for that to be your normal.

how much better that would be for everybody.

Uh... Why are you talking like you're the antichrist or something? In all likelihood you're a mildly good person in the eyes of some people and a mildly bad person in the eyes of others. I mean you know yourself better than I do, but stop for a minute and think whether the dramatic statement of "how much better that would be for everybody" makes sense.

It just frustrates me that something SO SIMPLE could have saved me 41 years of daily agony.

I know that this is the product of deeper mental health issues, but I'll just point out that you're doing the same thing your mother did; only in your case it's your life instead of Phil Hartman. I mean 41 years? Yeah you probably weren't in agony before gaining object permanence, and definitely not every single day of your life. Just because things are hard now doesn't mean you have to reject happiness you had in the past.